Please help me establish ORDER!

[Sue G in PA]

We fell out of our routine over the summer. I wanted to take time to train and re-train my kids in how to do basic chores (some had been slacking and not doing chores 100%). It never happened. :glare: I got lazy...I admit it. Now we are back to school and my house is back to CHAOS. Kids have "forgotten" which chores they are to do. My teens are simply not caring about their schoolwork (you know the attitude...get it done as fast as I can with the least amount of effort?). My younger children are falling into bad school habits as well. I'm being pulled in 7 different directions. My ds11 (he's famous around here now ;)) is AGAIN trying my last ounce of patience. Ds14 is doing the same...not getting work done, horrible attitude, yelling at everyone, and is just not really a nice person to ANYONE here at home. He wants to go back to ps...it's not happening. He gets angry when I question him about schoolwork (you don't TRUST me? he says...um...no...not really...your work ISN'T done). Ugh. I need to establish order, routine, chore routines, school routines, etc. I am writing a contract for all the kids. That's the first step. It will outline the rules, guidelines, privileges and loss of privileges for not following the contract. I don't know what I'm asking. Perhaps some suggestions for re-establishing order? I'm just so sick of feeling like the kids are running the show. They're not...but they try...and it drives me crazy! Any helpful suggestions would be so much appreciated.

[Sue G in PA]

I realize this is not quite as exciting as the Bill Nye thread ;) but I could use some advice/suggestions before I go crazy. Thanks!

[Catwoman]

I realize this is not quite as exciting as the Bill Nye thread ;) but I could use some advice/suggestions before I go crazy. Thanks!

 

Perhaps if you'd thought ahead and worked EVOLUTION into the title....... :D

 

 

(BTW, I have no advice for you, but at least you should know that you're not alone in your Quest for Order. I'm going to keep an eye on this thread, in case someone else has a clue. :001_smile:)

[claire up north]

Ok, here's my advice FWIW.

 

Assign everyone a morning job. Write it down in a prominent place so no one will forget the job. Something small but significant. Examples: unload dishwasher; bring dirty clothes to laundry room; feed and water the cat; etc. no breakfast til morning job is done.

 

Assign everyone an evening job. Something that will make tomorrow morning nicer. Examples: pick up all shoes from the foyer; return all books to appropriate places; sweep kitchen; pick up toys in the lawn; etc. no dinner til evening job is done.

 

These are permanent jobs; don't make yourself crazy by implementing a rotating system or listening to negotiations. Start here and stay there for a week.

 

I try to assign jobs that are not MY jobs like cooking dinner or washing clothes. I try to assign stuff that makes the house more pleasant for me and doesn't require my involvement to complete. Ex, short kids can't put away dishes, no one can clean off counter because they keep asking me where all the weird stuff goes.

 

After one week, then assign work time...that's 1/2 hour of an assigned project. New projects assigned each day. Keep a list of potential projects so you don't have to think of them off the top of your head. Everyone does their 1/2 hour simultaneously so you don,t have to keep track of who,s done their job and who hasn't. Make sure it,s totally doable in 30 min. Ex: empty all trashcans, swish and swipe bathrooms, clean one closet, clean one shelf or drawer in fridge, collect trash from car, water plants, dust one room, wipe baseboards, etc.

 

This is more or less how we do things every day. It works for us, but I suspect each family has to figure out their own method...

 

Good luck!

[ProudGrandma]

Ok, here's my advice FWIW.

 

Assign everyone a morning job. Write it down in a prominent place so no one will forget the job. Something small but significant. Examples: unload dishwasher; bring dirty clothes to laundry room; feed and water the cat; etc. no breakfast til morning job is done.

 

Assign everyone an evening job. Something that will make tomorrow morning nicer. Examples: pick up all shoes from the foyer; return all books to appropriate places; sweep kitchen; pick up toys in the lawn; etc. no dinner til evening job is done.

 

These are permanent jobs; don't make yourself crazy by implementing a rotating system or listening to negotiations. Start here and stay there for a week.

 

I try to assign jobs that are not MY jobs like cooking dinner or washing clothes. I try to assign stuff that makes the house more pleasant for me and doesn't require my involvement to complete. Ex, short kids can't put away dishes, no one can clean off counter because they keep asking me where all the weird stuff goes.

