mmasc Posted January 25, 2015 Share Posted January 25, 2015 I've gained valuable education advice from this forum. So now I'm coming to seek advice on something I feel completely overwhelmed and clueless about, in spite of my research. My father has been in declining health with dementia/Parkinsons. My mom is his caregiver and they live in their own home. I live about 3 hours away. He can longer stay alone, so we have finally gotten it arranged for home health care to come 3 times a week to help with bathing, and some therapy. That has been great, but what I can't seem to figure out is how we get some respite care for my mom. She is pretty healthy, only 62 yrs old, and getting very depressed being home. She cannot go anywhere without him and if he doesn't want to go then she can't either. Sadly, she also doesn't have the best personality for this (easily irritated, easily frustrated, sad) So here are my specific questions I guess: --My Dad has Tricare (retired) and Medicare. Do either of these pay for just a 'sitter'? --Or, they *might* qualify for state Medicaid, does this pay for a sitter? Is it worth checking on/the hassle of paperwork? (We haven't pursued this at all yet) --where do we find a sitter? Do we ask his current health care agency if they provide this service (even if we are just going to private pay)? I try to look on websites and research, but it is truly a nightmare. I feel like I'm going through a maze with no end results--numerous websites, links to other sites, and on and on. My dad is only 67 and after seeing them this past weekend I've discovered that I have to intervene and help get my mom some relief. They cannot survive this way for long. My DH even said it was looking like a 'toxic' relationship and situation. This is all so new to me. I still have little ones age 9 and under that I'm schooling and caring for. But I know my parents need help. Any advice welcome and appreciated. Thank you! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Annie Elle Posted January 25, 2015 Share Posted January 25, 2015 Dementia is such a horrible thing! I'm sorry your family is going through this. Try to find a social worker in your parents area that works with the elderly. Social workers are incredible resources with elder care. They know the programs out there, who quailifies for it and how to get it paid for. Two companies for elder care that come to my mind are Home Instead and Visiting Angels. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Twigs Posted January 25, 2015 Share Posted January 25, 2015 :grouphug: :grouphug: :grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
NorthwestMom Posted January 25, 2015 Share Posted January 25, 2015 Is there a Senior Center in your parent's area? Our local Senior Center has an Adult Day Program for people who need supervision and care. Then your mom could have a day in her own house! Even if they don't have an adult day program, the senior center may know about other programs, good home care, etc. :grouphug: :grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
GailV Posted January 25, 2015 Share Posted January 25, 2015 Is there a Senior Center in your parent's area? Our local Senior Center has an Adult Day Program for people who need supervision and care. Then your mom could have a day in her own house! Even if they don't have an adult day program, the senior center may know about other programs, good home care, etc. :grouphug: :grouphug: Some churches are offering Adult Daycare, too. The ones I know of are larger places where you might expect to find a child daycare. I didn't even know this was a thing until someone pointed it out to me very recently. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mmasc Posted January 25, 2015 Author Share Posted January 25, 2015 Is there a Senior Center in your parent's area? Our local Senior Center has an Adult Day Program for people who need supervision and care. Then your mom could have a day in her own house! Even if they don't have an adult day program, the senior center may know about other programs, good home care, etc. :grouphug: :grouphug: I think there is only one in their town, but we haven't looked into it yet. My Mom feels like he will be even more anxious and antsy if he's outside of his home, but I think it's worth checking on. Thank you for the reminder of this option. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mmasc Posted January 25, 2015 Author Share Posted January 25, 2015 Dementia is such a horrible thing! I'm sorry your family is going through this. Try to find a social worker in your parents area that works with the elderly. Social workers are incredible resources with elder care. They know the programs out there, who quailifies for it and how to get it paid for. Two companies for elder care that come to my mind are Home Instead and Visiting Angels. Thank you Annie Elle for the suggestion. I had not even thought of this! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mmasc Posted January 25, 2015 Author Share Posted January 25, 2015 Some churches are offering Adult Daycare, too. The ones I know of are larger places where you might expect to find a child daycare. I didn't even know this was a thing until someone pointed it out to me very recently. I would have never thought of this, but I will definitely check on it. They don't live in a big city, but there are a couple of large churches. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ottakee Posted January 25, 2015 Share Posted January 25, 2015 I would contact their senior center for resources and ideas. They often even have support groups and classes for the main caregiver. They also are good at working with insurances and knowing what resources are available. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Reefgazer Posted January 25, 2015 Share Posted January 25, 2015 There are LPNs who can come in and babysit for the day, or half a day, to give your mother respite. They can do this at night or during the day. If you and your siblings can split the cost, it can be manageable, although I don't think it is reimbursed by any government program, so it would totally be your out-of-pocket cost. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Posted January 25, 2015 Share Posted January 25, 2015 I know your dad isn't ready for hospice, but my dad has recently entered the "in-home" hospice phase of life. I was shocked at the benefits that are provided him and my mom. (My sister lives with them but has a full time job and can't always be there.) Hospice provides respite care for up to a week for the caregiver, in addition to coming by and helping with bathing and meds and therapeutic massage. They are the go-to number when my dad falls (so my mom doesn't have to call 911 and the resulting fire engine and 2 aid cars that show up) just to get my dad back on his feet. The benefits were a complete surprise to me. The reason I mention it is the last sentence. Who knew? We didn't until we asked. I would call the senior center to ask for referral to both government and private resources your family can draw on. I looked into a Visting Angels TYPE of organization a couple of years back. You can set up whatever schedule you want, but they generally have a 3-hour minimum, whether that is once a week or 7 days a week. The rates ranged from $17-25 per hour. But if your mom could get out 2 afternoons a week, that might save her sanity. The other thing that I have seen in our area is Adult Day Care, and I have asked a few questions about this, mostly about drop-in. Some have to be regular attendees, but some allow a certain number of drop ins a week. That would be worth looking into. Lots of people have given good advice here; mostly I just wanted to encourage you to look into some of these things they have suggested because I have been completely shocked at the benefits available both mentioned here and not mentioned here. I had an interesting side-effect happen, too. A couple of years ago, my dad couldn't put on his socks anymore. We were hoping we could find someone who could drop in daily to put on his compression socks, but when we found out about a 3hour minimum and the attendant costs, suddenly he could put his socks on again. And did fine for another 18 monhts. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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