rbk mama Posted April 19, 2018 Share Posted April 19, 2018 We've been out of the US for a very, very long time and are now moving back. My oldest is graduating. We definitely want to have a graduation party for him with at least our immediate families (which is already a fairly large group). What I'm unsure about is all the other friends we have in the area who have kept in touch with us over the years - some of whom are very close to us. What I DON'T want is for anyone to feel like we are somehow asking them for money. On the other hand there are families who have gotten to know our son when we were back in the US for an extended period a year ago, and I know they wouldn't feel that way. How do you decide whom to invite?? I wouldn't want anyone to feel badly that they were not invited, but, again, I wouldn't want anyone to feel like we are asking them to give money. I also feel very out of the loop about these things, etiquette-wise. Are there general rules to follow about this? Could I add something about "no gifts" or is that strange? TIA! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bambam Posted April 19, 2018 Share Posted April 19, 2018 I'm not sure of the official etiquette. We had an open house and invited personal friends, teachers (from outside classes since we homeschooled!), co-workers (from volunteer work), friends from church, etc. We didn't actually invite any relatives since most live far away and don't know our kids. The one still living grandparent came though. So we invited people who my dd wanted to have come and help her celebrate her accomplishment. I don't know about the "no gift" thing. I've never felt that people were asking for a gift when we get a graduation announcement or invite to the graduation party. There are a few kids that I want to get presents for because I'm excited for them! But if I was iffy on someone, I would probably just send a nice congratulations card and move on. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ellie Posted April 19, 2018 Share Posted April 19, 2018 46 minutes ago, rbk mama said: We've been out of the US for a very, very long time and are now moving back. My oldest is graduating. We definitely want to have a graduation party for him with at least our immediate families (which is already a fairly large group). What I'm unsure about is all the other friends we have in the area who have kept in touch with us over the years - some of whom are very close to us. What I DON'T want is for anyone to feel like we are somehow asking them for money. On the other hand there are families who have gotten to know our son when we were back in the US for an extended period a year ago, and I know they wouldn't feel that way. How do you decide whom to invite?? I wouldn't want anyone to feel badly that they were not invited, but, again, I wouldn't want anyone to feel like we are asking them to give money. I also feel very out of the loop about these things, etiquette-wise. Are there general rules to follow about this? Could I add something about "no gifts" or is that strange? TIA! An invitation is not a request for gifts. And no, you may not put "no gifts" on the invitation, because then it sounds as if you were already expecting gifts. :-) So just make the invitation to everyone who is close enough to attend. Send graduation announcements to people who are far away and couldn't possibly attend. 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
plansrme Posted April 19, 2018 Share Posted April 19, 2018 My very social HS senior has been going to grad parties since she was in eighth grade because her swim teammates invite everyone in their practice groups, and we've never once felt the invitation was a request for a gift. She always takes a gift, but no one would blink an eye if she didn't. I agree that it is rude to say "no gifts," and also--some people will bring gifts anyway, and then those who don't feel badly. It's really best to let grown-ups be grown-ups and bring a gift if they want to and not if they don't. Plenty of people want to give gifts; let them! 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
klmama Posted April 19, 2018 Share Posted April 19, 2018 Invite the people you'd like to invite. They'll make their own decision about whether or not to bring a gift. Most adults probably will choose to bring a card (which may or may not include a monetary gift), and some who don't attend will send a card (which may or may not include a gift). Most kids attending alone won't bring anything, but a few will bring a card or a gift in a bag. You should have an attractive box or a basket for cards with some extra space for a few gift bags. It may help to attach balloons to the card basket so it's easier to direct people to if they ask. Cards should be opened later. After the party, help your ds make a list of all gifts so he can send out thank-you notes. (Unless you know he'll keep accurate records, I suggest you be present when he opens the cards - if he puts cash straight into his wallet, he may not remember who gave it to him.) Wal-Mart usually has large boxes of thank-you cards at low prices. 4 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
rbk mama Posted April 19, 2018 Author Share Posted April 19, 2018 Oh, hurrah!! I knew this was the right place to ask! Thanks everyone for your feedback! I'm so glad that an invite does not feel like a request for gifts. (I was wondering where I got that and realized its from my mom, who is an immigrant though she's been in the US for longer than she's been out.... she's not always the best resource for etiquette questions.) OK, so here's a somewhat related question if you don't mind sharing more: Do most people have open houses, where there is really no "program," just food to eat and places to hang out? Maybe pictures and/or video about the graduate somewhere? We may end up doing this in a church basement, which I'm thinking means there's not really hours of time for an open house. Do people ever have a time where you speak in front of a large group, share anything with everyone at once? (This is what I've seen among US expats here, and probably what we would do here -- share with everyone what his plans are, maybe have a few people speak about him and/or pray for him). Pretend I am an alien and totally clueless - what are different ways you've seen a graduation party done (and if you saw something you didn't like, please share that too!) Thanks! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AnneBlessedx4 Posted April 19, 2018 Share Posted April 19, 2018 We have a ceremony and then a reception. A lot of people just have the reception. One family has 5 minute ceremony, presenting of the diploma sort of thing. We are party kind of people and I feel kind of bad about it for others. lol 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
plansrme Posted April 19, 2018 Share Posted April 19, 2018 An open house is the norm around here. We plan to display pictures, awards (maybe) and her t-shirt quilt. The party invitation included info on where she was graduating from and where she is going to college. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
rbk mama Posted April 21, 2018 Author Share Posted April 21, 2018 On 4/20/2018 at 1:30 AM, AnneBlessedx4 said: We have a ceremony and then a reception. A lot of people just have the reception. One family has 5 minute ceremony, presenting of the diploma sort of thing. We are party kind of people and I feel kind of bad about it for others. lol Do you mean that you feel bad for others who don't have the ceremony part? Or feel bad for people having to sit through the ceremony part? Curious what you do - for both parts - if you care to share! Thanks! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
KatieJ Posted April 21, 2018 Share Posted April 21, 2018 I have been to grad open houses where there was short ceremony where the parents awarded their child their diploma. They are wonderful and touching. You have to be clear on your invite that the ceremony will happen at a specific time and stick to your schedule. Often people are doing more than one grad party on the same day and if they want to see your ceremony, they need to know how to plan their day. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AFwife Claire Posted April 21, 2018 Share Posted April 21, 2018 For the 2 kids we have graduated so far, we had a brief ceremony (presented diploma, which was freshly printed off the internet, said a few words, and then prayed over him) at the beginning time of our open house. We put that time on the invitation and indicated there would be a short ceremony then. Some people came for the ceremony, and some came later. I think we said maybe a 3 hour time span over all, and people came and went during that whole time. It was great fun! 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AnneBlessedx4 Posted April 22, 2018 Share Posted April 22, 2018 I kinda feel bad for people who don't like ceremonies. We try to keep it fairly short and entertaining, but no one else does them here. They either go with one of the huge ones in another city or just a cake and punch reception. I just can't imagine us doing one another way. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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