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s/o adult child: boys and cleaning


Aura
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So the other thread talking about adult children and cleaning, etc. had a few comments about not making the boys clean up after the girls' monthly trash. Now, I inferred that they otherwise took out the trash...so WHY wouldn't you make the boy take it out during that time of the month? Even if it is overflowing. So what?

 

Maybe I misread and maybe it was the girls job to do it anyway. But I've noticed that some feel the need to protect boys from the reality of menstruation, and I always wonder why, in the 21st century, that would be the case. 

 

My MIL is like that. She couldn't handle my leaving one pad (unwrapped, of course) in the cabinet under the sink because her SIL (a  grown man, married and a father) might open the cabinet and see it. Completely baffled me. But I'm of another generation and another culture, and it was her house, so whatever. Not a big deal.

 

But I guess that's what made me think about it and decide to ask what I'm missing.

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I don't know.  But personally, I don't want to clean up after ANYONE's monthly messes.  I get quite irked with my girls when I see the trash in their bathroom overflowing with used feminine products.  I would be as equally mad if it were soiled toilet paper created by a male.  (I also get upset when my kitchen trash overflows, FWIW) I think maybe the point was that HE wasn't creating that mess, so he shouldn't be forced to clean it up.  

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I don't know.  But personally, I don't want to clean up after ANYONE's monthly messes.  I get quite irked with my girls when I see the trash in their bathroom overflowing with used feminine products.  I would be as equally mad if it were soiled toilet paper created by a male.  (I also get upset when my kitchen trash overflows, FWIW) I think maybe the point was that HE wasn't creating that mess, so he shouldn't be forced to clean it up.  

 

Agreed.  Four daughters and they all clean after themselves.

 

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Trash is trash. :) If its wrapped up, and not - I don't know, leaving a mess around it - I don't see the big deal either. Now, if someone is just throwing used pads in a waste paper basket, not wrapping them up, so they are making a mess of the waste paper basket - then that's ick. But to be be fair, I feel the same way about chewed gum. Wrap it before you toss it, or you'll be cleaning out the trash can!

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Don't people wrap them up when they put them in the trash?  It's no big deal at our house.  You take the small bathroom garbage and either dump it into the closed garbage can closest and when the big bag is full, pull the drawstring.  No one actually ever touches the garbage?  I guess I don't see the big deal at all. 

 

I liked the idea of having the daughter pay the son for cleaning it if he was willing.  If he wasn't (which is fine and fair), then it's on her.  I think the dd just needs to move out.  It's time. 

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Trash is trash. If it's your job to take out the trash, then you should take it out. I don't believe in shielding boys from menstruation. Women and girls should wrap that stuff up anyway. I mean, sometimes there's a little bleed through or something, but generally it's just trash.

 

That said, if you have a household with more girls, it would seem to make sense for the girls to have take out bathroom trash as an assigned chore just because we do make more trash in the bathroom. But I don't think it's a must. We do the jobs that we're better at. In my house dh does trash and laundry. Including bathroom trash. Those are the tasks he's just better at. He likes things he can schedule.

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Plus with this line of reasoning I could extend it to everything (and my life would be so much easier).  I'm not washing dishes if I didn't use them.  I'm not washing clothes I did not dirty or wear.  I'm not cooking food I won't eat.  If we each cleaned up exactly everything we used each and every time...wow..that would be great.

 

 

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My girls can be rather gross about such things...not wrapping, leaving the ick open for general viewing. Things rolling off the overflowing trash mound to the area behind the toilet.

 

In which case, the sole female who is responsible would have to pick up the trash and empty the can. When it's that time of the month, it is the responsibility of THAT person to make sure their trash ends up where it is supposed to be, not littering the general bathroom for other people to have to pick up.

 

And I feel the same way about used tissues and other trash whether or not a male or female left them. People, the trash dropped into an overflowing can WILL Fall in the floor. And other people don't want to clean up things used to sop up your bodily fluids...male or female.

 

I don't mind my son emptying a trash can with wrapped "stuff" in it., but if it's overly nasty with total vile things in view, then the person who left the mess gets to do it.

