Mandylubug Posted August 12, 2012 Share Posted August 12, 2012 I know some of my comments to follow will come across generalized and not entirely fair... I decided that since today was a gorgeous day, high 80s, nice breeze, that it would be PERFECT to take our kids to a public park that has a large castle play ground and just tons of space to run and play. I invited my SIL and my two nephews to join us and they did. The first hour went smoothly, my kids played with their cousin with no issue. We then decided to move to the smaller play ground area so my other nephew that is nearly 2 could have his turn at playing on a playground meant for his age. The older five kids ran to the adjacent playground and continued to play. The next thing I know, I hear fussing kids and three of our five retreating to the toddler playground. My two older boys stayed put. Turns out they were being bullied by the older kids there. They were being made fun of because they were doing cart wheels and head and hand stands. They were called horrible names and were threatened to be beaten if they didn't leave the play ground... Well, my oldest boys stayed put, were keeping their distance but stayed put... My nephew is watching the older kids when he noticed the "PS bullies" about to pick on his cousins. The next thing you hear is "Heck, NO! I am going to finish this right now!" My Nephew then charges off to the rescue of my older boys and is taking up for them. My kids are just shocked that these kids were so blatantly rude to them. I know not all PS school kids are mean as these kids were but I do remember having to have a thick skin and the area and schools here are rougher than when I went to school. My nephew shocked me with his non issue of "handling them" by fussing right back in their faces. It just irritates me that my kids attract the bullies. When in PS they were either picked on by the bullies or the last year, decided to join them just to be accepted. It is so sad to see such "warfare" on a playground. My kids don't have issues with playing with other children and play freely and openly with all of their gymnastic classmates, church friends and the like... I didn't intervene for them on the playground. I would have it had gotten physical. They do have to learn to stick up for themselves. I was proud when leaving because I can see that my children aren't bullies. At one point, I was nervous my oldest would become a bully because the last few weeks in PS were so rough. It is nice to see such a shift in their interaction with others. I then think back to what I observed today on the playground and I am saddened that these PS children are they way they are and will grow up to be royal terrors. I was even slightly saddened that my nephew felt the need to "handle a situation" and his tool to handle was harsh words. Obviously, the PS scene has made him adapt his ways of coping as well. Anyway...sorry, I know this was long.. just a vent/rant/expressing my thoughts kinda post Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
regentrude Posted August 12, 2012 Share Posted August 12, 2012 I am sorry about the bullying, but I really do not think it has anything to do with public school. My son was bullied on the playground by a church youth group. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lang Syne Boardie Posted August 12, 2012 Share Posted August 12, 2012 The worst bullies my kids have ever known are homeschooled. Never been to ps a day in their lives. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mandylubug Posted August 12, 2012 Author Share Posted August 12, 2012 I am sorry about the bullying, but I really do not think it has anything to do with public school. My son was bullied on the playground by a church youth group. well, these kids are the typical kid you find in our public school system in our district. Their family dynamic and neighborhood define our school system. Like I said, my comments are generalized and don't pertain to every PS child. These generalized statements apply to most students in our district at the moment. They are the main reason we homeschool. It isn't a healthy environment by no means. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Posted August 12, 2012 Share Posted August 12, 2012 :grouphug: Said with all gentle sincerity...how do you know the bullies were PS kids? And my equally gentle question...what do your kids do that attracts bullies, if indeed, they attract bullies? If your kids actually do attract bullies, you may need to work on whatever vibe they give off that screams "victim." I'm not kidding about this at all. There is a demeanor of strength that I intend to exude and intend for my kids to exude, too. Lastly, I was seriously tempted to ask if they were eating cupcakes. :tongue_smilie: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
