Janie Grace Posted February 6, 2017 Share Posted February 6, 2017 (edited) Deleted. Edited February 6, 2017 by Janie Grace Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ikslo Posted February 6, 2017 Share Posted February 6, 2017 :grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Posted February 6, 2017 Share Posted February 6, 2017 That sounds awful and hurtful. I'm sorry you're stuck in the middle of the drama :( Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SparklyUnicorn Posted February 6, 2017 Share Posted February 6, 2017 Family drama is the worst. Sorry you are going through that. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Janie Grace Posted February 6, 2017 Author Share Posted February 6, 2017 Thanks, you guys. It helps just to be heard. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
zoobie Posted February 6, 2017 Share Posted February 6, 2017 I wouldn't be surprised if the sibling has inherited some type of similar illness, TBH. All you can do is what keeps you mentally healthy. :grouphug: 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Katy Posted February 6, 2017 Share Posted February 6, 2017 I'm sorry. It sounds like you made the best choice all around. I would have done exactly what you did. I would caution against criticizing recovered memories to this person... that happened with some of my extended family and it turned out the memories, though implausible, were true. And even though the person who initially made the claims had many problems (personality disorder, addiction, constant lying and stirring up drama, even theft), when the "sane" one found out these stories were true, she has repeatedly told me she wished she hadn't judged, or at least not spoken about it, and had given her sibling a little more grace. She repeatedly told me this was the biggest regret of her life. I highly encourage finding someone to vent to (IRL friend or therapist or even here) that's not personally involved. That will help you work through it without saying something you later regret. It's always easier to talk about giving grace to an unreliable person than it is to actually do so though... :grouphug: :grouphug: :grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Janie Grace Posted February 6, 2017 Author Share Posted February 6, 2017 I'm sorry. It sounds like you made the best choice all around. I would have done exactly what you did. I would caution against criticizing recovered memories to this person... that happened with some of my extended family and it turned out the memories, though implausible, were true. And even though the person who initially made the claims had many problems (personality disorder, addiction, constant lying and stirring up drama, even theft), when the "sane" one found out these stories were true, she has repeatedly told me she wished she hadn't judged, or at least not spoken about it, and had given her sibling a little more grace. She repeatedly told me this was the biggest regret of her life. I highly encourage finding someone to vent to (IRL friend or therapist or even here) that's not personally involved. That will help you work through it without saying something you later regret. It's always easier to talk about giving grace to an unreliable person than it is to actually do so though... :grouphug: :grouphug: :grouphug: Yes, good advice. I would never say anything that indicates my skepticism to this person. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lllll Posted February 6, 2017 Share Posted February 6, 2017 (edited) nm Edited February 10, 2017 by --Kathy-- Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
applethyme Posted February 6, 2017 Share Posted February 6, 2017 :grouphug: :grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
gardenmom5 Posted February 6, 2017 Share Posted February 6, 2017 (edited) elizabeth loftus is also high skeptical of recovered memories. she's a psychologist who has extensively studied the subject. the uw fired her after she irrefutably PROVED a "landmark" case in recovered memory "law" - was faked. (it wasn't PC to say the victim was a victim of her mother and counselor as opposed to the father in a very nasty divorce case.) UC irving gleefully picked her up. how a person relates to a npd depends upon what assigned role they have in the npd's orbit. some do have it worse than others. does sibling understand you think this person does have npd and you recognize the behavior was damaging? does she comprehend you will support her choosing to sever contact if that's what she must do for her mental health? just because you think that, have said that, think that - does not mean your sibling believes it. i know some who are either insecure, or vulnerable, or whatever - demand people agree with them 100%. *** that's a sign they need to do some healing. I know I kept telling my mother I didn't want to hear anything about a particular person - but she'd tell me anyway. I was very annoyed she wouldn't respect my wishes. is it possible your sister thinks you will try to force her to have contact with the npd in your life? (not saying it's true, just asking if this might be where her mind is.) I'm sorry you don't feel safe from this sibling - though I'm not sure what you mean. physically? or family drama? *** I've had this with lesser matters too. like car brands. you must agree with them or they get really . .. touchy. two separate people. both engineers. eta: different brands of cars too. almost makes me want to tie them to a chair and fold a map up wrong . . . . Edited February 6, 2017 by gardenmom5 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Janie Grace Posted February 6, 2017 Author Share Posted February 6, 2017 elizabeth loftus is also high skeptical of recovered memories. she's a psychologist who has extensively studied the subject. the uw fired her after she irrefutably PROVED a "landmark" case in recovered memory "law" - was faked. (it wasn't PC to say the victim was a victim of her mother and counselor as opposed to the father in a very nasty divorce case.) UC irving gleefully picked her up. Yes, I have heard this too. But I would never dare bring this up to my sibling. Anything that comes out in therapy is sacred and TRUE (in their mind). how a person relates to a npd depends upon what assigned role they have in the npd's orbit. some do have it worse than others. does sibling understand you think this person does have npd and you recognize the behavior was damaging? Yes. does she comprehend you will support her choosing to sever contact if that's what she must do for her mental health? just because you think that, have said that, think that - does not mean your sibling believes it. Yes, I have said that. I have no idea if sibling believes it. But I can't do anything more than say it. i know some who are either insecure, or vulnerable, or whatever - demand people agree with them 100%. *** that's a sign they need to do some healing. I know I kept telling my mother I didn't want to hear anything about a particular person - but she'd tell me anyway. I was very annoyed she wouldn't respect my wishes. is it possible your sister thinks you will try to force her to have contact with the npd in your life? (not saying it's true, just asking if this might be where her mind is.) I have no idea. They should have no reason to think I would try to force contact as I have actually acted on her behalf, helping to facilitate the distance (telling my mother to NOT reach out, telling her to NOT send that "reconciliatory" email, etc). I have done nothing but support and advocate for my sibling. I'm sorry you don't feel safe from this sibling - though I'm not sure what you mean. physically? or family drama? It's not that I don't feel safe. It's that I'm concerned I will be categorized as an "unsafe" (emotionally) person because I don't share the conviction that our mother should be cut off. I WOULD grieve her death. This might make me on the wrong "side." Which makes me really angry and sad. *** I've had this with lesser matters too. like car brands. you must agree with them or they get really . .. touchy. two separate people. both engineers. eta: different brands of cars too. almost makes me want to tie them to a chair and fold a map up wrong . . . . Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
gardenmom5 Posted February 6, 2017 Share Posted February 6, 2017 I'm sorry - it's a hard place to be. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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