How to deal with conflict in a co-op?

[Nessie]

My friend and I are planning on starting a co-op. Everything has been smooth sailing for planning the co-op, except for conflict resolution. I've hosted homeschool classes in the past, and while the majority of people follow what I would see as common sense, I've had some issues, such as a parent leaving their toddlers unattended in the room while I was running a class. We don't want to make a million rules (besides it seems someone will always find a way around them) but upon enrollment we will have a parents meeting to discuss what we think is common sense expectations. While most of the parents have been a joy to have around, I have encountered one person that consistently gave me problems. I was hoping to setup some sort of system for the co-op to deal with on a case by case basis any issues we have. Has anyone instituted some sort of system or way to deal with conflict? I would appreciate any feedback or ideas, thank you!

[OneStepAtATime]

What Sadie said.

 

I will say, definitely have written rules.  Have some system in place for consequences that is not dependent on whims and moods and who likes who.  Be consistent in implementation.  Be proactive.  Be firm but pleasant.  

 

With that being said, there are some people that you simply may not be able to get on board.  Have some way to remove them from the group.  Make sure there are clear guidelines.

 

I have been a member of 4 homeschooling groups and an officer in three.  I won't go into details but only one of those 4 groups still exist.  Petty, irrational, over-the-top behavior ripped the others apart (stemming from the behaviors of a small specific group of people involved in all of them).  And I would not have predicted that prior to everything falling apart because I knew these people (or thought I did) and respected and liked them and enjoyed working with them...right up until people disagreed, argued, reacted in an extremely unprofessional vicious irrational manner, hurt others and turned our groups into...something truly ugly and horrible.  You cannot rationally deal with irrational people.  

[Zinnia]

I left a co-op that made all decisions by consensus (it was a world view).  Surprisingly, the co-op still exists today.  It was not for me.  I prefer a more concrete leader, even when I don't always agree.  

[*****]

From experience, I will have to suggest that if there ever is conflict, don't deal with it through emails (or texting).  Our group did, and we found out the hard way it is best to have a meeting or more as needed, no matter how difficult to discuss things with one another. And handle it yourselves, don't drag your husbands in as the ones to do the dirty work!

[mom2att]

You don't need a million rules, but you do need a few in-writing guidelines that are non-negotiable. If you don't make that list now, you WILL have to do it after the fact, when it's much harder to implement, because there will ALWAYS be someone didn't know, didn't understand, thought no one would care . . .

 

So figure out what your top five issues are, things like: Parents are to remain on-site while their children are in classes, toddlers and preschoolers are to be in the playroom and presence of their parent at all times, Children are to report to class on time, etc.

 

Our co-op is large and has been meeting for 10+ years. We have a handbook that parents have to sign a statement that they have read and will follow. Most of the guidelines in the handbook are general, things like "be on time," but others have come because someone did something that seemed like common sense to NOT do, and then got upset when we called them on it. So after that we had to add it to our official policy. Not everyone has the same common sense meter, unfortunately, and when it comes to group management, it's important to have everyone at least starting on the same page.

[Another Lynn]

Write up a directory with basic policies, job assignments, co-op calendar, addresses and phone numbers of participants.  Do have a meeting to go over policies.  When the conflict comes, be prepared to deal with it one on one firmly, but kindly.  

[Angie in VA]

You don't need a million rules, but you do need a few in-writing guidelines that are non-negotiable. If you don't make that list now, you WILL have to do it after the fact, when it's much harder to implement, because there will ALWAYS be someone didn't know, didn't understand, thought no one would care . . .

 

So figure out what your top five issues are, things like: Parents are to remain on-site while their children are in classes, toddlers and preschoolers are to be in the playroom and presence of their parent at all times, Children are to report to class on time, etc.

 

Our co-op is large and has been meeting for 10+ years. We have a handbook that parents have to sign a statement that they have read and will follow. Most of the guidelines in the handbook are general, things like "be on time," but others have come because someone did something that seemed like common sense to NOT do, and then got upset when we called them on it. So after that we had to add it to our official policy. Not everyone has the same common sense meter, unfortunately, and when it comes to group management, it's important to have everyone at least starting on the same page.

 

Yep. Good experiences come from wisdom. Wisdom comes from bad experiences. 

 

When we shopped for a music teacher, I went to the website of one and read an arm's length list of rules. I feared she would be too hard-nosed for us, but I respected the opinion of the woman who recommended this teacher. We did end up having trial lessons w/ this woman and she became one of the most important people in my dc's lives. Turns out she is chill and flexible and just wonderful, but she'd obviously been burned before and had good rules in place. 

[school17777]

One of our rules was that people first had to try to work it out between themselves before they got the co-op leader involved. If someone came to me with a problem, I would ask them what happened when they talked to so and so about it, and most of the time they had not done so. I would then remind them that they needed to do that before I would step in. Most of the time, they did and it worked out fine. I really think it is unfair to the other person who may not be aware that there was even a problem, that they are being discussed to the leader when they didn't even have the opportunity to address the issue.

 

So, a lot of my conflict resolution as a leader was to encourage the person with the problem to address it directly themselves. I think the ladies knew this, so when they would come to me, it was sometimes without mentioning names and I would help them figure out what to say, so they could handle it themselves. Every once in awhile, someone would decide to put up with whatever than address it themselves because it is easier to pass on the problem to someone else than deal with it themselves. Of course, if something couldn't be dealt with between the two, then I would step in. And, I also dealt with problems that weren't between two people.

[Ellie]

Whatever you do, just don't allow people to complain to a leader about a third party and expect the leader to take care of it. If a parent is having issues with another parent, they should have to discuss it with each other face to face. Maybe in the presence of a leader, but people should not be allowed to make anonymous complaints.

[Plink]

I've always admired a woman who approaches all problems right away (big or small) with a "I've noticed xyz.  What can I do to help you so that this doesn't happen again?"  It puts the person on alert that the behavior is unacceptable, but it also allows them to request help and opens the floor for conversation. It also confirms her role as leader, not in the big-meanie-speaking-from-on-high way, but as a facilitator.  Brilliantly simple strategy, really.