Toddler behavior

[Elizabeth86]

My almost 2 year old is my 3rd child, so I should have this figured out, but she is so different than the boys.

 

It seems almost everywhere we go that involves waiting she freaks out and throws a fit like I have never seen. If we are in a dr. office, library story time, ds soccer game, whatever. Distractions dont seem to work. Removing her from the situation just rewards her because she wants to leave. Im at a loss. She literally cried for 1 solid hour tonight at the soccer game. Now tonight she was tired, but this isnt always the case

I mean, she has to go to the dr, dentist, and places like that. She just has to adapt to what we have to do. In the meantime everyone stares like we are murdering her. I hate to compare, but this is my first kid to jump up and down and fall to tbe ground and kick and scream in public.

 

Thoughts?

[heartlikealion]

What kind of distractions have you already tried?

 

Some days are easier than others for us. I've been taking things for dd to do in waiting rooms. I pretty much leave the Color Wonder book/markers for trips now. We also walk around. Like at the soccer game could you take a walk or go to the car?

 

Are you bringing snacks? Snacks really help sometimes. I used that freeze a sponge hack to make a thin ice pack. It worked when I used dd's tiny lunchbox today.

 

Sometimes mine wants down and I cannot chase her around so I have to wear her. And sometimes wearing her in the carrier backfires as well because she insists she wants down. At least she hasn't pulled my hair in quite some time lol.

 

Hope it gets better. I would be bored at a soccer game, too because it's just not my scene. Is she hot? Just bored? Are there any foods she can look forward to at the game? I don't know if they have a snack bar. I might use that as a good way to break up the time. Maybe bring some bubbles?

[Zinnia]

I have a couple of massive tantrum throwers. We have had some doozies.

 

It helps me to reframe it away from "her not wanting to wait and removing getting her way." I refrain it as "waiting causes some feelings to bubble up that she doesn't have a way to express." The only way she can figure to express is with a tantrum. But tantrums are awful...both for mama, and if you have a kid that does them at too old, you can see that it's miserable for the kid, too.

 

I have had the best luck with preventing if at all possible, especially at still 1 year old. Yes, that stinks in a lot of ways, but, it also prevents her from learning that the release of a tantrum is a good way to get out feelings. You want to push her towards more acceptable ways, not give the satisfaction of the physical release, over and over. I had a kid that loved that physical release so much that it became a really hard habit to break.

Edited September 20, 2017 by Zinnia

[heartlikealion]

Also, does she have to go to the soccer games? I mean could your dh go instead/take shifts?

[Elizabeth86]

Also, does she have to go to the soccer games? I mean could your dh go instead/take shifts?

We could. Soccer usually isnt a place she hates though. She usually runs around in an open field and plays with soccer siblings My point was that tonight her focus was on going to the car and nothing else matters.

[heartlikealion]

We could. Soccer usually isnt a place she hates though. She usually runs around in an open field and plays with soccer siblings My point was that tonight her focus was on going to the car and nothing else matters.

 

Maybe you could just take her to the car then? Drive around the block? I don't know that I'd look at it as "giving in" so much as, "this child is over stimulated" or something??

 

Maybe she had a busy day prior to the game that time and thus acted out so much. Dd says "go home" sometimes before we are done running errands and I hate dragging her to another place but sometimes I just have to. I know, it stinks. Sometimes I pick up something for her to lift her spirits (like Scooby Doo snacks or a pack of juice boxes).

 

[LMD]

Those #3 kids are wildcards lol. Does it help to hear that he's much easier at age 7?

I basically just stopped going to places like the library - after one very memorable tantrum 😨 (my older two never ever tantrummed!) - unless I kept it very short or had extra adult hands.

 

What helped, lots of outside time, healthy food, consistency. And just time. Ages 1 - 4 were peak difficult, he got easier around 5, now at 7 he's just an incredible kid.

