cross-post: Help me brainstorm about school next fall - please be gentle

[PrincessMommy]

My youngest son is currently in a school specifically for kids with language based LD.  Next year he goes into high school and we looked to transfer into a more traditional private high school for next year.   However, that is not panning out. 

 

The most recent school we applied to (yes, I know it's late - I'm already beating myself up about that) is looking like they will not accept him.  I talked with the admissions guy yesterday after the SSAT test scores came in and he made noises like "it's not your son, it's us... we want what's best for him." etc. etc.  I took it to mean that they will most likely deny because his scores were not good (he's terrible at test taking).  Also, because he goes to a special school I've talked over and over with the admissions officer about our expectations.  We don't expect a more traditional school to provide all those accommodations nor do we think our son needs them.   My son will be devastated if/when this happens.  He really liked this school and it looked like such a good fit for him. 

 

So after going through this emotional process this spring with 2 different schools I'm emotionally worn out, but I'm also concerned that the current LD school is ham-stringing my son.  They offer a lot of provisions and they have helped my son tremendously, but sometimes I feel like they hold him back due to the nature of the school.  I really feel that my son can step it up a notch.  He makes all A's in school and rarely stresses about homework (unlike last year)... but the schools we applied to don't look at potential, they look at data from the school and the SSAT test scores.  They see what kind of school he goes to and his writing samples (which were horrible) and I think they are rightfully concerned.   I don't know how to show them that my son can step up to the task and that we're willing to work with him to help make it happen (tutors, etc.). 

 

My dh wants me to continue looking at another couple private schools, but I am done.  I can't bring it to the table anymore.  I feel like a hamster running in the wheel.. we're clearly not getting anywhere with this route.  Besides my son is emotionally tired of the rejection.  I do not want to put him through the hoop jumping roller-coaster only to be rejected AGAIN.  It's not fair to him either.  However, ds doesn't' want to go back to the original school because most/all his friends are leaving.  The school is very small and he's lonely at home too. Besides, those two schools were really the best options considering my son's learning style (he's not Prep-school material).   There's a lot of prep-schools (or prep-school wanna-bees) in my county.

 

In talking with one of the moms in the carpool she has an older daughter with some similar issues who goes to the local public school.  She was just transferred in after years of being in private schools too.  Anyway, this particular public school has a good reputation for helping kids with accommodations and LD.

 

So my thought is to work with the public school and get my son into it for the fall.  Talk with my son about his goal of getting into the 1st choice private school and working towards that goal with tutoring (if necessary) for 10th grade.   It's a risk because I know that public schools can be a quagmire.  But, I worry that keeping him at the current LD school is another risk because will only hold him back even more.

 

Another piece of the puzzle is that my son has lots of anxiety associated with school and test taking.  The current school is a very gentle environment and they don't do standardized-styled testing.  Of course, the public school seems to be all about testing.  So, for the sake of his emotional health, I could keep him in the LD school but they won't necessarily push him and he may wind up having to stay all 4 years. 

 

[Heathermomster]

Are there any co-op options?

[PrincessMommy]

Are there any co-op options?

 

I am not sure..  Most of the stuff for high school is more class based and they fill up in the early spring.  I haven't homeschooled in 5yrs though, so things could have changed.  However, his best homeschooling friend is going to a private school this coming fall, so we wouldn't have that connection either.

Edited May 5, 2016 by PrincessMommy

[PeterPan]

Does he already have an IEP?  You won't know what it would look like at the ps till you actually get the IEP.  They *can* exempt him from standardized testing.  I'm not saying it's common, just that it's something on the IEP forms.  Maybe you'll be lucky and they'll do more than you anticipate!  

[trulycrabby]

I know you are done with private school applications; we just went through it ourselves, and it is a huge amount of work, especially if you had to produce a detailed transcript with detailed course descriptions like I did.

 

Brainstorming here: There is a small local private school that also has a homeschool cover school and allows the homeschooled students to take the private school classes. Homeschoolers can take a full day of classes, or just one. It's a great option, and we were going to do this if ds12 did not get into his first choice private school. You might check to see if there is anything like that a available in your area.

 

Could you also consider a cyber school or online high school? I don't know your child or how well he would work with this type of program, but it might be worth considering. Texas Tech Online High School has a good, accredited program that is reasonably priced.

 

Or, you could have him attend the LD school and supplement with some more rigorous coursework of your choosing such as math or writing.

[kbutton]

I am saddened that the LD school is holding him back as opposed to teaching him strategies that help him reach his potential. Is there any way to pressure them about this and make them step up to the plate? 

 

I like the idea of a cover or hybrid school that would let him take classes in person. You have some control over his standards that way.

