Your grads--what do they say they missed by HSing, rather than PSing?

[Erin]

I live in a sparsely populated area, so there are no such things as co-ops or youth symphonies or science team or homeschool Prom or any of the other things I see so many of you talking of as homeschool opportunities.

If kids want to be involved with groups, there's 4H, Scouts, church and school.

 

So of course in any thought process about homeschooling high school, I have to consider that they're missing out on things like Band, Prom, FFA, graduation...

 

 

 

For those whose kids have been similarly limited as mine, what do they think they missed?

[NCMom]

The public schools here are really, really bad academically. They don't have much in the way of extracurrics except a few sports. Still, living here, where there is almost nothing for homeschoolers, it is a tradeoff.

 

That being said, my oldest didn't have any of those things. He pretty much worked and did karate. He doesn't feel like he missed out.

 

For my other two, we drive 1 hr for anything, including for the homeschool prom/formal last Friday. They wish they had more friends, but they don't miss any of the school stuff. However, about 80-90% of the homeschooled kids here DO go to school for high school for this, imho valid, reason. My oldest did go to an excellent charter for 9th, got all A's, etc. but it didn't work with her swim schedule when she switched teams so she chose to return to homeschooling.

 

That doesn't really answer your question, but I remember when an adult asked my oldest, who was 10 at the time, if he wanted to go to the local PS and my son replied, "No sir, I'm too busy for that because I have a life".lol I think that's why mine really aren't interested in school; they want a different sort of life right now. Your mileage may vary... :001_smile:

 

Georgia

[Mandy in TN]

We have all those extras in my area and my boys didn't do any of them. I can't imagine that they would have done any of those things if they had been in school. I went to ps school and I didn't go to prom or graduation, and I wasn't in the band. I was involved in speech and debate, but my boys also had that option as homeschoolers and didn't participate. So, I think the other side of the question would be if they would choose to do those things even if they had the option.

 

HTH-

Mandy

 

 

[weederberries]

My kids are still quite young, but in our state (Texas) the local district must allow HS students to audition/try-out for all of those extra curriculars. If you have a student who wants to be in the band, you could have them try-out and participate. It seems like it would be a scheduling nightmare to get your child to the school for early marching practice and class period, but if it works for you, that'd be a great compromise.

 

I'm not sure if/how this applies for "events" like prom, though the child would be permitted as a date of a public school student. If he's participating in PS activities, he's likely to make a friend to ask. If he's enrolled in a class like band, I think prom would be fair game even without a date.

 

Graduation would be it's own ball of wax.

 

Check into your state regulations and see if there is a way for them to participate in group sports, plays, band, etc. You might find you have the perfect balance.

[Erin]

In my states (I straddle the KS/NE line, so we live in KS, but have always schooled in Nebraska), whether or not to allow participation is up to the individual school districts. The last time I asked, our school (in NE) allowed it for gradeschool, but not high school. I haven't asked the KS district yet. It's on my list for tomorrow. But we don't know a soul there, so he's not as hip on trying that route, yet.

However, you're right about scheduling. We're 20 minutes from one school and 30 from the other.

 

I already know he would do Band. He's been playing trumpet for three years and tuba for two. He misses it. And I can't even imagine not going to graduation... You must have been in a pretty big school, Mandy. Everywhere I've ever lived, it would be odd to have missing students unless they hadn't passed!

[elegantlion]

We're only finishing our first year of high school, also in a rural-ish area with limited activities. You almost have to change the mindset from what are they missing to what are the benefits. For us the benefits far outweigh any perceived activities they are missing out on. For one, ds isn't interested in those things. We'll do graduation somehow, maybe just family, but we'll celebrate that.

 

Can homeschooled students participate in public school activities in your state? If so, that would be an option.

 

For us, it's a matter of priorities and what works best for our family. Homeschooling works for us. Benefits are sleeping in, studying what he's interested in, not following someone else's schedule, and better academics for him. I don't know how he'll look back on his experience once he graduates. I do know right now he doesn't feel like he's missing out on anything.

 

I'd like to think if I had a child that cared about those things, that I'd evaluate his/her needs as an individual. There would be lots of discussion, lots of getting their perspective before we made any decision. The bus picks up right on our corner, they'd be more than welcome to be out there at 6:45 every morning if they really wanted the public school experience.

