Advice, please

[IfIOnly]

Is there public transportation available? Are her workplaces close enough to bicycle to? What about carpooling?

 

I regularly biked several miles one way to work in my twenties just for the exercise. 

[Kerileanne99]

A difficult situation:(

 

If she been caught by the police and ticketed, a judge might have (at a minimum) assigned a driving course, fines, or community sevice. Is there a way for you to arrange community service in such a way as to see what the consequences of her actions could be?

[kiwik]

There are two separate issues in play.  One is insurance which you have to pay whether she drives or not by the sound of it until you sell the car (unless it is a second car not a third).  Two is whether she has use of the car.

 

I think it is time to get used to public transport.  If there are only buses in the morning and evening she does what the rest of us did and stay on campus all day.  You can get a lot of work done in the library.  If she can't get to jobs then she has more student debt at the end of college.

 

You could revisit it in a years time provided she is willing to do training and pay the extra insurance either in cash or in work for you.

Edited February 19, 2016 by kiwik

[Tammyla]

Our state also requires us to insure all licensed drivers living in our home.

 

In your case, I would take away the car and leave her insured.  I'm not sure how she would or could earn back the convince of the car, but that would be decision if it was an ongoing safety issue.

[Halftime Hope]

You would take the car away if she were an elderly parent who lacked the sound mind or physical capacity to drive, right?

 

But there are many things you can do to "give grace" while being firm on letting the consequences teach her a life lesson:

 

1) if alternate transportation will be really difficult to arrange, buy her a bike.  It's a pain, but for many of us, it was all we had, and it served well.  She *can* bike long distances if needed unless weather (icy roads, etc.) prohibits.  If weather prohibits, then she will need to arrange transportation of another kind, having a friend drive her, or something else.  This is her problem to figure out, not yours.

 

2) You can go get the car, but take her to the store first for a "stock up" run.  (Her dime, not yours.)

 

3)  You can go pick the car up when she will have a couple of days before her next need for a ride.  That way, because you've timed it gently, she won't be in a panic.

 

4) Outline for her what steps she can take to earn back the wheels, and the time frame you are willing to give her.  (This may entail her coming home and using the car at home for a competent driver course.)   

 

5) Finally, you might consider picking up the tab for the insurance while she is without the car. (We wouldn't, but you could if you want to.) 

 

Wishing you the best.  Parenting young adults can indeed be very challenging. You're in good company with many of us here.  :-)

 

 

[catz]

Many college age young adults learn to function without a vehicle.  We are in the upper Midwest, and people with the right tires and right clothing bike commute year round.  I went to college for several years without a vehicle.  I had an internship.  I biked, walked, rollarbladed, and bussed everywhere.  I fully intend on sending my kids to college without vehicles the first couple years for sure unless they end up living at home (we have many colleges bus accessible from our house).  I would take the car if she were dangerous and I'd be careful not putting anything out there you weren't really going to follow through on.  My parents had requirements for helping my brother and I through college and it included working and grade point.  I stayed true and on course.  My brother did not.  He got poor grades, smoked pot, got a DWI.  And my parents kept enabling him.  To this day, he is asking my widowed mother for help regularly and doesn't think through the consequences of his actions.

 

ETA - is she coming home for the summer?  I might consider letting her use the car for a job if she were living at home for the summer especially if you're paying for insurance and you think she's safe for daytime driving.

Edited February 19, 2016 by WoolySocks