Do we need to be happy?...Coping skills...and drugs

[creekland]

Well, in defense of the Great Outdoors, I can say the walk we just finished on the beach did a ton for keeping my brain content - even though today is not the best day pain-wise, nor did it improve (or get worse) with the walk.

 

I think all of us ought to consider beach walks when we get "needy."  Brain contentment is an awesome feeling.  Actually, just listening to the waves (now) is also therapeutic.

 

For those who don't care for Big Water destinations, the mountains around Chattanooga also had gorgeous vistas.

 

Had we won the powerball a few weeks back, I'd even be able to offer scholarship assistance for these trips.  Sadly, that didn't happen.

 

Fortunately for us, we need to visit our kids periodically and one happened to pick Lookout Mountain for his home and another is in college next to Big Water.   :coolgleamA:

 

We opted not to visit Great White North right now.  That youngun gets to fly down for his spring break to be with us.  I'm pretty sure that will do loads more for his brain than building another snowman.  :lol:   Never underestimate some natural Vit D.

 

All of those are preferable to me than drugs of any sort.  However, my body reacts well to those - perhaps better than drugs.  The natural cures won't necessarily work for all, nor can all take the time off we're able to do (since hubby's job is portable).  

[creekland]

Sadly for me, meds are way, way cheaper than a beach vacation. 

 

I'm positive we spend more on our travels than meds would cost.  I wish all of us had that opportunity to choose, at least, for those travel would work for.  (I know some who hate travel and get more stressed rather than less.)

 

Had we won the powerball...

[creekland]

Meds are subsidized here. I pay $6.10/month for Lexapro. 

 

I can't even get a train to the city and back for $6!

 

I would be perfectly content if Medicare subsidized coastal travel instead :)

 

It really helps us that hubby continues his job when we travel.  Therefore, we don't take a hit in pay.  He just adjusts his hours so we can take those walks or spend time with our boys, etc.  He will take a few days totally off, but he's working now while I'm just browsing online.

 

But yes, we do still end up spending $$ - though get savings since I don't use any meds at the moment.  (I tried some - they didn't really work - so giving them up is hardly difficult.)

[sewingmama]

I take anti-depressants. They don't make me feel happy...they make me feel normal. I don't know of any prescription medication that makes you feel happy.. happiness is something you find yourself.

 

Being depressed is not the opposite of being happy. It's a whole other ballgame.

Edited March 2, 2016 by sewingmama

[Ausmumof3]

I'm going to take issue with this. No doctors I know are receiving kickbacks from the drug companies. They cannot even accept pens these days from them..no meals...no trips like long ago, so I believe that part has actually improved.

 

Sorry, sidetrack but I wanted to address that. Rules are very, very strict about that.

Interesting as there was a TED talk about a year ago where the dr said the direct opposite.

[sewingmama]

This is what I am wondering about. And I want to make clear that nobody is saying people on anti-depressants or any other prescribed drug should quit.

But I want to come back to this issue of coping with anguish, struggling, grief, etc.

 

We are two weeks past the day my bil died from brain cancer at a fairly young age. We are still grieving and there are painful moments and memories that come unbidden and can make us take a deep breath. My dh has not been sleeping well. We could take a little something - I am sure we could find a doc who would prescribe a little "upper," but even though it's still raw and painful right now, I feel we can struggle through this. Eventually, we will sleep better again, and the memories will make us smile instead of wipe our eyes. It will take time but I believe it's time well spent, grieving and remembering. I think the article was referring to this kind of "drug use" and not the kind where you are finally rendered functional. We are functioning, going to work, etc. but we are sad and it will take a while to process. But I don't want to numb this kind of pain and anguish - not because I feel it's a virtue but it will make me grow as a person.

People seem to get the idea that those who use anti depressants don't feel sad anymore. That is so not the case. Anti depressants bring you back to a point where you can actually start to feel and care and grieve again. When you are depressed you cant feel anything outside your own pain and you dont care about anything. You scream at your kids because even though you know it will hurt them ..you dont care. Your friend dies ..and you don't care...because all you can feel is your own misery. Anti deprresants make you start feeling again...feeling empathy, caring about what happens to other people. It isnt an escape from outside situations...its an escape from being trapped in your own world of sadness so acute you can not feel or care for anything else that goes in your life.

[Guest]

Leave it to me to feel strongly both ways...

 

But seriously, here is what I can say that is not a complete response but it is at least a sort of guiding principle idea.

 

Physical pain alerts us that something is wrong.  People who have no ability to feel pain are in great danger of physical injury.  But people who are debilitated by pain are also in danger of emotional/psychological injury.

 

I think the same principle works in the other directions.  Psychological pain or emotional pain is a signal that something is wrong.  It prods us toward taking action.  But when we have taken all the action we can, or are so debilitated that we can't take action, there may be reason for at *least*  a temporary amelioration that gives us some help in coming to the point where we CAN take steps. 

 

There are some causes for pain that never let up.  

 

I have chronic pain, and I'm not just talking through my hat.  I have for years.  But I have come to a place where I am able to be maybe not thankful for but to see the redemptive quality of the pain I suffer, because it has softened me, made me sympathetic, given me strength, that I would not have had without it.  It's managed, not obliterated.  My choice, and I'm thankful for the ways in which it has been redeemed.  And for the ways it has alerted me to things I need to change in my life, and for ways I can come alongside others who suffer.

 

But like I said, that's not a solution statement; it is aspirational and more along the lines of principle than curative.

 

[Joker]

These medicines aren't about being happy. Sometimes they are about not feeling so horrible you would rather take your own life than face another day. Sometimes they are about helping someone be functional enough to deal with the day to day. Sometimes they are about helping someone learn how to cope normally. Anti-depressants and anxiety medications don't make someone feel happy. They make them feel normal. 

