Same old refrain ( vent about money )

[scrapbookbuzz]

My husband is a great dad and a great husband. My one pet peeve, though, is the same refrain I've heard for

18 years: "We need to watch what we spend." Whether our family income was less than $40k/year or close to

triple digits, I hear the same thing. Here's the rub: I am the one that pays the bills and he always asks me if we

have enough in the account to buy this or that. I understand he works on commission but we have ALWAYS paid

our bills. Always.

 

Anyone else BTDT? Any suggestions?

[MomatHWTK]

So you are unhappy because DH has said to you recently that "we need to watch what we spend"? Is this because you are already watching, because you don't agree, or because you feel like you need to cut more but can't?

[Guest inoubliable]

What did you want suggestions on? I'm not sure I understand. Is it that your DH is just annoying with his comment? Your bills are paid, so it doesn't really sound like a vent about money.

[Melissa in Australia]

:grouphug:

[Lily_Grace]

Sounds like you need budget meetings. At least once per paycheck so you two can keep tabs on it all together. Not you and him asking permission, but both of you knowing where you stand.

 

We keep an open budget here. EVERYTHING is out in the open on our spreadsheet except investments. Dh and I can look to see where we're at and where we're going at any point, so if he wants to "watch what we're spending", he's darn well able to.

 

Tab 1 has the budgets for the current and next three paychecks, so we know what's coming up and can plan for it.

Tab 2 has our slush accounts: emergency fund, car fund, car repair, vacation fund, house fund.....there are about 10 and not all are being used, but they're all in a month by month running tally block with our goal for the end of the year and long term goal at the end of the row.

Tab 3 has our current budget spread out, so we can list how much we've spent in each category and how much is left. There are bills, groceries, and individual allowances so we can spend freely...within parameters.

Tab 4 was our running tally of our debts. I keep it around just so I can see how far we've come.

 

I'm the worrywart, dh is not. But if we're not both on the same page we end up off in lala-land and resentful.

[Joyofsixreboot]

Well, I'm the one who won't spend so.....maybe you should talk to my DH.

[kewb]

Perhaps it is the way he is saying it vs what he means. No matter what the money situation it always pays to be cautious. You never know what the future holds. You should discuss what is bothering you about this statement with him.

[T'smom]

Oh my gosh, yes!!! Dh is always saying things like that. It wouldn't matter if we won the lottery, he'd still be saying it. He acts like I go out and blow money left and right, which Is not at all the case. The other day he told me to watch my spending and then I found a receipt in the car indicating that we had plenty of money in the account. (Like 4 mortgage payments worth) or he'll say "we have to wait for such and such until after my next check" but before his next check, something that he wants will come up and suddenly the money is there. When I call him on it, he says things like "oh, we'll, there is money in x account, but not in y account." The thing is, he's not exactly lying. He truly feels like we need to watch the budget closely.

 

We've discussed ways of handling this conflict, but nothing has really worked yet. In my case, he is the one to do all of the money stuff.

[fairfarmhand]

He doesn't pay the bills so he doesn't know what;s there, what's needing to be paid and what's in reserve. He probably does feel a bit stressed about money because of the commission thing. He never knows what might pop up in a tight few months.

 

2 things might help. 1. Have him sit down with you to do bills and check account balances.

 

2. Build up a hefty emergency fund (separate from regular savings) so that there is always a 6 month buffer between you all and the poorhouse.

[Mommyof4ks]

One of his greatest needs might be security. That is one of my needs too, and I am often going over and over the budget, bills, and so on. I agree with others who said a sit down meeting with a name for every dollar might be a good idea. Dh and I each get X amount to spend however we like each month, and things not budgeted come out of there. It makes me feel much better.

[Mango]

Whenever my DH starts talking like that I know he's been playing the stock market and losing BIG time.

[HappyLady]

My DH is the same way. We have way more money than most people do in savings, but whenever I mention something about doing something to the house he almost breaks out into a sweat and says we need to watch our money. And I'm talking more like painting and putting down new carpeting, not redoing the whole kitchen! :glare: I pay the bills, but he's aware of what we have in our bank account. He just keeps saying he wants to live comfortably if he were to ever lose his job and couldn't find one for awhile. Plus with us being on one income I know that scares him. But the stress on me is just too much sometimes! I don't spend money frivolously and thankfully when I make little purchases he doesn't say anything. He's not cheap, but he has to be talked into spending any kind of money. Then again, last night he said he wanted to buy a drum set that costs $1000, even though he doesn't play the drums. It's always been on his "bucket list" though to teach himself. :glare:

[fairfarmhand]

Then again, last night he said he wanted to buy a drum set that costs $1000, even though he doesn't play the drums. It's always been on his "bucket list" though to teach himself. :glare:

Tell him it's on your bucket list to paint and have new carpet!