jillian Posted October 18, 2013 Share Posted October 18, 2013 We have been continuously pulled towards state foster care adoption but our state is "no longer accepting applications for at least 1 year due to the overwhelming amount of applicants already approved". Furthermore, they told me that doing an ICPC adoption (interstate placement) is just "too difficult" and they don't recommend it. Guess it's back to trying to figure out how to raise the approximately $30,000 we need to do another method of adoption. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lolly Posted October 18, 2013 Share Posted October 18, 2013 Sorry you are having such trouble. We've been there. I always tell everyone that adoption is far more difficult than pregnancy. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Harriet Vane Posted October 18, 2013 Share Posted October 18, 2013 :grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mommyof4ks Posted October 18, 2013 Share Posted October 18, 2013 Do you have the ability to foster to adopt in your state? That is what we are doing, because I do not have that kind of money and there are many babies straight from the hospital in my state. I am sitting here holding one as I type (not sure he will go to adoption though). Straight adopt is hard in my state, because foster parents often adopt kids that become available. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ottakee Posted October 18, 2013 Share Posted October 18, 2013 What type of child are you looking to adopt---age, gender, any special needs, willing to do foster to adopt, etc? That makes a difference. Obviously if you are looking at taking kids with special needs and or kids over 10 (younger for minority kids in some places) the wait can be way shorter. Most of the kids that would be under ICPC would fall in this category as the easy to place ones generally find homes instate. Adoption can be a long journey. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Suzanne115 Posted October 18, 2013 Share Posted October 18, 2013 I'm sorry for what you are going through. My husband and I have adopted twice internationally. Both adoptions were full of ups and downs. Just know, it is so worth it in the end. Blessings, Suzanne Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
freeindeed Posted October 18, 2013 Share Posted October 18, 2013 :grouphug: I understand the frustrations of adoption. We hit quite a few bumps along the way when we adopted our daughter. Also, FWIW, we didn't "have" the kind of money it takes to adopt internationally, but God provided through friends, family, and even strangers. We budgeted and saved. Don't give up. It is definitely worth it in the end. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jillian Posted October 19, 2013 Author Share Posted October 19, 2013 Thanks everyone. We initially wanted to adopt from foster care at least one little boy age 5 and under ( our daughter is almost 6). We could take on minor special needs and learning disabilities and correctable issues. We ideally want to keep as close to our race in terms of looks but would be willing to open the criteria if the right child came along. The state won't even take applications at all for one year. We are looking at adopting from Poland due to my heritage and other criteria just feels peaceful to our hearts. I asked about ICPC because it's an option and she just told me it was too difficult. I am trying to find a job to help us save for adoption and travel expenses as part of it. I have an interview Monday. I know however it is meant to happen it will happen. I appreciate the kind words I really do. I just never imagined it would be so difficult to find a way to adopt. All we hear about in SC in the tri-county area is the amount of kids that need homes. I do not have it in me to fost-adopt. I just don't. I can't risk my emotional heart to do so right now. Maybe down the road at another juncture in our lives but having to reunify a child I've come to love as my own would be so painful right now even if it is the best thing for the child. I admire the folks who can foster so much Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mamatohaleybug Posted October 19, 2013 Share Posted October 19, 2013 I understand. It can be heartbreaking to have the adoption journey be so hard and feel so hopeless. Hugs! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jillian Posted October 19, 2013 Author Share Posted October 19, 2013 Thanks. I totally understand the need for financial demands because the agencies and governments are trying make sure the child is placed safely and it is in the best interest for everyone. But dang tens of thousands of dollars is so beyond my scope of anything. I am like can I just finance it like my mortgage lol. By it I mean the adoption process not the child. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
RebeccaS Posted October 19, 2013 Share Posted October 19, 2013 :grouphug: I can understand your frustration. In the county where I live, it is difficult to straight out adopt a young child from foster care. Most of the young children are placed in foster to adopt homes from the start to minimize moving the children. While we did have a straight adoption from foster care (he was already in permanent custody of the state) he was disrupted from 2 adoptive placements (by age 3) before that and was then considered special needs (the more moves a kid has under his belt as well as adoptive placement disruptions, the more likely he is to be qualified as special needs). Our case was by far, though, not the norm. We have, since adopting our son, wanted to adopt again, but it's taken us 3 years and many babies for that to happen. Our little guy's case just went to PC and we're moving toward the adoption process at a snail's pace. He's been with us since 7 weeks of age and will almost certainly be well over 2 before his adoption is complete. You are right-sending kids back/on to other homes when you've come to love them like your own is heartbreaking. I have never forgotten my babies and I have one that will always bring me to tears over losing her. :crying: (dumb state laws came in to play there) Best wishes to you and your family as you continue to pursue this! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jillian Posted October 19, 2013 Author Share Posted October 19, 2013 Thank you. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Flowing Brook Posted October 19, 2013 Share Posted October 19, 2013 :grouphug: I hope things change and your child comes home soon. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ottakee Posted October 19, 2013 Share Posted October 19, 2013 Adopting a healthy, typical white child under age 5 is very difficult as they are either placed privately at birth or soon after or the foster parents choose to adopt. There is a huge need for adoptive parents for it is for minority kids ages 6 and over, Caucasian kids ages 10-12 and older, and kids with special needs or sibling groups. It is extremely hard to find foster homes, let alone adoptive homes for sibling groups that involve teens. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jillian Posted October 19, 2013 Author Share Posted October 19, 2013 I totally understand that they are in desperate need of homes. Currently we do not feel it is in the best interest of our family due to us having a younger child in the home, who will be 6 in December and we would prefer to keep birth order. We don't mind some minor special needs or learning issues, however because we do have a child in the home already we will not bring in a child with demonstrated certain behaviors. We know what we are comfortable with right now and with what we are able to handle. We both feel that is more important than making it easy, making it sure any child that comes into our home is the right fit with us and with the child. That to us is the responsible thing, but I am just frustrated right now. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ottakee Posted October 19, 2013 Share Posted October 19, 2013 Jillian---I totally agree with what you are doing as I would NOT suggest adopted older or behaviorally challenged kids with a younger one in the home. We did the foster to adopt route but it was not easy emotionally at all. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jillian Posted October 19, 2013 Author Share Posted October 19, 2013 :) Thank you all for the supportive words. We are now saving and figuring out how to scrimp/save to budget for this. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TechWife Posted October 20, 2013 Share Posted October 20, 2013 We have been continuously pulled towards state foster care adoption but our state is "no longer accepting applications for at least 1 year due to the overwhelming amount of applicants already approved". Furthermore, they told me that doing an ICPC adoption (interstate placement) is just "too difficult" and they don't recommend it. Guess it's back to trying to figure out how to raise the approximately $30,000 we need to do another method of adoption. I don't understand how interstate placement could be more difficult than international adoption. Why not go the interstate route if you can't do it in state? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jillian Posted October 20, 2013 Author Share Posted October 20, 2013 The adoption coordinator through our state said that "we don't do ICPC adoptions because it's too difficult". She really couldn't explain. I will be calling DSS directly not just the coordinator at Heartfelt Calling (who does the recruitment) and see what they say. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ottakee Posted October 20, 2013 Share Posted October 20, 2013 ICPC is a lot of paperwork but shouldn't be more than international adoption for sure. They might not want to do it as you are looking for a child that is in "high demand" and it might be very likely that you won't find one that another state can't place within their own state. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Pamela H in Texas Posted October 21, 2013 Share Posted October 21, 2013 Jillian, what state are you in? Maybe an agency rather than directly with CPS would be an option? Here, most homes go through an agency. And they go to bat for you. We knew we didn't want to go directly through the state as we 1) wanted to get started faster than the state could do and 2) wanted more individualized support. This way, I can be professional with CPS, GAL, CASA, etc, but whine to my agency worker, express my frustration, etc. Obviously, I don't *usually* do that, but if I need to.... Anyway, so that may be a way to get licensed and such. And they will likely be able to help you with ICPC (though that still would, likely, have to go through the state also; but again, you'd hae someone to go to bat for you). BTW, there is no doubt that sending kids home, to kin, to "fictive" kin, etc is REALLY hard. At the same time, there really is something to loving them until they leave. The opportunity is like nothing you can imagine. You might just keep your mind open to it though you don't believe it is for you right now. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
NoseInABook Posted October 21, 2013 Share Posted October 21, 2013 I'm surprised that they aren't open to licensing for foster to adopt homes for a full year. Most places are desperate for foster homes. I agree, I'd look into the local agencies and see what they have to say. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jillian Posted October 21, 2013 Author Share Posted October 21, 2013 I was just coming to post an update. We spoke to the recruitment agency initially back in July and again just before I made this post. Well we called our regional office here in SC for DSS and they said they weren't sure why we were told the adoption application system was closed, that it is always open. He also said that he would explore about a couple other questions we had mainly ICPC and what the recruitment office meant by accepting special needs adoption applications. He was very concerned about the information coming out of heartfelt calling. He also said come down to the office (about 20mins from us) and take a look at the information and to talk to one of the employees. We don't mind more work doing ICPC but most agencies seem to do infant only adoptions that are near us. I do have an email in to a local agency that does home studies, birth parent adoptions and the like. I want to see if they do foster system adoptions too. I know adoptuskids typically has more difficult to place children but there are a couple that seem like we could meet their needs based on the limited information provided. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jillian Posted October 23, 2013 Author Share Posted October 23, 2013 Another update: We are considering going in to the foster-adopt program under special needs. We are willing to take some minor special needs and chronic conditions that can be managed. DH is thinking over if he wants to do this or if we should continue to save and do international. We were pulled to the fost-adopt for a whole variety of reasons though initially. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ottakee Posted October 23, 2013 Share Posted October 23, 2013 Jillian---not to muddy the waters at all, but there are pros and cons to each type of adoption and you would be wise to research them both---foster to adopt and international. A pro for the foster to adopt is that if you take a child with a special need the state will very often provide the child with Medicaid until they are 18 or 19. Even if you have private insurance this will pick up some extra therapies, co=pays for doctors, tests, medications, etc. so it can become a huge benefit. Also having Medicaid opens up the doors to many more services for the child that might help address their special need.....even things like camps, respite, etc. Also, the child might qualify for a support subsidy which is generally equal to their daily foster care rate which could mean $10-20/day, every day until they are 18. That amount will certainly not cover the cost of raising the child but can certainly help pay for the extras you might need. There are pros and cons to international as well but since we did the foster to adopt that is what I know. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jillian Posted October 24, 2013 Author Share Posted October 24, 2013 Yeah we have gone back and forth with all of the pros and cons. Our hearts have been called to fost-adopt for some time now. The reasons our choices were fost-adopt OR international is because I have no desire to compete for a birth family to choose us and because we aren't set on doing the baby stage again. The baby stage was nice but eh our hearts aren't set on doing babies again. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jillian Posted October 24, 2013 Author Share Posted October 24, 2013 We are going to move forward with the state! DH decided that we will move forward. In the mean time I will be still looking for work and because dh is finishing his enlistment in the navy in July we will see what happens Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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