When to seek professional help?

[chocolate-chip chooky]

Because we're homeschoolers, advocacy isn't a factor.

 

So, beyond advocacy, placement in programs and things like that, at what point have you decided to seek professional help?

Has it actually helped?

How do you find a professional who truly has a clue about kids like ours?

 

 

[JenneinCA]

I sought professional help when my kids' needs outpaced my abilities to figure out what to do.

 

For my oldest that was when she was very young. Like four and then again when she was ten and twelve and even now.

For my middle one, it was when he asked for help that I could not provide.

For my youngest, he hasn't asked and I haven't had a need. Yet.

 

Did it help? Yes.

For my oldest, it was a life saver because I was confused, overwhelmed and lost. She has needs that I could neither articulate nor understand. I needed an outside view of what was going on because I was so deep in the trenches that I could not find the sky.

For my middle one, it gave him control of the situation so he felt like he was in charge of his own life. Empowerment in the extreme. He is happier and it shows.

For my youngest, not yet. But I have more experience than I did when the older kids were this age.

 

Where to find? Word of mouth.

The testing we did when the kids were young helped us know who to talk to later. Connections were made. And then living in the San Francisco Bay Area helped too. There are lots of crazy smart kids here. It is not quite as one in a million as it is in some other places.

 

I hope that helps.

[Jackie]

Professional help regarding . . . ?

 

We've sought professional help twice. The first was when DD's phobias kept us from living our normal day-to-day life. The second was when her anxieties/worries/depression were clearly beyond what she could handle and I was getting too worn down by them to continue being supportive without intervention. The first time, I knew of a professional through my past working life. The second time, that professional was full but was able to make a recommendation. Neither specializes in gifted kids, but both have worked with a large variety of clients and worked well with us.

[chocolate-chip chooky]

Thanks Jenne and Jackie for responding. I appreciate it.

Both of your responses resonate.

 

Like you, Jenne, I find it hard to articulate my daughter's needs and even my concerns about them. Sometimes I find it so hard to articulate that I wonder if the concerns are actually valid or if I'm just going through an exhausted, lost-in-the-responsibility-of-it-all type moment. And it doesn't help that people IRL just don't get it. To others, my daughter looks like an intelligent, confident, well-spoken, world-is-your-oyster type of kid. She saves all the tricky-icky stuff for behind closed doors, with only me. So, it's kind of a lonely journey too.

 

Which leads me to ...

 

Like you, Jackie, some of my concerns involve phobias and worries/anxiety. Oh, and the big one - perfectionism.

 

Germophobia is a big one. Obsession with use-by dates on food or if food has been cooked properly. Asking repeatedly for reassurance that it's alright.

 

Worries - I guess it's almost heading into superstition territory. Her memory is very strong and the emotions linked to the memory are very strong. She can remember the exact day, time and circumstances of something and make connections to anything similar. I know I'm being vague here, but I'm trying to protect her privacy to a certain extent. I'll elaborate if it seems necessary.

 

Perfectionism is probably my biggest concern. We have meltdowns over tiny mistakes or even just perceived mistakes or imperfections. The length of the meltdowns is decreasing (only a couple of minutes now) but it's still happening a few times a week. I've posted about this before. It's a biggie.

 

I wouldn't know where to start to seek help and my big, big, big concern is that a so-called professional just wouldn't 'get' her either.

 

Thanks for listening.

 

[wintermom]

How old is your dd?  

 

I'm no expert, and really have no experience with anxieties, but how logical a thinker is your dd. If she had an information session with a doctor or expert on germs, and learned about expiration dates, and had accurate information to consider when looking at germs, rather then possibly over-blown fears, would this help reduce her anxiety?  

 

Also, with test taking anxiety/perfectionism, there was a really neat scene in the TV show White Collar about a lady who had failed the LSAT twice. Her test taking strategy was to over-think every question for fear of missing a trick question, which she knew there were some in the test. Her friend/coach told her that there are only a few trick questions and to waste all her time and energy on the small number of trick questions was her problem. She should just approach each question as a straight-forward one, knowing that she might get the small number of trick ones wrong, but she'd finish the test and pass - and this is the goal. Finding the trick questions is not the goal to focus on. 

