mindygz Posted February 4, 2014 Share Posted February 4, 2014 My 11.5 year old daughter is a real pill lately about most things. She grouses and complains and lashes out at her siblings and me, on occasion. Until this school year, she was quite pleasant overall and mostly willing to do school wok and chores without too much difficulty, overall. Now she's super distractible (especially concerning math) and super put out(especially about math, but also just having to DO stuff she's not feeling up to doing). It's exhausting my goodwill and I don't know what to do. I'm sure some/a lot of it is due to hormones, but even if it is, how am I going to keep homeschooling her if this is the new normal? I'll talk with her and she'll feel bad and want to do/be better, but she won't/can't sustain it. School sounds appealing to me because she is such a drain on the energy of our home during the day. Suggestions? Commiseration? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MrsMe Posted February 4, 2014 Share Posted February 4, 2014 Commiseration definitely. I just had a talk w/dd today, actually dh did yesterday and today she apologized. So it's normal, but you have to nip it in the bud. I told her none us of want to do what we're supposed to do all the time. It's normal, but how you handle it and what your attitude is like is what determines how the day will go. We had a long talk today. And you have to do it often and you have to pull privileges. Yes, it's completely exhausting! I'm right there with you. Ugh. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Momling Posted February 4, 2014 Share Posted February 4, 2014 I can absolutely commiserate. I figure I was pretty difficult at that age too... so I probably deserve it. I aim to homeschool only as long as it's working for both of us. If she's miserable and you're miserable, it's no good. You might set a deadline (a few weeks, a month, to the end of the semester) to re-evaluate, but really... homeschooling should be a better-than-school experience and it sounds like it isn't right now. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
................... Posted February 5, 2014 Share Posted February 5, 2014 Hormones . Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Peaceful Isle Posted February 5, 2014 Share Posted February 5, 2014 Yes, I delt with this..and still do on occations. It comes with hormones, zits, greasy hair, all over the place emotions etc.. That being said, what worked for us is catching it right away, and pulling privilages. At first I had long talks with my dd, explaining why what she did was not acceptable. After a few of those, I started taking away privilages, game time, and other things she enjoyed. I told her I understood she was (fill in the blank with whatever), but it still was not acceptable to treat her brother/ sister/ me that way. It takes time. Also, I have given her more chores and responsibilities to do. Keeping her busy was a bonus in her attitude. She is almost twelve now, and it started at about ten. I can honestly say, most of the time, she is a total joy to be around. Once in a while, the bad attitude will pop its ugly head again, and I totally name it for what it is, to her, and nip it with said punishment. Also, I believe at this age, that respect for them and their feelings is a must. It is like they want to be treated like an adult, but still act like a child at times. Now if I can just get my two year old to mind! :p Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
The Governess Posted February 5, 2014 Share Posted February 5, 2014 Yes, I delt with this..and still do on occations. It comes with hormones, zits, greasy hair, all over the place emotions etc.. That being said, what worked for us is catching it right away, and pulling privilages. At first I had long talks with my dd, explaining why what she did was not acceptable. After a few of those, I started taking away privilages, game time, and other things she enjoyed. I told her I understood she was (fill in the blank with whatever), but it still was not acceptable to treat her brother/ sister/ me that way. It takes time. Also, I have given her more chores and responsibilities to do. Keeping her busy was a bonus in her attitude. She is almost twelve now, and it started at about ten. I can honestly say, most of the time, she is a total joy to be around. Once in a while, the bad attitude will pop its ugly head again, and I totally name it for what it is, to her, and nip it with said punishment. Also, I believe at this age, that respect for them and their feelings is a must. It is like they want to be treated like an adult, but still act like a child at times. Now if I can just get my two year old to mind! :p Mine is 9 and she's already started with the surly attitude. I'm hoping she's just going through the stage early, and this isn't a sign of even worse teen attitude to come. Lord help me. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AimeeM Posted February 5, 2014 Share Posted February 5, 2014 I can commiserate. Does it help to hear that it gets better? That she is not acting herself leads me to the good news - it is probably just hormones and that this too shall pass :) My daughter was a total pill around 11. This year? Oh my... 12 is SO much better!!! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tracy Posted February 5, 2014 Share Posted February 5, 2014 Oh, please don't say it starts this early! My dd, almost 9yo, just had the weirdest day recently where she cried over the strangest things. It seemed very hormonal, but she is not even quite 9yo! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
fraidycat Posted February 5, 2014 Share Posted February 5, 2014 Definite commiseration here. I love my 11.5 year old, but I really do not like her right now. It is extremely exhausting to be around her. In fact, she just spent a month with my parents (her choice/idea) Got back Wednesday night, and I am ready to put her back on the plane with them when they leave on Saturday. She has a nasty 'tude these days!! :( Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
PollyOR Posted February 5, 2014 Share Posted February 5, 2014 I'm sorry. :grouphug: This is a hug for all moms of pre-adolescent girls. Yep, 9-10 seems to be the age. For us the teen years, though not perfect, have been much easier than pre-adolescence. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
FriedClams Posted February 5, 2014 Share Posted February 5, 2014 I have a 12 and an 11 year old. I think in a lot of ways they're like toddlers (and I sincerely do not mean this ugly!). They need exercise, excellent rest, good food, lots of hugs, and very clear attitude and behavior boundaries. When I'm consistent with those I'm finding mine are a joy and a pleasure to spend time with, enjoy their company, and find the fun in watching them grow. Without consistency - well - we know what unruly 3 year olds are like. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Starr Posted February 5, 2014 Share Posted February 5, 2014 They aren't too old to be sent to their rooms. ;) There is nothing wrong with expecting polite behavior. :grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
chelsmm Posted February 5, 2014 Share Posted February 5, 2014 Fried clams- that's great. I think you are on to something. My 8 year old has been very moody lately. She flips out at the seemingly littlest things. It's so hard! I don't know how to support her. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
awisha. Posted February 6, 2014 Share Posted February 6, 2014 DD is turning 9 this year. Every so many months she has a day where everything is too much for her and so it's a quiet day for her and she goes to bed earlier than usual. :grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mindygz Posted February 8, 2014 Author Share Posted February 8, 2014 Ah, thank you all for the thoughts and hugs and commiseration! I am hopeful that we will see a bit of a switch again at 12 or so. That would be WONDERFUL. I love seeing that she is becoming so capable in many areas, but the attitude does feel like she is back to toddler moodiness--that was spot on! (I have two toddlers, so I'm painfully aware of that stage of life!) I will keep talking with her and hopefully we will see progress. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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