Gently Please - Is this Racist?

[SKL]

My previous answer assumed that the college was a traditional black college, but then I realized that might not be the case.  I think that makes a difference.  We have colleges here that have a majority black population just because that's how the demographics work out.  I would not hesitate to send my kids there, all other things remaining equal.  But traditional black colleges have a special culture that may be harder to relate to.  It could still be a great experience and I think they all do have some white students who do fine.  But it is just a different question.  I have a black friend who attended a traditionally black university, and the experience was great for her specifically because the culture was tailored to AA students.  But for a person who was not raised in that culture, the benefits would not be the same.

 

I work with nonwhite people all the time, am often in a white minority, and it generally makes no difference to me.  However, I always remember the time in secondary school when I tried to join the "Black Culture Club."  I was told anyone could join, and I figured it would be interesting.  I felt very out-of-place, viewed as a curiosity or with suspicion.  After the first meeting I didn't go back.  Of course college is different from high school, but I would expect that having an AA background is important to the experience at a historically black college.

 

I'm not saying I wouldn't send my kids to a historically black college.  It would depend on my kids' interests and maturity.

[goldberry]

Thanks so much for all the comments.  It really has helped to investigate this further.  I know I can trust you guys to be honest here, so thank you!

[justasque]

... The lives of many of these college students might be directly tainted by horrible things which have happened to them. They might take that out on your daughter. Statistics say that many black families live in lower income brackets than white families. Many live in a different sub culture. ..

 

Or, the college might be full of relatively privileged, well-dressed, well-educated, upper-class kids who have lived in the suburbs and gone to private school (which describes many of the kids I know who are headed to selective HBCUs).  That may or may not be a good fit for your daughter.  Race aside it would be a good fit for some white kids I know who have similar backgrounds, and a struggle for others for whom the fit would be rough in a number of ways.  

 

Again, you've got to visit schools to pick up on "fit".  At this stage, if a school's basic stats and course of study is a good fit, it's worth keeping the school on the "visit" list.

 

Also, HBCUs vary widely, just like other schools.  Judge them individually.

[Slojo]

I can honestly answer yes. It's the possibly dynamics that concern me. Again, I also wouldn't mind if whites were a minority, but the remainder of the population was made up of various ethnicities rather than mainly one.  

 

 

Many of the automatic scholarships that DD qualifies for are at predominantly black colleges, where she would be the minority.  I felt an initial reluctance toward that, then tried to analyse why.  After talking with DH, we both agreed that there are disadvantages to being a minority.  DD is not even sure she wants to go away to school, because of being away from friends and family and having to create a new support system.  It would seem to me that would be harder being the minority, and might be a stressful addition that she doesn't need..

 

No, I don't think she needs to be in a predominantly white college, in fact she would fit in wonderfully with a very diversified group.  But these colleges are not very diverse, but predominantly black, which seems like a different dynamic.

 

DD said I was being racist.  (She is not the greatest yet at assessing her own emotional strengths and weaknesses, and frequently thinks she is more "together" than I see her.  I know she would have a real challenge just being away, regardless of the minority issue.)

 

I have gained some great perspective here over the years, so thought I would ask your for input.  Are these legitimate concerns or no?

 

Please be gentle though, I'm asking because I try to inspect myself occasionally for unconscious attitudes.

I guess my first thought is, you have to visit them. Not visiting them at all if they would otherwise be on your list would be more indicative to me of the unexamined attitudes you are hoping are not there for you. I think your daughter is 16/17, so I'd consider her comments about being "racist" with a grain of salt and then add some life experience to them. 

 

What I would say, as an African American, is that you should definitely consider your daughter's social anxiety, AND recognize the inherent privilege that you have as a white family in selecting colleges. There are just far more ways for white families to just not have to face the question. Many families of color have kids with social anxiety, and still have to send them to PWIs out of practicality. So the question that I would have you consider is wherever your daughter goes, what will be her support networks? Is the counseling office and residential staff responsive to students with social anxiety? Does it look like there would be some outlets where she could plug in her first semester? Did she have a great time in the dorms on the college weekend? Are you all actively working on her managing her anxiety while she is still in high school, so no matter where she goes, she can navigate?