 

Somehow, your dd seems to be focusing all her time and energy on the small chance of injury or making mistakes and not seeing the big picture that most things are entirely safe and pretty straight forward.  Other than pointing that out to her, and helping her focus on the big goal, I have not idea whether professional help is needed. It's worth a try, if it will provide some concrete strategies for her to manage her life.

Edited March 9, 2016 by wintermom

[EndOfOrdinary]

At around 2, we talked with a pediatrician and then a child psychologist about the OCD-ish symptoms Ds was having. A list of some coping mechanisms was given as well as a list of escalating behaviors. We never needed to return since Ds respinded really well to the coping mechanisms. We still use many of them.

 

We went to a professional when Ds was 4 when the first existential crisis hit. Professional was the one who told me in no uncertain terms that we either had to give Ds an outlet to feel like he was doing something for the planet or get him on hardcore meds. Ds wasn't going to let it go and if he did not feel like he had any control over the situation his intensity was going to get dangerous. Definitely not a fun discussion, but a very good one. I needed to hear it that strongly.

 

We see a professional now, but not exactly for the anxiety/perfectionism. Dh has rather significant post traumatic stress. When Dh's PTSD goes up, everyone in the household's issues start playing off each other. Ds and I see a psychologist regularly to discuss things like appropriate boundaries, respectful dissent, personal responsibility versus enabling. The anxiety and perfectionism do get addressed, but more in the context of promoting healthy life choices.

 

Psychologist talks with me about forcing Ds to be a child. Yes, actually using the word "forcing." Ds doesn't ask for much since he takes on the stress of everything adult. I have to be the parent who says we are going to have fun. Right now we are spending four full nights at an indoor waterpark resort. I am sure this is what Dante had in mind on his fourth level of Hell. Ds is thrilled. He had a brownie and a liter of Orange Fanta for breakfast while watching a Disney Channel marathon in bed. He is not allowed to say "Global Water Crisis," "Corporate Personhood," or "Wealth Inequality." Part of me being his mom means that I have to say, "No emails. The world will wait. Go have fun and pretend to be normal! "

[rwilk]

 

Like you, Jenne, I find it hard to articulate my daughter's needs and even my concerns about them. Sometimes I find it so hard to articulate that I wonder if the concerns are actually valid or if I'm just going through an exhausted, lost-in-the-responsibility-of-it-all type moment. And it doesn't help that people IRL just don't get it. To others, my daughter looks like an intelligent, confident, well-spoken, world-is-your-oyster type of kid. She saves all the tricky-icky stuff for behind closed doors, with only me. So, it's kind of a lonely journey too.

 

Worries - I guess it's almost heading into superstition territory. Her memory is very strong and the emotions linked to the memory are very strong. She can remember the exact day, time and circumstances of something and make connections to anything similar. I know I'm being vague here, but I'm trying to protect her privacy to a certain extent. I'll elaborate if it seems necessary.

 

Perfectionism is probably my biggest concern. We have meltdowns over tiny mistakes or even just perceived mistakes or imperfections. The length of the meltdowns is decreasing (only a couple of minutes now) but it's still happening a few times a week. I've posted about this before. It's a biggie.

 

 First, I'd like to say that I share your loneliness.  It can be very difficult feel like no one sees your child struggle, so no one can know how to help her.  It's also frustrating because others (cough: my parents) say that all her problems must be bad parenting, because when she's with them (3-4 hour blocks 1-2x a year) she's totally fine.  Right.

 

We have similar issues with worries. The doctor always encourages us to keep the adult things from her, but it's hard because she's literate, and the adult world is all around us. Her current fear is associated with child slavery, which she found out about by reading the back of a bus. Adults assume that a 4 year old isn't listening, and will openly chat about frightening things in front of her. I sort of wish I had a kid that was afraid of monsters or something typical kid-like.

