Has anyone figured out how to stop the whining?

[Sharilynn29]

My 8 yo dd is a natural whiner. She cries almost every day over some bump or bruise. She's very sensitive and emotional. Unfortunately, her whining carries into school time. Anything that looks too hard or boring. This also seems to happen in the morning.

 

I think she's still tired and not in the groove of the schedule, but this needs to stop. I have grounded her from playing with friends, but I'd rather find a way to change the behavior and attitude toward schoolwork.

 

Any ideas??

[amyrobynne]

I'd love to hear advice too. It's my 6 year old over here. We've had 2 days and he's already whining. I'm hoping that settling into a routine will help soon because ugh.

[Lily_Grace]

Around that age I made a rule that if you whined or complained you couldn't talk again until you found something positive to say. I ignored a child for an hour once until he realized he wasn't getting listened to until he said something good. He learned.

[punchbuggyblue]

I refuse to listen to whining.

I managed to get my own children to do it when they were 4 or 5, but I teach piano lessons and have managed to wean it out of a couple of insistent whiners who aren't my own children.

 

That's how I do, it. I just refuse to listen to it. You can read a blog post I wrote about it a few months ago: Whining

 

When it comes to complaining about the amount of work that's been assigned, or having to do that work. That's a different issue.

 

My kids know that if they complain they'll not be pleased with the result.

 

Childen with poor attitudes are asked to go sit on their bed until they can come to the school room with a good attitude, and children who complain about how much math, etc. they have been assigned are given a few extra questions tacked on the assignment.

 

I do it all very nicely. But my rules are my Rules. And since I'm in charge of privileges in the household, they are generally upheld!

[Hedgehogs4]

I refuse to listen to whining.

I managed to get my own children to do it when they were 4 or 5, but I teach piano lessons and have managed to wean it out of a couple of insistent whiners who aren't my own children.

 

That's how I do, it. I just refuse to listen to it. You can read a blog post I wrote about it a few months ago: Whining

 

When it comes to complaining about the amount of work that's been assigned, or having to do that work. That's a different issue.

 

My kids know that if they complain they'll not be pleased with the result.

 

Childen with poor attitudes are asked to go sit on their bed until they can come to the school room with a good attitude, and children who complain about how much math, etc. they have been assigned are given a few extra questions tacked on the assignment.

 

I do it all very nicely. But my rules are my Rules. And since I'm in charge of privileges in the household, they are generally upheld!

 

:iagree: I tell my daughter to talk to me when she can speak nicely, in a way that I can understand. Then I walk away. Warn her that this will happen next time she whines at a time when she is in her "right mind" and can converse with you about her behavior. "Can I talk to you for a moment? I want you to know that it makes me feel like I don't want to be around you when you whine...did you know that? It's not a very nice way of communicating with someone, so I here's what we're going to do to work on it..." I find that promoting the expectation of what is going to happen when they are clear-minded and sane helps tremendously in the execution of the plan when they are not. They realize that I really meant what I said and typically, they follow through, or go to their rooms until they can. :001_smile:

[momacacia]

Gee, I just threw a 7yo out of my kitchen for whining about emptying the dishwasher. It is her main job, needs to be done everyday and pays $.25. What's to complain about? She is helpful about other things, but this just seems to get her. She half-emptied it (with accompanying whining), then got out dishgloves to handwash the dishes that were still in the sink and told me what she was going to do. I told her to not bother.

 

Of course, next time we're at Walmart and she wants or wants to buy something, she won't have any money because she's not going to get paid for anything anytime soon. Really, a 5-minute chore she gets paid for, there is plenty of playtime in her day and she knows I have a lot of kitchen work to do today. :glare:

 

Okay, rant over.:)

[boscopup]

I refuse to listen to whining.

I managed to get my own children to do it when they were 4 or 5, but I teach piano lessons and have managed to wean it out of a couple of insistent whiners who aren't my own children.

 

That's how I do, it. I just refuse to listen to it. You can read a blog post I wrote about it a few months ago: Whining

 

When it comes to complaining about the amount of work that's been assigned, or having to do that work. That's a different issue.

 

My kids know that if they complain they'll not be pleased with the result.

 

Childen with poor attitudes are asked to go sit on their bed until they can come to the school room with a good attitude, and children who complain about how much math, etc. they have been assigned are given a few extra questions tacked on the assignment.

 

I do it all very nicely. But my rules are my Rules. And since I'm in charge of privileges in the household, they are generally upheld!

