marbel Posted June 7, 2014 Share Posted June 7, 2014 I received an invitation to a bridal shower today. Included was a request to bring an appetizer or dessert. I was pretty stunned by that. I've planned lots of showers and have sometimes had co-hosts/organizers to help with food, but never the guests. I am not a close friend of the guest of honor, and don't know the host at all. It was part of the printed invitation. I can't go to it (time conflict), but if I could, I would, and would take something. I wouldn't complain about it. But I can see how some people might not be able to buy both a gift and pay for food to take to a shower, or might have to buy a lesser gift than they would like. Am I just out of touch? Are pot-luck showers common? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mommyof4ks Posted June 7, 2014 Share Posted June 7, 2014 We had a pot luck reception at our wedding, because we were poor college kids who had $1000 to spend on the entire wedding lol. A pot luck shower would not bother me, however pot lucks are common here for any occasion, so it would not change my gift amount at all. Of course we are no longer poor college students, so that helps. :) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
marbel Posted June 7, 2014 Author Share Posted June 7, 2014 I've been to potluck weddings too, and those were also just close friends and family. For some reason a potluck wedding seems less odd to me than a potluck shower. I would not let it affect my gift-giving either but I can imagine some people could not fit both a gift and a nice appetizer or dessert into their budget. I don't mean to say that people would buy a lesser gift to be nasty about being asked to contribute food. (Not sure if that's how I came across in the OP.) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LostSurprise Posted June 7, 2014 Share Posted June 7, 2014 Desserts do not have to be that expensive. Make a pan of brownies or something. It's common here, but usually the potluck aspect is filled by the extended family, not the friends (or in case of a friend-only shower, the inner circle). It's a way to spread the cost through the inner group without having one person collect money (which can end up awkward or with one person bearing most of the cost). Sometimes it's also used when the host is making a meal, not just snacks or appetizers. It saves them time and spreads the cost of the easier/cheaper items. In this area of the Midwest though, the shower seems to be given by the group to the person in question. One person 'runs' it and spends the most time and money on it, but everyone knows each other and feel comfortable contributing toward making it a fun time for the person of interest. If I'm invited to a shower I usually ask if I can bring or do something. I'm not a guest, I'm a participant. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
KungFuPanda Posted June 8, 2014 Share Posted June 8, 2014 I'd probably get an awesome dish, put some delicious food in it, and make that the gift. The bride-to-be gets some great cookware and I only have to bring one thing. I'm really into food and cookware, so the whole thing seems fun to me. I'd consider it different and interesting rather than tacky. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
G5052 Posted June 8, 2014 Share Posted June 8, 2014 In my circles, that's pretty common. I remember them doing it that way where I came from, and then most of the showers I've been to since are that way unless a relative organizes them. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Myeightkiddies Posted June 8, 2014 Share Posted June 8, 2014 I haven't been to a potluck shower or wedding; however, due to the rising (and ridiculous) cost of weddings, I'm ok with it. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
medawyn Posted June 8, 2014 Share Posted June 8, 2014 Hmmm, never heard of or been invited to a potluck bridal shower. The only "potluck" shower I've been invited to was a "stock the freezer" shower for a baby shower. Now THAT is an awesome idea for a mom-to-be. (And in that case, the food was the gift.) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ocelotmom Posted June 8, 2014 Share Posted June 8, 2014 I like potlucks. They don't bother me for any occasion. And I agree that the cost of a potluck dish doesn't have to be so much that it would detract from the gift budget to any significant extent unless it was a gourmet potluck or something. It would raise my eyebrows a little if someone held a potluck shower and included a registry of all expensive items or otherwise indicated that they wanted to frugal it out but expected others to behave traditionally towards them. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
chocolatechip Posted June 8, 2014 Share Posted June 8, 2014 I like potlucks as well. I wouldn't find it tacky at all. However, I'm probably not the best indicator as I also find potluck weddings perfectly acceptable: the family is very sanely solving the food issue instead of trying to foot a bill they really couldn't afford for an expensive catered dinner. Plus, I like the more casual atmosphere. But that's me. Your mileage may vary. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Melissa in Australia Posted June 8, 2014 Share Posted June 8, 2014 we had a bring a dish wedding reception. some were asked to bring a dessert and others a salad. my parents provided the meat. It worked really well. Just about all the guests were from the church we belonged to at the time. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kitten18 Posted June 8, 2014 Share Posted June 8, 2014 EVERY bridal/baby shower I went to when I was growing up was pot-luck. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Camelfeet Posted June 8, 2014 Share Posted June 8, 2014 I love potlucks. Someone always brings one of those casseroles that some sort of creamy base and have potato chips and hashbrowns on top. Its like cake for people who like salt. I've never been to a potluck shower but I'd go if I could and I don't think I'd consider it tacky because i like food. :D Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AK_Mom4 Posted June 8, 2014 Share Posted June 8, 2014 My bridal shower was pot luck. But there was only one person there that wasn't close family (we were new to the area) and I would have had to tie up my relatives to stop them from bringing food to a family get-together of any kind. That's just the family culture - everyone brings something. It was a bridal shower, but all the guys showed up and hung out in the back yard. Cause that's what happens at family gatherings, ya know? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Garga Posted June 8, 2014 Share Posted June 8, 2014 In some areas potluck weddings/showers are considered very tacky. In other areas, they're considered perfectly normal. Around here, it could go either way, depending on the people invited. Some people are very low key, some would expect food to be prepared for them. I don't care either way. I guess I would prefer if they provide the food, but that's just because I don't enjoy cooking. I can't think of any event recently that hasn't been potluck around here, but I haven't been to any weddings in a long time. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
