I need help understanding Asperger's for my 5yo

[moosemomma]

I started working at a private classical Christian School 3 weeks ago as a Latin teacher. Although I do not get a lot of money for the job I got free tuition for my 5yo and 7yo.

 

Here my problem- the headmaster and vice principle (my bosses) think that my little one has Asperger's. This is just their opinion, they do not have training or degrees to say yes does. Just their knowledge of educating. Well - I need to fine another placement. They suggested the public school system. The school cannot handle a special needs child.

 

What do I do? I feel abandoned by the people at my new job. I don't want my 5yo in public school. The public school system he would have to attend is the WORST in the county. He would have to be put in the main population until they decide to test him. Where do I go? What to I do? Could someone explain Asperger's to me? I know that it is related to autism. The idea of autism and my son does not work for me. Patrick is one of the most loving little boys in the world. He can pick up social cues like facial expressions, he laughs and has a sense of humor, he understands that people have feelings. On his second day of school he set off the fire alarm by accident (there is a fire alarm in the classroom and he went over to check it out and he set it off - he has been homeschooled and never saw a fire alarm lever before). He felt bad that night because some of the children in his class were crying and upset about the alarm going off and he knew that he was responsible even he didn't mean to it.

 

I am concerned because they "demoted" him to prek -4 on the second day he started and then he was and two day there he had the fire alarm incident. Now two weeks later they are saying find another placement. How is this going to make my little guy feel. He does understand emotions and being left out. I think he would feel like it is his fault if he was sent to another school and not the one mom and brother go to. I just don't know what to do. I like my job a lot but feel like BOTH of my boys are being short changed.

 

Jill

[LisaNY]

moosemomma, did you know that there is a Special Needs Board here? You might have more responses to your questions there. :001_smile:

[Paula in MS]

There are a number of red flags here. First, you can't demote on the second day of school. Even if they tried to test his knowledge, he was probably out of sorts being in a new place. In the second place, what would he have to know to go go K-5? It is the beginning of school. That is completely nuts. If after 3-4 months, he was not keeping up, they might have something to say, but this was ridiculous.

 

The simple answer is to quit your job and take them back home. Tell the school, "Thanks for nothing." I would, however, get an opinion of someone with some knowledge about Aspergers. I would also find out what the trouble was exactly with wanting to demote him. I would absolutely not put him in ps.

 

Paula

[Rhonda in TX]

We were in a private Christian school at the time. Don't even get me started on how we were treated there by the administration. We lasted 3.5 years, but I wish we had left earlier.

 

You son may or may not have AS. It's impossible to tell from what you've posted here. I would, however, recommend that you leave that school as fast as you can and bring your lovely children home. The decision to test or not test is up to you.

 

:grouphug:

[Rhonda in TX]

Correction: He was 6, but he was in kindergarten.

[Jill- OK]

I'll send you a PM.

[BMW]

I agree. Come home with your boys.

 

Either your son has a learning disability that they just happend to diagnose rather quickly (which I doubt) and the school is not prepared or willing to work with that, in which case you'd want to leave the school

 

or your son is childish and just fine, but the school doesn't want to work with him, in which case you'd want to leave the school!!

 

Either way, the school doesn't seem to be a good option.

 

As far as aspergers, it is considered by most professionals to be an autistic spectrum disorder. Could the school tell you what specifically they see that makes them think it is aspergers? Generally speaking aspergers children have some of, but not all, (and it varies child to child) of these characteristics:

 

inability to sense social cues

 

stong sense of the rules... get's stuck on them and expects everyone to follow the rules all the time

 

gets stuck in patterns - routines - doesn't do well with changes in the routine (has to sit in same place in the car, has to do things in the same order)

 

has an obsession with something - like a movie or toy or theme

 

talks very mature... expresses "things" like an adult

 

flaps hands or arms

 

rocks or bangs head

 

I read some great books about autistic spectrum and aspergers from the library. If you do think that there is some merit to the school's concern, you'd want to follow up and understand what is going on with your son. What I have shared is not to be taken professionally, I am just a mom with an aspergers son. There is an aspergers social group here at TWTM and some of us have shared about our "aspies".

 

If you ever want to pm me, just go right ahead. If you do have some learning disability going on, you'll want some positive support in your life:).