 

:iagree:

 

My 5 year old is a whiner. Lately, I've been just saying, †You're whining,†in a normal tone of voice, and he immediately repeats his sentence in a nice tone. I should have cracked down on this long ago! We got to this point of gentle reminder by doing something similar to that blog post (which is excellent). I just decided that I was not tolerating whining, and I would not respond to any question or statement done with that tone of voice.

[Lori D.]

First make sure you eliminate any possible physical/biological triggers:

 

- sugar/dye sensitivity:

Remove sugar and artificial dyes from the diet; these can cause huge mood and behavioral reactions, esp. in children.

 

- food intolerance:

Make sure there are no food intolerances (body's inability to digest easily certain foods) causing physical distress, which in turn can trigger whining, crying and other emotional behaviors from not feeling well; usually trial-and-error or elimination diets can pinpoint food intolerances; soy, cow's milk, wheat, grapes, chocolate, oranges, eggs, and peanuts are the most common foods for bodies to be intolerant to.

 

- blood sugar:

Give her some protein snacks (nuts; cheese and crackers; peanutbutter on celery or rice crackers; etc.) between meals, and try to keep her blood sugar level; some people have big emotional mood swings when blood sugar dips.

 

- sleep:

Lack of enough good sleep is a huge cause of mood swings in ALL ages of people. Does DD go to bed early enough to get hours of sleep? Does DD get enough exercise/physical exertion in the day so her body rests well at night? Does DD have allergies or other physical issues that may restrict her breathing and cause her to wake a lot at night, and thus getting up exhausted? How about black-out curtains in the windows to keep the bedroom dark for better/deeper sleep?

 

 

Once you've eliminated any possible physical/biological triggers, if there is still a problem, then come at it from the behavioral angle; here is a helpful short article on why children whine and strategies for stopping it.

 

 

BEST of luck! And hang in there -- that age 6 to 9 whiny/emotional stage seems to last forever, but you eventually get through it! Warmest regards, Lori D.

Edited August 31, 2012 by Lori D.

[Critterfixer]

Usually I feed the whine or send it to rest for a while. Most of the time with my two eight year old boys, that seems to stop it. But they are not naturally whiny, so when they get fussy, I usually can put my finger on the cause.

[sagira]

Whining during school = more schoolwork

[5LittleMonkeys]

Duct tape.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Okay, I know that wasn't useful. I seriously abhor whining, and like others above, I do not listen to it. That doesn't mean it doesn't occasionally still happen...but the consequences are swift and consistent.

 

I JUST sent my 6yo to his room to sit on his bed due to a pre-whining behavior. Yes, I've learned how to see it coming and nip it in the bud. I wasn't mean or angry, just explained that I could see he needed a moment to collect himself and to think about how he should proceed. I can hear him coming back down the stairs now so he has apparently decided that taking 30 seconds to pick up his shoes is not, after all, the end of the world.

 

...shoes have been put away without a peep from him. :D. Just remember, swift and consistent - and leave your frustration and annoyance out of the mix. Stay calm and non-emotional. The last thing a whiny dc needs is a mom projecting her own emotions onto the situation.

[...................]

Yep. You say, "I'm not listening to whining."

 

Then you totally ignore them until they speak positively or ask properly and politely. Its important that you tItally ignore them. Only remind about the whining once per day. Because of you keep on saying, "you are whining. Please speak cheerful words." they are still getting attention for whining.

[Lori D.]

I refuse to listen to whining. You can read a blog post I wrote about it a few months ago: Whining

 

 

 

I LOVE how in your linked blog post you not only refuse to listen, but the first few times you MODEL to the child the positive how TO communicate without whining, and then encourage the child's positive efforts with praise! Awesome! :)

[Aspasia]

I was just coming here to post about something that has completely transformed our school experience and it is all about whining. My dd is a huge whiner, very sensitive, blah, blah, blah. Up until a couple weeks ago, reading lessons in particular were absolute torture for her, and by extension, me. She whined and dragged her feet, all of which resulted in her making unnecessary mistakes and getting frustrated, which led to...more whining. Ahhhhh!

 

Finally one day I explained to her the difference between a positive attitude and a negative attitude. I gave examples of what each one looks like during a reading lesson. It's okay to not want to do something, but there is a difference between, "I don't waaaant to do readiiiiiiing. I haaaaate schooool." and "This is hard, but I know I have to do it anyway." I explained that having a good attitude makes everything easier--having a bad attitude makes everything harder. (Because doesn't it? Cleaning the kitchen seems much harder when I'm dragging my feet and forcing myself to do it, versus just flippin' doing it.)