 

If you go the public school route (or even a charter or online school), you need to get the ball rolling on an IEP now to find out what he would get for help. It will help with the decision-making. He could have fabulous teachers that bring out his potential, or he could be shunted to lower expectations a la the LD school model. Ideally, he'd be placed by capability and given support to make that happen. Some schools really do roll out the red carpet with accommodations. It really depends. Do you have a solid idea of how much he needs for remediation vs. support and what his potential is? I know you said not prep school material, but could he do high level work, but less of it, for instance? Like a couple of quality papers vs. putting out papers all the time? Prep school is inappropriate even for some high-ability students--it's as much about a certain style of learning and producing as it is about ability and potential. It can be very production-oriented. 

[PrincessMommy]

He does not have an IEP but did have a psyc-ed testing done 3yrs ago.  My friend (whose dd goes to public) strongly recommend I get the ball rolling on that too..even if we don't go the public school route.

 

as for hybrid schools, I will look into it, but I don't hold much out.  When I was homeschooling it was not an option.  The closest thing was some good high school classes at a church's private school, along with co-op, and doing their big production play with their private school. But you had to be a member of that church in order to utilize it... that is not an option.

 

Most really active co-ops were attached to very active churches and you had to be a member to join.

 

I'll ask my friend who is finishing up homeschooling with her son, she's still got her hand in so she may know.

 

As to homeschooling - it's an option, but honestly I'd rather send him to the private LD school and supplement.  He's our youngest by 5yrs and home alone a lot already.  He's really craving some friendships and he's sad about his friends at school all moving off to various schools. 

 

As to his workload or doing high-level work.  Sadly, I don't think he's there, right now.  I think he's ready to step up and work harder and learn to do on-level work.  I fear the current school is not challenging him.  It's a complaint I've heard from other parents too.   He will definitely need some tutoring or summer school work from me in order to be prepared.  We've talked about it with him and he's okay with it because he really wants to get into that school. 

Edited May 5, 2016 by PrincessMommy

[PeterPan]

The reason you would start NOW on the IEP is because it takes a minimum of 4 months.  You'll talk with many people where getting it consumes the whole school year!  Once in a while you'll talk with someone whose school got it done faster, but don't bank on that.  The law gives the timelines and the school is likely to use ALL of it.  If there are disputes and you request they pay for an independent eval (which you can do as part of the dispute process), that makes it take even longer.

 

You could put in that request for the evals for the IEP, let them test him, THEN start with the tutor.  ;)  That way you're plowing both ways at once.  I wouldn't pay for a tutor all summer and then eval in the fall if you can avoid it, kwim?  

 

They're likely to bring in a lot more accommodations and services than you expect, and the IEP would give you guidance on what you're looking for to make him more successful no matter WHERE he goes to school.

 

Your state's law will specify who evals when the dc is enrolled in a private school.  Check your state dept of ed.  It might say something like the district of the private school does the evals but the district of residence does the IEP.  Since it's the end of the year, you might talk with your district of residence (after reading the law!) and say you're considering enrolling him there, that he is in a school for SLDs, needs an IEP.  Maybe because it's the end you make your request in writing, get the timeline going, and they eval in June when he finishes at the other school, sort of dancing around that district issues, kwim?  So figure out the law and talk with them.  

 

Just don't assume ANYTHING will be fast, because typically it will NOT be.  I've had my challenges with our process, but actually our ps does a nice job with the IEPs.  They just gave me his new one for this coming year, and it's actually really sensible, kwim?  They've done this a lot, so they can help you think in terms of goals, options, what are reasonable goals, etc.  There's something in the law about "least restrictive environment" and what you're saying is he has these suspected SLDs but that you feel his placement now is a more restrictive environment and that you want him in a more mainstream setting.  That's ok!  That's what the law is there to protect you and to provide.  And maybe your local schools are terrible, but in general the law is compelling them to provide that.  It might be your ps is going to have resources to make that happen.  

 

And yes, I think no matter what you want to hire that tutor this summer and do what you can.  That seems like a really good move.  :)

Edited May 5, 2016 by OhElizabeth

[Innisfree]

How long has he been at the LD school? Is this the school that most of his friends are leaving? Have you talked with them about your concerns?

How does your ds feel about the LD school? Is he bored, or does he feel like he's appropriately challenged and succeeding?

 

Agreeing to start the IEP process now. It will give you a lot of valuable information about how they will work with your ds, and help start the school year with appropriate supports in place if you decide that's the best option.

 

If you haven't dealt with public schools before, don't be put off by generalized bad press they receive. Many are nurturing, stimulating places with extremely dedicated teachers. Our experience with the IEP process was very positive, even though we ended up continuing to homeschool our younger dd.