 

After one week, then assign work time...that's 1/2 hour of an assigned project. New projects assigned each day. Keep a list of potential projects so you don't have to think of them off the top of your head. Everyone does their 1/2 hour simultaneously so you don,t have to keep track of who,s done their job and who hasn't. Make sure it,s totally doable in 30 min. Ex: empty all trashcans, swish and swipe bathrooms, clean one closet, clean one shelf or drawer in fridge, collect trash from car, water plants, dust one room, wipe baseboards, etc.

 

This is more or less how we do things every day. It works for us, but I suspect each family has to figure out their own method...

 

Good luck!

 

 

I like this advice...I have been needing to do something like this for a while now...it starts TONIGHT!!!!!

[HappyGrace]

Sorry, no suggestions, but I'm right there with ya. I've kept popping in here hoping someone ELSE has the answers for us!

 

And Claire's is PERFECT! Love those ideas, thanks.

 

I would add to it maybe after a couple wks of adding in the 1/2 hr per day, to maybe start assigning a "Saturday job" to each person-something that is an extra-sweep porches, etc.

Edited August 31, 2012 by HappyGrace

[Changed]

Ok, here's my advice FWIW.

 

Assign everyone a morning job. Write it down in a prominent place so no one will forget the job. Something small but significant. Examples: unload dishwasher; bring dirty clothes to laundry room; feed and water the cat; etc. no breakfast til morning job is done.

 

Assign everyone an evening job. Something that will make tomorrow morning nicer. Examples: pick up all shoes from the foyer; return all books to appropriate places; sweep kitchen; pick up toys in the lawn; etc. no dinner til evening job is done.

 

These are permanent jobs; don't make yourself crazy by implementing a rotating system or listening to negotiations. Start here and stay there for a week.

 

I try to assign jobs that are not MY jobs like cooking dinner or washing clothes. I try to assign stuff that makes the house more pleasant for me and doesn't require my involvement to complete. Ex, short kids can't put away dishes, no one can clean off counter because they keep asking me where all the weird stuff goes.

 

After one week, then assign work time...that's 1/2 hour of an assigned project. New projects assigned each day. Keep a list of potential projects so you don't have to think of them off the top of your head. Everyone does their 1/2 hour simultaneously so you don,t have to keep track of who,s done their job and who hasn't. Make sure it,s totally doable in 30 min. Ex: empty all trashcans, swish and swipe bathrooms, clean one closet, clean one shelf or drawer in fridge, collect trash from car, water plants, dust one room, wipe baseboards, etc.

 

This is more or less how we do things every day. It works for us, but I suspect each family has to figure out their own method...

 

Good luck!

 

Not op here, but this is wonderful and specific advice. Thank you!

[AK_Mom4]

I find that when I get "lazy" about something, that it is usually because it's something really that I don't want to do - not because it's hard (I can do hard things!) but because it really isn't working for me.

 

When things get disorganized around here, I often find that it's because I need to put my own "mental house" in order. I try to lay out for myself in the morning what needs to be done for the day and then kick myself in the rear to get it done. Kids are lots of hard work and when you add in homeschooling and some special needs, it can get out of control quickly. Schedules don't work for me - I need more flexibility to deal with things - but to-do lists work well. It makes me feel better to see things checked off as they get done.

 

So my advice would be to put together your plan and execute it. Include tasks for checking that chores get done properly and also to sit down with the snotty teenager and review their work (they don't like it - tough!). Make it reasonable and get it done.

[Rosyl]

1. I simplified/decluttered everything

2. I established the morning routine

3. I established the evening routine

4. I added school routine

 

 

I started to have chores done in the evening vs. the morning and the house is staying cleaner. I can do this at this season, I don't think I could have done that before with my kids.

I make sure that my chores are done and then i can guide, observe, offer limited help and refocus as needed. This has been the key factor in my house being picked up and done. My being focused has caused them to be focused. they are kids, they are going to be distracted my making sure they accomplish the taskes causes them to be more diligent.

 

A mantra in my house is: do you want me to be your taskmaster? Do you want to taskmaster yourself? Be a taskmaster or be taskmastered!

[LaxMom]

I believe I will be implementing some of Claire's ideas, as well. It would take no time at all to keep the housework done if we had that going on.