 

Next I told dd that if she does anything to exhibit a bad attitude (which definitely includes whining), then we will take a 5-minute attitude break for her to adjust her attitude and come back with a better one. But here's the catch: You waste five minutes of my time, I will waste five minutes of your time when school is over. So basically, she sits in a chair when she could be playing.

 

Ever since that day, I feel like I'm teaching a brand new child! Not only has the whining stopped, she regularly says she LIKES reading AND school in general. She has asked to do additional reading lessons and asks for extra math pages. I'm not making this up! Turns out when you're not whining and resisting everything in your life, some of that stuff is actually enjoyable. Go figure! I also think the positive attitude is helping her learn the skills more easily, and that is really boosting her confidence.

Edited August 31, 2012 by infomom

[mamamindy]

Childen with poor attitudes are asked to go sit on their bed until they can come to the school room with a good attitude, and children who complain about how much math, etc. they have been assigned are given a few extra questions tacked on the assignment.

 

I do it all very nicely. But my rules are my Rules. And since I'm in charge of privileges in the household, they are generally upheld!

 

Thank you for linking your blog!

 

I am having a DIFFICULT time with a poor, poor attitude from my 6yr old. No matter how hard I try to make school light and enjoyable - and I'm new at this, so everything just seems difficult right now - she has a terrible attitude. I'll have out the glue, crayons, and a craft ready, and her response is "oh, all right, but this won't be any fun." As I'm reading a memory verse (poem, etc.) I walk into the room with her hands over her ears. If it's not her idea, she's going to resist. (She came out of the womb this way.) At first I have taken a quarter for each display of poor attitude. The amount increased throughout the day, and I realized this wasn't really working. It didn't bother her enough that her money was dwindling and soon wouldn't have any left for her poor attitude "citations". If I sent her to her bed, she would be delighted, as sitting on her bed reading or listening to audio books is one of her favorite things to do. I know it's pretty great that she loves to read, but then her math, reading, and writing lessons don't get done. I have a short window to work with her on these lessons while the babies sleep. Any suggestions? I do hope that once she realizes this is just the way it is she will discontinue her poor attitude. As for right now, it's hard for me not to get angry.

 

ETA: As I read my post, I realize I could just have her sit on her bed sans books (or audio) and perhaps that will be effective. Any other suggestions welcome. This is only our first week, and I've already asked DH if we could just send her to public school! (For the record, I really don't want to do that. We've committed to home schooling. I've just been very frustrated.)

Edited August 31, 2012 by mamamindy

[2queens&1princenmyhouse]

I was just coming here to post about something that has completely transformed our school experience and it is all about whining. My dd is a huge whiner, very sensitive, blah, blah, blah. Up until a couple weeks ago, reading lessons in particular were absolute torture for her, and by extension, me. She whined and dragged her feet, all of which resulted in her making unnecessary mistakes and getting frustrated, which led to...more whining. Ahhhhh!

 

Finally one day I explained to her the difference between a positive attitude and a negative attitude. I gave examples of what each one looks like during a reading lesson. It's okay to not want to do something, but there is a difference between, "I don't waaaant to do readiiiiiiing. I haaaaate schooool." and "This is hard, but I know I have to do it anyway." I explained that having a good attitude makes everything easier--having a bad attitude makes everything harder. (Because doesn't it? Cleaning the kitchen seems much harder when I'm dragging my feet and forcing myself to do it, versus just flippin' doing it.)

 

Next I told dd that if she does anything to exhibit a bad attitude (which definitely includes whining), then we will take a 5-minute attitude break for her to adjust her attitude and come back with a better one. But here's the catch: You waste five minutes of my time, I will waste five minutes of your time when school is over. So basically, she sits in a chair when she could be playing.

 

Ever since that day, I feel like I'm teaching a brand new child! Not only has the whining stopped, she regularly says she LIKES reading AND school in general. She has asked to do additional reading lessons and asks for extra math pages. I'm not making this up! Turns out when you're not whining and resisting everything in your life, some of that stuff is actually enjoyable. Go figure! I also think the positive attitude is helping her learn the skills more easily, and that is really boosting her confidence.

 

Want to come and talk to my kids? :tongue_smilie:

[mamamindy]

I was just coming here to post about something that has completely transformed our school experience and it is all about whining. My dd is a huge whiner, very sensitive, blah, blah, blah. Up until a couple weeks ago, reading lessons in particular were absolute torture for her, and by extension, me. She whined and dragged her feet, all of which resulted in her making unnecessary mistakes and getting frustrated, which led to...more whining. Ahhhhh!