 

Bee

Edited November 6, 2008 by BMW

[clane]

Is his tuition there part of your benefits package, or are you paying for his school? Is another private a better mix for him (if you are paying) or are they trying to send him off so they are not providing "free" school to both of your children? I think I would look into whether this is a common practice for the children of employees there. I could be way off base, but I have heard of similar situations where the school uses the free tuition to lure educators and then weasels out of actually providing said education.

 

ETA: Just reread that part of the your post. I would request an equivalent increase in salary to fund another school for my child.

[Robin M]

He's 5 - I seriously doubt he has aspergers from what you said. He just isn't ready. The best thing for him is teach him at home.

 

When james was 5 we put him in private catholic kindergarten class. He wasn't ready and being the typical 5 year old with short attention span and creative imagination, got thrown out at the end of the week. We were told by the teacher, "there is something wrong with him, get him tested."

 

We went through the hoops of getting him tested for aspergers,etc. Results - he's just an immature 5 year old.

 

Lots of grief for nothing.

 

Go with your heart!

 

Robin

[LilyK]

He's 5 - I seriously doubt he has aspergers from what you said. He just isn't ready. The best thing for him is teach him at home.

 

 

 

 

I think I agree with this. The majority of Aspergers cases are diagnosed around age 8 because younger than that, it is too difficult to determine if it is merely a maturation issue, or truly Aspergers. I would definitely bring him home if your situation allows.:grouphug:

[Tabrett]

I pushed the fire alarm button in a restaurant, while waiting in line, when I was 5. I just wanted to see what it would do. I was just very curious. My dh's brother did the same thing when he was young. He was just curious. Many kids do this and it is embarrassing, but not a big deal.

 

I would homeschool my kids. If the school doesn't want my child, I wouldn't want to work there. Actually, I would have quit the day they put your dc back a grade. How is it possible to not be ready for K? K is supposed to make you ready for school.

 

I'm having problems like this with my dd's Sunday school class. I know how frustration it can be.

[klmama]

1. It's possible that he might have Asperger's or some other developmental issue, but more likely that he is just immature and inexperienced in the ways of formal schooling. Still, keep an eye on him and do some research. Don't be afraid to seek help if you see anything unusual. Early interventions make a bigger difference than later therapies for those dc who really need them.

 

2. This school sounds unwilling to deal with anything out of the norm and they are penalizing your ds for his immaturity. I would get ALL of you out of there as quickly as possible. Schools that are that rigid and have that little compassion for children new to the system are not going to be positive places in the long term.

[Niffercoo]

He's 5 - I seriously doubt he has aspergers from what you said. He just isn't ready. The best thing for him is teach him at home.

 

When james was 5 we put him in private catholic kindergarten class. He wasn't ready and being the typical 5 year old with short attention span and creative imagination, got thrown out at the end of the week. We were told by the teacher, "there is something wrong with him, get him tested."

 

We went through the hoops of getting him tested for aspergers,etc. Results - he's just an immature 5 year old.

 

Lots of grief for nothing.

 

Go with your heart!

 

Robin

 

I had the opposite experience. The schools were telling me there was something wrong with my 5 year old son in Kindergarten and I refused to believe it. I pulled him out of school at the end of K and started homeschooling him. When he was 10 years old and still had not grown out of many of the behaviors he was doing at 5, and had done for years before that, AND after his sister was diagnosed with autism, I FINALLY got him tested.

 

Sometimes going with your heart wastes a LOT of time that could be spent getting help for your kid.

 

I'm glad that nothing was going on with your son, but if I could go back and take the advice of the educational professionals who were telling me that my son needed an evaluation, I would do it in a heartbeat. There was so much we could have doing doing to help him. And so much damage we've had to undo because we didn't know what we were doing.

 

And Aspergers can be diagnosed at young ages. I have 2 friends whose boys were diagnosed around the age of 4-5. It is more commonly diagnosed at older ages, because that's what happens when you can no longer explain away the behaviors. But earlier diagnosis and therapy can make a world of difference.

[teachermom_7]

If possible, take him home!! My daughter was also "thought" to have Aspergers in Kindergarten. She had alot of the outward tendencies, but wasn't clinically diagnosed. The teacher / school were ADAMENT that they could not adjust their classroom setting for the needs of ONE child ~ MY child!

 

I could understand their point of view, so then we began looking into options that would suit HER needs. The only option that would work was homeschooling.

