Tired of dealing with this kid

[BlsdMama]

I can't address an unknown issue. Too many questions here because you simply don't know what you're dealing with so I can't even begin to make a plan.

 

However, I'm a relationship person and I have to think no one is enjoying this kid. And teens? They know. They have this dejected spirit about them when no one delights in them. Frankly, I think I'd find something to do with him that is HIS that he enjoys. Don't use it over him, don't use it as a reward, let it be a separate good part of your relationship.

 

On the academic part? ADHD our no, the kid needs more direct accountability. Whether you get a diagnosis or not, AND whether you feel like holding him accountable our not, it is what he needs. He also, desperately needs some hope at success. Right now he views himself as a fail, you view him as a fail, and that's a bad way to start adult life.

 

Can he read well? At a high school level? Can he comprehend well? At a high school level? Frankly, if it were me, I'd have him read then narrate every assignment he had tomorrow.

 

I suspect you will be unpleasantly surprised at his high school comprehension level.

 

That myrtle exercise should give you insight. If he balks that might also give insight. Go into it as though it's all in good fun, upbeat, proactive, just as though you want to get a handle on where he is and how much information he can read and swallow in a given time period, not as though you are evaluating him.

Edited May 5, 2016 by BlsdMama

[razorbackmama]

I don't know how it will work for math but it looks like he only has Alg 2 left to complete?  Maybe schedule it first???  Around here the schools do block scheduling and many students take math one semester and then no more till the next school year.  They seem to be doing fine with it.

 

He has a little over half of geometry and then Alg. 2. I've heard of block scheduling math, but I haven't heard much positive about it, so I was unsure.

 

[razorbackmama]

However, I'm a relationship person and I have to think no one is enjoying this kid.

 

Oh my goodness. Nothing could be farther from the truth. We laugh a lot. We do have a great relationship. We talk about lots of stuff, and there are some things that only he and I enjoy (like movie soundtracks), while the rest of the family thinks we're dorks. I apologize if I've given the impression that I don't enjoy him. His laziness toward school DOES drive me up the wall, but it makes me sad for him more than anything, that it's going to take him that much longer. But there is wayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy more to our relationship than just school.

 

 They have this dejected spirit about them when no one delights in them.

 

Just to reiterate, not the case here AT ALL.

 

Frankly, I think I'd find something to do with him that is HIS that he enjoys. Don't use it over him, don't use it as a reward, let it be a separate good part of your relationship.

 

We already do that. We were in a play together last year, and we're going to be in a play together this year. Well, HE will for sure. I am part of the "chorus" and don't have a speaking role, because I may not be able to do it after all. But if I can't be in it I'll still drive him back and forth to practice because he loves it. We just sort of hang out together a lot too.

Right now he views himself as a fail, you view him as a fail, and that's a bad way to start adult life.

 

I don't know if it's that he views himself as a fail as much as he doesn't seem to realize that he doesn't have all the time in the world. I don't think he has a realistic view of what a credit entails (despite my explaining it repeatedly) or how much time he has left. I have printed out a calendar for him to cross off as time passes, so he can have a visual picture.

 

Can he read well? At a high school level? Can he comprehend well? At a high school level? Frankly, if it were me, I'd have him read then narrate every assignment he had tomorrow.

 

From what I can tell, yes. But yes, I will have him narrate tomorrow because tomorrow he will be having to check in with me after each and every assignment. I discovered tonight that he has completed 3 assignments total in 3 days of school this week.

 

I suspect you will be unpleasantly surprised at his high school comprehension level.

 

Perhaps I will be. Honestly I'm a poor judge of just what "high school comprehension level" consists of. I was always off the charts with my comprehension. So far only one of my kids is like that (my 11yo). 2 of them have CAPD resulting in horrible language comprehension (written and spoken), 1 has dyslexia but loves to read but reads FAST so she skips stuff and ends up missing things. One of my CAPD kids also is dyslexic...sigh his narration today consisted of "I'm not sure if I understood this right...." So anyway, most of my kids have below normal reading comprehension. Therefore I have absolutely no idea what is "normal" in that realm.