 

Eta - I suspect that there's some sensory stuff going on with mine, so if you think it might help to see a specialist that might be worth it.

Edited September 20, 2017 by LMD

[Xahm]

I'm knee deep in toddler/preschool land here. What is helpful for us is lots of prep. My daughter especially lived stories about what we were going to do. I'd tell about two children who were going to do something that was suspiciously like what we were going to do. One happened to have the same name as my daughter, and one was called Goldilocks. Situations would come up in the story, and the characters would have to make choices. The character with my daughter's name made good choices, but Goldilocks made bad choices. It was very heavy handed moralizing, but my daughter loved it. She would help decide what each character did, and what the consequences would be. (Consequences like "goldilocks mom got a headache from her yelling and so they weren't able to play their favorite game together) A lot of times just the preparation of telling the story was enough. Otherness, she'd start to kick of, but before it got serious I'd say "oh no! I think I heard goldilocks! Quick, is she hiding under the table? We've got to get rid of her!" Dd would usually giggle and mostly shape up. A few times there were problems, but rarely.

DS is different. Almost all of his fits are due to being tired or hungry. So I just shove food in his mouth, give a cuddle, and wait for improvement.

[Katy]

Explaining there will be a wait, bringing a snack, pulling out the iphone & watching YouTube cartoons are my tricks.

[Guinevere]

Am I right that you recently found out that you were pregnant and stopped nursing? One of mine needed me to make sure he ate a lot more to compensate. Once I made making him take in more food a priority, he got much better. Also, I realized that he was eating a lot more dairy than when he was still nursing, and it upset his stomach and made him grumpy.

 

Lastly, my kids are always difficult at our evening activities because the activities are always at dinnertime. I either go ahead and feed them a full meal around 4pm before we leave, or take LOTS of snacks.

[Guinevere]

I also really work on learning to sit still with my kids of that age. I sit and play legoes quietly, build blocks, color, whatever quiet activity I can think of, and slowly increase the length of time we do it. Ds3 (just turned 3) has done enough of that with me that he played quietly on the floor beside me for 2.5 hours at a meeting I had to attend. Not all 3yo can make it that long, but all of mine have been able to with steady practice. They enjoy it too, because it is quiet and calm 1 on 1 time with me.

[wendyroo]

I hate waiting, but at 36 years old I have learned how to suck it up...plus I know how to operate vending machines and amuse myself with ipad apps.  Audrey also hates waiting, but at 23 months she lacks many of my advantages.

 

I do anything I can to help her behave acceptably during periods of forced waiting.  If possible we will walk around outside or up and down random hallways.  Sometimes she needs me to wear her or just cuddle her and rub her back.  I bring toys, snacks, electronics, stickers, etc.  Sometimes being confined in the stroller gives her a sense of security.

 

Audrey is getting old enough now that she is starting to understand *slightly* delayed gratification.  I am making a point of telling her very clearly in advance what is going to happen: we are going to go to the gym, wait on the bleachers, then when the boys go play we will eat our snack.

 

Wendy

[Elizabeth86]

What kind of distractions have you already tried?

 

Some days are easier than others for us. I've been taking things for dd to do in waiting rooms. I pretty much leave the Color Wonder book/markers for trips now. We also walk around. Like at the soccer game could you take a walk or go to the car?

 

Are you bringing snacks? Snacks really help sometimes. I used that freeze a sponge hack to make a thin ice pack. It worked when I used dd's tiny lunchbox today.

 

Sometimes mine wants down and I cannot chase her around so I have to wear her. And sometimes wearing her in the carrier backfires as well because she insists she wants down. At least she hasn't pulled my hair in quite some time lol.

 

Hope it gets better. I would be bored at a soccer game, too because it's just not my scene. Is she hot? Just bored? Are there any foods she can look forward to at the game? I don't know if they have a snack bar. I might use that as a good way to break up the time. Maybe bring some bubbles?