[SweetandSimple]

I think that your plan sounds like a good alternative.

His friends that are leaving- have you checked out all the schools that they are going to? Are they at a similar level to him?

[Heathermomster]

I don't understand something, so maybe someone can address this.  Why get an IEP? Is the IEP/504 process the same? How about just go for the 504?  Do 504 plans take that long to get?  IDK the 504 process, but I was led to believe that 504 services extend to college where an IEP does not.

 

For the OP's son, I would be requesting extra test taking time across all subjects, audio books, allowance of an Echo Smart pen and laptop computer, and a daily study hall.  

Edited May 6, 2016 by Heathermomster

[Schadenfreude]

An IEP protects your child's right to an accessible education on their level. A 504 just gives accommodations to make the school's lesson plan more accessible to the student. An IEP will list specific goals that the parents and teachers agree to strive for. A 504 says things like child may type assignments instead of hand write them and copy of notes must be given instead of the child trying to take them themselves. Under a 504 a child has to keep up with the normal class expectations in subject and behavior and under an IEP the child is not required to based on what their disability is. An IEP also insures your child receives certain interventions like speech, pt, and ot.

[PrincessMommy]

I wanted to update.

 

I have not had any time since last week to go to the local public school and discuss the possibility of putting my son in.  We're going to talk with him tonight about it and see what he thinks too.

 

However,  I put a call into the the private school we're hoping to get our son into (it's a Friends school).   I wanted to talk with them about my son's commitment to working on his academics through the summer to get him up to speed on some of the academics that may be a problem.  I talked to him about my son's motivation because he wants to go to that school.  They decide admittance by committee but I didn't know when they would meet to decide.  Anyway the conversation went much better.  He said one of their concerns was the accommodations, which I explained - again- that we were not expecting them to cover all his accommodations.  He said that they wanted to set up an appt. with us and the Head of School to discuss our son.  I'm hopeful that this is a positive sign.

 

I've also put a call into one of the mom's who has a child in both schools.  We've talked before about transferring to this school but there's another kid at the Friends school who transferred from our current school to there for 9th grade last year.  I want to talk with his parents about their experience.

 

I also talked for a long time to my sister because she put her daughter into 9th grade at her local public school (same county) 4yrs ago.  She has discalcula and had either been homeschooled or in private school previously.  Her experience was mixed, but she worried that, since my son's issues are language based, almost all his core classes would be with "the problem kids".  Her daughter's experience was that the Honors and AP classes had the best and most motivated to learn kids, but the lower classes and/or classes for kids with kids with LD had the worst, most disruptive and belligerent kids.  She said her daughter still hates math because of the negative experience in math class at her school.   She said my son probably get more time for tests and a few other accommodations but that they will not go out of their way to actually *teach* my son the skills he needs.

 

So its sounds like the private LD school and the public school will be polar opposites.  One over compensating and the other doing almost nothing.  Either way, I think I'd have to do work, not just through the summer, but also during the school year. 

[1shortmomto4]

I read this thread earlier and just had a hard time understanding something:  Why do you feel the school your ds is currently attending is over compensating?  Your ds has LD issues and they are meeting his needs in helping him learn and achieve which he is doing wonderfully, so I'm just not understanding but I guess it is hard to understand because I don't know what the LD issues are.  It sounds like he is doing so well but with the added pressure of a new environment, removing accommodations that may be the key as to why he's doing so well, studying throughout the summer to prepare for higher level work just seem like a high risk to take.  I understand about the friend issue but there are many options to help in that area but academic success - without accommodations or taking away accommodations for the sake of admittance to a school - what are your ds' long term goals?  What does the physician/neuro/specialist have to recommend about removing/forgoing tools that have been in place to help him achieve?  Really trying to understand here...

[PrincessMommy]

I read this thread earlier and just had a hard time understanding something:  Why do you feel the school your ds is currently attending is over compensating?  Your ds has LD issues and they are meeting his needs in helping him learn and achieve which he is doing wonderfully, so I'm just not understanding but I guess it is hard to understand because I don't know what the LD issues are.  It sounds like he is doing so well but with the added pressure of a new environment, removing accommodations that may be the key as to why he's doing so well, studying throughout the summer to prepare for higher level work just seem like a high risk to take.  I understand about the friend issue but there are many options to help in that area but academic success - without accommodations or taking away accommodations for the sake of admittance to a school - what are your ds' long term goals?  What does the physician/neuro/specialist have to recommend about removing/forgoing tools that have been in place to help him achieve?  Really trying to understand here...