 

[mama27]

Why not just have him go to community college and be done at home? CC will accept him and if he is behind, he will have to take remedial classes and it will be up to him to do what needs to be done. He's almost 18, almost an adult, in the eyes of the law. It sounds like you've tried everything and really, IMO, you need to let go and let him be responsible for his own education. He may actually surprise you and step up and do it well. Or he may fail and realize he needs to be more responsible. In either case, you can't follow him around forever, telling him what to do. You've done that and more and none of it has worked.

 

If he was mine, I'd let him work and let him decide if he wants to go to CC or try going straight into the Navy or whatever. And if he can't get into the Navy, that may actuallybe the wake up call he needs to get motivated. You can not MAKE anyone motivated. They have to find that in themselves.

 

[maize]

Many schools grant credit by exam, would you be willing to give him a diploma if he could demonstrate basic knowledge on an exam?

 

I struggled immensely with executive function skills throughout high school, I was perpetually in trouble for not having assignments completed on time or at all. At the same time, I was entirely capable of learning the content in my own way and did well on exams--SAT subject tests, AP's, IB's. College was better partly because grades were more exam based.

 

If he does well with exams then CLEP might even be an option for some college credits.

Edited May 5, 2016 by maize

[Sebastian (a lady)]

I think that a lot of people (adults included) have good intentions for spacing work out over the long term, but end up either distracted or working on the item with a pressing deadline (either closest in time or with the biggest negative consequence for failure).  This is one reason I pick our outside courses carefully.  I spent one year getting frustrated that the work for an outside graphic design course was getting precedence over algebra and history at home.

 

My own kids often don't work well when I just hand them a schedule and check back a week or two later.  Sometimes they don't do well even if I check once a day.  We all get distracted and need something to call us back to attention.  In this situation, it sounds like you know that staying on task is an issue.  I think you need a lot more checkpoints through the week and through the day.  That might mean you give him a list for the day and say first you need to do math.  Do this lesson and bring it back to my.  You have an hour.  At the end of the hour, check the answers, give him a 10 min break and move him to the next thing.

 

I sometimes think I've told my teen something, but I only thought that I needed to tell him.  Sometimes I told one kid but not the other.  Sometimes I did tell them, but they forgot.  I have found that occasionally, email is my friend here.  I can send an email reminder.  It is something that can be archived and pulled back up later.  Also because of the way our kids' email accounts are set up, dh gets a copy of incoming emails.  So he sees that something needs to be done.

 

I would consider creative ways of getting this kid through the minimum needed to issue a diploma.  Some folks have suggested block scheduling.  You don't have to do it for every subject.  Maybe you could keep math going daily and block the others.  Maybe Three Musketeers needs to be set aside in favor of a different novel.  Maybe the film class can be a fun activity rather than an official course.  Perhaps it is something that he does as a project based credit where he makes 2-3 shorts.  Could he dual enroll at a CC and you count those credits towards your high school diploma too?

 

Consider if this older kid needs to be a higher priority for a season.  It sounds like you have your hands full, but your window for launching this one with a diploma seems to be getting smaller.  Kids in upper elementary level might be able to go on autopilot a bit in order to free you up enough to check work with this ds.  Maybe he could make lunch while you grade his paper.

 

I haven't seen much mention of how your dh is able to back you up.  For a son at this stage of life, I think there is a lot of potential motivation behind dad saying something needs to be done.  If dh is away at work, this can be tough to arrange, but it can really help.  (Using email to issue daily assignments and report progress might be of use here, if dh can be copied on the emails.)

 

On the ADD vs military enlistment - I have to agree with other people that this may be a situation where the ability to enlist should be a lower priority consideration than determining if there is a neurological problem that needs to be addressed.  There are probably several stages of assessment before you get to the point of having something prescribed.  Maybe this is worth more investigation.  

