At what age ...

[Frances]

My dad paid the bills, got me to the bus, or drove me to school. I did not ask for, expect, or get any more than that. He took us camping, or on long car drives on weekends, but no bedtime stories, no hugs, no fun of any kind. He's not a generally happy guy. :-(

I'm so sorry to hear that. I knew stories like that growing up, it just hasn't been my experience at all as an adult.

[Bambam]

As soon as my kids could, I had them get their own breakfast. Cereal (preferred at that time) and kid-sized bowls were in a cabinet they could easily reach. They could get their own drinks - unless the milk carton was mostly full, then they needed help. They learned to make their own pb&j - another breakfast favorite too. 

 

As soon as they could pick things up, they helped clean up their toys. I might have carried/'flown' them around, but they were learning to help even then. As they could crawl and then walk, they learned to carry their toys to the box and put them in. They enjoyed helping.

 

Probably around age 3/4?, they helped put away the silverware from the dishwasher, fold washcloths, hand towels, could carry their shirts/shorts/pants and put them (mostly neatly) away. 

 

Probably about age 10/11/12 they started doing their own laundry independently. 

 

They helped clean bathroom sinks and toilets (using vinegar only) at an early age too. They were happy to help! I had kid-sized mops and brooms too. 

 

This wasn't child-labor, this was family members pitching in to help keep our home clean and neat. 

 

They helped prepare meals as they were capable. I'm really only needed to drive - and that is only for one. They can, and sometimes do, everything without me. 

 

Why not empower your children to be competent at all household duties before they leave home? Cooking, cleaning, grocery shopping, car maintenance, lawn care, weeding, etc. All of it is needed knowledge.

 

If my dh is doing any repair (replace toilet float, repair fence, etc), kids are usually there to learn and help. Plumbing isn't a big favorite though. 

[mamaraby]

I am honestly not looking forward to teaching my kids to cook dinner this year. Not a bit. I hate cooking and I don't want to make it take any longer than it does. But my son likes to cook and is actually begging to learn. My daughter is less interested but a helpful soul by nature so she will learn too. And maybe a year from now I will start a thread called "My kid cooked dinner for everyone tonight for the first time without help!!" And then it will be so worth it.

I like to cook and I was still not necessarily looking forward to teaching the kids. When my kids were really young, it was just too stressful for me to deal with getting dinner ready and then dealing with little ones. So I didn't.

 

As they got older, the simple tasks were pretty easy to teach. Then when they could read, following simple recipes was easier for them to handle and needed less involvement on my part so we checked out lots of kids cookbooks from the library and we've worked our way through some of them. Never on a busy day, always on a day that has lots of time.

 

I saved the more challenging and hence needs more patience things for when they were older. Then, I pick my nights carefully so that we're not rushed and my reservoir of patience is deep enough. :D From there it's much easier. Ds's first non-sandwich, non-opening packages and heating, non-oatmeal meal was waffles. He learned most by assisting and then took over. Ditto for the next one, spaghetti.

 

For dd (9), I've mostly handed her components like heating up frozen vegetables or making some packaged thing that has directions printed on it. She can do that bit on her own and that's good practice for recipe reading, I think.

 

I've also taken advantage of library programs and other relatives. My sister loves to bake and decorate things plus she has way more patience with younger kids and messes so she often does that sort of stuff with my kids every once in awhile.

 

Also, I teach one kid at a time. I may have three kids and they may be able to help out with different things all at once, but new skills means one kid plus me. Everyone else, find something to do.

[rebcoola]

I lean very Montessori and free range but my kids were helping with chores as soon as they could walk. 

 

By 3 they got their own breakfasts and simple snacks everything was arranged so they could. 

 

By 7 they are cooking simple meals and know how to do all basic cleaning tasks.

 

Everyone knows our laundry system and just does the next step as needed.

 

DH will cook if he is the first one home, he does dishes if he doesn't cook, he does laundry as much as anybody, and when he works night shift he does all the grocery shopping on his night off. 

 

The kids always shadow DH and help as possible with repairs even things like roofing.

 

For the last year or 2 if I get sick the kids have pretty much gone ahead with our daily routines and taken care of everything until I am better. 

[wendyroo]

Another variable in the kid cooking equation is food allergies and restrictions.  Around here we can't have cereal, bread, crackers, pasta, packaged snack foods, or almost any frozen or boxed meals.  Every meal requires chopping, measuring (often from bulk containers), pouring, cooking, etc.  My older two kiddos can manage handing out cheese slices and raisins for snack, but there is very little else they can do in the kitchen.

 

Out of the kitchen, however, I have made a big push to get my 8, 6 and almost 4 year olds contributing to the running of the household.  They each get their own place ready at the table before meals and clear it afterwards.  They work together to empty most of the dishwasher (other than the knives, ceramic plates, and glass casserole dishes).  They also each do one chores that contributes to the family each day.  My almost 4 year old does things like dust bust under the table, move chairs and things so the big boys can vacuum, refill the cloth napkin drawer and put away his clean clothes.  The 6 and 8 year olds do things like clean bathrooms, do laundry, change bedding, wipe down the microwave or fridge, vacuum, empty trash and recycling bins, do rudimentary sorting and folding out of the dryer and put away theirs and the toddler's clean clothes.

 

My goal is for each of the boys to spend ~20 minutes (a bit less for the 3 year old) each day doing tasks that benefit the family.

 

Wendy

Edited July 24, 2017 by wendyroo

[Wheres Toto]

Dh does all the cooking - leaves me breakfast in the morning and comes home to cook dinner every night.  He does most of the grocery shopping since he's doing the cooking and knows what to pick up.  He also does all the outside chores - mowing, trimming bushes, etc.  He also works full time out of the house.

 

The kids make their own breakfast and lunch.  Usually using just the toaster, microwave, or not cooking at all.  I'm not comfortable with them using the stove because it's an open flame gas stove.  Dd has really long hair, both of them are easily distracted so I don't feel the gas stove is safe at this point. Dd does occasionally help dh cook things with him standing right there with her.  

 

Dd will empty the dishwasher.  Both of them can do most of their own laundry - the dryer buttons are over my head so they can't reach and there's no room to open a stepstool.  They are lousy at folding their clothes.   I usually do the laundry then give them piles to put away since it's easier to do bigger loads with everyone's clothes mixed together.

 

Our house is small so a lot of things are put away on pretty high shelves that they can't reach even with a stepstool, so there's a limit to what they can do.  We are working on them cleaning the bathroom and vacuuming.  They straighten their own rooms (with varying degrees of success).  

Edited July 24, 2017 by Where's Toto?

[SKL]

Now I'm wondering how much everyone's dh's do around the house. Am I seriously the only person that does everything? My dh helps with grocery shopping and thats about it. I lay out his clothes for him, bring him his shoes, make his morning coffee, pack his lunch, serve his dinner to him. He will pitch in with the meat portion of dinner such as steak or porkchop because he likes it just right. He works, mows the grass, fixes stuff and grocery shops with us. Thats it.He will sit outside with the kids and play on his phone or watch tv with then while they play so I can get a few things done in the evening. My family has NO idea how easy they've got it.

 

No dh here.  I do hire a guy to mow the lawn, and another guy to plow snow in the winter.

 

I'm pretty mechanically inclined, so I like to try to fix things myself if it seems possible.  I try to have my kids participate so they learn the skills.  I do have a handyman or two whom I can call if it's more than I have time for.

 

One of my girls is also very mechanically inclined.  The other one tends to rely too much on her sister.  I need to work on that.  We all need to be able to troubleshoot.