How involved are you with your extended family

[Paz]

Do you attend all the graduations and weddings of your nieces and nephews and special family events? We live far away and always seem to have something going on so we aren't very good at attending all of these events. Are there hard feelings if you don't attend or is your family fairly laid-back? Ours is pretty laid-back but I do feel kind of bad if we don't make it. My family lives close by and we don't plan a lot of special events so it is rarely a problem. My dh is the youngest of 6 so there is a lot going on.

[sdWTMer]

No, we really don't. I'm sure that there may be a few people who are offended, but with time they'll get over it. We just can't afford to go to a bunch of activities.

[RoughCollie]

I adore everyone in my extended family. We live too far away to participate in family events though. I wish we lived in the same town as my Dad's family, but that was not to be because of DH's work.

 

My Mom's family lives in Germany.

[nancypants]

We live a few thousand miles away so as much as I'd love to be involved more, we can't. Cousins, aunts and uncles always did what they could to attend weddings when we were all getting married. Now there are only maybe two in our generation of the family that are unmarried (those that are adults that is... there are still a few underage cousins) so the flurry of weddings is over. It was nice to have family at these special events but it has always been understood that everyone won't be able to make it to everything.

 

Graduations have never been a huge family priority, besides sending a card of congratulations. Weddings and babies tend to get the bulk of the family excitement. :)

[Kari C in SC]

Well, we used to live farther away from all of our nieces and nephews. Now we live right next door to a lot of them. We bought the house next door to my dh's brother and across the street from his two single sisters that share a house. Now we will be spending lots of time with them. This also brought us closer to my side of the family because my 3 nieces live in VA. I am looking forward to being able to get up to VA for my niece's wedding May. We couldn't get to my other niece's wedding because it was just too far to go. If we hadn't made this move, we wouldn't get to see or do as many things with them.

[Mrs Mungo]

Do you attend all the graduations and weddings of your nieces and nephews and special family events? We live far away and always seem to have something going on so we aren't very good at attending all of these events. Are there hard feelings if you don't attend or is your family fairly laid-back? Ours is pretty laid-back but I do feel kind of bad if we don't make it. My family lives close by and we don't plan a lot of special events so it is rarely a problem. My dh is the youngest of 6 so there is a lot going on.

 

We don't but we really have lived too far away to be expected to attend most of them. I'm from Oklahoma and we've lived in: California, Virginia, Germany (two different places), North Carolina and Hawaii. If we lived within a few hours drive I absolutely would attend such events whenever possible.

[Heidi @ Mt Hope]

Our extended family is very important to us! In my family (my parents, two sisters with spouses, 3 nieces and nephews) we do so much together. Every birthday and big holiday is an evening together. Usually a nice dinner and dessert. We love to spend time together. It helps that we all live in the same town.

 

My husband's family is a slightly complicated situation, but we do birthdays and other things together as well. I love my in-laws!

 

We are so lucky to have the family relationships that we have, and we try not to take them for granted. I don't have very active friendships other than that (probably *because* I have close relationships with my sisters and mom)

[kalanamak]

and of course, if we are in the area we stay with them (and vice versa), but we are all too busy, old, or up to our ears in kids to make all those things. Many happen without me even hearing about it. I get on well with them, and no one, AFAIK, has their nose out of joint. We are all independent types.

[Lori C- Texas]

We are hoping to pick up our involvement with my husband's family. They have always lived to far to travel to very often but my mother in law has finally moved only 4 hours away. So we are hoping that we will start getting to more events. I have felt bad when we couldn't afford to travel. I do think our relationship has suffered because of it. I can't wait to start having my kids getting to know their cousins better.

[Rhesa]

We live a couple thousand miles from both sets of family, so we are not able to get together often. There's no way we could do every graduation, recital, etc.

 

However, when we do get together, we try to make it a big deal. We celebrate any birthdays or nearby holidays, and generally talk it up for our kids. As a result, our kids seem to feel close to their cousins.

 

I grew up spending much more time with my extended family, so it has been an adjustment as a parent. I wanted my children to experience the same closeness to family that I did.

 

Now I realize that their experience isn't bad, just different. We make the best of it that we can!:)

[CalicoKat]

:eek:

[Kay in Cal]

Mostly because they all live so far away. We're in California, closest family is Chicago (my SIL), and our parents are in Virginia (parents in law, my mom & stepdad) and Florida (my dad and stepmom). We see each of them at least once a year, some of them twice a year, and that's about it... though that is usually a 2-3 week visit.

 

I wish our kids had more extended family closer. We talk on the phone each week, and encourage close relationship, but it is a challenge.

[Gamom3]

one nephew to graduate and we didn't go to it. Dh had to work and SIL told me that she only had 5 tickets to give out..well there are 5 of us and for us to drive 3hours away would be pointless, we wouldn't see him at all, even after the graduation..he had plans.

My niece is planning on getting married in September. I plan on attended it.

 

All of our family lives 3 hours away, there aren't any hard feelings if we don't show up at events..we have missed a LOT of things!!! I wish we could just jump in the car and go, but with gas costing the way it is and the way my dh works, it's hard.

[Rhondabee]

I don't have a sister...so, personally, no - I don't go all out for nieces and nephews. Nor do I think it's expected.

 

However, my dh's sisters are so enmeshed with each other's lives, and my db's wife and her sisters are so enmeshed with each other's lives that it would be wierd for them NOT to go all out for each other's kids.

 

I do feel strange sometimes, like we're the odd couple at family get-togethers. In the past, I tried to really reach out and get involved in their lives. That brought me nothing but pain, so I'm happy feeling "Out-of-the-loop" every now and then. :cool:

[Susan in IL]

I have a brother and see his family a couple times a year since they are only 3 hours away. I have Christmas eve at my house and some cousins come that live close. I would say we are close to my family. We go to a lot of events for cousins.

 

Dh's family, now that is another story. His sister lives about 3 miles away, we see her about 4 times a year (Christmas Eve is one), talk to her every couple months. We really don't have much in common with them. We do go to their son's events and important events. Dh also has 2 brothers, one is a 12 hour drive, has 4 kids, one of which we have never seen, dh talks to him once or twice per year. The other brother is a 16 hour drive and has a 7 yo dd that we have never seen either. Neither of them invite family to events. We invited them to ds's graduation but heard nothing. Those 2 brothers don't get along well with each other. Dh is more like a father figure to them too.

 

So, I guess you can say that we are not very close to dh's family. I think when my mil passes on will be the next time we see them, and probably not all of the family members.

 

Dh is kind of the one to "represent" his side. The last time was a funeral of a cousin (age 45). It pleased his aunt and uncle no end that he flew there for that.

[Jean in Newcastle]

Dh's family (his parents & one sister and her family): We get together for Christmas Eve, Easter, a big combined birthday party in July (his family all have their birthdays the same week!), and Thanksgiving. We also see them at odd times - usually when they want to borrow something! His one sister that lives in Canada we only see usually twice a year. Cousins, aunts etc. we see on rare occasion. Dh has gone up to B.C. to a couple of niece and nephew's weddings.

 

My family: I have only one brother and family in the area- he just moved back here from Japan. His kids (college age) only call me when they need something. My other brother and family live 6 hours away. We get together about once a year. My two sisters, their familys (all grown) and my parents live thousands of miles away. We try to see them every 3 years. I talk to my elderly parents every Monday morning.

 

I grew up in another country from my extended family so I want my kids to know all their cousins and aunts and uncles and of course their grandparents. But the age range does get in the way - the cousins range in age from 35 - 17. My kids are 10 and 6. They are actually closer in age to my nieces' kids than their first cousins.