 

 

Be kind to him and kind to yourself.  There are a lot of us who have struggled at points with moving our kids from lego-loving 10 year old to independent and responsible 18 year old.  Parenting and homeschooling highschool is not for wimps.  Be consistent with your expectations from him.  Be willing to consider that choices on the adult side may have contributed to the situation.  (I often find that when we've fallen behind, it's because I wasn't on top of prepping assignments, grading or supervising progress.)  I don't post about every struggle, but we have had some.  It's not some unique failing on your part or his to struggle with parts of high school.  Don't focus on blame, but try to find where you (both) can make improvements.

 

I think that getting him to the next stage of life might take priority over getting him through a course of study that is prep for a 4 year college.  He sounds like a kid who would benefit a lot from CC.  Class sizes can be much smaller (my kids have often had fewer than 10 people in their math courses) and there is a lot of focus on student study centers and support groups.  It could be a good on ramp to more challenging academics.  I think I would hesitate to send away to college a kid who seems to struggle with self-scheduling - especially at 4 year tuition rates.  (Even paying out of pocket for CC is far less than in state at the local university here.  And we have the option of living at home and doing only a couple of classes at a time.)

 

A thought about the military.  The military can be a great way for young men and women to mature through a structured environment where they are pushed to find new capabilities and given a lot of responsibility.  HOWEVER, it can also be a place where people find that they are stressed out by the hours and demands of their job.  The fact that they cannot just quit and go work somewhere else can be a tremendous emotional burden.  An enlistment is over when it's over.  You keep working for the workcenter supervisor you dislike until one of you transfers (could be a couple years).  There is often not much personal space.  Living conditions for junior enlisted on a ship typically consists of large berthing spaces with ranks of triple stacked racks (think of three bunk beds stacked up).  Storage is limited to the 10in deep locker under the rack and a small stand up locker (think of a half sized high school locker).  Bathrooms are something you might find in a gym with rows of sinks, shower stalls and toilets.  It can be very difficult to find time or a place to be off by yourself.  On sea duty I usually stood a 4-6 hour watch twice a day and also had my regular work to get through (ie, I would spend 8-12 hours on the bridge or at an engineering watch station, then have several more hours of paperwork or maintenance work to get through).  Time spent on requirements for qualifications were often in addition to the watchstanding and regular work.  

 

There are people in the military who use drugs, abuse alcohol, get into debt, marry people they just met, get into fights and find other ways of acting out.  Sometimes it is a reaction to stress.  Sometimes it's because they feel somewhat rootless being away from their family and home networks.  I have been to many proceedings where the captain was hearing from a sailor who had made pretty bad choices.  Some of these bad choices take years to get out from under.  Some follow that person forever.  

 

I can't begin to assess if the military is the right choice for someone based just on a few paragraphs online.  I just wanted to mention that while military service can be incredibly transformative, sometimes it is a catalyst for self-destructive behaviors.  Military service can be a clean slate and a chance to mature and develop, but may also present a lot of opportunities for stumbling in serious ways.

[razorbackmama]

Why not just have him go to community college and be done at home? CC will accept him and if he is behind, he will have to take remedial classes and it will be up to him to do what needs to be done. He's almost 18, almost an adult, in the eyes of the law. It sounds like you've tried everything and really, IMO, you need to let go and let him be responsible for his own education. He may actually surprise you and step up and do it well. Or he may fail and realize he needs to be more responsible. In either case, you can't follow him around forever, telling him what to do. You've done that and more and none of it has worked.

 

If he was mine, I'd let him work and let him decide if he wants to go to CC or try going straight into the Navy or whatever. And if he can't get into the Navy, that may actuallybe the wake up call he needs to get motivated. You can not MAKE anyone motivated. They have to find that in themselves.

 

You would do this even after junior year? He SHOULDN'T even graduate until next year. Or are you talking about doing this after next year?

[razorbackmama]

Many schools grant credit by exam, would you be willing to give him a diploma if he could demonstrate basic knowledge on an exam?

 

I struggled immensely with executive function skills throughout high school, I was perpetually in trouble for not having assignments completed on time or at all. At the same time, I was entirely capable of learning the content in my own way and did well on exams--SAT subject tests, AP's, IB's. College was better partly because grades were more exam based.