 

We started therapy with her at age 3.  Her peds recommended it when we were talking about her OCDish behavior. He isn't a gifted specialist, but he does seem to get her pretty well. He was the one that did the IQs (among other testing) diagnosed the giftedness and OCD, and helped us understand how that plays into her difficulties.  He also helped her socially quite a bit by encouraging us to move beyond age-mates for friendships.

 

Her OCDish behavior has greatly improved, but she still has the intrusive thoughts. She's able to express them a bit better, and having stop/reset points during the day has also helped. 

 

So for us, it's been worth it.  It's helped her learn skills to cope, and us to learn more about her.

[chocolate-chip chooky]

Bit of a lightbulb moment.

 

EofO I think you articulated what I've struggled to put my finger on - the lack of being a child during the childhood years.

 

My daughter is nearing 10 and she's never acted like a child. She thinks deeply, feels deeply, speaks with adult-level vocabulary, and carries a lot of worries and guilt.

 

Don't get me wrong, she can be extremely joyful. In fact, she's joyful more often than not, but the sources of her joy are not child-like. A new video on her favourite science youtube channel has her grinning, bouncing and squealing 'this is better than Christmas'. :)

 

Like your son, she never asks for anything. Ever.

If we're out and about, we see other children asking for things, begging for things, tantruming over things. Well, even when I offer, even something simple like 'would you like to pick up some sushi on the way home?' well, that can carry guilt for her. She'll say 'are you sure?' or 'we don't have to' or 'I don't really need it'.

I'll remind her that I offered and that I'm absolutely happy to get it. And I usually get whatever it is for myself too, hoping it takes that pressure off her anxiety/guilt/whatever it is.

Because of the guilt (for want of a better word), she struggles to enjoy simple things like this.

 

Christmas, for example, is more about worry and guilt than enjoyment. There's a lack of self-focus. There's no me, me, me that characterises normal childhood. She'll think big and want to give donations, minimise waste, minimise wrapping paper, minimise plastic waste etc. I guess some of this is a sort of existential depression/anxiety/awareness??

 

Rwilk, your doctor sounds super. I'm so pleased for you that you have someone you can trust and who gets your child. Wow, he even gets that she needs non-age mates. That's big!

 

Thanks to you all for responding, sharing your stories and listening to my worries. Much appreciated.

[wintermom]

It sounds like you could really use the opportunity to discuss these issues with an experienced professional. There seem to be enough things piling up that when added all together have you seeking more information to help deal with them. 

 

Looking at this thread, I can see a lot of similar behaviours mentioned in my oldest son (not asking for things, having trouble letting go and just having fun, wanting to help ease the burden of the household, feeling responsible for things going "wrong."), but he doesn't seem to have high anxiety or anxiety about perfection or making mistakes. Maybe I'm missing or brushing aside some of his anxiety? He is very, very good at articulating his feelings and worries, though, and extremely good at coming to talk with dh or me if he needs to release some stress. This may be his saving grace. My middle son tends to hold things in more. I should probably pay closer attention to him and his more tender side.

 

All the best on your exploration and journey!  Being a parent is a really tough job.

[sbgrace]

You are mentioning some things that strongly sound like possible OCD to me.

 

The best therapy for that is cognitive behavioral therapy with a therapist who specializes in OCD specifically (and kids as well in this case). The OCD foundation has lists of therapists searchable by location on their website last time I checked. https://iocdf.org/find-help/You can also see if there are local OCD organizations if you're in a big area via google searches. But the person's training specifically in OCD matters most. It's treated differently from other anxiety disorders.

 

What to Do When Your Brain Gets Stuck is a book Amazon carries that takes a cognitive behavioral approach and is written directly to kids. Parents would learn a lot from it too, and any kid tackling this would need parental help. A therapist who knows OCD can be a great help though, even in guiding the parent. For example, her  questions seeking reassurance in her areas of anxiety are compulsions if this is OCD (and I think it likely is). So your answers help her feel better in the moment, but ultimately make the OCD stronger. Yet a child who is high anxiety would have a really hard time if the parent refused to be a part of the cycle, and it's so hard as a parent anyway. So professional guidance can be very helpful I think.