regentrude Posted August 12, 2012 Share Posted August 12, 2012 well, these kids are the typical kid you find in our public school system in our district. Their family dynamic and neighborhood define our school system. How do you know this much about the kids on the playground? How can you possibly know about their family dynamic? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mandylubug Posted August 12, 2012 Author Share Posted August 12, 2012 :grouphug: Said with all gentle sincerity...how do you know the bullies were PS kids? And my equally gentle question...what do your kids do that attracts bullies, if indeed, they attract bullies? If your kids actually do attract bullies, you may need to work on whatever vibe they give off that screams "victim." I'm not kidding about this at all. There is a demeanor of strength that I intend to exude and intend for my kids to exude, too. Lastly, I was seriously tempted to ask if they were eating cupcakes. :tongue_smilie: they were public school kids because they asked my kids what school they attended. Once my kids stated they were homeschooled was when the bullies pulled out their teeth. My kids are quite timid. They watch their environment before interacting. My son doesn't like a large crowd of kids and will slowly work himself into the environment. I would love to know how to help them become less "victim" They aren't victims in gymnastics or at our church. They are comfortable, even with new children. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jean in Newcastle Posted August 12, 2012 Share Posted August 12, 2012 I'm sorry that your kids had to put up with bullies. I think though that others are correct that this is not really a public school issue. It is a "unsocialized" child issue. I have seen it in public school kids, private school kids and homeschool kids. I put unsocialized in quotes because I think the problem is not a matter of not being around kids or even being around kids too much but in not being taught specifically by adults how to behave and having that enforced. I think that if you leave your generalizations as stated you're going to get an argument about that instead of the commiseration that you deserve for what was a unfortunate and unpleasant outing. :grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mandylubug Posted August 12, 2012 Author Share Posted August 12, 2012 How do you know this much about the kids on the playground? How can you possibly know about their family dynamic? you can know a good bit about their dynamic by observing their parents dropping them off in the parking lot and leaving them for hours. You can know a great deal due to the neighborhoods in this area. Like I said. It was a rant with generalized statements that I knew were unfair... never claimed that these comments were "the truth" just my rant of generalized opinion today :) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mandylubug Posted August 12, 2012 Author Share Posted August 12, 2012 I'm sorry that your kids had to put up with bullies. I think though that others are correct that this is not really a public school issue. It is a "unsocialized" child issue. I have seen it in public school kids, private school kids and homeschool kids. I put unsocialized in quotes because I think the problem is not a matter of not being around kids or even being around kids too much but in not being taught specifically by adults how to behave and having that enforced. I think that if you leave your generalizations as stated you're going to get an argument about that instead of the commiseration that you deserve for what was a unfortunate and unpleasant outing. :grouphug: you say it better than me. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Denisemomof4 Posted August 12, 2012 Share Posted August 12, 2012 I am sorry for you and your kids. We have had to deal with that, too. Kids are so harsh and cut throat these days. Dd12 was pulled out of school in 2nd grade due to migraines. She remained in touch with a few of her friends there. The girls all became so mean by the THIRD GRADE that one mom was forced to pull her girls out. While I have been impressed by respectful teens opening the doors for me, offering to help, etc., I have been horrified by the crude teens which are all over the place. I especially love it when they make out at a check out line while I am behind them with a little girl.:glare: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
annandatje Posted August 12, 2012 Share Posted August 12, 2012 (edited) .. Edited August 12, 2012 by annandatje duplicate Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lang Syne Boardie Posted August 12, 2012 Share Posted August 12, 2012 you can know a good bit about their dynamic by observing their parents dropping them off in the parking lot and leaving them for hours. You can know a great deal due to the neighborhoods in this area. Like I said. It was a rant with generalized statements that I knew were unfair... never claimed that these comments were "the truth" just my rant of generalized opinion today :) I'm sorry, but the kids most neglected that I know, and the most likely to be dropped off somewhere for hours, are also homeschooled. Jean's so right, this is a parenting problem and a socialization problem. I'm sorry y'all had a cruddy day at the park. BTDT and it sure ruins the day. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