 

Finally one day I explained to her the difference between a positive attitude and a negative attitude. I gave examples of what each one looks like during a reading lesson. It's okay to not want to do something, but there is a difference between, "I don't waaaant to do readiiiiiiing. I haaaaate schooool." and "This is hard, but I know I have to do it anyway." I explained that having a good attitude makes everything easier--having a bad attitude makes everything harder. (Because doesn't it? Cleaning the kitchen seems much harder when I'm dragging my feet and forcing myself to do it, versus just flippin' doing it.)

 

Next I told dd that if she does anything to exhibit a bad attitude (which definitely includes whining), then we will take a 5-minute attitude break for her to adjust her attitude and come back with a better one. But here's the catch: You waste five minutes of my time, I will waste five minutes of your time when school is over. So basically, she sits in a chair when she could be playing.

 

Ever since that day, I feel like I'm teaching a brand new child! Not only has the whining stopped, she regularly says she LIKES reading AND school in general. She has asked to do additional reading lessons and asks for extra math pages. I'm not making this up! Turns out when you're not whining and resisting everything in your life, some of that stuff is actually enjoyable. Go figure! I also think the positive attitude is helping her learn the skills more easily, and that is really boosting her confidence.

 

Thank you! Perhaps this will help my 6 yr old. I still don't know how I'll fit in her lessons when the babies are up.... but it's worth a shot!

[Aspasia]

I should add that my approach worked with dd because the most important thing in the world to her is being able to play outside. If friends are around, it's even better. The money thing wouldn't work for her because she doesn't care enough about money (ask me how I know :D). I've tried a token economy with her and it doesn't work because if she doesn't want the money badly enough, then she doesn't feel like she has to comply with whatever I'm asking.

[singbanshee]

I just say I'm sorry but I can't hear you through all that whining. They always then ask in the right voice. If however it's complaining then what I say is okay, now you can tell me three good things about ____. You have to be really consistent about this and not just do it once in a while. It really works.

 

I hate to say this but here goes (no tomatoes please)...you can't be a complainer yourself. If all day long they hear mommy complaining (or Daddy) they learn it. ;) I'm not saying OP you are but rather just to be aware of our heart attitudes because kids emulate whatever they are around...good or bad.

[Sharilynn29]

Thanks to all! I just needed someone to tell me their kids do the same and how they fix it.

[ForeverFamily]

Thank you so much for sharing that great blog post. My Dh and I have been trying to work on the whining thing for a while now. But our approach has obviously not been effective:tongue_smilie:. I am so glad to hear that I am not the only one with a 6yo who still whines. But she is not the only culprit, all of my girls have had an issue with this lately.

 

The whining has really accelerated since we started school. I feel like every single day is a battle. My Dd6 will say "I don't like school" and "I just want to be playing.":glare: I understand that it is hard to sit and do school while your siblings are off playing, but she has to do it. I am getting extremely tired of fighting it every day. The other day it took us about 30 to 45 minutes just to start because she was sitting at the table telling me how much she didn't like doing school.:confused: I know it is not the approach or level of difficulty of her actual school work, because she does just fine once she gets going. It is definitely an attitude problem. It doesn't help that I have felt like I have zero energy lately as well as being morning sick (probably the biggest factor in all of this:glare:). I know that it will get better once we get back into more of a routine. I am comforted to know that I am not the only one struggling with this.

 

I have really been wanting to work on fixing whining and attitudes (both the girls and mine). Thank you for all of the great ideas! Now I feel like I have more of a game plan to go about doing that. Thank you!

[mamamindy]

I want to report back. :) My husband pointed out that this isn't a school issue, it's a parenting issue. (I am referring to our specific circumstances concerning the whining/complaining about our lessons, so this may not be a parenting issue for you.) Since this (home school) is something new, I'm not totally confident, and my DD has sensed my hesitation and stepped in to assert herself. (She's the strong personality, so I have to consistently remind myself that I'm the authority here. Sure, she has choices, but I set the limits.) Once I changed my perspective from, "okay, I was mommy, but it's __o'clock now, so now I'm the teacher" to "still your mom, and now also your teacher, and being your teacher is just a continuation of me being your parent", things have really changed around here! (That sounded hard to follow...) It could be that she's just gotten used to and accepted our routine, which definitely helps, but I really think it's that my attitude changed. And I've also been more confident in my ability to teach her. I mean, I've been doing it for 6 yrs 4 months now! This teaching just looks a little different. She says (and acts) as though she's enjoying things as well. :D The "I can't hear you, you're whining" is working wonderfully with DS, 3yrs. Thank you so much! And I needed to be reminded to stop my own whining and complaining!