 

I'm not sure what they're basing this on ~ Aspergers has a VERY wide range of behaviors. Some just take simple behavior modification techniques, some require intensive training and re-training, and some you just learn to deal with!

 

The one thing about most kids with Aspergers is in one area or another, they're academically excelled, they just can't get it out. Once we brought my daughter home and she was "comfortable" learning, she SOARED!!! She's now 8 in the 3rd grade. She scored out on 6th and 8th grade levels in literature, reading, grammar, and math when we had her tested this past year.

 

If there are genuine concerns, by all means, get him checked out. Thankfully, my daughter's was the form we could work through. She's "outgrown" alot of it now. The one main thing that drove me CRAZY when she was younger is she COULD NOT sit still to memorize facts! She had to walk in circles! Do you think you'd ever see that in a typical classroom setting?? But that was one area we could not get around. If I made her sit down, she couldn't get it. She got so frustrated and we'd end up in tears. So, when it came to memory work, she paced in circles around her desk. But, she got it!! All of those tendencies have gradually gone away and she can now completely function in a typical school setting if necessary.

 

Don't feel like you have to jeopardize your son's happiness and success to remain in a school setting that is not concerned about EACH child's needs!! Do what's best for him!

 

Hope that helps!

 

Tammie in LA :blush:

[Zelda]

Am I understanding that they are telling you to seek new placement after 3 weeks? Sheesh. My school gave me a few months before ds got the heave ho.

 

Are they telling you that he has AS based on 3 weeks worth of observation? Don't take that to heart. It took a neurologist, a pediatrician, an OT and a pediatric psychologist to decide that ds was on the spectrum. I'm not saying I would ignore the teachers but I would be skeptical.

 

Best.

[asta]

I don't know if your child is or is not an aspie.

 

If the people who are running this school have previous experience with aspie children, however, I would say that 3 weeks would probably give them some solid hints, though no diagnostic capability. There is no way to know what children have passed through their doors or their lives.

 

I'd like to modify some assumptions, however:

 

Not all aspies/autistics shun physical contact, eye contact, or flap their arms.

*Many people on the spectrum are quite lovey (sometimes too lovey/clingy)

*Many make very good eye contact (either to the point of creepiness or, and this is an important distinction -- only to family members, who often don't notice when the child doesn't make it to others)

*Arm flapping is a response to an overwhelming situation. It is called a "stim". Every spectrum person has different "stims". My son does an almost imperceptible movement of his fingers that looks like he is practicing an instrument. I start messing with my nails and cuticles while running permutations of the situation through my head (to the point that I can't even hear what is happening around me).

 

Because I'm "old", I just had to learn to function (look at people, shake hands, operate in society. The "old" aspies I know are quite functional. eg: you wouldn't know they were any different if you met them IRL unless you were good friends (and knew that they really didn't like new people, places, change, etc.).

 

I offer this info not to start another "but you're FUNCTIONAL" war, but to show the OP that oftentimes, what is presented as a "condition", and what the reality becomes, are two different things.

 

Best of luck to you

 

 

asta

[plansrme]

1. My daughter's teacher's sole relevant job was as a nanny. She didn't even have kids of her own, and she was an idiot. Not that I'm bitter. :glare:

2. The school was being run by the secretary because they couldn't keep a principal. They went through 3 in the 2 school years we were there.

 

Classical schools are springing up all over the place, and many of them have the same problems ours did: teachers and administrators with little experience or training in dealing with children or parents. I also found the classical school to be incredibly rigid--they emphatically did not want children who were different. Your child may or may not have Asperger's, but I wouldn't necessarily take the opinion of these individuals as gospel.

 

Your description of your son's distress about the fire alarm incident just made me so sad for him. It sounds like teacher should have done a better job at assuring him, in front of the other kids, that he didn't do anything wrong.

 

Terri

[Ria]

I'd suggest you talk to your doctor and look into possible testing. Like Asta said, the people at the school saw something in your child that raised a red flag. They didn't do this lightly - for some reason, they feel that they cannot handle your child at that school. That alone would be enough to send me to the doctor.

 

If your child is fine the testing will show it, you can breathe easier, and then figure out what to do. If, however, your child is found to have some special needs, you'll know and can find appropriate therapies. As another poster said, waiting and ignoring the concerns of the teachers could cost your child years of help.

 

Ria