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So the other thread talking about adult children and cleaning, etc. had a few comments about not making the boys clean up after the girls' monthly trash. Now, I inferred that they otherwise took out the trash...so WHY wouldn't you make the boy take it out during that time of the month? Even if it is overflowing. So what?

 

Maybe I misread and maybe it was the girls job to do it anyway. But I've noticed that some feel the need to protect boys from the reality of menstruation, and I always wonder why, in the 21st century, that would be the case. 

 

My MIL is like that. She couldn't handle my leaving one pad (unwrapped, of course) in the cabinet under the sink because her SIL (a  grown man, married and a father) might open the cabinet and see it. Completely baffled me. But I'm of another generation and another culture, and it was her house, so whatever. Not a big deal.

 

But I guess that's what made me think about it and decide to ask what I'm missing.

 

The poster wasn't protecting her son from the realities of menstruation, she was protecting him from a gross mess made by his sister.

 

The adult daughter was allowing the trash to overflow. her used hygiene products were spilling onto the floor, and the mom didn't think her son should have to clean it up.  It wasn't like the trash was neatly contained in the can and she was balking at her son taking it out.   

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I don't think anyone should have to pick up gross things made by another, able-bodied person, and put them back into the trash where they should have been deposited in the fist place.  And when a garbage can isn't emptied often enough, stuff always falls out when you try and tie it up.

 

I also think that other people don't want to see sanitary products that haven't been wrapped up, be it brothers, mothers, or the fellows that collect the trash at the curb. 

 

So - if someone is over-filling the trash with dirty kleenex, used baby-wipes, or women's sanitary products, that person needs to shape-up and take out the trash.

 

ETA - Also, in some households smelly garbage that needs to go out more frequently is placed in a different garbage, and that should generally be the job of the person that garbage belongs to.

Edited by Bluegoat
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I don't think anyone should have to pick up gross things made by another, able-bodied person, and put them back into the trash where they should have been deposited in the fist place.  And when a garbage can isn't emptied often enough, stuff always falls out when you try and tie it up.

 

I also think that other people don't want to see sanitary products that haven't been wrapped up, be it brothers, mothers, or the fellows that collect the trash at the curb. 

 

So - if someone is over-filling the trash with dirty kleenex, used baby-wipes, or women's sanitary products, that person needs to shape-up and take out the trash.

 

Then again I feel this way about everything around the house.  Why should I wash clothing I did not soil?  Why should I clean the kitchen when someone else cooked?  Why should I scrub the bathroom or toilet that someone else dirtied? 

 

I would love to just not do any of that.  If my kid complained about one or two piddly tasks after all that I do I'd be mad.  I do think the situation mentioned by the OP in the other thread was a bit different.  The sister essentially did not contribute to helping and didn't even pick up after herself.  I would certainly feel annoyed with having to pick up after any of her crap regardless of what it was under those circumstances. 

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Then again I feel this way about everything around the house.  Why should I wash clothing I did not soil?  Why should I clean the kitchen when someone else cooked?  Why should I scrub the bathroom or toilet that someone else dirtied? 

 

I would love to just not do any of that.  If my kid complained about one or two piddly tasks after all that I do I'd be mad.  I do think the situation mentioned by the OP in the other thread was a bit different.  The sister essentially did not contribute to helping and didn't even pick up after herself.  I would certainly feel annoyed with having to pick up after any of her crap regardless of what it was under those circumstances. 

 

Sure, with a 20+ year old especially.

 

But a dirty pair of jeans isn't as gross as a slimy kleenex where you are touching someone's snot.

 

ETA - and it might be fine and very fair for both kids to alternate cleaning the bathroom, so long as one wasn't leaving gross stuff like that on the floor.

Edited by Bluegoat
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So the other thread talking about adult children and cleaning, etc. had a few comments about not making the boys clean up after the girls' monthly trash. Now, I inferred that they otherwise took out the trash...so WHY wouldn't you make the boy take it out during that time of the month? Even if it is overflowing. So what?