 

For schoolwork, my kids get grades. I do not accept sloppy, incomplete, half-a$$ed work. Period. But I will confiscate it while you do the lesson over again. It took relatively little time for my 11yo (the primary offender) to catch on that it takes less time and effort to do things correctly once.

 

And, for whatever reason, grades seem to work for them.

 

Oh, and I sit on the couch or work on the computer in the school room while they work. It keeps the wild rumpus from starting because I've stepped out, and it also keeps them from losing focus and wandering around if they had a question. I never thought it would be the case, but having a dedicated school room upstairs is one of the best things we've ever done.

Edited August 31, 2012 by MyCrazyHouse

[Sue G in PA]

Thank you! Claire, I think your ideas/suggestions are a very good place to start! It is similar to what we have been doing but we all just got out of the habit and now...oh the whining! "but I have worked hard all day on schoolwork..you want me to do chores, too?" Puh-lease! Cue the violins. :glare: Anyone else?

[Seeker of Schole]

For schoolwork - I don't count it as done until it is done right. If that means doing it three times, then that's what it takes. After about a week of that, it finally started getting done right the first time. Also, schoolwork in our house comes first. So I have to check off that it is completed before my oldest can leave for anything - work, activities, friends, etc... That keeps her motivated to get it done. She actually manages her schedule now, so when she knows she has something to do she will work ahead. I only have the two listed (plus one bonus child), so this might be more difficult with more children, but it works for us. As far as attitude, I just don't accept it. The quickest way to lose a privledge in this house is to give me attitude.

[Momma4Boys]

I have tried it all and in my house we are good for a couple of weeks and then it all goes down hill from there...and I recently figured out why.

 

I.Am.Lazy. There, I said it. I really think it all boils down to being able to be the leader (dictator? drill sergeant?) 24/7. I can't seem to do that...I am weak.

 

BUT I am re-engerized by this thread! I love the simplicity of the given ideas.

 

Here's to trying again and not giving up as parents! :lol:

[Leah IL]

I am new here, so forgive me for barging into your thread without much of an introduction :)

 

In our house, I have after meal jobs and zones for the kids. Everyone has a small after meal job, but I do most of that. There are six kids, six downstairs zones. The zones are: floors (pick up), surfaces (clear countertops desks, dining room buffet), furniture (clear any blankets, pillows, books, etc.), mud room (straighten shoes, hang up coats that have fallen), laundry room (general pickup, put clothes in hamper, etc. and steps (clear debris). When we finish breakfast, I do the dishes and everyone does a zone. If for some reason we have a huge mess in one zone- everyone does their zone and then helps in that zone. But it usually just takes a couple of minutes and everything is neat. I have found that saying "Everyone clean up" does not work!

 

I realize this sounds very organized and together. I am neither. This system was born out of desperation, and I cling to it because it's the only thing I've ever tried that has really worked :)

[besroma]

 

In our house, I have after meal jobs and zones for the kids. Everyone has a small after meal job, but I do most of that. There are six kids, six downstairs zones. The zones are: floors (pick up), surfaces (clear countertops desks, dining room buffet), furniture (clear any blankets, pillows, books, etc.), mud room (straighten shoes, hang up coats that have fallen), laundry room (general pickup, put clothes in hamper, etc. and steps (clear debris). When we finish breakfast, I do the dishes and everyone does a zone. If for some reason we have a huge mess in one zone- everyone does their zone and then helps in that zone. But it usually just takes a couple of minutes and everything is neat. I have found that saying "Everyone clean up" does not work!

 

 

Our system is similar. We do our zones mainly in the afternoon right before DH comes home. No dinner until your zone is done right (inspected by me).

 

We also have six children, so we have a lot of laundry. I do not pass the laundry room in the morning without putting a load of clothes in to wash. I also do something laundry related each time I pass the laundry room: move clothes to dryer, fold some, sort the next load..... This is doable because my laundry room is on the second floor, so I only go past it a few times each day.

