Adult ADD/ADHD -- anyone here have it who would be willing to tell me about it?

[Pam "SFSOM" in TN]

How were you diagnosed? Did you struggle with the choice to medicate or not medicate? Did you just see your primary physician? Any hoops you had to jump through? Did it make employment difficult or different (after diagnosis/treatment) as in, did they ask you if you had a chronic condition? (I know pilots can't take stimulants, etc.)

 

Ds (almost 19) is finally going to the doc next week for an evaluation, and reading all the info that I'm giving him, I'm wondering if this hasn't been part of my life for a long time. Lots of stuff fits, but I hesitate to even mention it out loud. :001_huh:

 

Any info you could give would be gratefully received -- for either of us.

[6packofun]

enough on that, though. LOL

 

He went on medication because his job at the time required more concentration than he'd had to put forth before--and it was on a fairly dull, repetitive type task. For an ADD'er, that can be SO difficult! They can focus like gangbusters on something they enjoy, but the other stuff? Not so much!

 

Anyhow, he started off on a low dose of Straterra. It took him about a week and a half to get adjusted and it worked very well. The only problem: it affected his libido and ability to get, uh, you know. Those are documented side effects of Straterra and that just didn't work for us. LOL

 

So, disappointed in only that one aspect, dh went off gradually and then switched to Adderall. It was a little harder for his body to get adjusted and the one time he went off suddenly when we didn't get a refill in time was NOT pleasant. It works just about as well as Straterra for him. For some reason, it seemed that he was a tad moodier on Adderall...nothing major, just something I noticed.

 

I can definitely tell the difference when he is on medication and when he's not. Right now, we don't have health insurance and it has been rough without it. If the severity were not what it is, dh might have gone meds-free for his whole life. But we tried it, liked the results and now our eyes have been opened to all the ways he's tried to compensate for his flighty brain in the past and we can help him sort of retrain his behavior with the help of the Adderall.

 

I think the medication question is something you tackle after you've tried all the coping mechanisms that might work for the specific issues you face (general lack of focus, forgetfulness, poor time management, procrastination and failure to complete important tasks...ALL of those and more...LOL). And I also think that adults with ADD decide on the medication route when they see how the symptoms play out on the job. Family will love you no matter how many times you forget your keys or wallet or anniversary; the boss may be less sympathetic for missed deadlines and such!

 

Hope this helped!

[Elisabeth in IL]

My husband has been on Adderall for about 2 years now. It has been great for him and for his job situation. He has said multiple times that if he wasn't medicated, he couldn't do the job that he is doing now. He started off going to a Psychiatrist and got his meds right, now he just goes to our family doctor for refills and to make sure his health on meds is ok.

[Peela]

Dh is undiagnosed but seems to fit all the criteria.(very difficult child, expelled from 3 preschools, expelled from highschool, parents put him in boarding school just down the road to get rid of him.) He is adamant about it being the way he is and he wouldn't change it for anything...he is very entrepreneurial and an original thinker and has had a very interesting life. Yes, I find it difficult that he has such a short attention span etc, but I wouldn't want him to change and repress those qualities for me, because you lose more than the negative side effects.

His daughter (my stepdaughter) was diagnosed as a child and her mother put her on the drugs all through her teens, secretly, because her dad was very much against the drugs. It certainly didn't help her schoolwork and she has gone off the drugs for a couple of years now, but still has the emotional development of someone at least 5 years younger. We don't know what the drugs did. Both her and her mum now severely repent about putting her on the drugs. The long term effects on the brain and neural development during childhood/teens are still so unknown.

Anyway, obviously I am anti the drugs to some extent, but an adult needs to make that decision for themselves after doing the research themselves.

[Kay in Cal]

My dh... he was diagnosed at 27. It was a life-changing event for him. He always just thought he was lazy/disorganized/etc. He had been evaluated over and over again for "something" as a kid, but they just never quite thought of ADD, although he has fairly severe symptoms.

 

The most helpful thing he did was find a counselor who specialized in adult ADD and took me several times to talk about what it means to be his "coach". The coaching thing was key. I had to change the way I thought about our relationship and how we divided labor, etc. It also definately made a difference in how we thought about his career options and choices.

 

He often self-medicates with caffeine (diet coke), but he does his best work and is so much more efficient (as well as happy) when he takes his Concerta.

 

Feel free to PM me, Pam.

[cin]

It was a life-changing event for him. He always just thought he was lazy/disorganized/etc.

 

Yup. Life-Changing for me too. Unfortunately, I was 43 when I was diagnosed (I still AM 43). I am on Adderall and it has been FABULOUS for me. I think men can do better without meds because, as one person put it, If you have ADD, you need a wife. As the homemaker, I didn't have that option. DH kicked in quite a bit and he is starting to get bored :D. I am keeping up with the laundry & cleaning, I am less tired, and I enjoying my girls SO MUCH MORE. I am actually reading outloud to them and asking them to join me in the kitchen as I cook. The list goes on.

