Lisa R. Posted January 14, 2014 Share Posted January 14, 2014 And my kids can already see it in their peers that people, but particularly kids, tend to give away pieces of their heart to everyone they have not only sex, but also serious relationships with. Big pieces, small pieces, God doesn't want you sprinkling your heart around before you find that someone you're going to spend life with. They deserve all of it, KWIM? The Bible says guard your heart, so that's what we tend to lean on. Be mindful where you give your heart because it's not something cheap and trifling. It's the well-spring of life. Virginity is very much a secondary issue. Sprinkling pieces of your heart? I don't want to directly address this PP as she is repeating a phrase often used in current Christian culture. I would just like to explain my frustration with this phrase, in general. A Christian is supposed to guard his heart from sin, not dating. I think we're taking this verse out of context when we use it to refer to dating. I think this concept of "guarding one's heart" comes from recent evangelical culture and has been repeated often enough that people feel it is true and even possibly based in Scripture. The idea that dating = giving pieces of one's heart away is extra-Biblical teaching. I believe Josh Harris was one of the first people who popularized this idea in his book I Kissed Dating Goodbye. I just think this is concept is false teaching and that hurts much more than it helps. I think this line of thinking has done a disservice to our Christian young people and heaped load of guilt that doesn't need to be there. It has paralyzed many Christian young men from asking out girls because they don't know if this could be a relationship that might not end in marriage, thus he so careful to guard her heart that he doesn't take the leap and ask her out. Ask young adult women in Christian circles about this. It's become a weird problem creating new kinds of dysfunction by some bad teaching that has been passed and passed around. Having a boyfriend/girlfriend, even a serious one, before marriage doesn't mean that a person would have less to give their future spouse. Love is not a finite resource. It multiplies. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Erin Posted January 14, 2014 Share Posted January 14, 2014 I guess I'm not entirely sure what's out there in the Christian pop culture. To be sure, I've never read the book you reference. (And the Bible says guard your heart, for it's the well-spring of life. Not guard your heart because it'll make you sin.) I just know what I observe. And people in general, and kids in particular, give away their hearts when they have sex with someone (or have a very serious relationship). If nothing else, it can create what-if scenarios that can last for YEARS. Again, just something I've observed. Look at how many people hook up with old-flames on FB, as a single example. And I'm not saying don't date, I'm just saying keep it in the back of your mind that when you give away your love, it's an important thing and not to be taken lightly. Nor am I saying someone else's rationale is wrong, just that this is the direction we work from. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
gardenmom5 Posted January 14, 2014 Share Posted January 14, 2014 I'm very traditional in that I want my kids to wait until they are married. but it has to be their choice becasue they want to. that said, I've never understood "purity" jewelry - and for many of the reasons stated. it just seems the wrong way to go about encouraging abstinance. it seems pretty superficial too. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
vonfirmath Posted January 14, 2014 Share Posted January 14, 2014 Thanks for this explanation. Do boys have a similar pledge with their moms ? ...I don't know what the girls vs the boys do. Maybe some families the father does it. When I did it, it was with the pastor (who turned out to be complete scum. Good thing my vow was with God and not with the pastor). In other situations it is a youth pastor that leads the effort. I'm sure some families has the mother doing it. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
dlcricket Posted January 14, 2014 Share Posted January 14, 2014 I'm sorry if I implied it is a pledge between our children and us. For our family, it is not a pledge, it is a lifestyle, a conviction. A pledge ends when it is broken. One can make a mistake, repent of the mistake, and begin to live in purity again. A person with a sexual past can make a commitment to purity. As I said earlier, virginity does not equal purity, and purity does not equal virginity. And, yes, we taught our sons the same principles as our daughter and had the same types of conversations with them. They, too, are committed to personal purity, as I described in my prior post. Our children are now all single adults and continue to be very open with us. Thanks for this explanation.Do boys have a similar pledge with their moms ? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
vonfirmath Posted January 14, 2014 Share Posted January 14, 2014 Do the boys get a gift that is a reminder ? Just curious as I haven't heard of this here. My husband had a cross necklace that was very meaningful for him when I met him. That would be an idea. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
dlcricket Posted January 14, 2014 Share Posted January 14, 2014 Some parents give their sons rings, necklaces, or other jewelry as a reminder. Our sons never asked for anything. Our daughter did request a ring for this purpose, and we gave her one. Search 'purity jewelry boys'. I don't like the label "Chastity ring". As I said in earlier posts, we do not believe that virginity and purity are synonyms. Virginity or chastity, once lost, is gone forever. Purity can be regained. Do the boys get a gift that is a reminder ? Just curious as I haven't heard of this here. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
NicAnn Posted January 14, 2014 Share Posted January 14, 2014 We have a beautiful crown style ring waiting for my daughter when she's older. I'm also thinking of getting one with her name written in cursive, from etsy, as a reminder that not only is she accountable to God, but to herself. We focus on marriage purity, but also as a reminder that we don't want to do things we may later regret. I'll post a link when I am at a computer. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
OH_Homeschooler Posted January 14, 2014 Share Posted January 14, 2014 I actually like this explanation. Although I want my boys to wait just as much (maybe more, since it could be a lot dicier for them if they created an unexpected baby). Can you explain the bolded? I don't understand why it would be dicier for a boy who got a girl pregnant than it is for the girl carrying the unexpected baby, or having to make very difficult choices. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dana Posted January 14, 2014 Share Posted January 14, 2014 Can you explain the bolded? I don't understand why it would be dicier for a boy who got a girl pregnant than it is for the girl carrying the unexpected baby, or having to make very difficult choices. I'd say because the boy's choices end at that point. It is the woman who would carry the baby who would make decisions about whether to have the baby or abort; whether to keep the baby or give it to be adopted (or possibly let the boy keep the child). And if she kept the child, he's on the hook for child support. I'm not saying that any of that isn't appropriate... but his choices are over in many ways once the pregnancy begins. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
happypamama Posted January 14, 2014 Share Posted January 14, 2014 I'd say because the boy's choices end at that point. It is the woman who would carry the baby who would make decisions about whether to have the baby or abort; whether to keep the baby or give it to be adopted (or possibly let the boy keep the child). And if she kept the child, he's on the hook for child support. I'm not saying that any of that isn't appropriate... but his choices are over in many ways once the pregnancy begins. Yes, this. If my daughter gets pregnant unexpectedly, we can rally around her and support her, and we could potentially have a lot of influence in encouraging her not to have an abortion (we are very much against abortion); she could choose to birth the baby even if the baby's father would encourage an abortion, or she could choose abortion, but it would be *her* choice. But if our sons get someone else pregnant, they don't get to choose to have the mother birth the baby if she chooses abortion. My support for my son, or my son's ability to be a good father, would only matter if the baby's mother allowed him the chance to be a father in the first place. (Gosh, now this thought is so depressing. I think there are emotional reasons to wait to have sex, but one really huge practical reason isn't just "you might get pregnant/get someone pregnant unexpectedly;" it's "you will be tied to this person and his/her family for life if you create a baby with that person, so choose carefully." That wasn't an issue for me -- I've been with my DH since we were teens, and an unexpected baby wouldn't have been the worst thing that could have ever happened to us -- but it is something I will stress to my children, as something to think about carefully.) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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