 

If he does well with exams then CLEP might even be an option for some college credits.

 

Yes, I have considered that. I think I remember seeing that one of the local high schools will grant a diploma based on ACT scores. I'll have to find that again.

 

[razorbackmama]

 

My own kids often don't work well when I just hand them a schedule and check back a week or two later.  Sometimes they don't do well even if I check once a day.  We all get distracted and need something to call us back to attention.  In this situation, it sounds like you know that staying on task is an issue.  I think you need a lot more checkpoints through the week and through the day.  That might mean you give him a list for the day and say first you need to do math.  Do this lesson and bring it back to my.  You have an hour.  At the end of the hour, check the answers, give him a 10 min break and move him to the next thing.

 

This is EXACTLY what I told him would be happening this morning. Finish the assignment, bring it to me (or tell me what you read about, if there is nothing to physically produce), and I will give you the next assignment. I will set a timer based on the assignment, so I can check up on you if it's taking a bit too long. I told him it's exactly what happens in public school except the time slots are different.

 

 

Maybe Three Musketeers needs to be set aside in favor of a different novel.  Maybe the film class can be a fun activity rather than an official course.

 

I'm confused. Are you saying to set aside these things for things better suited for him? He's not struggling with Three Musketeers...he chooses to read that over doing his other assignments. And he wants to do the film course. I have given him the option to drop it, and he says he doesn't want to. Or am I misunderstanding what you're suggesting here?

 

Could he dual enroll at a CC and you count those credits towards your high school diploma too?

 

Yes, he can, and I've considered it. That gets so pricey though. But it is something I'm looking into.

 

Consider if this older kid needs to be a higher priority for a season.  

 

Yes, he is already one of my main priorities school-wise. The younger kids kind of get the shaft.

 

I haven't seen much mention of how your dh is able to back you up.  For a son at this stage of life, I think there is a lot of potential motivation behind dad saying something needs to be done.  If dh is away at work, this can be tough to arrange, but it can really help.  (Using email to issue daily assignments and report progress might be of use here, if dh can be copied on the emails.)

 

Let's just say that's a whole other can of worms entirely. Dad isn't around much. I am essentially Mom and Dad. Dad tries but doesn't have the relationship that I do, so his efforts to motivate don't really go anywhere either. Perhaps if he were here more??? Hard to say, but I can't live in "what if" zone, I have to focus on what our life IS right now and work with that.

 

On the ADD vs military enlistment - I have to agree with other people that this may be a situation where the ability to enlist should be a lower priority consideration than determining if there is a neurological problem that needs to be addressed.  There are probably several stages of assessment before you get to the point of having something prescribed.  Maybe this is worth more investigation.  

 

Perhaps. The trick is finding someone since he's so old.

 

I think that getting him to the next stage of life might take priority over getting him through a course of study that is prep for a 4 year college.  He sounds like a kid who would benefit a lot from CC.  Class sizes can be much smaller (my kids have often had fewer than 10 people in their math courses) and there is a lot of focus on student study centers and support groups.  It could be a good on ramp to more challenging academics.  I think I would hesitate to send away to college a kid who seems to struggle with self-scheduling - especially at 4 year tuition rates.  (Even paying out of pocket for CC is far less than in state at the local university here.  And we have the option of living at home and doing only a couple of classes at a time.)

 

A 4-year college hasn't really been on any of our radars for him. None of our kids really since we don't stress college unless they choose a career where it's required. We are of the mindset that college only happens if it HAS to. And we cannot pay for it regardless.

 

A thought about the military.  The military can be a great way for young men and women to mature through a structured environment where they are pushed to find new capabilities and given a lot of responsibility.  HOWEVER, it can also be a place where people find that they are stressed out by the hours and demands of their job.  The fact that they cannot just quit and go work somewhere else can be a tremendous emotional burden.  An enlistment is over when it's over.  You keep working for the workcenter supervisor you dislike until one of you transfers (could be a couple years).  There is often not much personal space.  Living conditions for junior enlisted on a ship typically consists of large berthing spaces with ranks of triple stacked racks (think of three bunk beds stacked up).  Storage is limited to the 10in deep locker under the rack and a small stand up locker (think of a half sized high school locker).  Bathrooms are something you might find in a gym with rows of sinks, shower stalls and toilets.  It can be very difficult to find time or a place to be off by yourself.  On sea duty I usually stood a 4-6 hour watch twice a day and also had my regular work to get through (ie, I would spend 8-12 hours on the bridge or at an engineering watch station, then have several more hours of paperwork or maintenance work to get through).  Time spent on requirements for qualifications were often in addition to the watchstanding and regular work.  