 

Travel, vitamin D, exercise, good food, and the beach don't cut it. We lived for ten years in the sunshine state and only twenty minutes to the ocean. We were active and ate healthy.  It's not enough. Some really need the meds and ignoring it only makes it worse. I'm a parent who had to put a child on certain medications I never thought I would. Yet, now that it's all getting worked out (under the supervision of many doctors) I seem to have my child back. She seems to have her life back. She sees a future for herself. That's huge!

 

 

[SKL]

Speaking of pain meds, my dad's doctor prescribed Oxycontin for some pain related to a surgery he had.  He had to wean himself off of it very slowly, and it was extremely difficult, as each small reduction in dosage affected him greatly.  Addiction to that drug, at least, has nothing to do with social anything.  It's a very unwanted side effect.

[Liz CA]

Well, in defense of the Great Outdoors, I can say the walk we just finished on the beach did a ton for keeping my brain content - even though today is not the best day pain-wise, nor did it improve (or get worse) with the walk.

 

I think all of us ought to consider beach walks when we get "needy."  Brain contentment is an awesome feeling.  Actually, just listening to the waves (now) is also therapeutic.

 

For those who don't care for Big Water destinations, the mountains around Chattanooga also had gorgeous vistas.

 

Had we won the powerball a few weeks back, I'd even be able to offer scholarship assistance for these trips.  Sadly, that didn't happen.

 

Fortunately for us, we need to visit our kids periodically and one happened to pick Lookout Mountain for his home and another is in college next to Big Water.   :coolgleamA:

 

We opted not to visit Great White North right now.  That youngun gets to fly down for his spring break to be with us.  I'm pretty sure that will do loads more for his brain than building another snowman.  :lol:   Never underestimate some natural Vit D.

 

All of those are preferable to me than drugs of any sort.  However, my body reacts well to those - perhaps better than drugs.  The natural cures won't necessarily work for all, nor can all take the time off we're able to do (since hubby's job is portable).  

 

This works for me as well. What I mean is when I feel burnt out on the job, dragged down by something, sad or plain exhausted, watching the waves wash ashore is great. Now we all know this is not curing anyone's true depression but I think the point you are making is that to some degree we have to take better care of ourselves and find out what non-medical strategies can have a positive effect. Perhaps people in generations past were better at this. Fewer distractions, more time to hear oneself think.

 

[creekland]

This works for me as well. What I mean is when I feel burnt out on the job, dragged down by something, sad or plain exhausted, watching the waves wash ashore is great. Now we all know this is not curing anyone's true depression but I think the point you are making is that to some degree we have to take better care of ourselves and find out what non-medical strategies can have a positive effect. Perhaps people in generations past were better at this. Fewer distractions, more time to hear oneself think.

 

 

This is exactly what I mean.  As mentioned in my first post somewhere on this thread, no one is talking about telling those with real physical chemical imbalances that they need to choose alternatives instead - the same as we wouldn't tell a diabetic to choose these rather than insulin.  No one is telling those with major chronic pain issues that this will help over pain relievers either.

 

But many aren't in that category, and for those, other solutions are often as effective - or for some - more effective than meds.  They're worth trying if one can.  Obviously, one needs to pick something that does help them.  For me (and hubby) it's travel and/or The Great Outdoors.  On other threads folks have mentioned running/cleaning/food/etc.  Ruts and never giving the brain a break from them are not good for most of us.

 

Not good can build upon itself in a bad way.

 

When we can't actually travel, we have things around home (generally free) that we do.  Some of our walks leave right from our door.

 

Travel is not helping with the pain or health stuff I'm dealing with.  Meds haven't either (so far).  My brain is much better with travel than the meds even though neither fix the problem.

[ktgrok]

My husband could function without meds. But it was through sheer grit and a sense of responsibility. He was almost always in fight or flight, or had feelings of doom, self hatred, etc. With meds he's just evened out a bit so he can see logically what the situation is and deal with it. Of course, as strong as he is he dealt with the situation before, but couldn't sleep, was grumpy, moody, and miserable off and on for years. Now, he gets upset, but a normal upset. Then moves on. It's just SO different. And yes, there are some side effects. But they are worth it. 

 

Yesterday I had to give him bad news that a year ago would have stressed him out to the point of me worrying about his physical well being. But when I told him he got upset, then went about the rest of his evening. He as able to see the forest for the trees. He was able to hope things turn out okay. He was able to hug me as a coping mechanism instead of just freaking out. It was us facing a problem together instead of him shutting down. I cannot begin to describe how different his reaction was, and how INCREDIBLY grateful I am that he decided to try medication. Our marriage has always been good, but this is SO much better. Not because he's a zombie or doesn't feel worry or sadness, but because they don't overwhelm him anymore. 

 

So I say yay for better living through chemistry. Because it means I don't have to worry twice for every bad thing that happens. Once for the actual thing, and once for how my husband will handle it. Honestly, that was the situation before. Air conditioning would break and I'd have to worry about the air conditioning and how we would fix it, and worry about how my husband would handle it (he never was mean, or angry at anyone but himself, but he would shut down in worry and just be miserable). Now, we can both together just deal with the situation. I think that's a good thing. 

[pinkmint]

My thought is that happiness, depression and medicating ourselves is complicated and always has been. 

 

In my experience medication is not some magical solution. Every depression med I've been on came with some awful side effect. Sometimes people decide it's worth putting up with if it makes it easier to want to go on living. Sometimes not. 

 

General health, nutrition, past trauma and circumstances in a person's life are absolutely huge and with all the time and energy it takes just to survive, relatively few people have the resources to spend hours at a counselor, let alone find one that's actually a good fit. When people say "you need counseling" it's like, ok, that's the easy suggestion. Easier said than done in real life.