Parent has autism (HFA), adult child neurotypical

[Jennifer132]

I had a friend approach me (I have a child with autism) because she has always had a damaged relationship with her dad, and recently thought he may have some autistic traits that she never properly understood, and took to mean that he didn't care for her. Do you all have any books or websites that help explain autism from the perspective of a neurotypical child growing up with an autistic parent? TIA!

[kbutton]

Not specifically from that point of view, but I would recommend Tony Atwood's book.

 

http://www.amazon.com/The-Complete-Guide-Aspergers-Syndrome/dp/1843106698

 

I would guess that she could find some firsthand accounts on blogs written by and for the autistic community.

[Jennifer132]

Not specifically from that point of view, but I would recommend Tony Atwood's book.

 

http://www.amazon.com/The-Complete-Guide-Aspergers-Syndrome/dp/1843106698

 

I would guess that she could find some firsthand accounts on blogs written by and for the autistic community.

Yes, I did recommend that book! :)

[PeterPan]

Not really what you asked, but I was trying to think about the odds have having an HFA parent and a completely NT dc.  Dunno, haven't seen stats on that.  I would also point out that if you go back just 50-70 years you'll have a lot of reserve that is *cultural* that, paired with the cognitively rigidity that can occur with ADHD or even just be cultural or driven by gender, could look a lot like ASD.  It just doesn't take much to get there, to what would create hurtful levels of indifference and dysfunction.  You could also see early Alzheimers or bipolar and also have similar symptoms and dysfunction.

 

As for a book, I don't know.  I know the key in dealing with my dad, who has multiple difficulties, is to go at him asking nothing and accepting him exactly as he is.  That's a hard place to get to as the adult child, but it can bring peace.

[LucyStoner]

Not really what you asked, but I was trying to think about the odds have having an HFA parent and a completely NT dc. Dunno, haven't seen stats on that. I would also point out that if you go back just 50-70 years you'll have a lot of reserve that is *cultural* that, paired with the cognitively rigidity that can occur with ADHD or even just be cultural or driven by gender, could look a lot like ASD. It just doesn't take much to get there, to what would create hurtful levels of indifference and dysfunction. You could also see early Alzheimers or bipolar and also have similar symptoms and dysfunction.

 

As for a book, I don't know. I know the key in dealing with my dad, who has multiple difficulties, is to go at him asking nothing and accepting him exactly as he is. That's a hard place to get to as the adult child, but it can bring peace.

I know people with HFA who have neurologically typical children. My son's best friend's father has ASD, and his older brother has ASD but he does not. Off hand I can think of a number of others as well.

 

I strongly suspect, due to how he behaves now and how his siblings and parents have described him as a small child, that my dad has some form of ASD. The things I have observed and heard are just so similar to my own son, who does have ASD. I do not have ASD and my father's only other biological child (my brother) does not have ASD.

[texasmama]

I relate to the OP's friend. Since my ds's dx with ASD, I have come to believe that my dad is on the spectrum. I am completely NT. I never felt loved by my father growing up. I now see that experience through a different lens.

[AndyJoy]

I relate to the OP's friend. Since my ds's dx with ASD, I have come to believe that my dad is on the spectrum. I am completely NT. I never felt loved by my father growing up. I now see that experience through a different lens.

I've been talking with my 2 female adult first cousins about their dad lately. Their mom divorced him when they were preteens and they felt completely rejected by him. Prior to the divorce she was always the one orchestrating interactions, and once they divorced he didn't have her coaching. He was pretty lost on his own--it seemed like something different than "deadbeat dad.". It wasn't on their radar until recently, but my mom and I think undiagnosed ASD explains some of it. Both his dad and son exhibit signs too. I'm going to follow as my cousins are interested in learning more.

[Sara in AZ]

After years of suspecting, we finally had DH's mother formally diagnosed as aspergers. (In 2012 right before the change in the DSM). It doesn't change anything about who she is, but having a label sure makes it easier to understand her. My FIL was NT, but definitely had some kind of dysfunction of his own that led to a childhood of poverty and insecurity for my DH. It was worse on his sisters, though, because they were more dependent on emotional nurturing from their mother that they never got. It is so sad hearing their stories about their childhood and the nurturing she just wasn't capable of giving. They are still trying to work through it. I wish that her own mother had understood more about autism and had made different choices in parenting MIL that could have changed the outcome for her, but it was so long ago and not on anybody's radar then.

 

This book gave me some good insight about my MIL:

 

http://www.amazon.com/gp/aw/d/0307396185/ref=mp_s_a_1_1?qid=1437972049&sr=8-1&pi=AC_SY200_QL40&keywords=look+me+in+the+eye+my+life+with+asperger%27s&dpPl=1&dpID=51AVQv6fmnL&ref=plSrch