 

There are people in the military who use drugs, abuse alcohol, get into debt, marry people they just met, get into fights and find other ways of acting out.  Sometimes it is a reaction to stress.  Sometimes it's because they feel somewhat rootless being away from their family and home networks.  I have been to many proceedings where the captain was hearing from a sailor who had made pretty bad choices.  Some of these bad choices take years to get out from under.  Some follow that person forever.  

 

I can't begin to assess if the military is the right choice for someone based just on a few paragraphs online.  I just wanted to mention that while military service can be incredibly transformative, sometimes it is a catalyst for self-destructive behaviors.  Military service can be a clean slate and a chance to mature and develop, but may also present a lot of opportunities for stumbling in serious ways.

 

COMPLETELY agree. Oddly enough, I asked him about the bunk situation, and he said that's one of the things he likes the most. What???? The kid is almost 6 feet tall. Crazy. But yes, I have often thought of him and his weak character when it comes to the "military life." My older son is dealing with that right now. His "drug" of choice is working out, so I'm thankful, but he is given a really hard time by his peers because of his moral choices. And he struggles mightily with anger. That was present before he enlisted, but now it's just magnified. He was told by his supervisor the other day that if he were a civilian he would have been fired because of his actions when he's frustrated. So I can totally see the military doing the same thing for my 2nd son...just magnifying his character flaws. So *I* would rather not him join because of that, but the choice is still up to him.

 

However, we were just talking, and one thing he said was that he gets distracted by all sorts of movie ideas and how he'd direct this scene and that scene. I gave him some suggestions on how to effectively deal with those distractions, but then I also told him that he should really think about going into film, since it's clearly something he is passionate about.

 

I also talked with a Navy mom this morning (just happened to...had no idea she was a Navy mom), and she said that her son waited a year after high school to enlist, to make sure the Navy was really what he wanted to do. I thought that was a good idea and tossed it out to my son as well. Maybe he could take some CC classes, give it some time, and join later if he really wants to. Especially since he's not like my oldest son, who lived, ate, and breathed the Marines from the time he was 14 on. Lots of guys who graduated with my oldest from boot camp had been to college already, so it's common for sure.

 

So today my 17yo is cleaning up his workspace (another cause of the distractions) and pondering lots of things. I'm going to adjust my graduation requirements a bit based on a military or CC plan (a friend of mine and I were already talking about this with regard to her son, who still "needs" a foreign language....if he goes to CC as planned he doesn't actually NEED a foreign language credit!).

 

[Sebastian (a lady)]

 

What I meant about Three Musketeers is that he seemed to be stalled on it. If he is, switch him to something else. If he's doing that instead of all his other work, I would think he'd get further than two chapters.

 

At my house, kids sometimes say they are working on something when really they've been looking at websites, comic books or rpg manuals. Is Three Musketeers a safe answer ? Fwiw at times I've had to put kids at a more central and observable place rather than bedroom or basement, especially when on a computer.

Edited May 5, 2016 by Sebastian (a lady)

[razorbackmama]

What I meant about Three Musketeers is that he seemed to be stalled on it. If he is, switch him to something else. If he's doing that instead of all his other work, I would think he'd get further than two chapters.

 

At my house, kids sometimes say they are working on something when really they've been looking at websites, comic books or rpg manuals. Is Three Musketeers a safe answer ? Fwiw at times I've had to put kids at a more central and observable place rather than bedroom or basement, especially when on a computer.

 

Gotcha. No, he's definitely not stalled on it.