[elegantlion]

 

 

I already know he would do Band. He's been playing trumpet for three years and tuba for two. He misses it. And I can't even imagine not going to graduation... You must have been in a pretty big school, Mandy. Everywhere I've ever lived, it would be odd to have missing students unless they hadn't passed!

 

I graduated a semester early. I went back to my graduation ceremony. In a class of over 400 it wouldn't have mattered if I was there or not. It felt weird to be back there after several months of working.

[Erin]

This would be a class of 25 or 35, depending upon which school we'd go with...

Like I said, sparsely populated! :)

[Mandy in TN]

And I can't even imagine not going to graduation... You must have been in a pretty big school, Mandy. Everywhere I've ever lived, it would be odd to have missing students unless they hadn't passed!

 

My senior year my entire high school had under 1000 students, so it wasn't particularly a large school. Graduation was expensive- a cap and gown, invitations, and it seems that there was a graduation fee. Whatever the cost, I was going to be the one paying for it. I was going to Mexico summer after my senior year and I had been saving for that. I didn't want to use money I had worked for for something I cared so little about. I just wanted everything to be over so I could get out of town. I have never regretted my choice.

 

Both my big boys did go to a homeschool graduation for their umbrella school, but I think they both kind of thought it was a waste of an afternoon. Maybe your concern for your boys participating in these things stems from the fact that you feel that it would be odd to not do them. My oldest ds began volunteering at the animal shelter in jrhigh and at 22yo he still volunteers at the animal shelter. Rather than some special season of a person's life that begins in grade 9 and ends at the end of grade 12, I look at high school and see it as beginning to build and transition into adulthood. Of course, this is easy for me to say, because in my area we have all these things available if my children were interested.

 

I completely understand that if I had a child really interested in something and it was only available through the ps it would be a different story. If your son will be miserable being at home feeling like the opportunity to play in the high school band or whatever is else he can only do in the ps is passing him by, then there is absolutely nothing wrong with and in fact it may be in the best interest of your child to give public school a try. If it doesn't work, he can always come back home. My older two wanted to be home as teens and homeschooling wasn't without conflict. I can't imagine trying to homeschool a teenager who didn't want to be at home.

 

HTH :)

Mandy

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

[Erin]

My senior year my entire high school had under 1000 students

In my part of the country, that's a big school! Our entire district doesn't even have half that many kids, and it serves 1200 square miles. lol

[Lori D.]

I live in a sparsely populated area, so there are no such things as co-ops or youth symphonies or science team or homeschool Prom or any of the other things I see so many of you talking of as homeschool opportunities.

If kids want to be involved with groups, there's 4H, Scouts, church and school.

 

So of course in any thought process about homeschooling high school, I have to consider that they're missing out on things like Band, Prom, FFA, graduation...

 

 

 

For those whose kids have been similarly limited as mine, what do they think they missed?

 

 

Well, we are fortunate to have a LOT of homeschool activities here. Both DSs not only did stuff with the homeschool group, but they also participated on the local public high school tennis team. However, hearing how crude their team mates were on a daily basis really put DSs off of ever wanting to attend the public high school -- no activity was worth that to them; in fact, younger DS did not participate on the tennis team in his senior year because he said he was tired of all the swearing and crude talk.

 

But due to our DSs' personalities, no, even if they hadn't had the opportunity to do the activities they did, I don't think they would have felt they missed out. Prom was absolutely never of interest to them, and neither plays an instrument for band. And the only reason they participated in the homeschool group's graduation ceremony is because it was important closure for ME. ;)

 

 

However, with you being in a sparse area, it very well may come down to if you want to see a particular activity happen, you may find that you have to organize it and make it happen. (That is how I found myself being advisor to a delegation for the YMCA's Youth & Government mock legislative program for 3 years. ;) )

 

And since your public high school is very small, you very likely would find you would be very *welcomed* by the school if you and/or DH were willing and able to head up something of interest to your DSs that could involve the local high school students, too! :)

 

For example: a girl and her mom in our homeschool group took ballroom dance, and organized a weekly evening dance class at church, and then once they had taught everyone some basic steps, about every three months they held a formal dance, where the kids all got to dress up formally; several times we did dinners to go with it. Our DSs enjoyed doing that.

