Nemom Posted January 23, 2017 Share Posted January 23, 2017 Dd wrote this sentence about playing hide and seek with our dog. After about five to ten minutes, he will hopefully have found you and when he does find you, he will practically pee his pants he's so happy. I can't decide if the punctuation is correct as she has it written. What are your thoughts? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Miss Tick Posted January 23, 2017 Share Posted January 23, 2017 Looks like a run-on. The parts on either side of the and could be two separate sentences. So the choices are split it into two sentences, put a comma before the and, or replace the and with a semicolon. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Nemom Posted January 23, 2017 Author Share Posted January 23, 2017 The two sentences or semicolon were what I was thinking needed to be done. An additional comma just seems like to much for me which is what she was arguing for. Guess we are both right. Thanks! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
wintermom Posted January 23, 2017 Share Posted January 23, 2017 I don't believe it's a run on because of the 'and,' though I'd put the second comma right before the 'and.' Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lucy the Valiant Posted January 24, 2017 Share Posted January 24, 2017 It's definitely a run-on. "And" is not strong enough to separate 2 complete thoughts (independent clauses - AKA "things that can be sentences by themselves"); it's a coordinating conjunction and requires a comma WITH the conjunction to separate independent clauses. Other three options are a semicolon, making it 2 complete sentences, or re-wording it altogether to make it more concise (and not require as many commas). Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Storygirl Posted January 24, 2017 Share Posted January 24, 2017 (edited) Dd wrote this sentence about playing hide and seek with our dog. After about five to ten minutes, he will hopefully have found you and when he does find you, he will practically pee his pants he's so happy. I can't decide if the punctuation is correct as she has it written. What are your thoughts? It doesn't work as is. To just add punctuation (plus one word -- "because"), one could change it to read, "After about five to ten minutes, he will hopefully have found you. When he does find you, he will practically pee his pants, because he's so happy." However, it is still a weak expression of thought. I would work on making the whole thing more concise. Remove unnecessary words (such as "about" at the beginning of the sentence). Edit the word choices to remove repetition ("he will hopefully have found you. When he does find you" is repetitive). Choose stronger action verbs. Without a context for the writing assignment, it is hard to give more ideas, but think beyond punctuation alone as you edit. Hope that helps! Edited January 24, 2017 by Storygirl Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
FloridaLisa Posted January 24, 2017 Share Posted January 24, 2017 My take: It's not a run-on. It's correctly punctuated. BUT, the "he's so happy" is awkward/incorrect because it changes the verb tense of the sentence. Without the apostrophe: ...he will practically pee his pants (a colloquialism that you can count as correct or not) because he [is] so happy." It should read "he will practically pee his pants (if you allow the colloquialism) because he WILL be so happy" OR "he'll be so happy." Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TKDmom Posted January 25, 2017 Share Posted January 25, 2017 My take: It's not a run-on. It's correctly punctuated. BUT, the "he's so happy" is awkward/incorrect because it changes the verb tense of the sentence. Without the apostrophe: ...he will practically pee his pants (a colloquialism that you can count as correct or not) because he [is] so happy." It should read "he will practically pee his pants (if you allow the colloquialism) because he WILL be so happy" OR "he'll be so happy." I agree, the verb tenses don't match. Cleaning up the tenses will make the sentence less awkward. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TKDmom Posted January 25, 2017 Share Posted January 25, 2017 (edited) Dd wrote this sentence about playing hide and seek with our dog. After about five to ten minutes, he will hopefully have found you and when he does find you, he will practically pee his pants he's so happy. I can't decide if the punctuation is correct as she has it written. What are your thoughts? I think I'd also separate it into two sentences. "He will have found you" is the future perfect tense (something that is completed in the future) while the rest of it is future tense (if you change "he's so happy" to "he will be so happy"). It makes sense to me to have the sentence about something that will be complete separate from future actions and feelings. I'd also be tempted to add a comma and the word because... "because he will be so happy" Edited January 25, 2017 by TKDmom Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kuovonne Posted January 26, 2017 Share Posted January 26, 2017 When I read the sentence, I see a rambling sentence. The sentence has a long introductory phrase followed by *four* clauses. [After about five to ten minutes,] [he will hopefully have found you] and [when he does find you], [he will practically pee his pants] [he's so happy.] You can change the punctuation and verb tense as others have suggested, but the sentence would still ramble. Separating the sentence into two is the simpliest way to break the rambling. Perhaps this change is your DD's instructional level. However, she might be ready to try another revision tactic. While multiple clauses one after the other is normal in casual conversation, converting some clauses to phrases can tighten up a written sentence and make it sound more mature. The resulting sentences are also usually easier to punctuate. - After five to ten minutes, he will hopefully have found you, practicallying peeing his pants with happiness. - After hopefully finding you in five to ten minutes, he will practically pee his pants from happiness. - Upon finding you in five to ten minutes, he will be so happy, practically peeing his pants. - He will hopefully find you in five to ten minutes, practically peeing his pants with happiness. Changing clauses to phrases also has a way of emphasizing some ideas more than others. When all the ideas are in clauses, they all tend to get equal importance. When you use phrases, some ideas jump out more than others. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Posted January 26, 2017 Share Posted January 26, 2017 (edited) nm Edited January 26, 2017 by GGardner Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kuovonne Posted January 26, 2017 Share Posted January 26, 2017 (edited) nm (The post I was replying to was removed.) Edited January 26, 2017 by Kuovonne Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
wendyroo Posted January 26, 2017 Share Posted January 26, 2017 Maybe something like this? Hopefully, after five or ten minutes, he will find you; he will practically pee his pants in happiness. Though I'm still not a huge fan of using "pee his pants", because dogs don't wear pants. Wendy Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Nemom Posted January 26, 2017 Author Share Posted January 26, 2017 Thanks everyone! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Recommended Posts
Join the conversation
You can post now and register later. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account.