Homeschooling an only child through High School?

[NoPlaceLikeHome]

Anyone do this successfully and still have a happy kid? My kid is in a good middle school,but like any school it is not as good as homeschool when it comes to being able to allow a kid to maximize their time to pursue their dreams. His school and homework currently eats up a lot of his free time so there is very little time to pursue other interests. We live in a big city so there is a lot to do here but it is hard to hook up with older homeschoolers so I would be hard pressed to replicate what he has now which is a lot of nerdy kids like him in this school. My kid is friendly but shy and therefore has never really had friends that he has seen outside of classes and activities on a regular basis. He also has some social awkwardness which we have worked on extensively so this school also gives him lots of practice working his social muscles so to speak.

 

Any thoughts?

[KarenNC]

I wouldn't base the decision either way solely on the number of potential friends. We moved to our neighborhood primarily because it had lots of kids, but my daughter never really connected with any of them long-term. She's found her friends by participating in activities she enjoys. She has a wide circle of casual friends she doesn't see much outside of activities and a couple with whom she is closer. Quantity doesn't equal quality. It sounds like he is not necessarily connecting very closely with the "kids like him" at the school despite their numbers, so I'm wondering how much they are really like him (from his perspective) and how much overwhelming value there would be either in keeping him in the situation only for that reason or trying to replicate the situation at home. 

 

Are there groups (for homeschoolers only or not) in which he is involved outside of school or would like to be if he had time? Do you think he is more likely to find a few kids who share his interests and with whom he might find a deeper connection if he had the time to pursue his dreams? Some people only need a few close friends and just because he might be homeschooled doesn't mean the only possible source of friends is other homeschoolers. My daughter's best friend is in public school and they connected through aikido, for instance. She also does things like participate in an anime and manga club at the library (don't know if any others are homeschoolers) and community theater (backstage work), as well as a homeschool co-op.

[elegantlion]

I also agree that I wouldn't base the choice on potential of friends. For ds, I wanted him to have free time to pursue interests and I wanted him to be able to study academic subjects (as in foreign language) that was interesting to him. He's quite happy with how he is schooled. He's also quite happy in his person despite not having a lot of peer-aged friends. We live in a rural area without a lot of outlets, but if we were in a larger city, he'd have more choice in activities. Ds and I always discussed the pros/cons of homeschooling here. He likes the benefits of homeschooling, so we've continued. 

[NoPlaceLikeHome]

I agree that quantity is not the be all and end all. I myself only ever had a a couple of friends at any given time. It is only in this past year that he has made a couple of friends that he has communicated with outside of school but only by email or at extra-curricular activities at school. Also, at lunch he has a a couple of kids he regularly talks with which does not sound like much but which is a big deal for us since we have never managed to find smart nerdy kids outside of this school despite doing tons of activities in the past. There was also concerns of possible very mild AS in the past and we worked very hard with social skills so I do worry a little about his success socially.

 

Now previously we did live in a much smaller area and now live in a big city so that may be why we are finally meeting some kids to hook up with but it is still difficult since being a big city in order for kids to connect you have to bring them together so to speak if it is outside of school time. There also does not seem to be much in the way of older homeschoolers inside the city and I am driving challenged. Now there are lots of activities here it seems but the activities at the school are much easier to access. 

 

In regards to socialization and homeschoolers, I have never subscribed to the idea that kids miss out on socialization if they do not attend school for the record either. In fact, I do believe that sometimes school can have negative socialization!  Thankfully the school has a great curricula in comparison to most schools and has a lot of kids who value education. I just hate that it eats almost all of his time and therefore he has very little time to pursue any interests. I also know that if we did homeschool his curricula and opportunities to learn can even be greater.

[Woodland Mist Academy]

We've found that as the years go by more and more children enroll in school. By high school there are relatively few still homeschooling. My daughter has found it easier to make connections with other teens who have similar interests, as opposed to basing relationships solely on where they attend school. We have found it exceedingly difficult to find intensely academic homeschoolers, although we have met less academic homeschoolers/unschoolers/non-schoolers in droves. My daughter has found it easier to connect with serious students who have similar interests and who happen to attend public or private schools. Does that mean we've decided to enroll her in school? Well, to be honest, it's crossed our mind. The catch is that sitting in a classroom with these teens wouldn't add much more to their relationships, and it might negatively affect the academic extra-curricular activities my daughter is able to do. Not to mention her education would no longer be tailored to meet her needs. Also many (most?) of the teens are older, so if she were in school that would negate many of the benefits she gets from spending time with the older students because she would be with students her own age.

 

Sometimes it can be hard to get a clear perspective. I often find I need to try to get a rational picture of both situations, rather than the worst case of one and the best case of the other. Neither is going to be perfect. There are no guarantees. The best we can do is to make the ever useful pro and con list, tally the results, and hope for the best. Actually, that's not quite true. We can make adjustments later on, although since we're dealing with high school they can be a tad more tricky.