 

My son has benefited from a supplement that has been used in pediatric clinical trials for OCD. I'll link a clinical trial here in case you're interested in trying. It will have their dosing information. Sometimes it takes a full 10 weeks on the full dose to see effects. It doesn't seem to be a gradual build up either--more like a sudden improvement when it does work. It has really helped my son. My friend's son uses that and it does help but not enough. He also takes a low dose SSRI, and it has given him his life back. SSRI's take a while to work as well and, of course, need a prescription.

 

Edited to fix links. I added them in a post below as well.

Edited March 12, 2016 by sbgrace

[chocolate-chip chooky]

Thanks sbgrace. I'll look at those links - much appreciated.

Hmmm, you could be on to something. There is quite regular seeking of reassurance - the same question repeatedly, until she's somehow satisfied. It's a cycle I need to break, while still letting her know that I care and that she's okay.

Thanks heaps for your input.

 

I understand that some of these topics can be sensitive and we need to respect our children's privacy, so some extra thank yous to those who are sharing their stories.

 

Editing to add: I just tried those links and neither are working for me, for some reason.

Edited March 11, 2016 by chocolate-chip chooky

[EndOfOrdinary]

My son does the "really?" And "we don't need to".

 

Is there a way to go on a weekend SuperKidtastic Vacation? Could you take her to go have your nails done together with incredibly sparkly, tacky as all get out, polish and jewels? Does she have any non schoolish desires?

 

Last year was DisneyLand. This year was waterpark resort. I don't know what next year will be. The whole deal is that I spend exorbitant amounts of money and he does not get to feel guilty. For most Americans, our vacations are not extravagent, but for Ds being all about him feels like it. At first I always have to purposefully buy things I know he would like. There is a wizard magic wand quest thing here where you run around and wave a plastic wand at various places to then get a riddle to the next place. It was $50 for the personalized plastic wand package, cape, and face paint. He would have never asked, so I just bought it and told him it came with our room. Squeals of delight!

 

Therapist was pretty upfront that you parent the kid you have. My kid needs me to blatantly force him to have fun. I did not get that before. Dh is rather terrible at it, so he doesn't come. He is getting better, but still knows not to come. His job is to listen to me complain about how horrible the vacation is (seriously, it is really not great for the parents) so that I can keep bring happy for Ds.

[chocolate-chip chooky]

I'm sitting here trying to think of what my daughter would find 'fun'. I'm not coming up with anything conventional.

 

Here are some things that make her truly joyful:

 

- solving geometry proofs. Seriously joyful moments.

- seeing that there's a new video posted on 'How to Make Everything' youtube channel

- the next book in a series arriving in the mail

- a visit to the science museum with her sister

- a new series of Brain Games becomes available here in Australia

- when one of the chickens jumps up on the window sill and looks in at us :laugh:

 

 

Holidays aren't really an option. We have three children. Two are young adults at uni and it's the third that I homeschool and post about. We don't have the funds for holidays or weekends away, unfortunately, and I'm not sure that would be her idea of fun anyway....

 

So, do we all have different definitions of 'fun'? Is 'fun' and 'joyful' the same? Does it even matter? :confused1:  

I'm still trying to think of ways she actually has 'fun' like a child, as in no worries, self-centred and not focused on learning, creating or thinking. I'm drawing a blank right now.

[sbgrace]

Thanks sbgrace. I'll look at those links - much appreciated.

Hmmm, you could be on to something. There is quite regular seeking of reassurance - the same question repeatedly, until she's somehow satisfied. It's a cycle I need to break, while still letting her know that I care and that she's okay.

Thanks heaps for your input.

 

I understand that some of these topics can be sensitive and we need to respect our children's privacy, so some extra thank yous to those who are sharing their stories.

