kiana Posted February 16, 2015 Share Posted February 16, 2015 Why wouldn't the judge give her the option of taking the children and moving in with friends or relatives until he gets his act together? Just musing. It seems like the father's anger and the FIL's mental Illness seem to be the sticking points. Well, and the babies' weight. It seems like things might be managed better if they were separated for a while. She might have been offered it and refused? Honestly, I would have thought that would be the first thing they would do -- if they can split the parents when there is constant fighting, they usually do so. Being around one parent at a time is better than being around constant fighting that results in the police being called. Seriously, if you don't want to look like someone who shouldn't have custody of kids, don't call the police to mediate your fights with your boyfriend. (personally I have a feeling, given that he's been arrested and charged with dv before, that the police were probably necessary for the safety of one or both parents, but this is solely my opinion and could easily be wrong). http://www.bellinghamherald.com/2014/12/05/4012570_court-return-rengo-children-to.html This article says that not only did he get off from a DV charge on a plea bargain, but there was a warrant out for his arrest because part of the plea bargain included anger management classes, which he had not attended. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Barb_ Posted February 16, 2015 Share Posted February 16, 2015 She might have been offered it and refused? Honestly, I would have thought that would be the first thing they would do -- if they can split the parents when there is constant fighting, they usually do so. Being around one parent at a time is better than being around constant fighting that results in the police being called. Seriously, if you don't want to look like someone who shouldn't have custody of kids, don't call the police to mediate your fights with your boyfriend. (personally I have a feeling, given that he's been arrested and charged with dv before, that the police were probably necessary for the safety of one or both parents, but this is solely my opinion and could easily be wrong). http://www.bellinghamherald.com/2014/12/05/4012570_court-return-rengo-children-to.html This article says that not only did he get off from a DV charge on a plea bargain, but there was a warrant out for his arrest because part of the plea bargain included anger management classes, which he had not attended. Exactly my train of thought. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ottakee Posted February 16, 2015 Share Posted February 16, 2015 Why wouldn't the judge give her the option of taking the children and moving in with friends or relatives until he gets his act together? Just musing. It seems like the father's anger and the FIL's mental Illness seem to be the sticking points. Well, and the babies' weight. It seems like things might be managed better if they were separated for a while. Again, not having seen the court transcripts, it is likely that was offered. In most cases in our area, if there is one offending parent the other parent can keep the kids if they have no contact with the problem parent.........but 90% of the time they chose to stay with the other parent and lose the kids. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Barb_ Posted February 16, 2015 Share Posted February 16, 2015 Again, not having seen the court transcripts, it is likely that was offered. In most cases in our area, if there is one offending parent the other parent can keep the kids if they have no contact with the problem parent.........but 90% of the time they chose to stay with the other parent and lose the kids. And that's the point where they lose me. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kiana Posted February 16, 2015 Share Posted February 16, 2015 And that's the point where they lose me. Frequently, someone who has an abusive partner doesn't believe that they're actually abusive or that they would hurt the kids, even if he's just blacked her eye again. "But he said he was sorry" "But he will never do it again" "But he is going to go to counseling" And of course then the state looks like the big bullies because she can't/won't/is psychologically incapable of realizing that she's shackled herself to an abusive deadbeat :( Also sometimes, she can't/won't leave because she's genuinely concerned that he is going to hunt her down and kill her, while if the state takes the kids and she stays with him, the kids are relatively safe. This is one of the saddest things (it happened to a personal friend of mine several years back ... it's sorted now). Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Barb_ Posted February 16, 2015 Share Posted February 16, 2015 Frequently, someone who has an abusive partner doesn't believe that they're actually abusive or that they would hurt the kids, even if he's just blacked her eye again. "But he said he was sorry" "But he will never do it again" "But he is going to go to counseling" And of course then the state looks like the big bullies because she can't/won't/is psychologically incapable of realizing that she's shackled herself to an abusive deadbeat :( Also sometimes, she can't/won't leave because she's genuinely concerned that he is going to hunt her down and kill her, while if the state takes the kids and she stays with him, the kids are relatively safe. This is one of the saddest things (it happened to a personal friend of mine several years back ... it's sorted now). Like Stockholm syndrome. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
gardenmom5 Posted February 16, 2015 Share Posted February 16, 2015 kiana, on 15 Feb 2015 - 6:29 PM, said: Frequently, someone who has an abusive partner doesn't believe that they're actually abusive or that they would hurt the kids, even if he's just blacked her eye again. "But he said he was sorry" "But he will never do it again" "But he is going to go to counseling" And of course then the state looks like the big bullies because she can't/won't/is psychologically incapable of realizing that she's shackled herself to an abusive deadbeat :( Also sometimes, she can't/won't leave because she's genuinely concerned that he is going to hunt her down and kill her, while if the state takes the kids and she stays with him, the kids are relatively safe. This is one of the saddest things (it happened to a personal friend of mine several years back ... it's sorted now). with her head butting the police officer, and kicking etc. her response was pretty extreme, even for a mom trying to stop someone taking her kids. somehow, I don't think the dv was completely one sided. It would never even occur to me to headbutt someone, no matter the circumstances. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kiwik Posted February 16, 2015 Share Posted February 16, 2015 OK. Yes you can mix the formula wrong etc and babies do tend to drink more from a bottle but both mine stopped drinking when they were full. It is more likely the babies gained weight because they were getting more food. Producing breast milk for 3 babies would require a level of nutrition that she is unlikely to have had. There is exema in greatly varying levels. A friend of mine took a baby she was caring for because the mother was temporarily unable for excema and got sent to the hospital. A large number of children are admitted to hospital every year because they have been treated with alternative and traditional methods. I have a cousin who is paediatric A and E doctor in a poor area who says that by the time she gets them they need IV antibiotics and fluids and are often permanently scarred. For mild cases though alternative treatments can work well but personally when it is me I will choose a steroid cream and quick relief any day. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kiana Posted February 16, 2015 Share Posted February 16, 2015 OK. Yes you can mix the formula wrong etc and babies do tend to drink more from a bottle but both mine stopped drinking when they were full. It is more likely the babies gained weight because they were getting more food. Producing breast milk for 3 babies would require a level of nutrition that she is unlikely to have had. I can't imagine doing that. I mean, even our sheep struggle with more than 2, and they're bred to have twins. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
maize Posted February 16, 2015 Share Posted February 16, 2015 I can't imagine doing that. I mean, even our sheep struggle with more than 2, and they're bred to have twins. I know people who have tandem nursed three and everything went great. Some of us out here produce massive quantities of milk--I've nursed a baby and a toddler several times, and my babies have always been right at the top of the growth charts; I have no doubt I could breastfeed three at a time if needed. I do eat enormous amounts of food when tandem nursing though, in the 4000 calorie per day range... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Xahm Posted February 16, 2015 Share Posted February 16, 2015 I know people who have tandem nursed three and everything went great. Some of us out here produce massive quantities of milk--I've nursed a baby and a toddler several times, and my babies have always been right at the top of the growth charts; I have no doubt I could breastfeed three at a time if needed. I do eat enormous amounts of food when tandem nursing though, in the 4000 calorie per day range... Me too! When I had a toddler and a little baby I was still overproducing like crazy! After the toddler weaned, about 2 days later I was shocked to feel full after eating a meal. I had gone many months needing so much food that my stomach could be full and I could still be craving more calories at the same time. Looking back on it it seems weird, but it was normal for a long time for me. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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