marbel Posted June 8, 2014 Author Share Posted June 8, 2014 Interesting. So many of y'all find potluck showers a matter of course and in over 50 years this is my first. Well, as I said, I would go, take a dish, and not complain. But it doesn't matter anyway, since I can't make it. I do think potluck weddings are different and have been to at least one of those. Just a couple of things that struck me, and just for the sake of argument/discussion :D - a couple of people mentioned the high cost of weddings and that potluck makes sense. But the people giving a shower aren't the people paying for the wedding. It's friends of the bride, not her or her parents or sister(s), who give a shower. So wedding costs don't factor in at all. And it is true that a dessert or appetizer doesn't have to be expensive. But, if that's the case, then it wouldn't be very expensive for the shower hosts either. If, say, 3 friends get together to give a shower with 15 guests, they each just have to make one thing. If each of 15 guests brings a dish, that's way more food than is needed. Of course leftovers are fun! :D Anyway, I'm not arguing, just thinking about what is to me a new thing. I agree that it might be a "where you live" sort of thing too. I love the idea of taking a beautiful dish and making that the gift! That would be a shower theme I could really get into! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kathryn Posted June 8, 2014 Share Posted June 8, 2014 I've been to a potluck shower where the food itself was the main theme. Everyone was requested to write down recipes on index cards to stock a recipe box for the bride. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LostSurprise Posted June 9, 2014 Share Posted June 9, 2014 Just a couple of things that struck me, and just for the sake of argument/discussion :D - a couple of people mentioned the high cost of weddings and that potluck makes sense. But the people giving a shower aren't the people paying for the wedding. It's friends of the bride, not her or her parents or sister(s), who give a shower. So wedding costs don't factor in at all. And it is true that a dessert or appetizer doesn't have to be expensive. But, if that's the case, then it wouldn't be very expensive for the shower hosts either. If, say, 3 friends get together to give a shower with 15 guests, they each just have to make one thing. If each of 15 guests brings a dish, that's way more food than is needed. Of course leftovers are fun! :D Where I'm from it's not unusual for the mother (or older, established sister) to give a bridal/baby shower (although there's also a 50/50 chance the parents pay for a wedding). It's usually someone close to the person of interest. A friend shower is usually just for friends, and they are much rarer with the crazy schedules of young people (either with young children or unstable work schedules). In a shower things add up. If you serve a meal, sometimes the extra $20 to make 2-3 desserts isn't that bad (although hey, if you're young and poor $20 is a big deal) but the time involved might be difficult to pack in. Usually a shower is on one person. If you're lucky there are more then one of you hosting, but that's not always the case (and if it is the case the others are not always reliable in terms of time, money, interest). As for the 15 people bringing desserts, that's not likely here. What's more likely is that the person running the shower ask 3-7 of the closest friends/relatives to bring a certain type of dish to defray the costs. Think of them as junior hosts with fewer expectations. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
marbel Posted June 9, 2014 Author Share Posted June 9, 2014 Where I'm from it's not unusual for the mother (or older, established sister) to give a bridal/baby shower (although there's also a 50/50 chance the parents pay for a wedding). It's usually someone close to the person of interest. A friend shower is usually just for friends, and they are much rarer with the crazy schedules of young people (either with young children or unstable work schedules). In a shower things add up. If you serve a meal, sometimes the extra $20 to make 2-3 desserts isn't that bad (although hey, if you're young and poor $20 is a big deal) but the time involved might be difficult to pack in. Usually a shower is on one person. If you're lucky there are more then one of you hosting, but that's not always the case (and if it is the case the others are not always reliable in terms of time, money, interest). As for the 15 people bringing desserts, that's not likely here. What's more likely is that the person running the shower ask 3-7 of the closest friends/relatives to bring a certain type of dish to defray the costs. Think of them as junior hosts with fewer expectations. What you are describing makes sense to me. It's different than I was thinking. I do get that things add up. I am not sure I've ever been to a shower that had a meal but that also may be a regional sort of thing. I've lived all my life in big metropolitan areas on the coasts and I'm starting to understand that my expectations and experiences are much different than those of people in smaller towns, the midwest, and the south. I've also never lived as an adult with extended family around - so I think that makes things different too. Thanks for responding. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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