 

Editing to add: I just tried those links and neither are working for me, for some reason.

I'm sorry about the links. I'll try them as hyperlinks.

What to Do When Your Brain Gets Stuck via Amazon

 

NAC use in Pediatric OCD clinical trial link

 

I think the OCD foundation was was working, but just in case.

I noticed Australia in your last post. The OCD foundation does have a link for a yahoo OCD Australia group. Here is the yahoo group link.

 

As an aside, I don't see anything wrong with the ways she has fun/finds joy. One of mine has great joy when he finds a new favorite book series. Another gets the most joy out of using his imagination to create. I'd focus in on addressing the anxiety that's robbing her of peace and unnecessarily occupying what sounds like a wonderful mind.

Edited March 12, 2016 by sbgrace

[EndOfOrdinary]

Ds is joyful at different times than when we do the whole holiday thing. I save up for months for the holiday stuff. We don't have much money, but if I save for 8 months I can make it work. He would never ask for the waterparks or Disney stuff. Not in a million years. It is chosen because it is conventional. He doesn't get to veto them. It is the type of silly fun that childhood is built on.

 

Things like: going to an arcade; getting a ridiculously giant, sugar coated ice cream sunday for no reason; going sledding for an entire weekend with jammies and cocoa and the whole thing; a concert to a horrible tween boy band; roller coaster style amusement park with cotton candy, popcorn, trinkets which cost too much from over priced games, and blinky light up stuff that is going to break. Basically the stuff that shows up on popular TV and sitcoms. The stuff in movies. The stuff that has no reasonable value other than to just be happy.

 

Ds loved the natural history museum WAY more than DisneyLand, but he still got his picture taken with darn near every Princess. The Princesses were silly. There was a glow lightsaber which he thought was super awesome. They were a different kind of fun. The natural history museum was not being a kid. He read every placard, got all geeked out, wanted to consider all this intellectual stuff. At Disney, he just watched fireworks and went on Pirates of the Carribean. It was frivolous which is what I have to force.

[EndOfOrdinary]

My son puts a third of his allowence into a Roth IRA because it is prudent to save for retirement as early as possible. He needs every moment of frivolous I can shove down his throat!

[EndOfOrdinary]

What if you set up some other totally frivolous kid stuff like a tea party with you - Cookies, tea (or soda, juice, cocoa), little sandwiches - and you read classic kids books like Little House, Ramona, Anne of Green Gables, Bunnicula. You could either dress up with make up or dress down with jammies and stuffed animals.

 

You could do a backyard campout with a tent, smores, star gazing, roasting marshmellows or hot dogs, staying up way too late and sleeping in.

 

You could do a day where all you did was make six different types of cookies (or cake, or pie, or candy) that she chose for dinner.

 

You could do a movie marathon slumber party where you watched her favorite series from TV or a whole string of kid movies and at popcorn, candy, soda, and junk food.

 

I don't know if you already do these things, but they do not require vacations away or much money. It is just total kid time.

[wintermom]

I'm sitting here trying to think of what my daughter would find 'fun'. I'm not coming up with anything conventional.

 

Here are some things that make her truly joyful:

 

- solving geometry proofs. Seriously joyful moments.

- seeing that there's a new video posted on 'How to Make Everything' youtube channel

- the next book in a series arriving in the mail

- a visit to the science museum with her sister

- a new series of Brain Games becomes available here in Australia

- when one of the chickens jumps up on the window sill and looks in at us :laugh:

 

 

Holidays aren't really an option. We have three children. Two are young adults at uni and it's the third that I homeschool and post about. We don't have the funds for holidays or weekends away, unfortunately, and I'm not sure that would be her idea of fun anyway....

 

So, do we all have different definitions of 'fun'? Is 'fun' and 'joyful' the same? Does it even matter? :confused1:

I'm still trying to think of ways she actually has 'fun' like a child, as in no worries, self-centred and not focused on learning, creating or thinking. I'm drawing a blank right now.

