teaching about the birds and bees

[Gamom3]

I know some of you are pretty open with your dc, but a ? to those who aren't.

 

Dd is 10 and will be covering Sonlight 5 Science this year. I have the book Almost 12 and the book The Complete Book of the Human Body, which also talks about s*x. How do you go about teaching this?

Dh told me to HIDE the Almost 12 book..he was shocked to hear about its contents.

 

We have not even talked to our 12yr old ds.

We didnt talk to our oldest until he was 13/14.

 

We have talked about puberty with both dc, but nothing else!

[LauraGB]

I asked this question a couple months ago and here is the info I got. Sad to say, I haven't actually done it yet, so I can't give my own opinion. Hope this is helpful to you.

 

http://www.welltrainedmind.com/forums/showthread.php?t=34353

[Scarlett]

We have not even talked to our 12yr old ds.

We didnt talk to our oldest until he was 13/14.

 

We have talked about puberty with both dc, but nothing else!

 

I find this....shocking. :confused: Do they not ask questions? And how do you discuss puberty and not discuss the rest of it?

[Academy of Jedi Arts]

I find this....shocking. :confused: Do they not ask questions? And how do you discuss puberty and not discuss the rest of it?

 

I wasn't gonna say anything, but I was thinking the same. I live in the suburbs and more kids than I would like to think about are active in middle school. At least 2 of dd's 10 year old friends have their periods. I wonder how a kid could get to age 10 without hearing something from other kids, or even seeing animals in "the act".

 

I am not being judgmental, please don't get me wrong. I just can't imagine how a kid gets to age 10 without knowing things, much less 13.

[Scarlett]

I wasn't gonna say anything, but I was thinking the same. I live in the suburbs and more kids than I would like to think about are active in middle school. At least 2 of dd's 10 year old friends have their periods. I wonder how a kid could get to age 10 without hearing something from other kids, or even seeing animals in "the act".

 

I am not being judgmental, please don't get me wrong. I just can't imagine how a kid gets to age 10 without knowing things, much less 13.

 

My ds8 just last night ask about my feminine supplies he saw in the cabinet. So we had that discussion. He had already seen his dog in heat and so it was not a far leap for him to understand how a woman's cycles work.

 

I didn't want other kids telling him things (and probably telling it wrong) so I answer every. single. question. ds has. And oh boy does he have lots. :tongue_smilie:

[Targhee]

I haven't seen the books you referred to, and I don't have any curricular suggestions. I just wanted to add a bit of encouragement.

 

This is probably an aside to what you are after, but I wanted to mention it anyway. I just wanted to assure you that you can raise modest, loving, chaste, and responsible children even if you teach them about sex at 12 years old. In fact, I would venture to say that you are more capable to doing this when you do teach you children in a loving, respectful way (using correct terms) and without embarrassment. Better they learn it from you, who has the perspective and wisdom of a parent, than from their peers. My parents were open, tender, factual, and respectful of the topic, for which I give a lot of credit to helping me through my teen years (while living a life I look back on without shame).

[Kissy]

My son is 10 and we plan to talk to him this school year about it too. He will be in fifth grade. I am not sure exactly how I will go about it..I have thought of using a book to help and answering questions afterwards. I do know I plan to make sure to stress that when he is ready I would like for him to be married but if not I want him to talk to me first. I want to stresst the feelings side and commitments in addition to just the science of it.

[Starr]

I have found from teaching health in a private school to teaching my own children that it's easier when they are younger. They seem to take it in as factual information. Once the hormones kick in it's another conversation.

[Alison in KY]

I was really surprised when a short while ago people were posting about having "THE" talk with their 8, 9 yr olds.

 

I think it depends on your house, your friends, your choices in shows, etc. My son just turned 9. He's not locked in the house all day, but he also does not know about sex. I have been able to explain things very simply and honestly, and I plan to keep with that until it becomes time to go more in depth...at what age that is will probably depend on the child. My friend has a very involved with life 13 yr old who still isn't interested in boys...and this girl is highly involved with a local theatre. It just depends, but we don't hang out with hardly any neighborhood kids...none that I really want my kids to hang out with but it's easier to not hang out since we don't have that many kids around here.

 

Anyway, my kids who are 9, 7, and 5 all know I experience something natural called a period once a month..and I use the pads, etc. My oldest is a boy by the way. My girls have been known to pull the sticky part of the pad for me :) because there is no such thing as privacy in our house.

 

They also know that our female dog will come "in heat" which is basically a time where she can get "married" and have puppies,even though the dog marriage will not mean that the boy comes to live with us. They've also glanced over and seen a dog playing piggyback before.

