Today Alex asked, "Am I gifted?"

[Rivka]

Okay, for some reason I wasn't expecting this question, and I feel like I blew it.

 

Alex started one of her favorite games today - "Let's pretend I'm in public school." Then she modified that to say, "Let's pretend it's a school for the gifted because I know I wouldn't be doing this math in a public school. ...Am I gifted?"

 

I asked her what gifted means, and she said it's something everyone talks about (really?) and it means something good.

 

I said that "gifted" means that someone has unusual levels of talent in some area, like music or schoolwork. Then she wanted to know, again, if she was gifted, and I said that I couldn't say for sure, but that she thinks very deeply about things in a way that makes her different from a lot of people, and that she's more advanced in her school work than most people her age.

 

I don't know. It was a strange conversation. If your child hasn't been through a "gifted identification" process, how have you discussed the issue?

[Greenmama2]

Ouch, that question would send me spinning too! DD hasn't asked anything like that but we have had a lot of matter of fact chats about asynchrony in the last six months as for a while she was desperate to go to school. Desperate enough that we really tried to find a school that would meet her needs. We ended up needing to be very frank with her about where the science and maths she would be "learning" was in comparison to what she does at home and also on the other hand how much of a challenge we felt the required level of written output would be at some of the schools we toured (too much right now). I guess since our conversations were coming from that perspective we were lucky to simply be able to stress that the "one size fits all" classroom approach not only wouldn't work for her but doesn't work for lots of kids. Good luck!

[regentrude]

I don't think you blew it - I like your explanation.

 

My DD was tested in school, and of course she wanted to know her results. I explained to her that the test results showed that she is thinking much faster and deeper than most children her age, and that statistically only one kid in all the third grade classes in her school is like her. She was so relieved! She had felt "different" for many years and never felt that she fit in in school. For some time she had blamed it on her being a foreigner; at times it had gotten so bad that she refused to speak our family language at home because she thought that this was what made her different. For her, the identification of being gifted gave her an explanation for it all, and she stopped trying to "fix" herself to fit in.

[Dmmetler]

For DD, it came when she started really getting upset and seeing herself as "broken" because she didn't think the way other people did, and it was so hard to fit in. So we had (and still have) a lot of chats about differences, and about how, yes, she does think differently and learn differently than most people, but that there are other strengths that people have as well, and how, overall, the most important thing is to be nice and treat others the way you wish to be treated, and so on and so forth.

As she's gotten involved in GT programs, she's become more aware of the "gifted" label, but in general, I think she's been able to put it in perspective.

 

I think the best thing analogy for DD has been gymnastics-she can see that some kids just plain leap ahead quickly, and others take more time, and that, regardless, it takes a lot of work. In gymnastics, she's the kid who takes a long time to finish a single level-in math, she's the kid who ends up on a beeline for elite. She can't choose to be an elite gymnast, and kids who have a slower pace in learning math can't choose to suddenly understand all of arithmetic, either-and in both cases, it has nothing to do with how good of a person you are or how you act otherwise. She's seen enough of the higher level team gymnasts who act like the little girls aren't worthy of breathing the same air to understand that being good at something doesn't mean that you're someone people want to spend time with.

 

 

[texasmama]

You responded to a spontaneous question with a question/clarification and some age-appropriate, factual information. I think you rocked it. :)

 

My kids are not exposed to the "gifted" conversation so this has not come up, though my 10 year old is beginnning to understand that most kids his age are not working on algebra. Like you, I plan to just wait for the questions and answer them with information as is appropriate to the developmental stage of the child. I dislike the label "gifted" because, as you state, there are many ways to be gifted...and everyone has gifts. I am conscious of the responsibility of the gifted to manage this in a way that does not translate to haughtiness. I think this is much more likely to present in the teen/early adult years. But I digress...

 

I have been having discussions with all of my kids for a long time about abilities and aptitudes as part of helping them to identify their strengths and interests so hopefully the discussions about giftedness and related issues will flow naturally from this. My ten year old is very far outside the norm in many ways, but he really doesn't know it yet, and I like it that way. :)

[nitascool]

I think you did a great job too. We have only had to deal with the question with my oldest. His is more an insecurity issue. He sees how his little brother can rattle off information about every animal he's ever heard of, while he feels slow on the uptake. He is labeled gifted but doesn't have average or gifted kids around him his age to compare with. He has his Asperger little brother. He actually does more questioning that he really is gifted since he doesn't know as much as little brother or care to spend hours reading science books. To him gifted means science nerd or rocket scientist, neither of which he has interest in. We've had the everyone has different interests and everyone is different conversation when he was 3 or 4, but not recently.

 

We get a lot more questions these days about Asperger and how that makes my second different. What we can expect as appropriate behavior compared to him and his other siblings. I have never had to have the "everyone has special talents" conversation. I think for him that would be a "duh mom" conversation.

 

My younger two are accelerated w/o the gt label. My 8yo sometimes asks related to gifted questions but hasn't outright asked yet. We'll wait until he does. When he asks we'll likely use a similar approach as you have. For now he just thinks he's suppose to try and keep up or catch up to his big brothers in academics. We'll clarify the question and then answer it as best I can without giving the impression of elitism, just different, when the time comes.