She isnt greatly motivated by food, but we coukd try. She wont go in the ergo anymore. It doesnt matter what toy or distraction really, when her mind fixes on something, you just cant get her mind off. Ds 1 is just like that too, but the things he would focus on didnt upset him quite so bad.

 

Going to the grocery store doesnt bother her at all. Like I said, we walked in the drs office the other day, the door closed behind us and all she could think about was getting back out that door.

[Elizabeth86]

Am I right that you recently found out that you were pregnant and stopped nursing? One of mine needed me to make sure he ate a lot more to compensate. Once I made making him take in more food a priority, he got much better. Also, I realized that he was eating a lot more dairy than when he was still nursing, and it upset his stomach and made him grumpy.

 

Lastly, my kids are always difficult at our evening activities because the activities are always at dinnertime. I either go ahead and feed them a full meal around 4pm before we leave, or take LOTS of snacks.

Ding, ding, ding we have a winner. I think you win the prize. I think you figured it out. I forgot about this. Of course. My kids get a bit off when nursing slows down. Makes perfect sense now. How did I forget this??

[Elizabeth86]

Explaining there will be a wait, bringing a snack, pulling out the iphone & watching YouTube cartoons are my tricks.

She couldnt even be bought with youtube yesterday. My 4 year old enjoyed it though. lol

[Elizabeth86]

I hate waiting, but at 36 years old I have learned how to suck it up...plus I know how to operate vending machines and amuse myself with ipad apps. Audrey also hates waiting, but at 23 months she lacks many of my advantages.

 

I do anything I can to help her behave acceptably during periods of forced waiting. If possible we will walk around outside or up and down random hallways. Sometimes she needs me to wear her or just cuddle her and rub her back. I bring toys, snacks, electronics, stickers, etc. Sometimes being confined in the stroller gives her a sense of security.

 

Audrey is getting old enough now that she is starting to understand *slightly* delayed gratification. I am making a point of telling her very clearly in advance what is going to happen: we are going to go to the gym, wait on the bleachers, then when the boys go play we will eat our snack.

 

Wendy

Are you saying you have a 23 month old named Audrey? My Audrey is 23 months.

[wendyroo]

Are you saying you have a 23 month old named Audrey? My Audrey is 23 months.

 

Yep.  I have a stubborn, very toddler-y, 23 month old Audrey who often has to wait around for her pack of older brothers.

 

Maybe our girls are twins separated at birth!!   :laugh:

[Elizabeth86]

Yep. I have a stubborn, very toddler-y, 23 month old Audrey who often has to wait around for her pack of older brothers.

 

Maybe our girls are twins separated at birth!! :laugh:

How crazy! When is her bday. Mine is Oct 10 th. Its fine if you dont want to answer.

[wendyroo]

How crazy! When is her bday. Mine is Oct 10 th. Its fine if you dont want to answer.

 

October 15th...so not quite twins.

[Elizabeth86]

October 15th...so not quite twins.

close but not quite

[happypamama]

Snacks. That's pretty much my best solution. "After we go to the doctor, we will have a snack." If it's not HER doctor appointment (and maybe even if it is), she can have the snack during the appointment.

 

But I wonder if some situations just have a little anxiety built in with them, like the doctor. I have a couple who really, really don't like going to the doctor because they just don't like being messed with. My 4yo wouldn't let the doctor examine him at all last year. Our doctor is the sweetest, nicest, least invasive person ever. Otoh, some of mine think a doctor visit is a great chance to chat her up and aren't fazed when she wants to look at their ears. Doctors have seen it ALL before, I am sure. And at not quite two, she probably has a lot that she understands but can't express. I would script a lot beforehand (play doctor on stuffed animals, etc.) and just keep talking in soothing tones. "I know, it's really hard to wait in this line, but when we're done, we can have a snack." But I think most parents have btdt with toddlers at one point or another; we know that sometimes little ones are just overwhelmed, and there really isn't a fix for it.