 

 

My ds is educated in the way of the world, not a problem there.  Trash that can be tied up is no biggie no matter what is in it.  The overflowing part would bother me.  If these things are lying all over the floor, that's a whole different job than "taking out the trash." It's cleaning up bodily waste.  Maybe I'm just squeamish, but unless you have a medical problem, the privilege of someone else cleaning up your bodily waste ends after toilet training.

 

Oddly trash isn't a "chore" here.  When you go to put something in the trash and it is almost full, you bag it up and take it out...no matter who you are.

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When I was a teenager I cleaned the bathroom my brothers used, the one where they never seemed to manage to get all the pee in the toilet.

 

I see no reason a boy can't clean up occasional menstrual products. Someday they'll be changing their kids' diapers, right?

 

There's no reason only females can handle bodily waste, whichever sex it came from.

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So the other thread talking about adult children and cleaning, etc. had a few comments about not making the boys clean up after the girls' monthly trash. Now, I inferred that they otherwise took out the trash...so WHY wouldn't you make the boy take it out during that time of the month? Even if it is overflowing. So what?

 

Maybe I misread and maybe it was the girls job to do it anyway. But I've noticed that some feel the need to protect boys from the reality of menstruation, and I always wonder why, in the 21st century, that would be the case. 

 

My MIL is like that. She couldn't handle my leaving one pad (unwrapped, of course) in the cabinet under the sink because her SIL (a  grown man, married and a father) might open the cabinet and see it. Completely baffled me. But I'm of another generation and another culture, and it was her house, so whatever. Not a big deal.

 

But I guess that's what made me think about it and decide to ask what I'm missing.

 

 

It isn't that they can't.  It isn't that, forbid, they should *see* it or know that it happens, lol.  It's that, frankly, it's gross.  And I actually will have whomever is having her "visitor" empty her trash regularly out of the bathroom during that time so it isn't really an issue of boy v. girl.  It's an issue of, "It's yours to clean up."  But,we also don't have our trash under the cabinet so I like it cleaned up pretty much every day.

 

ETA: And, on an aside, if the boys miss, they are cleaning the bathroom, the end.  If you think I'm cleaning up if you're too lazy to aim and you're over the age of five, you're nuts.  True story.   But, I might also have high expectations - my husband wipes off the rim when he goes, he doesn't leave drips, and he isn't too lazy to aim.  The boys can be plenty conscious enough to not leave a mess *or* they can get mighty handy cleaning bathrooms.  Either/or.

Edited by BlsdMama
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I get that general if-you-make-a-mess-you-clean-it-up thing. I'm just thinking that if it's already a person's assigned chore, then you have to do it even if it makes you squeamish. If it's not an assigned chore, then it's a different scenario, IMO.

 

 

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Sure, with a 20+ year old especially.

 

But a dirty pair of jeans isn't as gross as a slimy kleenex where you are touching someone's snot.

 

ETA - and it might be fine and very fair for both kids to alternate cleaning the bathroom, so long as one wasn't leaving gross stuff like that on the floor.

 

Yeah well boys and men get pee on the floor and behind the toilet.  Especially boys.  I don't refuse to clean it.   My husband gets hair from his razor in the sink.  Again, I clean it without complaint. 

 

Why is it that what we do as women is automatically 10,000 x more gross?   That is what it seems like to me.  Sure I TOTALLY get the situation from the other thread being something very different, but in general.  I do my best not to be a slob because 99% of the time I'm cleaning it anyway and I want to be considerate either way.  Other people have emptied the trash despite them not being the largest contributor to the contents and no it's not always perfectly pretty stuff in there. 

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It isn't that they can't.  It isn't that, forbid, they should *see* it or know that it happens, lol.  It's that, frankly, it's gross.  And I actually will have whomever is having her "visitor" empty her trash regularly out of the bathroom during that time so it isn't really an issue of boy v. girl.  It's an issue of, "It's yours to clean up."  But,we also don't have our trash under the cabinet so I like it cleaned up pretty much every day.