[Tracy]

I don't hesitate to tell my kids that they are gifted, though I don't generally use that term. Dh and I both always knew we were different from everyone else, so it doesn't make any sense to me to sweep it under the rug. However, when we talk about it, we always talk about the problems that presents. Gifted people have to work hard against the temptation to be arrogant, and we have to remember that being nice is always more important than being smart or talented.

[Eagle]

My parents had me tested as a teenager and never shared the results with me. Recently I started reading this subforum and realized a lot of what I considered "special" traits of ds when all added together pointed towards a label of gifted. I started doing some research and was completely shocked with what I found, because what I read described me so perfectly it was scary. I called my Mum and mentioned that I thought ds really fit the descriptions in the book. She said it wasn't surprising he would be gifted since I was too.

 

It probably sounds hard to believe I wouldn't have figured this out ("how gifted can she possibly be if she didn't know?"). I knew I was smart, but I still worked very hard academically. I was drawn to gifted people in university and found people I could relate to (and married one of them!). I just knew I was different and figured I was the only one with some of these issues.

 

The guidance counsellor at my school convinced my parents not to tell me the results of the tests. They didn't want it to be a boastful thing, and they didn't want me to feel abnormal. There was also nothing the school could do with the results -- there was no gifted program and class sizes were already small.

 

But I really wish I had been told. I did feel abnormal already and knowing the results now has made so many things make sense. Knowing has given me a definition where I belong. It has explained why I am too sensitive, too emotional, so focused on justice. My drive for perfection developed during school when I had to create something to keep me from boredom. These traits and so much more -- it all makes sense, and I finally feel "normal". I just wish I had known sooner.

[NittanyJen]

I love Regentrude's comment.

 

Giftedness is a category of special education-- people who are gifted are not just "brighter,' they process information differently, and they often know they are somehow different from the rest of the group, just like other special needs kids usually know. When my younger son, who is 2E, received his genetic diagnosis, he was relieved to know that his sense of being "different" in the negative ways he experiences was not his fault. As we began to remove his roadblocks and he began to realize his potential, he began to see his differences toward the other end of the spectrum as well, as his brother has always noticed in himself.

 

For any kid, feeling different carries the chance of feeling somehow bad or wrong, and knowing there is a concrete reason for it may often come as a relief. I am a big proponent of giving kids an honest, accurate reason for their feelings, and not hiding information about them. Yes, it needs to be explained correctly; you want kids to understand that they process things differently, not that they are better than anyone else, to avoid "big head syndrome." :) But I would never hide the fact of giftedness from my kids-- I would just be clear about what it means and what it implies.

 

Chances are good that it will bring relief, both for the kid to know he has done nothing wrong, and that there ARE others like him out there.

[texasmama]

As I have reflected on this thread, I am grateful that my kids are homeschooled and will not feel the differences so obviously as people in this thread report feeling when they compared themselves to their peers.

[NittanyJen]

As I have reflected on this thread, I am grateful that my kids are homeschooled and will not feel the differences so obviously as people in this thread report feeling when they compared themselves to their peers.

 

 

Just be ready. It is not simply a school phenomenon for the truly gifted. When you process all information differently from others (not just scholastic information) you will notice that you are different in pretty much any setting, not just in school. Just like any other special needs issue, giftedness exists in all areas of life, not just in school.

 

It may be true that you find more accepting communities, or more readily find access to fellow gifted individuals. This is one strong benefit of homeschooling-- being valued for who you are.

 

 

[regentrude]

As I have reflected on this thread, I am grateful that my kids are homeschooled and will not feel the differences so obviously as people in this thread report feeling when they compared themselves to their peers.

 

I hope it works out well for you, but beware that homeschooling is no guarantee, since homeschooled kids do not grow up in a vacuum. They hopefully have friends. And it may become quite a problem when they read books and develop academic interests none of their friends are able to relate to, when the friends find their interests "dumb" or "nerdy" because they can't understand what it is about.

Let's just say that my children do not feel comfortable talking about their studies and academic interests with their homeschooled peers.

Highly gifted students may find themselves unabel to relate well to their same age peers because they have nothing in common; all of my DD's friends are at least five years older than she is. I do nto think there would be a single person in our homeschool group who could even begin to understand why she was so excited about the problem I posted this morning on the high school board.

[texasmama]

My gifted son does primarily associate with kids who are several years older. He particularly enjoys adults, but he has friendships with same-age peers, as well. I am not ignorant of the potential pitfalls in the future for him, but for now, he is a happy kid.

 

ETA: While is it nice to be here on the Accelerated Learner Board, I have a different perspective on this due to my presence on the Learning Challenges Board. This is a refreshing sort of problem to have, frankly.

[mathwonk]

That;s an easy one, "yes!". And you are a gift to me!

[NittanyJen]

My gifted son does primarily associate with kids who are several years older. He particularly enjoys adults, but he has friendships with same-age peers, as well. I am not ignorant of the potential pitfalls in the future for him, but for now, he is a happy kid.

 

ETA: While is it nice to be here on the Accelerated Learner Board, I have a different perspective on this due to my presence on the Learning Challenges Board. This is a refreshing sort of problem to have, frankly.

 

 

You are not alone in having a foot in both doors!