 

Does she enjoy any sort of physical activity; even simply playing tag, Nerf gun wars, making obstacle courses over things in the the yard? The endorphins released through physical activity are amazing, and the brain can shut off from any deep thinking if it's focused on shooting mommy with a nerf bullet. 

[chocolate-chip chooky]

Wintermom, I think we need to get us some nerf guns! That's a super idea!

 

When my daughter has meltdowns (usually over perfectionism), one of my coping tactics is to release the tension with a sock fight. We throw balled up socks at each other. She's usually a bit aggressive at first, but it's a safe way to release it and it quickly turns to laughter and the tension is diffused. Similar idea to nerf bullets, I guess.

 

In general, physical activity is very important for my daughter and she self-regulates this quite well and I'm learning how to help her. I know that one of her trigger words is 'restless'. If she says she's feeling 'restless', then I know we need to mix things up and move.

We got her a punching bag for Christmas and it is great. It's just been too hot here for regular use of it, but it will be great during our cooler months for tension release and movement.

 

Another thing she loves is creating things in the yard - she strings up pulleys for ziplines, ties her own tightrope between trees, makes paint out of eggyolks + crushed rocks, makes bows and arrows from branches, making clay from scratch, trying flintnapping with rocks in the yard etc. When I pause to think about it, this sort of stuff is her true 'fun'. Movement + creating + challenge.

If she could, she'd live the life of Andy on 'How to Make Everything' youtube channel. He's like a rockstar in our household!

 

EoO, you have once again managed to articulate what I can't. Frivolous. That's the word. My daughter doesn't do 'frivolous'. Or 'spontaneous' for that matter. There's plenty of joy and a ton of laughs, but not much frivolity or spontaneity.

Although, the other day, we dropped everything and popped to the local shops for M&Ms. That's the closest to frivolity and spontaneity that we get :)

Hmmm, M&Ms can fix anything.... do you folks have M&Ms in the US?? What about Timtams?

 

EoO, regarding the things our kids don't ask for - some of these things they don't ask for because they think it's too expensive, too excessive, too wasteful, they don't deserve it, they don't need it etc etc, so they would never ask. But there are also some things they don't ask for because they genuinely just wouldn't be interested. I guess we need to sift through the clues to find the true gems of frivolity and fun that suit our complex kids. You sound like a truly awesome mum.

 

Thanks sbgrace for the new links - much appreciated :001_smile:

 

You folks are all so super and I really appreciate that you take the time to talk to me.

 

Edited March 12, 2016 by chocolate-chip chooky

[TerriM]

We have similar issues with worries. The doctor always encourages us to keep the adult things from her, but it's hard because she's literate, and the adult world is all around us. Her current fear is associated with child slavery, which she found out about by reading the back of a bus. Adults assume that a 4 year old isn't listening, and will openly chat about frightening things in front of her. I sort of wish I had a kid that was afraid of monsters or something typical kid-like..

 

I appreciate you saying this, because I've taken great pains  to keep the kids from hearing about all the horrible stuff that happens in the world because it depresses *me* and I can't imagine it'll be better for them.  No newspapers, no news, shopping at Trader Joe's (no tabloids THANK GOD!!!!).  I guess our bus ads haven't been that explicit. :(    The younger kids only find out about something happening when it's mentioned in the "prayers of the faithful" at Mass.   ("Why are we praying for xyz?")  The  older one listens to podcasts, but hopefully my husband is screening them a bit.

[TerriM]

Bit of a lightbulb moment.

 

EofO I think you articulated what I've struggled to put my finger on - the lack of being a child during the childhood years.

 

My daughter is nearing 10 and she's never acted like a child. She thinks deeply, feels deeply, speaks with adult-level vocabulary, and carries a lot of worries and guilt.

 

Don't get me wrong, she can be extremely joyful. In fact, she's joyful more often than not, but the sources of her joy are not child-like. A new video on her favourite science youtube channel has her grinning, bouncing and squealing 'this is better than Christmas'. :)

 

Like your son, she never asks for anything. Ever.

