S/O of the Amazon Go thread about interaction

[SparklyUnicorn]

And those are the EXPENSIVE areas.  Those walkable cute places where everyone is chatty and social and people frequent the small shops.  Stuff like that is WAY out of reach for a lot of people.  Which is a shame. 

[SparklyUnicorn]

Alot of city planning types feel that the creation of suburbs was really the beginning of the end as far as cities that created real communities.  The old suburbs are a little better, but still not great.

 

Yeah probably it was in some cases.  I have never been attracted to suburbs.  I don't quite get the allure, but different strokes for different folks.

[HS Mom in NC]

Is the question about interaction in general or about the specific type of short, shallow, chit chatty, obligatory interaction between employees and customers?

I'm all for interaction on a meaningful level, but I despise chit chat in all forms.  I have no problem at all talking to strangers at dinner parties because I genuinely like to get to know new people. I spent both Sunday evening and last night at 2 different dinner parties with widely different groups of people while I focused on asking them questions and listening to their answers, but I consider the "How are you?" while my groceries are being rung up to not actually count as a meaningful human interaction.  I'm not actually going to tell them I'm anything other than fine.  When I ask them, "And how are you?" they say they're fine too and the variations on that theme have never been widely varied. 

I despise shopping for anything other than quilting fabric so I want to get it over with as soon as possible. I want each of my bags bagged according to the way my panty, refrigerator, freezer shelves and bathroom cabinets are organized which no one other than me or my immediate family could know, so I don't want someone else bagging my groceries if I can avoid it.  

I'm perfectly content with silence in our world where humans are constantly oppressed by music pumped into restaurants, parking lots, gas stations and shopping centers. It doesn't bother me at all to shop silently. I happily answer questions about where things are.  I get it-I want to get out the store ASAP too. I'm happy to answer a question about my personal experience with a product in my cart.   I'm happy to respond if someone strikes up a real conversation with me if they're so inclined, but I prefer silence to a few minutes of obligatory, meaningless chit chat.

The people I have meaningful interactions with on a weekly basis include homeschool moms at PE, church members before and after church and during small group on Wednesdays, my immediate family, and the neighbor kid's mom.   On a monthly basis it includes my quilter's guild members, my homeschool support group moms, my kid's homeschool group friends, a friend at a coffee shop,  3 branches of my extended family, and my outdoor hiking/kayaking group about 8 months out of the year, and a handful of others.  I'm good. I'm not lacking connections to people or different communities.

[Arcadia]

Yup, that's it.  I think coffee shops are what many places have too.  Libraries are the other one that seems to be somewhat common..

 

My neighbourhood is supposedly a suburb. We do have 8 eating places, library, supermarket, pharmacy, Mathnasium, two dentist clinics and an optician shop within a 500m walk radius and nice sidewalks. It is a master planned community though. My city's downtown is actually very quiet from lack of shops.

[Storygirl]

I don't talk to people at the store. Or when I'm sitting next to them on an airplane or at the theater. If they say something to me, I'll answer politely, but that's it. When I was growing up, my mom had to talk to everyone about everything, and I spent a lot of time just standing next to her in stores, waiting for her to finish her conversation. She often ran into people she knew, but she would also tell the store clerk all about what she was buying and why. I turned into the opposite of her.

 

My dad, though, is so quiet that one of my high school friends said that he wasn't sure he had ever heard Dad speak. I've always thought of him as the quietest introvert ever. But then I saw him chat with the stranger next to him on a plane. And ask a lady next to him at the theater if her daughter was in the recital. And when I went on a little trip with him this fall, I noticed that he had a funny comment for every restaurant server and hotel clerk. He likes to joke, and they always laughed.

 

So I guess he's not the quietest introvert ever. Evidently I am! :laugh:

 

I think I should be a little chattier. I am perfectly able -- I used to work in retail and with patrons at a library. I think I've just been tired of talking to my kids all day long at home, and when I go out, I want to be silent and alone. But I can see that a little chatting might brighten my day or someone else's.

 

Today I gave the clerk at the grocery store a recipe after she commented on something I was buying. I see her every time I go to the store. Maybe I'll start being a little chattier with her and see where it leads me. Maybe one day I will be an octogenarian, like my dad, adding a little cheer to the lives of others.