 

 

Another option is just being willing to drive. It looks like you are in Nebraska? Here are some options:

 

Unicameral Youth Legislature

Model United Nations

Mock Trial

High School Debate

Robot Events: Nebraska High School League

 

 

Another option: are you anywhere near a college or university? You might be able to get a science grad to head up a science or engineering or electronics club.

 

How about an online community? Maybe even organize a weekly homeschool online chess league, writer's group, book club, or other type of online live chat with other homeschoolers or high school teens in general? What are your DSs' interests?

 

 

As for graduation, our state homeschool organization holds a special graduation ceremony in the evening of the first night of the annual 2-day homeschool convention that is VERY nice, with grads all around the state in cap & gown, a very nice ceremony, receiving diploma, and getting to have a photo included in the slideshow. It looks like graduates in NE also get recognition at your state convention.

 

Of course, you can join a smaller local homeschooling group (although, for you, local may mean a 2-hour drive), and participate in a smaller homeschool group graduation ceremony. Or, create a special event at the local church hall, or rent event space (hotel, community center, or other larger venue) for your DS, and celebrate with friends and family.

 

 

BEST of luck! Warmly, Lori D.

[Erin]

I know there are other options (though all of those that you posted, Lori, are between 150-300 miles away or are only for recognized schools). Online would be our best bet.

To the creation of clubs, we're back to the limit of having very few homeschooled kids in the area. As an example, our homeschool group serves three counties/4000 square miles and pulls in a total of 12 kids, K-HS.

 

Like I keep saying, I live in a sparsely populated area.

If you've never lived in a truly rural community, you're simply not going to understand how important the school (and by extension, school experience) can be...

[Jean in Newcastle]

For us, it hasn't been an issue of missing things because of homeschooling. It has been an issue of how we have provided the those opportunities that my child wanted in a form that fit our homeschooling lifestyle. For example, academically the main thing I would think my son would want that he could get (possibly) in a school is the opportunity for good debates and discussions. But he's taken care of that interest and need by being involved in a number of groups that have tons of discussion and debate on a variety of subjects via Skype. He's even involved in a writing/editing club that all uses the same Dropbox so they can edit each other's stories. So far we haven't had an issue with something only available in the schools. It helps that the sport he's interested in is not a high school team sport so he would have done that separately from the start. We do have the opportunity for lots of different things because we live in an urban area.

[Lori D.]

I know there are other options (though all of those that you posted, Lori, are between 150-300 miles away or are only for recognized schools). Online would be our best bet.

To the creation of clubs, we're back to the limit of having very few homeschooled kids in the area. As an example, our homeschool group serves three counties/4000 square miles and pulls in a total of 12 kids, K-HS.

 

Like I keep saying, I live in a sparsely populated area.

If you've never lived in a truly rural community, you're simply not going to understand how important the school (and by extension, school experience) can be...

 

 

 

Yes.. That's why I was wondering in my earlier post if involving the public school students as well as homeschool students in a group would be a possibly. I could see that being beneficial for all, precisely because you all do live in a sparsely populated area. :)

 

But sometimes the schools are very protective and unwilling to allow you to organize something that would benefit their students, too, unless you are part of the school...

 

Would that be something worth investigating? You and/or DH starting up / leading / advising a group activity that included interested public school students, too? BEST of luck! Warmly, Lori D.

[RootAnn]

Erin - I'm on the eastern end of the NE/KS straddle (so add MO/IA in there), but local PS does allow band/show choir participation (don't know what the rules are, but I know some who've done it), just not sports. I'm still several years away from high school, but I know I'll be looking into getting any of my interested kids into high school clubs (FFA, FBLA, etc.). One PS in the area is anti-homeschooling and another is pro-homeschooling (or were under the previous admin, not sure what the new person will be like). The pro-homeschooling school is more open to kids taking part in their activities, but it is a longer drive.

 

Sorry I don't have any BTDT on what grads might miss. Mine just aren't old enough yet. :leaving:

[TarynB]

I'm not the OP, but wanted to say a huge thank you to everyone for chiming in with your experiences and advice on this topic. I think this thread is important for many of us.

 

. . .