 

First off, this is not the original reason for looking for a new school.  I originally started looking because we wanted a school that was larger (current school's graduating class is 10).  But, I specifically looked for a school that wasn't a college preparatory styled school.  I knew that level of academic expectations at a prep school would not work for my son at this time.  I looked for alternative styled schools that weren't your typical textbook heavy schools.   But, I wanted him to be challenged and I wanted something that had a good science/tech program as we see him geared towards science & math - specifically mechanical engineering type stuff.  He loves to build things... always has since he was very young.  He likes to think outside the box and build stuff.  We felt that his current school wouldn't be able to meet that need, as well as being an issue of size, and his close friends all moving on to other, traditional schools. Those were the reasons we started looking.  When we first put him in the school we felt that we would give him the 2years there to learn the skills to be able to move on to a more traditional school for high school.  So, it's been a background goal since he started there.  But, through the process we've discovered that he appears to be lacking in some important academic areas as well that put him behind, even at these alternative schools.  So my concern with his current school grew.

 

I do not believe he is on grade with writing specifically. I feel that because they are a school for LD kids - specifically language based LD - that they don't require the students to do the same level of work that other same-grade kids would be doing.  For instance, most middle schools have kids writing multiple-page reports (such as a 3 page report on a topic).  My son has not done that yet.   Perhaps I should say that this school shouldn't require that since it is meeting the needs of kids with LD, but I think my son is ready to step up and do that.   I worry that the current school, because it's meeting the needs of multiple LD kids, won't do that.

 

The Friends school does give accommodations, just not all on the LD school's list.  They will allow more time for tests, for him to test in a separate room, use of computer for writing assignments, calculators, and audio books. 

 

We have not been back to the neuro specialists since he was tested, but at the time they told us outright that they were going to ask for everything they could, knowing that most public/private schools cannot give kids all those listed.  They figured we might get 50%.  That has turned out to be a hindrance for every school but the LD school he attends.  The others look at the list and freak out.  We had one school that wouldn't even discuss with us our expectations for accommodations.  They just rejected him outright after going over the list. 

 

[Storygirl]

How has your son been doing academically at his current school? Is he meeting all of their expectations easily?

[PeterPan]

I'd also look for where he's saying he'll do all this work *to please you* rather than really feeling in his gut that he was looking for that challenge and ready for it.  It's a lot of pressure to put on him, especially if some of those things aren't going to be reality no matter how hard he tries, kwim?  

 

What if you brought him home for a year, paid for private tutors in math and LA, and grade adjusted?  I've lost track of what grade we're talking here, but it might be a way to bridge this gap.  I think a whole *school year* of dedicated intervention would give you a better sense of what can be done than a summer.  

 

In the meantime, I would consider some career testing and some work experience.  If he likes to build and work with his hands and design, I can think of several options, right off the top of my head, that pay a living wage, use those gifts, and wouldn't require an engineering degree.  Construction and anything in construction (carpentry, welding, masonry, etc.) would be a good one to look into.  

 

I say that as someone whose ds is probably going to be in a very similar position.  My ds has a gifted IQ, and I just no longer have this thought that everything is going to turn out "perfectly" and he's going to be an engineer.  I'm going to facilitate what I can, but reality for my ds, who is also good with hands like yours, is that he's going to have to have multiple paths at multiple levels of required education and he's going to have to try them on to see what fits.  

 

So I'm gently saying that if *any* of this is *your* guilt or grieving, that you let it go.  IF the engineering is realistic (I don't know him), then maybe an extra year and some tutoring will get that on track.

 

I'm sorry it's hard.  :(  My ds has a list of needs that keeps him out of the nicest school for SLDs in our area.  So we're right there where you are, realizing the schools you think you'd want him in can't handle him and the schools that can aren't where you'd want him.  :(

Edited May 11, 2016 by OhElizabeth

[Storygirl]

Also, your sister's experience with the public school was with a different high school, right? And a different group of kids, because it was four years ago. I wouldn't assume that your son's experience at his school would be the same.

 

And I wouldn't assume these two things either:

1) That your son would be in special education. The school's intention is always to mainstream the student, with extra supports. Putting him in a specialized classroom would only happen with a more severe disability.

2) That the other kids with LD will be trouble makers. Behavior issues and LD do not always go together.

 

I re-read your posts, and I think in your case I would be inclined to give the public school a chance. Request evaluations for a possible IEP (do it Now). During the IEP process, the school will be able to give you a better picture of what it would be like for him there. You can also go tour the school this spring before classes end. The public schools vary, but some have excellent intervention services.

 

The PS might be great for him. If it is not, you can look for another option and pull him out. And you will have the benefits of an IEP.

Edited May 11, 2016 by Storygirl