 

Secondarily, I'd ask: Does she have a lot of experiences with racially diverse peers now? Does she already have a fair amount of cross-cultural experiences, or is she up for learning more? There may be some experiences of social isolation based on her being a white student at a predominantly black college, but a campus is made up of thousands of people - the entirety of her experience is not likely to be social isolation. It's just not. So, unless these schools are otherwise not high up on your list, visit them like any other school, and ask about student life, support networks, etc... and feel free to ask about the experiences of white students. BTW, there has been recent research out there (I'll try to dig it up), that white students fare really well in majority black schools. And, in my experience, black schools often, culturally, hold on to a bit more of that "in loco parentis" attitude than a lot of schools do these days (i.e., professors taking a more personal interest in students; the way dormitories are run, etc...)  - which may be a good thing for a student with social anxiety. 

Edited June 7, 2016 by Slojo

[katilac]

But definitely watch A Diferent World :D

 

Thanks for planting the theme song in my head. 

[Guest]

Thanks for planting the theme song in my head. 

 

Any time haha. They put it all on netflix a few months ago. At first all....the....silent.....pauses....offended my 2016 teevee sensibilities :-D But, especially in later seasons, I think that show holds up! I loved it when I was a kid. Duwayne <3

[JanetC]

I think it's human to be more comfortable with familiar-looking people, and we shouldn't necessarily attach loaded words like "racist" to that.

 

On the other hand, this human tendency to stick to the familiar does mean that racial (and gender and age and other) barriers don't break down easily. It does lead to a society where people cannot all reach their full potential. (Example the black job applicant who has to be twice as good as the white one to overcome the white hiring manager's discomfort going against the norm. The hiring manager may not say there's no way any black could do this job, just that he's not sure this particular one was perfectly qualified.)

 

The only way to get past the normal discomfort is to make the unfamiliar more familiar. Visit the school several times, stand back and watch how your child does, and try not to project your discomfort on her if she is fine.

 

Meanwhile, try to learn about your other options for colleges as well. Automatic scholarships are great if the school fits, but there are also competitive scholarships and the regular financial aid system and student loans to investigate.

[Reefgazer]

I think the concerns of someone of any race are legitimate when they will be the minority on campus. so no, I don't think your concerns are racist. I think a lot of young people today reflexively yell racist for any topic that involves a conversation involving race.

Edited June 7, 2016 by reefgazer

[Katy]

Forget about the racist issue, the real issue is where she will fit.

 

In reality, if you're not sure she is ready to leave home, I would say choose a college less than 2 hours away with a very similar culture to your own, or at least to her own.  She should be at a place where she fits, where she belongs, where there are lots of kids like her to easily be friends with.  Why?  Because college isn't academically challenging unless you're in a handful of difficult fields.  It is very emotionally challenging though, and the thing that will get her through that is close friends that get her.  Being the odd girl out is a great thing to be in a semester abroad, but it isn't something you want to put a girl you're not sure is ready to leave home yet in the middle of for 4-5 years.

 

Is there any way she can take a gap year and work, travel, or do a service project?

[Anacharsis]

 

 

Social disadvantage is my concern.  However, DD is an extremely social extrovert, and not someone who would just bury her head in a book and be okay with being "outside" the social circle.  She needs people and much of her general happiness depends on her social circle.

 

Maybe an equivalent question would help you order your thoughts. Let's say that your daughter wanted to go to an engineering college where over 90% of the student body was male, but your spouse was against it. Asking them why, they mentioned concerns over the ability to fit in and have healthy friendships in a very masculine culture. Would you consider that sexist?

 

To me it sounds like your concerns are genuine, but that they are colored by an unfamiliarity with the diversity of cultures within the African-American community. I would examine the culture of the specific college more carefully before making up your mind. :)