[KarenNC]

Given the additional information, I would be hesitant to homeschool because of the transportation issues. Honestly, unless you have a stellar public transportation system *and* the types of places you might find the activities he enjoys are easily accessible by that system, it sounds like your options would be severely limited. I have seen the difference in the homeschool experience for my daughter vs my godson, who lives in a bigger city area but whose mother couldn't drive. I would be strongly inclined to at least give 9th grade a shot at the high school to see how things go.

 

Things to consider:

• Will the kids he's connecting to go to the same high school program he will?
• What sorts of opportunities will be available in high school to pursue his interests? The options are usually so much more flexible at the high school level than the middle school level.
• High schools sometimes pull from more than one middle school, so there might be a larger group that shares his interests.
• If you homeschooled for 9th grade, how difficult would it be to go back into the public school if you decided it wasn't working out? What effect would that have on his college plans (GPA, class rank, etc) or access to higher level classes at the high school? Will they accept homeschool classes for pre-reqs for things like AP?
• If you pulled him, what activities could you realistically access on an ongoing basis? We drive about 40 min to our aikido dojo several times a week, 30 min to our co-op once a week to try to find secular homeschooling high schoolers with a higher proportion interested in serious academics, 20 or so min to get to the theater when she's doing a play, etc and this is all one way times only. I won't lie, it gets old at times. I could not access these via public transportation even if I was willing to spend a much longer time dealing with bus schedules.
• The kids he meets at school are likely to live in the area. For us, the distance to activities makes getting together outside of activity times difficult to schedule. My daughter depends pretty heavily on texting, etc to stay in touch.
• Don't discount how much it might cost to access the kinds of classes and other activities he may want to pursue outside of school. "Nerdy" to me implies higher academic ability. Some of the reasons we strongly considered public high school were that AP classes run in the $600-$900 range each privately and I didn't want to try to set up labs at home for science (and that for a non-science-oriented kid). The hybrid program our local school system recently started as well as the option for dual enrollment later on made the difference for us. If his interests are foreign language or science, those can be difficult or very expensive to provide at home. If money is not an issue, that may not be an obstacle for you.

[ZooRho]

I did in some ways, my youngest was home 5 years after my oldest left home.  I think there were days it was hard. but I know in the end I'm glad we did it.  

He was a competitive swimmer though so had lots of time with others outside of our house.

[Woodland Mist Academy]

Transportation issues would be a major consideration for me. They might be a deal-breaker for homeschooling high school.

[...................]

I have had a few friends that have done that but mom was out of the house driving kid around 24/7 to activities, to see people and get to volunteer, job, sports, etc.  

 

I scrolled up and checked but I missed where you talked about transportation issues.  If you live in a big city, take the bus or the subway.  THat's what they are for.  I don't even live in a big city and I plan to teach both my kids to use the light rail systems and even the bus.  I can't understand why transportation would ever be an issue in the city.  Even if that means you sit on the subway together until you think he is smart enough not to let himself become a target, then go together.  

 

BUT I am not saying you should homeschool. It sounds like he is happy and school is working.  :o)

[...................]

OH and yes Homeschooling academic kids who want to be involved in sports, art, piano, academics, etc. and take special courses is getting VERY expensive.  If my kids were in school they would get PE twice a week, all their AP classes, art club, band, etc. etc, and it would all be in one spot and all free at public school or even if they went to the two day a week classical school it's almost looking like it'll break even!  Right now between the sports, music, activities and gas we are spending 5,000.00 per year for two kids.  For 2K more they could go to the two day per week school.

[KarenNC]

I have had a few friends that have done that but mom was out of the house driving kid around 24/7 to activities, to see people and get to volunteer, job, sports, etc.  

 

I scrolled up and checked but I missed where you talked about transportation issues.  If you live in a big city, take the bus or the subway.  THat's what they are for.  I don't even live in a big city and I plan to teach both my kids to use the light rail systems and even the bus.  I can't understand why transportation would ever be an issue in the city.  Even if that means you sit on the subway together until you think he is smart enough not to let himself become a target, then go together.  

 

BUT I am not saying you should homeschool. It sounds like he is happy and school is working.   :o)

 

She said she was "driving challenged." You cannot assume that "big city" equals a good public transportation system or that that system goes to where the person needs to go even close to the time he needs to get there. We lived in the largest city in our state (16th largest city in the country) and I couldn't take the bus to work, shopping, etc because the bus system was set up primarily to take people to the center city in the am and back out in the pm. No subway, only got light rail recently, and it only serves one sector of the city (again, taking them into the center city from one suburb).

 

Now, if one lived somewhere like San Francisco, Boston, DC, New York, yes, it would likely be workable. I know in SF, at least, public and private school kids take the city bus to and from school all the time, but here, there's a separate school bus system because the public transportation wouldn't work. There are not bus stops near the vast majority of the public or private schools.

