TranquilMind Posted February 10, 2013 Share Posted February 10, 2013 *sigh* They'll get it when it's too late, eh? :grouphug: Yeah. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DianeW88 Posted February 10, 2013 Share Posted February 10, 2013 Well, Diane, in theory, I totally agree with you. I don't 'tolerate" it either, but the day comes when the kid knows you don't really have any power at all except the power you wield relationally. And some kids will squash you like a bug and think nothing of it. I'm on the ride now, hoping it ends soon. I'm so sorry. :grouphug: I hope it gets better for you soon. I haven't had to travel down that road in my experience with my kids, so I really have no idea what it's like. Hopefully when they've had a dose of the real world, they'll realize what they've turned their backs on. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
dirty ethel rackham Posted February 10, 2013 Share Posted February 10, 2013 Just now she came out and announced that if we don't get her the dog she wants, she will no longer do math, she yelled that she HATES doing math, she will NOT do it, she gave me an icy "eat sh*t" glare and stomped back off to her room screaming and slammed the door. Lovely. Now that would make me chuckle ... I am envisioning a 3 year old making ridiculous demands:). Sometimes an indulgent chuckle and a "do you know how ridiculous you sound" look can go a long way. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
PachiSusan Posted February 10, 2013 Share Posted February 10, 2013 My whole family is gone, and I've used that line a few times about how I'd do anything to talk to MY Mother (sister, brother, father, grandparents...etc). I've said that one moment you are a teen and the next, you are standing at a parent's grave, wishing you had more time. They don't get it at all. This just made me well up with tears. My Dad died 1.11.11 and I wish so much that we had even one more minute. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TranquilMind Posted February 10, 2013 Share Posted February 10, 2013 This just made me well up with tears. My Dad died 1.11.11 and I wish so much that we had even one more minute. Aw, I'm sorry. I know it hurts. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
dbmamaz Posted February 10, 2013 Share Posted February 10, 2013 not all family relationships are the same. My dad died when i was in college and i BLOSSOMED. I've only missed him occasionally. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
I.Dup. Posted February 10, 2013 Author Share Posted February 10, 2013 How did you respond to that? Because if my dd had done any of those things at your dd's age....her life as she knew it would have absolutely ended. I would not allow her to get away with that kind of tone or attitude. And if she had even dared to slam her bedroom door....it would have been gone. She can live without a door. And screaming at me?? Not tolerated. I would have brought her back to the table and she could have sat there until that math was finished. As for the dog....no way. Honestly, if she gets away with this kind of disrespect and nonsense now....you are in for a h*ll of a ride when she hits 14 or so. Believe me, I have gone toe-to-toe with her many MANY times over the years. It boggles my mind how she will go right up against us and not give a carp what happens. She has been like this since she was 2 (that's when I started noticing it). Once I was giving her a spank when she was 3 and she said "that doesn't hurt. Spank me harder." :confused1: Her dad is 6'4" and huge and he sounds really scary when he yells and she has no problem pushing him and pushing him and pushing him. That being said, I cannot engage in a power struggle with her without getting really upset and having no clue how to respond to this level of defiance so I have backed off and given her space when she throws her fits. I try to be the calm, unmoving presence. I always send her to her room and she ALWAYS feels awful afterward and apologizes, cries, etc. I am not noticing that her behavior is decreasing, but I can see that her heart is soft and she has true repentance and that brings me some comfort. Apart from that, I'm not sure what to do without turning our whole house upside down with her moods. Finally, she just started her period last month and I have definitely noticed an increase in this bad behavior related to that, so I'm just hoping it will even out at some point now that she is officially in full-swing puberty. She really is very helpful, kind, caring, she's wonderful with her baby brothers (the babies anyway) so it's not all awful by any means. But her moods and her defiance have always been so hard for me to figure out. :( Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
La Texican Posted February 10, 2013 Share Posted February 10, 2013 How much is nature vs. nurture, how much are our children "mini-me's". If what your parents did to you as a kid worked back then you would know what to do. If it worked but had hidden costs, wasn't worth it in your eyes, then who's parenting do you admire? The ones I admire have a whole support system, a village. Better parenting takes more than just parenting it takes a village. no, I haven't got it right. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
dangermom Posted February 10, 2013 Share Posted February 10, 2013 I try to be the calm, unmoving presence. I always send her to her room... I think this is wise. If you engage in a power struggle then she will probably go to any lengths to show you that you can't control her, and that's not what you want. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jewellsmommy Posted February 11, 2013 Share Posted February 11, 2013 its hard when she comes back and says she feels rejected because i walk away and wont talk to her when she's mad at me . ..uggg. but when i do talk to her, its all about how i ruined her life because i'm an awful mother. I DONT lose my cool, or at least havent in maybe 4 years that i can think of. But a conversation we had in october or november ended with me saying "It would be easier if you asked for a hug instead of telling me to kill myself". It wasnt long after that she said she was going to quit college (which she loved and had totally applied and gotten in to all on her own) and become a photography model so she could afford to move out of the house. mm hmm. When she was 15 she said that she and her friends had aliens who had taken over their bodies psychically at birth, and the reason she and her friends got along so well was because their aliens had been friends before, on their home planet. she also broke up with all her friends, saying they had nothing in common. yeah, i know, this sounds like a crazy person. i took her to therapy but she lied to and manipulated her therapist . . . had really bad reactions to the meds she did try and refused to try the one that does miracles for her brother because "I'm not like him!" and then she got physically ill as well . . . uggg. sorry i keep spilling this mess all over the place . . . i'm just really struggling I just had to send you a hug. :grouphug: I hope it gets better soon. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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