Edited September 1, 2012 by besroma

[Blueridge]

We've fallen into the summer routine and it is too flexible for me to have amy peace when my home is all messy. I have this nifty *Launch Pad* from Flylady on my (Google) bookmark bar. Every morning we check the pink button labeled Flight Plan. It tells us a quick job for the day that we can do before school. There are other buttons that are also helpful, but for now I'm keeping it quick and simple.

http://flylady.net/c/lp.php

[MAIMOM]

We've fallen into the summer routine and it is too flexible for me to have amy peace when my home is all messy. I have this nifty *Launch Pad* from Flylady on my (Google) bookmark bar. Every morning we check the pink button labeled Flight Plan. It tells us a quick job for the day that we can do before school. There are other buttons that are also helpful, but for now I'm keeping it quick and simple.

http://flylady.net/c/lp.php

 

I love Fly lady....her routine ideas helped us a huge bunch! I also love that she calls it "home blessing hour".

 

This summer I made all desired extra curricular activities dependent on chores being done. You want to participate in band...keep the bathroom clean....football? vacuum the floors...if any electronics were desired then my kitchen better be spotless. It took a bit of time...the attitudes started but well...we talked about being part of a family.

 

As a family member you get computer time, Tv, band,football, books, music, phone, itunes, dinner, clean laundry, transportation to friends house, summer camp....those privileges come because we have taken up the responsibility of home and are a part of the family. If you no longer want to benefit from the privileges of family then you do not have to participate in the responsibilities. The choice is yours.

 

LOL guess what? No one wanted to give up the fun of family so they decided to take up the work of family. Attitude is a choice...my papa used to say "you have the same pants to get glad in as you had to get mad in" They are excused to their room until attitude is better. I also will say "wow, that came our really rude. Were you intending to be rude? How about we rewind and try that again".

 

I have found stating that something is unacceptable and giving them the chance to correct it works pretty good. They all have bad days...shoot I have bad days too.

 

I am lazy too....that is why I work hard on a schedule for the kids...it means less work for me. :lol: The hard part is staying consistent. The kids adjust better than I do to a new routine as long as it is written out clearly for them what is expected.

Good luck.....I too am keeping on keeping on in this area.:tongue_smilie:

[fairfarmhand]

List chores to be completed before breakfast., lunch and supper.

 

You no do the chores, you not get to eat till they are done correctly.

 

(but I'm mean like that!)

[ProudGrandma]

List chores to be completed before breakfast., lunch and supper.

 

You no do the chores, you not get to eat till they are done correctly.

 

(but I'm mean like that!)

 

now THAT might help around here...

[LindaOz]

I'll just throw a few ideas in that i find work for me...

 

I have a system running here where all the kids need to be up, dressed, bed made, hair done, breakfast eaten and jobs done all by 8:30am. They each have a specific morning job to do. The morning tasks are:

 

- vacuum living area

- kitchen clean

- hang out laundry

- wipe down/clean bathroom and toilets

- unpack dishwasher/take out garbage and recycling

- help older sibling in kitchen, sweep kitchen floor

 

I check their beds and their jobs before I join them at 8:30. If they have completed everything to my satisfaction (and I'm a little picky here ;) ) then they will get a Gold Point. I keep a tally of these points and when a child reaches 20 points he/she will win a Gold Morning Tea which is going out to a cafe with me for a milkshake or hot choc. I'm gradually adding other ways of earning Gold points that are more school work related like work completed in a timely manner etc. I am also thinking of awarding Gold Points to the kids for doing their jobs and work cheerfully and with a good attitude. My kids have really picked up their game since I introduced Gold Points. It also means that the house is in pretty good order before school starts for the day which is something I like - I find it hard to function properly if everything is a mess when we start.

 

I have one child who is the queen of dawdling and who, I have just found out, deliberately takes a long time to arrive for her jobs so that we give up waiting and do them for her. I have warned her that if it happens again, she will have to pay the person who does her job out of her own money. I don't think I'll have much trouble with this issue anymore ;).

 

I find our days are more ordered when we have definite start and finish times. We meet for Bible time and singing etc at 8:30, and then move to school work until 12:00. Those hours are not negotiable here, so the kids KNOW they will be working at that time. Then we have a break until 1:30 at which point we meet together for read-alouds. I know some people would find it too strict to do that, but we achieve a lot more (and I suffer less stress) when we operate this way. With 8 kids (including a 2yo and a baby) this really helps us all stay focussed.

 

Another thing that works for me is to give the kids their own planning sheet each week so they can see what needs to be done each day. Then they are not left wondering or mucking up while they wait for me to be ready for their next instruction.

 

Hope that helps a little :001_smile: