s/o adult child: boys and cleaning

[rocassie]

In my house, there are no gender specific chores.  Everyone gets a turn or does it together based on age appropriateness.  Menstruation is not hidden here.  Products are kept on out in the open so that anyone that needs them has easy access including guests.  A trash can is provided close to the toilet for disposal.  Ours has a lid because of a cat that like to knock over open trash cans not so much to hide the trash.  Whose ever job it is to empty trash is not spared that chore during it certain times of the month.

 

However, I also expect us to clean up after ourselves when we make a mess, and not leave it for someone else.  DH generally takes out the kitchen trash, but if I have filled the trash, I will take it out not let it overflow and dump on to the floor.  DH shaves in the morning.  He wipes out the sink and cleans most of the hair out.  Yes, there is some stray hair that will be cleaned up when chores are done.  After dinner, I wash down the table, but if one of my kids spill or drop big globs of food while eating, they go get a wash rag/towel and clean it up.  

 

For me, it's just a matter of respect to the other member's of the family to not leave a mess for someone else to clean up just because it's not your chore.  It's one thing to walk in from outside and some dirt is transferred onto the floor.  At the end of the day each little amount accumulates so the person doing the sweep will sweep it all up.  But it's another thing to come in from outside, stomp your shoes/boots onto the floor leaving mud or a pile of dirt and then just walking away because it's someone else's chore.

[Only me]

So the other thread talking about adult children and cleaning, etc. had a few comments about not making the boys clean up after the girls' monthly trash. Now, I inferred that they otherwise took out the trash...so WHY wouldn't you make the boy take it out during that time of the month? Even if it is overflowing. So what?

 

Maybe I misread and maybe it was the girls job to do it anyway. But I've noticed that some feel the need to protect boys from the reality of menstruation, and I always wonder why, in the 21st century, that would be the case. 

 

My MIL is like that. She couldn't handle my leaving one pad (unwrapped, of course) in the cabinet under the sink because her SIL (a  grown man, married and a father) might open the cabinet and see it. Completely baffled me. But I'm of another generation and another culture, and it was her house, so whatever. Not a big deal.

 

But I guess that's what made me think about it and decide to ask what I'm missing.

 

That was my post.  I just wanted to clarify a few things.  First of all my son is quite used to seeing feminine products, bras, etc. you name it lying around.  He has lived with 2 sisters all his life.  He is definitely not "protected by the reality of menstruation".  I'm sorry if my post was confusing.   He is actually quite open with me about that stuff.     My son goes to school full time and is in a sport for college.  He is also quite busy.  We ask him to mow the lawn and during the winter he will do the vacuuming and occasionally other things when we need help.  Picking up the trash is not his job.   We've asked daughter to take care of the bathroom.  It is the ONLY thing we ask of her.  She does nothing else around the house.  The main reason we want her to clean the bathroom instead of him is that it is 99% her mess.  Yes he showers in there but that's it.  She has all of her makeup all over the place.  She will leave empty shampoo bottles in the shower (he uses a different shampoo).  She will get another razor but leave the old one in there.  She is also just very sloppy getting ready-toothpaste and makeup all over the place, cloths all over the place.  Believe it or not my 18 year old son is tons neater.   So this is not a matter of him not taking the trash out during that time of the month. He has taken the trash out several times when that was his job.   Right now the bathroom is her responsibility.   It's not just about sharing a bathroom with her brother.  She shares it with her sister when she is home from college and she is grossed out by it too.  She doesn't wrap things that she should wrap.  I'm not talking about something accidentally becoming unwrapped.   This isn't a one time thing.  It happens every month.  Sometimes it doesn't even land in the garbage.  No one wants to have to pick that up off the floor.

[J-rap]

I think it's funny when people come to a quick conclusion that it has to do with gender.  In our home, we expect everyone to clean up after each other when it's their job, but also expect everyone to leave a "clean" mess when they can (as opposed to a very messy mess!).  So, we would expect our dd to clean up any blood splattered on the toilet or floor and at least throw one layer of TP over a used napkin, and also expect our son to wipe off any splattered mess on the toilet or floor.  We also taught our children to do a quick wipe of the toilet (inside) if there were lots of splattering from, say, diarrhea. They can certainly take 30 seconds to clean up after themselves.

 

It's not that natural human functions are bad.  But I guess if we can clean up after ourselves a bit to make it a little more pleasant for the next person, why not?

 

If nothing else, I think it's a good habit to instill for when you are guests in someone else's home.

[heartlikealion]

I don't want to clean up after anyone's monthly mess, either. It is not just whether or not you will make contact with it (I could wear gloves, it could be wrapped) but the fact that it might smell. Trash is not all the same because that means emptying a diaper genie is on the same playing field as a can of shredded documents. Nope. Sorry. Not to me, anyway.

 

If someone wants their son to empty the trash in the bathroom and there are no issues (no complaints) from it, then there's no problem. But if I was on the fence and the person (sibling male or female) objected then I would rethink it.

[luuknam]

If it's someone's chore to empty the trash, isn't overflowing at least partially their own fault for not taking it out often enough? I don't think I've ever encountered a trashcan in someone's bathroom that was so small it would overflow from one person's menstrual products in less than 24 hours.

[foxbridgeacademy]

I wouldn't be cleaning that pee.  I'd be telling my boy he was now required to sit.

 

Hair is gross, but I don't see it that same way as bodily fluids.  Though that may be because my dh is the one who has to clean up my hair from the drain.

 

DH's mom taught him to pee siting down, at home he still does. He doesn't want to have to clean up middle of the night, peeing the dark, messes and neither do I, so DS was potty trained to sit as well.  About 15% of men sit to pee by choice, so it's not that unusual, also they both stand to go in public restrooms (I envy them that option).  This is also why DN has to clean the boys bathroom more often, his aim is off sometimes.  

 

As for girls feminine products, both DH and DS have emptied the bathroom trash when there were used products in it.  If there's trash on the floor (it happens sometimes) they can use a broom or in Dh's case just pick it up and wash his hands after.  

[Only me]

If it's someone's chore to empty the trash, isn't overflowing at least partially their own fault for not taking it out often enough? I don't think I've ever encountered a trashcan in someone's bathroom that was so small it would overflow from one person's menstrual products in less than 24 hours.

It's not his chore! This is a spin off from a post of mine. People somehow have the misconception that it is my son's chore to throw out the garbage. It's not. I was just saying that he is tired of my dd being careless. It's not just a one time thing. She should wrap it up and then throw it away. I don't care who she is sharing a bathroom with it's gross to find a used pad falling halfway out of the garbage or on the floor. How can anyone be ok with that? Again this isn't a one time thing. My son doesn't have any hang ups. He is a mature 18 year old guy. He has lived with two sisters all his life and is used to the bathroom being taken over by makeup, bras etc. I just think in this case she is being inconsiderate.

[Aura]

Mom of 8 paws, I agree w/ you. I didn't intend to for this thread to apply to your situation specifically. It was more thoughts based on some of the replies, ones that reminded me of my exchange w/ my MIL. Sorry if I caused offense.