 

ETA: And, on an aside, if the boys miss, they are cleaning the bathroom, the end.  If you think I'm cleaning up if you're too lazy to aim and you're over the age of five, you're nuts.  True story.   But, I might also have high expectations - my husband wipes off the rim when he goes, he doesn't leave drips, and he isn't too lazy to aim.  The boys can be plenty conscious enough to not leave a mess *or* they can get mighty handy cleaning bathrooms.  Either/or.

 

I'll also say that I have been known to assign chores to address laziness. I've been making my younger boys scrub the bathrooms because they can't seem to take the time to aim. If my dd was bad about not wrapping her feminine products or being completely lazy wrt that time of month, I'd have her doing the appropriate chore(s), too.

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It's not fair to any person to deal with another able-bodied person's overflowing trash. I think in this case it just happens to be a male. I would be ticked at any of my kids leaving overflowing trash. We intentionally put in huge, nearly kitchen-sized can in our girls' bathroom. It still gets taken out weekly. If we had a tiny can, maybe it would need to be done daily. 

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One time I cleaned house for this family that had four bedrooms and two bathrooms upstairs for their 2 boys and 2 girls. What a bunch of slobs. Very nice house and the husband was a doctor, but those kids lived like animals. The girls were particularly nasty with their feminine hygiene products. It takes 15 seconds to roll up a pad and wrap toilet paper around it and put it in the trash. Too much trouble for them. They would just toss it completely open onto the top of the trash. It was my friends job and I just helped her. If it had been my job I would have told them I couldn't clean for them.

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To me it's not that menstruation happens.  It's that blood is infectious, and child shouldn't have to deal with infectious bodily fluids that aren't his own.

 

Would you say the same thing about teen boys sheets during the wet dream phase?  Is it sexist or gross to ask a sibling to clean up after him?

 

Another question is, if you're able and over 5, why should anyone else have to clean up after your bodily messes?

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Yeah well boys and men get pee on the floor and behind the toilet.  Especially boys.  I don't refuse to clean it.   My husband gets hair from his razor in the sink.  Again, I clean it without complaint. 

 

Why is it that what we do as women is automatically 10,000 x more gross?   That is what it seems like to me.  Sure I TOTALLY get the situation from the other thread being something very different, but in general.  I do my best not to be a slob because 99% of the time I'm cleaning it anyway and I want to be considerate either way.  Other people have emptied the trash despite them not being the largest contributor to the contents and no it's not always perfectly pretty stuff in there. 

 

 

I'll also say that I have been known to assign chores to address laziness. I've been making my younger boys scrub the bathrooms because they can't seem to take the time to aim. If my dd was bad about not wrapping her feminine products or being completely lazy wrt that time of month, I'd have her doing the appropriate chore(s), too.

People in my house who can't hit to toilet get to clean the mess up. My dh is nice and neat and I appreciate it. My son is now using my and my dh's bathroom because he continually missed the other toilet. Now he knows that if it's a mess my dh and I will notice and say something and he'll be scrubbing the bathroom.

 

Amazing how improved his aim is!

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People in my house who can't hit to toilet get to clean the mess up. My dh is nice and neat and I appreciate it. My son is now using my and my dh's bathroom because he continually missed the other toilet. Now he knows that if it's a mess my dh and I will notice and say something and he'll be scrubbing the bathroom.

 

Amazing how improved his aim is!

 

Yeah the problem is they do such a bad job cleaning it up it's not worth it to me.

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This is a kind of 'we have more than one bathroom' problem. 

 

If you have one bathroom, you have one bin. There isn't a special 'menstrual bin for girls' that only girls and women may touch. Let alone a bin for each menstruating girl or woman in the house. 

 

So far as 'infectious blood' goes...what ? Pads are wrapped before they go in the bin, the bin is lined with a plastic bag; all the emptier needs to do is take the lid off, tie the bag handles together, lift it out and put the bag in the trash. Then put a new bag in the bin. 

 

This is weird.

 

I don't know.  I assumed looking at menstrual blood would give you a disease and lower your IQ.  At least that is what the guy up the streets friend's dog's sister told me.

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Unless the person has a blood borne illness this really is not true.

Yeah.