 

I just wanted to explain for those of you who are surprised you can avoid a major discussion until your kids are older. We're not sheltering, but I'm not saying any more than I have to yet. I don't have plans for my son to be dating for a long time, but he'll definitely be getting guidance from time to time as things happen.

 

Honestly if someone told him something then we could be having this talk tomorrow...but I hope he doesn't hear anything yet. One thing about the homeschool kids that I've been around, they seem to retain their innocence for longer than ps schools. My kids know about drinking, getting drunk but they don't know about pot, crack, etc. It just isn't necessary at this point, but I'm not also not hiding them from the "real" world. It'll happen in time.

 

Alison in KY

[Chris in SC]

Last night while driving home ds 8 asked how you choose if you are going to have a baby or not. I have been trying to tell them the truth with the proper terms etc as things came up, but I just couldn't decide how to answer this question with his 10 yo brother sitting next to him.

 

I was planning to have a talk with the 10 yo soon. Most of his friends are younger and very innocent so he hasn't been interested in the subject. But I want to make sure I can teach this to him before it becomes too embarrassing fro him. It seems once they hit 12ish everything is embarrassing! He has actually been told many of the facts as the issues have come up but he seems to have no memory of these things (do your 9/10 yolds get amnesia??)

 

Anyway I told 8yo to let me think of how to explain it and they pressured me for a while and then let it go. I think I will get a book from the library and ask them seperately if they still want to know and explain it then with pictures.

 

Chris in SC

[Scarlett]

I was really surprised when a short while ago people were posting about having "THE" talk with their 8, 9 yr olds.

 

One thing about the homeschool kids that I've been around, they seem to retain their innocence for longer than ps schools. My kids know about drinking, getting drunk but they don't know about pot, crack, etc. It just isn't necessary at this point, but I'm not also not hiding them from the "real" world. It'll happen in time.

 

Alison in KY

 

I do think it is true that as a rule hs kids retain their innocence longer. I think my ds asked DIRECT questions at a very early age (around 6), but I remember my brother doing the same thing. I tried to put him off, but my mom told me that if you put kids off they will stop asking questions and you sure don't want that.

 

I don't know why some kids ask earlier than others. I don't think it is always due to sheltering (or not) them from questionable tv and or older kids. Although I don't know how you can always do that with older kids because of friends having older kids ect. Anyway, he asked and I told him. I don't have any regrets.

 

I do want to point out that some kids will NEVER ask. I was one of those. My mom said she kept waiting and waiting and I just never asked. She told me things directly...not so much the biology, (I just listened when she told my younger brother :)), but she talked to me about hormones and feelings and doing what is right even when you don't want to. There were a lot of gaps though because I wouldn't ask. I just couldn't bring myself to discuss it.

[Penelope]

I'd be surprised if a 10 year old, or especially a 12 yo, didn't already know it from other kids. My sister and I were fairly sheltered and our parents had the talk with us about 9 or 10, and we had both already heard it (but never let on to our parents).

[G5052]

We live in a semi-rural area with lots of wildlife and neighbors with farm animals, so our children have known the biology part for a long time. From that naturally questions came about humans. I've always answered those questions and kept it very informal and age-appropriate.

 

We also read through the Bible every year as a family, and DH and I decided that we'd be fairly open about what's going on in most cases at an age-appropriate level. We don't go into the details ala Song of Solomon, but our children know about Rahab's former profession, how Tamar got pregnant, and why David had Uriah murdered. All of this is presented as God's way versus man's way.

 

So I haven't worried too much about media exposure (which we limit) or friends, because we've always dealt with this in a very natural way with the spiritual element taken directly from the Bible. My preteen has a lot of questions these days, and I'm glad that we've built a foundation where he comes to us.

[Peela]

Another point is, it actually isn't necessary to use a book, particularly when opening the subject or answering casual questions. A book can be a great reference when wanting to get more into the nitty gritty, or when you feel the child is ready for a visual- but I don't think i would have wanted to use a book as a way of introducing the subject.

 

I learned about s*x and puberty in a personal development class at my progressive gir's school when I was 11. It was well done. However, I can distinctly remember feeling betrayed by my parents that they had let me get to the ripe age of 11 before I found out,and then copped out by letting school tell me! I mean, what other secrets had they kept from me? It if anything undermined my trust in my parents. I did afterwards ask my mum and got some straight answers, but I can also remember asking her beforehand questions like "well, can you get pregnant from sitting on a public toilet seat then?" because I knew about the egg and the sperm but not the method their getting close enough to meet! She very much avoided my questions.

In fact, I think it was a little crazy making, because when I did find out, well- I thought about it a lot!