 

His assignment sheet is written out in a particular order. That particular week he had done one assignment: read 2 chapters of that book. Some weeks he will skip assignments, but that book is one of the ones he always does. He HAS read further than 2 chapters by this point...he's up to like chapter 56. But in that one week, that is ALL HE DID the entire week.

 

He does not have a computer at his desk. He does have an iPod touch, and even without internet access it is a problem, so we are taking steps to set him up for success while not removing it entirely since it has his music on it. There really isn't a place for him to do his school on the main level where I am. We've tried that and what a mess. He talks to us the whole day LOL or is interested in what we are doing for school. So the checking in after each assignment is a compromise for that.

 

[Sebastian (a lady)]

 

My thought on the film work was that making it a course might turn it from a fun activity into something that is something with deadlines and obligations that you conflict over.

[razorbackmama]

My thought on the film work was that making it a course might turn it from a fun activity into something that is something with deadlines and obligations that you conflict over.

 

Oh I see, gotcha. I offered to let him drop it, but he says no, he wants to still do it. It's on online course, so at least it's not me coming up with the deadlines. It would be just like if he were to go to public school and I enforced him completing that work.

[razorbackmama]

Come to find out, our local CC has a whole film/video production department. I think I've gotten the wheels turning in his head a bit....

[mama27]

You would do this even after junior year? He SHOULDN'T even graduate until next year. Or are you talking about doing this after next year?

I would graduate him next month after having a talk with him and letting him know that you feel you've done everything humanly possible and that if he wants to continue homeschooling, fine, he knows whast to do. If he wants to go to CC, fine. If he wants to just keep working, fine .

 

Is he unmotivated at work? With chores? With other things or just school work? If its just school work it may be he just isn't an academic person. If he works hard at his job and other things,btgen maybe that's just where his life is headed. There's nothing wrong with that. Some people draw floor plans and some people build the houses.

[mama27]

Come to find out, our local CC has a whole film/video production department. I think I've gotten the wheels turning in his head a bit....

If he goes to CC for any degree he will have to take the basic classes. If he can do that there's really no point in him doing it at home except for the cost. But I'd put that on him.

[razorbackmama]

I would graduate him next month after having a talk with him and letting him know that you feel you've done everything humanly possible and that if he wants to continue homeschooling, fine, he knows whast to do. If he wants to go to CC, fine. If he wants to just keep working, fine .

 

So you'd graduate him early? :confused1:

 

Is he unmotivated at work? With chores? With other things or just school work? If its just school work it may be he just isn't an academic person. If he works hard at his job and other things,btgen maybe that's just where his life is headed. There's nothing wrong with that. Some people draw floor plans and some people build the houses.

 

Yes, we are very pro-manual labor, Dirty Jobs, Mike Rowe, etc. around here. :coolgleamA:  He does OK at work...probably because he's getting paid LOL. It's not his dream job by any means, but he does an OK job. He is very unmotivated with his chores. It is not just school work. Heck when he was in elementary school he wasn't even motivated enough to get up to go pee LOL.

 

[razorbackmama]

If he goes to CC for any degree he will have to take the basic classes. If he can do that there's really no point in him doing it at home except for the cost. But I'd put that on him.

 

Yes, he would take the basic classes. There are only 4 in these degrees - 2 English comps, speech, and math. The rest are all film/video specific.

 

I'm talking about him maybe doing this instead of the Navy after he graduates from high school, not right now.

Edited May 6, 2016 by razorbackmama

[mama27]

 

I've graduated two kids. My 23 yo has always been lazier than my 20 yo. Its just a fact. If anything is hard, she quits or complains so much you WANT her to quit. If anything requires a lot of effort on her part...well, its not going to happen.

My 20 yo is the exact opposite. The harder something is, the harder she tries. Maybe because she had a lot of health problems from ages 13 to 18, maybe its just a personality thing? I don't know. But the 20 graduated high school, and started cosmetology school in the same week (in February of 2013), she graduated cosmetology school in 9 months, started working, etc. Found out she would have to work very hard and couldn't physically do it as a stylist so she quit and got a job at Dillard's. 6 months later she got promoted to sales manager and is now thinking of going to college for business degree.

 

My 23 yo is having her first baby, my 20 is working on her career. Is one better than the other? No. Just different and each is doing what makes them happy. Doing what they feel God wants them to do

 

Ftr, I've put my 16 yo in charge of HER education also. She works at a vet, is involved in theater, and has an active social life. I got tired of getting onto her all.the.time. about her school work so I told her its her responsibility to get it done and if she does not it will be her problem because she won't be able to do what she wants to do with her life, which is become a vet tech. That's worked better than all the nagging, etc.

[mama27]

Yes, he would take the basic classes. There are only 4 in these degrees - 2 English comps, speech, and math. The rest are all film/video specific.

 

I'm talking about him maybe doing this instead of the Navy after he graduates from high school, not right now.

Is there a reason he can't do CC instead of high school at home?

[razorbackmama]

Is there a reason he can't do CC instead of high school at home?

 

Other than it being a whole HECK of a lot more expensive, not really. It's something I have considered offering to him. I'm not sure if he'd want to or not.

 

He has been responsive today to checking in after each assignment. We'll see how tomorrow goes.

[razorbackmama]

Ftr, I've put my 16 yo in charge of HER education also. She works at a vet, is involved in theater, and has an active social life. I got tired of getting onto her all.the.time. about her school work so I told her its her responsibility to get it done and if she does not it will be her problem because she won't be able to do what she wants to do with her life, which is become a vet tech. That's worked better than all the nagging, etc.

 

This is actually how we have approached it for the most part. However, that's also why he's now having to double-time some courses in order to graduate when he wants to.

[happybeachbum]

Coming from a totally different perspective here. Take it or leave it.

 

Am I understanding correctly that he turns 18 this summer, but is only a junior? I don't know whether you red-shirted him or held him back, but if he's about to be a legal adult then I think it's a very different situation. The time for exploring possible diagnosis, teaching work habits, or holding his hand all day is past. As in . . . long gone. It's a hard thing to ask any legal adult to still be slogging through school with mom, but it is probably an impossible feat with a kid who already struggles with motivation and work ethic. My goal would be to get him to graduation immediately.

 

First off, I would declare this school year over and give him the grades he deserves based on the amount of work he's completed. If he deserves all D's, then so be it. Just declare those classes finished and done. Then, assuming that the GED route is out due to his desire to join the Navy, I think you have 2 options:

 

1. If he was 14 for his entire 8th grade year and completed Algebra that year, then I would go ahead and label 8th grade as 9th grade. Bam. He has completed 4 years of high school, and he can graduate immediately.

 

2. If he only took Pre-Algebra in 8th grade or you just don't feel you can justify calling it high school, I would aim for a December graduation. Assuming that he has taken at least 6 credits per year and assuming that he took the core academic classes each year (English, math, social studies, science), then he really only needs 4 credits of English and math to graduate; 3 credits of social studies and science are fine. You can declare the fall semester a "block schedule" where he takes English 4, Consumer Math, and 2 electives. Those 2 electives can be "Work Experience" (give him credit for the job) and "Physical Conditioning" (because he wants to get ready for Basic Training, right?). He'll be done with those classes in December and can go ahead and graduate.

 

But give both him (and yourself) an official end date, so that you both know that this isn't going to slog on and on forever. 

 

 

From what I read it sounds like he didn't struggle with work ethic.  He didn't have to be told to get up for his job, but did for school work

[happybeachbum]

  Oops may bad.  This is an old post

 

Edited May 3, 2017 by happybeachbum

[birchbark]

I think he needs to work for Someone Other Than Mom. Whether that's a tutor, public school, private school, CC, or a DH. Trim his schedule back to the bare essentials for graduation, and move him on to a new taskmaster. You are tired and have plenty of younger children you need to care for.

 

ETA: Sorry! The May in the date threw me off.  :laugh:

Edited May 6, 2017 by birchbark

[razorbackmama]

This thread is a year old. He is having a graduation party at the end of June but will not be receiving a diploma until he completes the work.