 

I have a couple of kids a who get frequent minor nose bleeds--seems to be a dry climate hazard. There are always bloody tissues in the trash and sometimes out of the trash. I've never viewed them as hazardous waste--none of us has any blood-borne diseases.

 

Of course I try to teach them to throw their tissues away, but no-one is going to be hurt if they pick one up while cleaning a room.

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I have extra special fun here.  One of my cats likes to dig through the bathroom trash.  What he is after is any sort of little crinkly paper.  He likes to play with crinkly paper and the paper backing on the pads is perfect and super crinkly.  But...yeah it's rather gross.  I keep the door shut to the bathroom now because it gets stupid.

 

 

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I have extra special fun here. One of my cats likes to dig through the bathroom trash. What he is after is any sort of little crinkly paper. He likes to play with crinkly paper and the paper backing on the pads is perfect and super crinkly. But...yeah it's rather gross. I keep the door shut to the bathroom now because it gets stupid.

Dogs are the worst--the smell of blood attracts them and they will chew up the pads themselves.

 

Just remembered that from when I was a teenager and my family had a dog.

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Dogs are the worst--the smell of blood attracts them and they will chew up the pads themselves.

 

Just remembered that from when I was a teenager and my family had a dog.

 

ewww

 

At least he doesn't do that!

 

Although, once when one of mine had a bloody nose some dripped on the floor and the cat licked it.  I tried to cheer my kid up when he was flipping out that he and Mittens were now blood brothers.  He wasn't amused.  LOL

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I think whoever has the job of emptying garbage, empties garbage.  Maybe if the son was doing it, it wouldn't get to the point of overflowing all over the floor?   :tongue_smilie:

 

We have an extra large bathroom can with a plastic bag in it.  Emptying it just means pulling the drawstrings and lifting the bag out.  And I do wrap my products as well.  

 

We were on vacation in February and my son asked me if I was "on my monthly bleed" due to the supplies in the bathroom (I think he was wondering about swimming too).  He was 10.  Combination of a small house with one bathroom and learning about puberty together with his younger sister, I guess.  I thought it was hilarious.  I told my mother about it and she thought it was the worst thing ever.

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Unless the person has a blood borne illness this really is not true.

 

In the other thread it was pretty clear the adult daughter was sexually active.  Most people who have blood borne diseases don't know they have them, that's how they spread. Tampons can certainly hold enough moisture to not kill HIV or Hepatitis.  If we're talking about a ten year old who's had no known exposure that's one thing.  A 24 year old who's been away at college is quite another.

 

 

This is a kind of 'we have more than one bathroom' problem. 

 

If you have one bathroom, you have one bin. There isn't a special 'menstrual bin for girls' that only girls and women may touch. Let alone a bin for each menstruating girl or woman in the house. 

 

So far as 'infectious blood' goes...what ? Pads are wrapped before they go in the bin, the bin is lined with a plastic bag; all the emptier needs to do is take the lid off, tie the bag handles together, lift it out and put the bag in the trash. Then put a new bag in the bin. 

 

This is weird.

 

But this is the thing - not everyone wraps their pads or tampons.  Some just fling them in the bin, and in the case in question, left the trash overflowing.  That's not weird, it's disgusting.

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In the other thread it was pretty clear the adult daughter was sexually active. Most people who have blood borne diseases don't know they have them, that's how they spread. Tampons can certainly hold enough moisture to not kill HIV or Hepatitis. If we're talking about a ten year old who's had no known exposure that's one thing. A 24 year old who's been away at college is quite another.

 

 

 

But this is the thing - not everyone wraps their pads or tampons. Some just fling them in the bin, and in the case in question, left the trash overflowing. That's not weird, it's disgusting.

As best I can learn, there has never once been a case of HIV transmission through contact with menstrual products. It doesn't happen. Could there be a theoretical risk? I suppose so, but it is so minuscule that with millions of folks walking around with HIV none has ever been documented as having caught it from some kind of secondary contact like this.