[J-rap]

I can see this being like a unique little convenience store to try now and then, but I can't imagine it really taking over the way most stores operate.  So in the end, I do not think of it as a problem.

 

I'm a half introvert/half extrovert, but I do enjoy seeing people and chatting with them when I'm out and about.  Actually, it never in a million years occurred to me that a reason to use the self-checkout is so I wouldn't have to talk to anyone.  I only ever thought of it as being for convenience only.

 

I guess I don't see social interaction being removed more and more from people's lives today.  I mean, probably people who stay indoors all day slumped over their computers would be finding something else to do indoors and alone 50 years ago.  Maybe I'm wrong though.

[Zinnia]

Same here. The inner ring is $$$$. Nice if you can afford it.

Here, it is either $$$ or "transitional." So you get to add street smarts to your homeschooling. 😉

[lailasmum]

I really hate shopping and I find chit chat tedious so If I can shop without talking to people I'm happy. I tend to think it's a failure on the store's part if I can't find what I want or find some info relating to it and I have to ask someone. It just slows down an already annoying job. Locally there are shops I use that cost more but are so well laid out that I use them over the cheap but chaotic/have to ask because it's just so frustrating. I've lived in the same small town most of my life and I've never made friends just by bumping into people and talking, it's always been through interests/lifestyle related things. I am another who tends to like quiet in life generally so music and noise in shops gets on my nerves.

 

I think when it comes to making a community I think it has more to do with having good facilities so people can meet through interests. My town is rapidly losing these things so I can see how that could be an issue particularly for those on a lower income. When I was a kid we had a big community centre, ample halls to hire cheaply, loads of community groups, busy library  etc.and generally you could set up whatever you wanted easily even if it was a really small niche thing. Now it's really hard to do unless it's something that brings in money.

Edited December 7, 2016 by lailasmum

[Bluegoat]

Same here. The inner ring is $$$$. Nice if you can afford it.

 

They tend to be expensive here, too. 

 

I'm in an area though that is pretty much inner ring but a fair bit cheaper, built right after the war.  (So, maybe second generation suburb.) It's the neighbourhood my mom and dad grew up in, their families both bought houses here as they were built. Our city is a big integrated municipality that was three small cities, so it's a suburb of one of the smaller cities, but not trendy as of yet like similar areas outside the bigger original city.  I suspect in about 20 years the property values will probably go up when it's "discovered."

[Bluegoat]

Is the question about interaction in general or about the specific type of short, shallow, chit chatty, obligatory interaction between employees and customers?

 

I'm all for interaction on a meaningful level, but I despise chit chat in all forms.  I have no problem at all talking to strangers at dinner parties because I genuinely like to get to know new people. I spent both Sunday evening and last night at 2 different dinner parties with widely different groups of people while I focused on asking them questions and listening to their answers, but I consider the "How are you?" while my groceries are being rung up to not actually count as a meaningful human interaction.  I'm not actually going to tell them I'm anything other than fine.  When I ask them, "And how are you?" they say they're fine too and the variations on that theme have never been widely varied. 

 

I despise shopping for anything other than quilting fabric so I want to get it over with as soon as possible. I want each of my bags bagged according to the way my panty, refrigerator, freezer shelves and bathroom cabinets are organized which no one other than me or my immediate family could know, so I don't want someone else bagging my groceries if I can avoid it.  

 

I'm perfectly content with silence in our world where humans are constantly oppressed by music pumped into restaurants, parking lots, gas stations and shopping centers. It doesn't bother me at all to shop silently. I happily answer questions about where things are.  I get it-I want to get out the store ASAP too. I'm happy to answer a question about my personal experience with a product in my cart.   I'm happy to respond if someone strikes up a real conversation with me if they're so inclined, but I prefer silence to a few minutes of obligatory, meaningless chit chat.

 

The people I have meaningful interactions with on a weekly basis include homeschool moms at PE, church members before and after church and during small group on Wednesdays, my immediate family, and the neighbor kid's mom.   On a monthly basis it includes my quilter's guild members, my homeschool support group moms, my kid's homeschool group friends, a friend at a coffee shop,  3 branches of my extended family, and my outdoor hiking/kayaking group about 8 months out of the year, and a handful of others.  I'm good. I'm not lacking connections to people or different communities.

