Is asthma and being fat really a reason not to marry someone?

[PrincessMommy]

Unfortunately she has tried everything and can't find a medication that can control it.

 

my daughter has been the same way.  Her allergist sent her to an ENT.  He dx her with sinus passages that were pinched (or small or something like that) via an CAT scan.  The procedure was simple in-out at the doctor's office.   She hardly coughs now, and has said she'd cough even less if she was more religious about using her Neti pot. 

 

Anyway, just putting that out there in case it might be of help.  

[Amy in NH]

Sometimes people with an irregular heartbeat cough (against their will) to right it again (like my Mom who ended up with a stent).

 

Sometimes people with gerd cough because of an irritated esophagus (like my Dad who also has asthma).

[solascriptura]

Honestly, while I don't think it's a deal breaker, for some it is. I was instantly attracted to my dh, but if he was 100 lbs heavier, the instant attraction would not have been there. Health problems are difficult to navigate too. I love to spend time doing active things with my dh and it would make me sad if he couldn't hike or run with me.

[Twolittleboys]

Yes, I think as a society (especially in the US) we are conditioned to a) prefer people being thin but b) pretend not to feel that way. Obviously, this doesn't apply to everyone. Some will speak their mind even if it is rude/politically incorrect and some honestly don't mind or even prefer some extra weight.

 

So I think it is ridiculous to say X won't find a partner because of Y, Z or T (actually I am often amazed by who does get married/finds someone). Clearly, that is not true. Almost all of my friends/acquaintances that have gotten married on Facebook in the last couple of years are a bit heavier. Not everyone feels that way.

 

Is it shallow? Maybe. But attraction is what it is. I probably would not be interested in a really overweight man (I think I wouldn't notice a couple of extra pounds). Maybe it could be overcome by personality or other considerations.

 

I would though find it very shallow to seriously date someone and then say no to marriage because of something like this. Either the person is too unattractive to have a relationship with (for that person) or not.

[moonsong]

The assumption that she isn't trying hard enough to do so is incredibly offensive. I worked harder at losing weight than most people will work at anything. It didn't work. So I was lucky enough that I could afford, with insurance, bariatric surgery. I still work hard at it, but now it does work. But not everyone can do that. The idea that people who are obese or have a disease are just not trying hard enough is annoying as heck.

Thank you Katy!! Hats off to you ladies that can see a specialist every time you need to go. Not everyone that doesn't keep going regularly does it out of self neglect many its because they can't afford to.

[ktgrok]

The OP stated that her sister "coughs a lot" due to asthma. To me, that doesn't indicate that she's taking care of her asthma, in my experience, as a person with cough-variant asthma.

 

 

Except the OP cleared they are trying to find meds that work for her. 

 

And not wanting to marry someone obese is fair. Saying they aren't responsible people because of their obesity is not.

 

And mobide obesity is a very complex issue that is nothing like losing 5-10 lbs.

[StephanieZ]

Except the OP cleared they are trying to find meds that work for her. 

 

And not wanting to marry someone obese is fair. Saying they aren't responsible people because of their obesity is not.

 

And mobide obesity is a very complex issue that is nothing like losing 5-10 lbs.

 

She did not indicate that in the OP. My post was responding to the OP. I did not (and have not) read all the follow up posts. There's only so much time in the day for forums . . .

 

I think you are responding to things I'm not saying. I understand that you are sensitive to the issue of obesity being hard to treat. I didn't and don't argue anything that you are wrong. Please stop looking for an argument with me that just doesn't exist. It's not cool.

 

I said that if the OP wants to find a spouse, she should address her serious health issues. I would say the same thing no matter her health issues. I think that people should address their personal issues before committing to a marriage. I think that if someone is having trouble finding a partner, then it is usually in their best interests to look inwards and deal with their own stuff before looking for a partner. This is for the best for BOTH partners, IMHO.

 

I think I've said all I have to say about the OP's issues. I'd like to stop this back and forth with you. 

 

Have a great day. 

[ktgrok]

Sorry, didn't realize you hadn't seen her other post. And as far as you not saying things, when you say someone should address something..well that sounds like you think they are not already addressing them. And they very well may be already addressing them, and not reaching a satisfactory conclusion. Given that most morbidly obese people will never succeed in losing all that weight, waiting to look for a relationship until they are thin could mean never looking for one.