 

http://www.medhelp.org/posts/HIV---Prevention/Could-I-have-contracted-HIV-from-this/amp_show/1534551

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As best I can learn, there has never once been a case of HIV transmission through contact with menstrual products. It doesn't happen. Could there be a theoretical risk? I suppose so, but it is so minuscule that with millions of folks walking around with HIV none has ever been documented as having caught it from some kind of secondary contact like this.

 

http://www.medhelp.org/posts/HIV---Prevention/Could-I-have-contracted-HIV-from-this/amp_show/1534551

 

Yeah being all gross and graphic here, the blood would have to be fairly fresh, someone would have to rub that on an open wound, and then pray to the disease gods that that worked. 

 

It's just not going to happen. 

 

Now I get it.  I don't blame anyone for not wanting to pick fresh bloody rags up off the floor (if this is the level of gross we are talking about), but grabbing up a bag of this stuff and throwing it out to me is not a big deal.  Not on my top ten list of most fun things to do ever, but in the realm of gross things I've had to do in my life it's pretty low.

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Yeah well boys and men get pee on the floor and behind the toilet.  Especially boys.  I don't refuse to clean it.   My husband gets hair from his razor in the sink.  Again, I clean it without complaint. 

 

Why is it that what we do as women is automatically 10,000 x more gross?   That is what it seems like to me.  Sure I TOTALLY get the situation from the other thread being something very different, but in general.  I do my best not to be a slob because 99% of the time I'm cleaning it anyway and I want to be considerate either way.  Other people have emptied the trash despite them not being the largest contributor to the contents and no it's not always perfectly pretty stuff in there. 

 

I wouldn't be cleaning that pee.  I'd be telling my boy he was now required to sit.

 

Hair is gross, but I don't see it that same way as bodily fluids.  Though that may be because my dh is the one who has to clean up my hair from the drain.

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I would lose my crap if I walked into the bathroom and found literal bloody mess and crap around and beard shavings everywhere and what all else instead of in its proper locations (toilet or trash) due to the actions of anyone of normal ability over the age of 5.

 

And the offending person would have ringing ears from my yelling lecture and find themselves stuck with the trash/bathroom cleaning chore for some time as a result.

 

I would not have any patience at all for that complete disregard of basic sanitation and consideration from anyone living here.

 

Wth. Just. No.

 

As for dealing with properly allocated trash and normal bathroom cleaning duties - yeah gender doesn't get anyone here out of that household chore.

 

ETA: I do assign chores, but that has nothing to do with this. Just because someone has a certain job, doesn't mean everyone else can just be as disgusting and rude as they want to be and expect the poor sucker with the job to put up with it. I think that attitude would bother me as much as the mess.

Edited by Murphy101
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Yeah, actually I think that is a fair point - the fact that a job belongs to someone else is a good reason to be careful about not making it harder.  I've actually heard of families who had cleaners come in who were taught that explicitly - it was rude and thoughtless to the hired worker to make her job harder by being a careless slob, or especially gross.

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I wouldn't be cleaning that pee.  I'd be telling my boy he was now required to sit.

 

Hair is gross, but I don't see it that same way as bodily fluids.  Though that may be because my dh is the one who has to clean up my hair from the drain.

 

whu?!  No I'm not going to do that.

 

I don't want someone telling me how to pee.

 

It's not gobs of pee, but pee happens. 

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Well, an occasional problem is one thing, that stuff happens.

 

But some boys and men are terrible, and leave a real mess.  In that case I am not cleaning it, they can improve aim, clean it themselves, or sit if they won't do either.  (I wouldn't tell dh to sit, but if he was peeing on the floor a lot and leaving it, that would be a major discussion.)

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whu?! No I'm not going to do that.

 

I don't want someone telling me how to pee.

 

It's not gobs of pee, but pee happens.

What?? No it doesn't. And if ocassionally it did, I'd expect them to take 20 seconds to grab some TP and wipe it up, not just leave it there for the help to clean for them.

 

If they don't want someone telling them how to pee, they can figure out how to aim or clean it themselves.

 

8 males over the age of 4 in this house and that's not at all a problem.

 

My biggest complaint is a lack of repeated flushing. If there's still anything other than water in the toilet - flush again or face my wrath! lol

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