 

 

It's all part of the same social trend though.  Interactions in shops tend to be low quality because of the same forces that want to introduce more mechanized shopping.  The same kinds of factors mean many people have far fewer interactions in general that make it difficult to build and maintain significant relationships. 

 

I'm sure each of them, taken individually, seemed like a small thing.  But together they become significant, and over time we see this level of poor quality and reduced interactions as normal and all we should expect.

[shawthorne44]

There have been days when I really really don't want to put on a pleasant face and chat.  I just want to get in and get out.  

 

That said, the casual interaction is one thing I really missed in Germany.  It is fine for a couple of days but more than that and I miss it.  Every single time I've come home, it isn't like I'm home until the first, "Hi, how's it going?"   Before going without, I would have said that I wouldn't miss it at all.   I am an extreme introvert.     

 

Funny I spotted this thread today.  Just this morning I was thinking next time I need to exchange names with the cashier at the grocery store in the mornings.  

eta:   I am now living in small town Texas and people are definitely friendlier than big suburb Texas.  I think part of it is that you see the same people over and over again.  For example, there is one grocery store and one cashier working mornings.  

Edited December 7, 2016 by shawthorne44

[HS Mom in NC]

It's all part of the same social trend though.  Interactions in shops tend to be low quality because of the same forces that want to introduce more mechanized shopping.  The same kinds of factors mean many people have far fewer interactions in general that make it difficult to build and maintain significant relationships. 

 

I'm sure each of them, taken individually, seemed like a small thing.  But together they become significant, and over time we see this level of poor quality and reduced interactions as normal and all we should expect.

 

I don't see it that way at all.  Mechanized shopping is very recent.  Chit chat about nothing between employees and customers has been around for millennia. I don't believe for one second that in generations past inane "How are you?  Can I help you find something?" chit chat in the store made it easier to build significant relationships. I've been shopping for 43 years of my life now.  My memory is just fine.  I don't remember there being any more significance to those relationships in the good 'ol days when I was kid, a teenager or a young adult.

 

Edited December 7, 2016 by Homeschool Mom in AZ

[Bluegoat]

I don't see it that way at all.  Mechanized shopping is very recent.  Chit chat about nothing between employees and customers has been around for millennia. I don't believe for one second that in generations past inane "How are you?  Can I help you find something?" chit chat in the store made it easier to build significant relationships. I've been shopping for 43 years of my life now.  My memory is just fine.  I don't remember there being any more significance to those relationships in the good 'ol days when I was kid, a teenager or a young adult.

 

 

It isn't just mechanized shopping.

 

It's smaller shops being taken over by bigger ones and moved to more central locations.

 

It's communities being divided into seperate residential, commercial, and industrial areas, with no overlap.

It's communities becoming car based.

 

It's people staying at home for entertainment on news, or to talk to people on the internet, instead of going out.

 

It's people working more hours, often living in homes where they don't even know the neighbors to speak to.

 

Since the middle of the 20th century, people have become more and more isolated.  Fewer go to church, volunteer, or join civic organizations and clubs.

 

These things are to a large extent about globalization, loss of working communities and neighbourhoods, and money.

 

People in North America in particular are complaining more and more about social isolation and loneliness.  Depression of various kinds is on the rise - and though we keep getting told the right drugs are the answer, we know that in truth healthy communities and lots of interconnection is more effective than any available drug at preventing and controlling depression. 

 

Chatting at the grocery store isn't a cure, though it does provide a small and real interaction.  But more importantly, shops act as what someone above identified as a third place - and we have not got that many of them any more.  They are one place you may have an opportunity to see people that you also might run into in other places.  It's the aggregate number of interactions, which may each be small, with the same people, that begin to make substantial interactions more likely to occur.

 

Every time a regular small interaction is lost, especially that is potentially with a regular set of people, the likelihood of the larger interaction coming out of it also becomes smaller.  It isn't an isolated event - it goes together with online ordering, being to busy to be active in the community, no longer going to a religious institution or club, less funding for things like libraries, neighbourhoods without sidewalks.

 

We pick away at all of these things and the effect is bigger than we realize.

 

It's been going on for well over 50 years, so no surprise people don't notice.  It's the frog in a pot effect.