 

My only regret is that I was not dignosed YEARS ago. I was a MAJOR underacheiver in high school. My IQ and my GPA are polar opposites and I can't help but wonder where I would have gone if I had been diagnosed and probably medicated in my teens. The one consolation for me is that, whatever path I would have taken, it would have landed me where I am, as motherhood was always my dream (a good job for a few years in between would have been nice, though!)

[1bassoon]

I have, for years, suspected this of my dh, and am following with interest. . .

 

How do you find someone who specializes in adults?

 

And - some of the symptoms are the same as depression? Am I right? How can you tell a difference?

[Pam "SFSOM" in TN]

I have, for years, suspected this of my dh, and am following with interest. . .

 

How do you find someone who specializes in adults?

 

And - some of the symptoms are the same as depression? Am I right? How can you tell a difference?

 

For me (and I have only my own experience here), the inability to start a project has something to do with how much adrenaline I can muster up before commencing. Sometimes that means self-talk and routine, sometimes that means subconsciously incur the wrath and annoyance of others, sometimes it means pushing a deadline into the "danger zone." Procrastination puts projects into "do it or face humiliation yet again" status, and that revs me into action.

 

Not finishing things -- I have to switch out jobs frequently, because the lethargy that takes over is crushing. I figure nursing is the perfect job for this part of it. :001_smile:

 

This all mimics depression for me, and lots of feeling lazy and stupid can tip me over *into* depression, but mostly it's simply a mimic because I don't have a sad mood. That, for me, is the difference.

 

I've developed some amazing coping strategies as I've gotten older, but the energy they take to stick to and implement is soul-sucking. And ds's coping strategies are the after-the-fact kind, and that can only work for so long.

[1bassoon]

For me (and I have only my own experience here), the inability to start a project has something to do with how much adrenaline I can muster up before commencing. Sometimes that means self-talk and routine, sometimes that means subconsciously incur the wrath and annoyance of others, sometimes it means pushing a deadline into the "danger zone." Procrastination puts projects into "do it or face humiliation yet again" status, and that revs me into action.

 

Not finishing things -- I have to switch out jobs frequently, because the lethargy that takes over is crushing. I figure nursing is the perfect job for this part of it. :001_smile:

 

This all mimics depression for me, and lots of feeling lazy and stupid can tip me over *into* depression, but mostly it's simply a mimic because I don't have a sad mood. That, for me, is the difference.

 

I've developed some amazing coping strategies as I've gotten older, but the energy they take to stick to and implement is soul-sucking. And ds's coping strategies are the after-the-fact kind, and that can only work for so long.

 

Wow, Pam - it's like my husband typed all that you said - well, except for the nursing thing! :001_smile:

 

I just don't know how to gently encourage him to investigate. He is very, very anti-medication. Won't even drink anything caffeinated, b/c he feels like it's "cheating", kwim?

[*anj*]

 

I'm wondering if this hasn't been part of my life for a long time. Lots of stuff fits, but I hesitate to even mention it out loud. :001_huh:

 

 

:lurk5:

You have company, my friend.

[Kay in Cal]

One of the things we discovered was that having undiagnosed ADD really did lead to depression. In fact, thinking back, dh first went to counselling because of the depression. She listened, took out an ADD test and said "take this. I think it will give us some insight." Duh! Being unable to concentrate, complete things, or be "successful" in a 9 to 5 kind of world was very depressing. Once we made lifestyle changes and realized that different isn't necessarily worse, life was much better.

 

One key--even though schedules and organization are counter to ADD personalities, the are even MORE necessary than for ordinary people. I do all the scheduling, planning, and give my dh lists... or else he'd spend a whole day doing... whatever. But break that task down into small parts, outline them, and give him a checklist--he can work just fine. It's all in the planning.

[Stacy in NJ]

The best way I can describe it is that my daily "performance" used to be very uneven. Meaning, I have hyper concentration in certain areas. I can stay on task for really long periods of time if, and it's a huge if, I can sustain any interest in the task. If I lose interest, I'm gone, way gone. My grades in both high school and college pretty much illustrate this. A perfect score on the verbal portion of the SAT, an embarassingly low score on the math portion. I took AP english and history in high school, but was in a remedial math class.

 

As I've aged and my desire to manage my life in a more organized manner has increased, I've created "systems" to manage. I use daily checklists for chore tasks (laundry, vacuuming, meal prep). I make to-do lists for errands, shopping, phone calls and bills. I force myself to use the lists and set aside any current interest until I've completed by daily "must do's". I closely regulate my time on the computer. The schedule and routine of homeschooling has provided great structure for me. Because I so dearly want to insure I do right by my boys, I tend to take our school schedule very, my dh would say overly, seriously.

 

I don't think ADHD/ADD are really medical conditions. I think they're really just variations in human ability/capacity. If people find relief in meds, I'm fine with that, as well. Whatever get'um through the night.

 

Typical brain dump. :tongue_smilie:

 

My youngest son is diagnosed but unmedicated, as well.

 

Once I discovered what ADD really was and accept that it was me, I was able to begin to more fully appreciate my own weaknesses and design my life in a way that played to my strengths.

 

It is possible, and in my mind desirable, to learn to deal with it unmedicated. I've never tried meds. I really don't want to be less "me". I've read research that shows that over time meds become less and less effective, particularly in children.