If we're out and about, we see other children asking for things, begging for things, tantruming over things. Well, even when I offer, even something simple like 'would you like to pick up some sushi on the way home?' well, that can carry guilt for her. She'll say 'are you sure?' or 'we don't have to' or 'I don't really need it'.

I'll remind her that I offered and that I'm absolutely happy to get it. And I usually get whatever it is for myself too, hoping it takes that pressure off her anxiety/guilt/whatever it is.

Because of the guilt (for want of a better word), she struggles to enjoy simple things like this.

 

Christmas, for example, is more about worry and guilt than enjoyment. There's a lack of self-focus. There's no me, me, me that characterises normal childhood. She'll think big and want to give donations, minimise waste, minimise wrapping paper, minimise plastic waste etc. I guess some of this is a sort of existential depression/anxiety/awareness??

 

 

It sounds like she has a combination money-guilt and eco-guilt.

 

Money guilt, maybe have her read a financial planning book that talks about the 50-30-20 rule (ie, 50% necessities, 30% niceties and 20% savings for the future).  For me, it was helpful to just have someone set a rule that had balance in life and to realize it didn't have to be save-save-save all the time.    Then, if the 30% nicities isn't an amount you can afford, can you help her understand numerically, what you can afford?  So if sushi is $30, and she knows that your discretionary is $100/m, then it's ok to get sushi once, ice cream once, and a gift as long as it adds up to less than $100.  Something like that.  Help her see the numbers, overcome the fear.  

 

 

As for Christmas..... If her fears are:

1.  Guilt that others are poor:  Is there a way she can give to others, and then receive something herself?  Everything can be small, but a reminder that we give, but we also have to receive so someone else can give too.  It's ok to receive.

 

2.  Guilt that presents cost money:  Can she accept just one present that is really meaningful to her, then?  Maybe something she needs?  My mom gave me underwear for Christmas along with other gifts.  Honestly it never bothered me.

 

3.  Guilt over the wrapping paper, etc:  I save the ribbons and wrapping paper and either reuse them or donate them to preschools or schools looking for decorative paper for crafts.   Recycle the blister back plastic.  

[4KookieKids]

We seek professional help when I feel like we've tried to address an issue, it has not resolved, and is negatively affecting our family dynamic.

 

We get help for "smaller" things than most people, because I'm home with them and I know when our family isn't really living in peace. We managed to find a family therapist who totally gets our kids and our family and has been a huge help to us.She spent at least as much time with us as parents as with the kids (they were young - under 6, actually) giving tools for helping the kids ourselves. I wouldn't hesitate to do it again!

 

My feeling is to get help sooner rather than later. If it's a big problem now, then get help. If it's a little problem, an ounce of prevention now is worth a pound of cure later.

[chocolate-chip chooky]

Have you needed to shop around for a suitable professional? How do you screen if they're suitable? I can't use word-of-mouth because I don't know anyone IRL with children like my daughter, hence why I ponder all my musing here :o  You folks have become my go-to listeners. Thank you!

 

I guess I know that I need someone who specialises in children, likely giftedness and possible OCD/anxiety. That would probably reduce the pool of possibilities.

 

I'd love to find someone who appreciates all the positives in my daughter, works with Dabrowski's theory of OEs, helps her see her positives and helps her manage/regulate the challenges.

I really don't want my daughter to walk out of a session feeling like there's something wrong with her. She already worries enough.

[4KookieKids]

We were lucky with my kids.w have a pediatrician whom we love and who knows us well and his first recommendation was as huge hit for us. My husband has had much worse luck finding a therapist who he clicks with. He's had one he clicked with out of about asix so far, so I don't know that I'm much help in the department of finding someone, except to say we feel like you can often tell a lot about someone from the initial interview, whether it's phone or in person. Personally, if I weren't sure, I'd just go to the first appointment without kids. The one we saw happened to have a second room with a window where kids could play without hearing is talk, and it was invaluable to be able to talk freely about our concerns without worrying about what the kids would think of what we were saying.