[regentrude]

I am homeschooling my teens through high school. Granted, they each have a sibling, but they really do not do much with each other.

Socializing has NOT been an issue! My DD met young people at the barn where she rides, in her choir, and through her dual enrollment classes at the university. My DS made friends in his various martial arts classes and at his job. We have participated in a homeschool group for a while; DS made two friends there, but DD never did. Having other homeschoolers around is in no way necessary for teens to have active social lives.

 

Incidentally, many of DS's friends happen to be homeschooled, yet he did not befriend them through homeschool specific activities, but his sports classes and work.

[Mom22ns]

As the parent of an AS child who will graduate from high school this year, I will say that social opportunities don't have to revolve around school. For my ds they have revolved around church. Neither of my kids hang out with other homeschoolers at all. Ds's two best friends are both in the IB program in the next school district over. Dd's best friends come from gym, church, and a summer camp for the disabled where she has volunteered the last two years. Ds's social skill improved by leaps and bounds by being removed from ps and not being forced into so many difficult social situations, but finding (with some effort at first) more positive social opportunities instead.

 

That said, if your ds has social challenges, is in a good place socially at school and you would have trouble, because of transportation issues, replicating the social opportunities, I would certainly consider that. I guess I would want to think about how positive the social opportunities are at school? Is he being bullied? Is he happy there? Does he have real friends or is he just getting by? If there isn't a lot that is positive there, I would let it hold you back. I don't blame you for giving it thorough consideration though.

[LibraryLover]

Nm misunderstood question.

[NoPlaceLikeHome]

She said she was "driving challenged." You cannot assume that "big city" equals a good public transportation system or that that system goes to where the person needs to go even close to the time he needs to get there. We lived in the largest city in our state (16th largest city in the country) and I couldn't take the bus to work, shopping, etc because the bus system was set up primarily to take people to the center city in the am and back out in the pm. No subway, only got light rail recently, and it only serves one sector of the city (again, taking them into the center city from one suburb).

 

Now, if one lived somewhere like San Francisco, Boston, DC, New York, yes, it would likely be workable. I know in SF, at least, public and private school kids take the city bus to and from school all the time, but here, there's a separate school bus system because the public transportation wouldn't work. There are not bus stops near the vast majority of the public or private schools.

I do happen to live in one of the above cities which has a good public transportation system. :o However, the only homeschool groups with older kids seem to be outside the city in places not as accessible to public transportation. I know I need to think outside the box if I ever want to homeschool here bit am having trouble doing so. Where I used to live it was easier since he was younger and I could drive around there to various activities. Thank goodness his social experiences at the school have been a 7 to 8 on a scale of 1 to 10 with 10 being the most positive. There are a ton of very smart kids who like education at his school. In regards to bullying, I would say he experienced last year a 2 or 3 on a scale of 1 to 10 for a very short period time. I am careful to keep the lines of communication open in regards to things at school since I am sensitive to bullying issues since I experienced and/or witnessed severe bullying when I was a kid and feel that bullying is not beneficial to a kid at all.

[Sunshine State Sue]

Anyone do this successfully and still have a happy kid?

 

Any thoughts?

 

We homeschooled our only child through high school.  Technically.  He took many classes at CC, a few at home, PS, and through online providers.

 

I don't know if it was the best option.  PS was not an option due to poor academics, but sometimes I think he would have been happier at a private school or the PS collegiate high school program.  However, he was very, very resistant to both those options.  I know academically, homeschooling was the best choice.  Socially, it was fairly isolating.  It did allow ds to pursue his passion, basketball, supported by weight lifting.  Although there were plenty of PS athletes who did as much.  IMO, ds spent way too many hours playing video games. 

 

A happy kid?  Ds was a happy, outgoing, friendly child until puberty hit.  Then, he switched to fairly quiet and introverted.  He had few friends during high school.  Honestly, it's slim picking here for bright and athletic kids.  There is a decent homeschool group here with older teens, but nearly everything conflicted with CC/PS/basketball.  And, the vast majority of the homeschooled teens were interested in the arts rather than athletics.

 

All that said, he is loving college surrounded by bright and athletic students.  When I asked him about his teammates, he said that they were all just.like.him.  I will also mention that ds, being unused/unaware/unaccustomed to peer dependence, has a strong sense of his goals and values and is not easily swayed by peer's opinions.  That's worth a lot to me. 

 

So, although I would not say that his high school years were happy years (not awful either), college years look to be much more promising.

 

Good luck with your decision.

 

[MarkT]

1)  The student should have significant input at this age level.

2)  Learning to use your free time well is an important part of life. College and job/career loom ahead.

3)  Use "after-schooling" where necessary to fill in the education gaps if you continue with bricks and mortar. (A couple of days each week in the summer works great).