[Michelle T]

even though it is obvious he is ADHD, our son is diagnosed ADHD, and DH on rare occasion will admit that he has it too. He's already had a couple counselors tell him he's ADHD, but not the formal diagnosis, and no meds.

 

I can tell you that an adult man with ADHD can be hard on a marriage. The lack of impulse control, coupled with the inability to think about consequence can spell disaster.

 

My DH does hold a job quite successfully, but he is lousy at time management skills and ends up working ridiculously long hours because of this.

 

A wonderful book on adult ADHD is Delivered From Distraction. I read a few chapters out of it recently, and actually laughed out loud. It perfectly described life with my DH!

Michelle T

[Pam "SFSOM" in TN]

Wow, Pam - it's like my husband typed all that you said - well, except for the nursing thing! :001_smile:

 

I just don't know how to gently encourage him to investigate. He is very, very anti-medication. Won't even drink anything caffeinated, b/c he feels like it's "cheating", kwim?

 

I understand. The thing with me is, the research is quite clear that there is a significant imbalance in neurotransmitters in ADHD folks. What causes this, who knows, but to me it's like if I had diabetes: insulin would not be cheating. If my body didn't make any insulin, or did so in insufficient quantities, or my cells couldn't respond to insulin, then I would find some way to either do something to spark my pancreas on to love and good works, or I would supplement some insulin, or I would take meds that would trick my cells into taking up insulin.

 

Same with my brain. If I'm making too much dopamine, or not enough norepinephrine, or if my cells weren't able to take up the chemical that was lacking or whatnot, I would only be cheating myself not to enable my body to somehow, some way get the chemical to get in and stay in the gap junctions of my nerves long enough.

 

Anyway, that's the way I look at it. YMMV, of course. Here's some research, and the newest stuff on Medscape/Medline is interesting, too.

[gandpsmommy]

I somehow didn't ever associate some of these symptoms with ADD, and I'm wondering if this could be me? I have struggled in my adult life with being very unorganized, not getting enough done, being easily distractible when it comes to accomplishing tasks, having a hard time getting started with challenging projects, not prioritizing tasks well, etc. I feel as if it takes me so much longer to accomplish things than "normal" people. I forget things frequently unless I write them down. I have a hard time slowing myself down enough to write neatly. I can be hyper-focused on something which really interests me, but have to make myself stick with simple tasks that I really dislike (like putting away dishes or laundry) because every fiber of my being is fighting it. But I am not a lazy person. I struggle with making schedules, but I so desperately need one! My dh says that I interrupt a lot in conversations, but I'm not trying to be rude.

 

The strange thing, though, is that I never displayed any symptoms of ADHD as a child. I was the perfectly behaved child who nearly always followed the rules and tried to please adults. I got excellent grades (except for one quarter of Biology when I got a D because I was tired of memorizing by rote the material for my teacher's essay tests), and I was even the salutatorion of my high school class. I graduated in the top ten of my college class (of thousands) with a near perfect g.p.a. *But* I had a hard time getting much else accomplished. I couldn't have been one of those people who was in every activity and got good grades. And I was only good at following someone else's schedule and meeting someone else's expectations. I have a hard time coming up with my own.

 

I am easily overwhelmed by the everyday details of life that everyone else seems to easily manage. This often leads to depression. My twin sister is even worse than I. She is horrible at time management, as she always underestimates the amount of time tasks will take. She forgets things so easily. She has locked herself out of her car multiple times. And her ds is displaying what look like ADHD symptoms to me.

And so is her husband. Their house is always in an extreme state of disarray because they both have very poor time management skills and can't get things done.

 

But, I also think that maybe there is just a continuum for being good at organization/time management, and we just tend not to be very high on that continuum. I don't know that it is anything that medication would resolve. I never thought about it like this before.

 

I do find it helpful to know that I *really* need to make a schedule and follow it. I think I will try it. Thanks for the food for thought everyone. And good luck, Pam.

[Pam "SFSOM" in TN]

My dh says that I interrupt a lot in conversations, but I'm not trying to be rude.

 

 

 

I read last week while researching this that for some people with ADHD, their speech is the only "hyperactive" indicator that they have. If what I feel with speaking is what kids with hyperactive-type ADHD have, well, all I can say is, "Those poor kids!" The pressure I feel to talk and overtalk is unbearable sometimes. :glare:

[Kay in Cal]

One of the reasons my dh was never dxed as a child (we think) is that he was not hyperactive. He would sit still, follow directions... but his MIND is hyperactive. He would fade out, daydream, be unable to keep on task. But because his body wasn't moving, no one really noticed. He also got good grades for the most part, largely because he is scary smart and not paying attention didn't have that much impact for the early years of his education. It did in college, though, as he really struggles with lecture format learning.

 

He's described his mind as being like standing in a room with 100 Tvs on, all on different channels. His attention is constantly moving from one thing to the other. I've learned to say things like, "Are you still listening to me?" or "Did you get that?" without feeling like he doesn't care--his brain just doesn't focus long enough to make it through a conversation, often.