Another option is just being willing to drive. It looks like you are in Nebraska? Here are some options:

 

Unicameral Youth Legislature

Model United Nations

Mock Trial

High School Debate

Robot Events: Nebraska High School League

 

It looks like graduates in NE also get recognition at your state convention.

. . .

 

BEST of luck! Warmly, Lori D.

 

Lori D. - Thank you! I always appreciate your positive, can-do, encouraging posts. I didn't quote your entire post, but you went to a lot of trouble to find and link all those sources!

[Hunter]

My boys are 26 and almost 25. I'm out of contact with the younger due to a MESSY divorce with his dad, but I do have some limited phone contact with the older son.

 

When I did have contact with the younger he never expressed any discontent with having been homeschooled. Homeschooling was something he desperately wanted to do, and he went on complete strike, refusing even to eat at school until his dad let him "quit school" in the 5th grade.

 

The older son was initially reluctant to be homeschooled, but took to it like a duck to water. The original plan was for him to do 8th grade at home to clean up the mess of the charter school, and to be better prepared to start high school. By the time high school arrived he was already a sophomore in his correspondence course, and had an almost full time job. He decided he didn't have time for school. He finished the course at 16, put himself through a junior college and moved to Las Vegas debt free and financially independent at 19.

 

My boys were raised mostly in poverty and domestic abuse. They had some formal extra-curricula activities in the younger years, but by the time they were homeschooled things were pretty bad. It was just homeschool, church, work, extended family, and normal friends type stuff.

 

I know my oldest has NOTHING but GOOD to say about his education, and is VERY grateful for the opportunity he had to accelerate his studies and go out to work. He was out of state and on his own when the implosion hit, and...it was QUITE the implosion he was spared :lol:

 

There is a possibility my younger now feels differently about his education, than the last time I talked to him, but I doubt it. I can only assume he is a die hard homeschool enthusiast to this day. As a teen he talked a lot about homeschooling his own kids.

 

So even with what some people would think of as extreme deprivation, my boys still both have no regrets, as far as I know.

[AmyontheFarm]

I know you were asking about proms, band, etc., but.....

 

In my previous life (before homeschooling my youngest two) I was the Chair of the Parent councils at the elementary level and at the High school level. I live on Ontario, Canada in a rural community.

 

At the high school level... this is what your child really missed.

1. The teacher being "too" friendly with the students. (no charges laid)
   
2. The drug dealer trying to be their friend on the sidewalk.
   
3. Walking by the drug house on the way to school.
   
4. Being sworn and yelled at by staff.
   
5. Being sworn at by classmates.
   
6. If your child is a girl - being offered a condom by the classroom bully and a private teaching lesson on how to use it. (no charges laid)
   
7. Finding alcohol bottles in the bathrooms.
   
8. Smelling that "interesting" cigarette smoke.
   
9. Being assigned a group project and one kid leaves to deliver her baby and your child getting yelled at for not finishing the whole project by alone.
   
10. Being assigned a group project with the troubled children because your kid is good enough to help the other kids get a passing grade. (every blessed class!!!!! My kid was not there to teach other kids!!!!)
    
11. Drug dogs walking the hallway.
    
12. Walking in on classmates having..s@x
    
13. Oral s@x on the bus
    
14. Being shoved in the hallways.
    
15. Being punched in the hallways.
    
16. Being deliberately tripped in the hallways. Teachers telling you to be more careful in the hallways!!!!!
    
17. Having 4 fire drills in one day because students don't want to take a test. (no charges laid)
    
18. Having burnt out teachers who just want to get to the end of the day, or week, or month or semester.
    
19. Having burnt out principals and support staff who snap at you because you asked to use the phone because some kid dumped paint on you.
    
20. .... do I need to go on?
    

 

What did your child miss out on at the elementary levels?

 

Ok, lets see numbers 8, 9, 11, 17, 19 only happened at the high school levels.

 

Yah, I should have listened to my older two girls when they begged me to homeschool them. Oh and for the record, the schools my kids were at won awards for their testing levels, safety and community projects. I knew what was going on because I was the Chair of the parent council. If more parents actually knew what was going on in their schools, they would be homeschooling their kids too.

[Erin]

If our school was even remotely that bad, this wouldn't be a difficult decision. But I work in our school system, at all levels, and only three or four of those on your list would apply...