regentrude Posted August 12, 2012 Share Posted August 12, 2012 Kids are so harsh and cut throat these days. Not a new development, they have always been. I am sure many of us moms have stories of bullying form our own childhood. I definitely do. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mrs.m Posted August 12, 2012 Share Posted August 12, 2012 they were public school kids because they asked my kids what school they attended. Once my kids stated they were homeschooled was when the bullies pulled out their teeth. My kids are quite timid. They watch their environment before interacting. My son doesn't like a large crowd of kids and will slowly work himself into the environment. I would love to know how to help them become less "victim" They aren't victims in gymnastics or at our church. They are comfortable, even with new children. I think you might consider changing your attitude about the kids who are in the public school setting. Our kids do pick up on it and I think that can lead them to being picked on as well. Just remember that these kids are really just kids looking for love and attention. Did you watch the entire interaction? Is there maybe something that could have been done differently on their part? Mean kids are no fun! Sometimes I'll go and start playing with my kids and I will start a conversation with the kids. That generally helps smooth things over. If they don't chill, I often will say really loudly to my kids, "It's time to go get some ice cream! We're going to be late!" and we leave. That way the meanies don't get the satisfaction that we are leaving because they were little tyrants. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mandylubug Posted August 12, 2012 Author Share Posted August 12, 2012 I'm sorry, but the kids most neglected that I know, and the most likely to be dropped off somewhere for hours, are also homeschooled. Jean's so right, this is a parenting problem and a socialization problem. I'm sorry y'all had a cruddy day at the park. BTDT and it sure ruins the day. That is interesting about the homeschooled kids :( We just haven't ran across that here. But I can see the opportunity there. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mandylubug Posted August 12, 2012 Author Share Posted August 12, 2012 (edited) I think you might consider changing your attitude about the kids who are in the public school setting. Our kids do pick up on it and I think that can lead them to being picked on as well. Just remember that these kids are really just kids looking for love and attention. Did you watch the entire interaction? Is there maybe something that could have been done differently on their part? Mean kids are no fun! Sometimes I'll go and start playing with my kids and I will start a conversation with the kids. That generally helps smooth things over. If they don't chill, I often will say really loudly to my kids, "It's time to go get some ice cream! We're going to be late!" and we leave. That way the meanies don't get the satisfaction that we are leaving because they were little tyrants. I don't exhibit an attitude towards public school kids. Some of my good friends are PS teachers and all of my nephews attend good PS institutions. I did watch the entire interaction between them and didn't intercede. My kids were doing their own thing when the kids started calling them names while they were doing their cart wheels, etc. So you can't say my kids provoked the kids. They were sharing the playground fairly. My SIL (with a PS child) was shocked at the behavior and then got on to her child for behaving so rudely himself. She has even commented on the clear difference in personalities when interacting with others. eta: perhaps I do come across with an attitude in this thread and my apologies. I do think there can be great PS environments. My kids were part of a great one in AZ while my husband was active duty. If we still lived there, our kids would be PS students as well :) Edited August 12, 2012 by Mandylubug Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Posted August 12, 2012 Share Posted August 12, 2012 they were public school kids because they asked my kids what school they attended. Once my kids stated they were homeschooled was when the bullies pulled out their teeth. My kids are quite timid. They watch their environment before interacting. My son doesn't like a large crowd of kids and will slowly work himself into the environment. I would love to know how to help them become less "victim" They aren't victims in gymnastics or at our church. They are comfortable, even with new children. Well, there are people who are a lot better at giving this sort of advice (is Joanne around anywhere?), but I would work on certain behaviors, perhaps one at a time. You said your kids are "quite timid." How does that display itself? Do they hide behind your skirt? Do they look down at their feet and mumble when people speak to them? Are their eyes downcast? Shoulders rounded? Timid people are always bullied. If the other kids said, "Hey, kid, where do you go to school?" And your kids looked like frightened mice and said, "homeschool," this is an invitation to a bully. It says, "I'm not strong with my lifestyle." Let me tell you a story about something stupid I did when I was in 7th grade. There was a nice, confident boy in my class called Adam. One day, though, I saw some official documentation on him and found out Adam was his middle name. His first name was something like Cornelius or Copernicus or something extravagant like that. I thought this was sure to embarrass him beyond measure. I teased him and said, "I just found out your real name! It's Copernicus!!!" I thought I had the juiciest tidbit in the entire school world. You know what he did? He shrugged his shoulders and said, "So?" I deflated so fast, people probably heard the air come out of my sails. I realized that the only person looking foolish was me. His confidence made my attempted teasing totally pointless. This is the sort of thing we have to teach our kids to be, IMO. We need to teach them to be proud that their name is Cornelius, that they're homeschooled, that their ears stick out or whatever. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mrs.m Posted August 12, 2012 Share Posted August 12, 2012 I don't exhibit an attitude towards public school kids. Some of my good friends are PS teachers and all of my nephews attend good PS institutions. I did watch the entire interaction between them and didn't intercede. My kids were doing their own thing when the kids started calling them names while they were doing their cart wheels, etc. So you can't say my kids provoked the kids. They were sharing the playground fairly. My SIL (with a PS child) was shocked at the behavior and then got on to her child for behaving so rudely himself. She has even commented on the clear difference in personalities when interacting with others. eta: perhaps I do come across with an attitude in this thread and my apologies. I do think there can be great PS environments. My kids were part of a great one in AZ while my husband was active duty. If we still lived there, our kids would be PS students as well :) I wasn't saying that your children caused the poor behavior on the mean kid's behalf. But maybe there is something in their demeanor (lack of confidence?) that causes them to be picked on. Keeping in mind that sometimes it really is that kids are just mean. So we brush it off and move on. My DB dealt with this his entire life. Kids picked on him and would befriend me. He really lacked confidence and his shyness came off as being stuck-up. I'm not saying that is the thing with your kids either. But maybe you can watch objectively and see if you can figure it out. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Trilliums Posted August 12, 2012 Share Posted August 12, 2012 :grouphug: We had to stop going to a particular park in the afternoons because once school was out for the afternoon, kids would show up and immediately start fighting with my kids. We, along with the other hsing family we met there, definitely got fed up with those public school kids! My kids also started to talk about "those mean school kids". Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mandylubug Posted August 12, 2012 Author Share Posted August 12, 2012 Well, there are people who are a lot better at giving this sort of advice (is Joanne around anywhere?), but I would work on certain behaviors, perhaps one at a time. You said your kids are "quite timid." How does that display itself? Do they hide behind your skirt? Do they look down at their feet and mumble when people speak to them? Are their eyes downcast? Shoulders rounded? Timid people are always bullied. If the other kids said, "Hey, kid, where do you go to school?" And your kids looked like frightened mice and said, "homeschool," this is an invitation to a bully. It says, "I'm not strong with my lifestyle." Let me tell you a story about something stupid I did when I was in 7th grade. There was a nice, confident boy in my class called Adam. One day, though, I saw some official documentation on him and found out Adam was his middle name. His first name was something like Cornelius or Copernicus or something extravagant like that. I thought this was sure to embarrass him beyond measure. I teased him and said, "I just found out your real name! It's Copernicus!!!" I thought I had the juiciest tidbit in the entire school world. You know what he did? He shrugged his shoulders and said, "So?" I deflated so fast, people probably heard the air come out of my sails. I realized that the only person looking foolish was me. His confidence made my attempted teasing totally pointless. This is the sort of thing we have to teach our kids to be, IMO. We need to teach them to be proud that their name is Cornelius, that they're homeschooled, that their ears stick out or whatever. I was bullied heavily in middle school for having a "mustache" (my mom wouldn't let me wax it) and I remember the day my "boyfriend" dumped me in the courtyard after lunch in front of all of his friends. He stated he could never date a girl that had more facial hair than him. I remember that humiliation. I just never want my children to be bullied. I don't want them to be the one that is laughed and picked on. I suppose that is why situations as of such bother me so. It is also why I was SO horrified when my son spit on a kid two years ago just to get the laugh of friends. I don't like how kids learn to use the humiliation of others to grow their own confidence and strength. So, that is a little background of why it saddens me so. I try to be proactive with teaching them how to behave in situations. They are timid in the fact that they won't just go up and introduce themselves. It takes them WEEKS to learn names of friends in gymnastics at church. They will play with them. My one son, doesn't stare at the ground and I haven't noticed slumped shoulders but he does keep his distance in crowds until he feels comfortable to interact. He watches the kids and typically steers clear of who he would think would be the bullies. He watches his younger siblings interact with the others before he will. He will also typically allow his younger brother to introduce him. He typically socializes with younger children. But he is the oldest of four and all his cousins are younger than him by a year or two. So perhaps he is just more comfortable with younger children. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Farrar Posted August 12, 2012 Share Posted August 12, 2012 I also have trouble not making generalizations about the ps kids I encounter sometimes. Some of it, I've come to realize, is that I'm just a lot more used to the negative behaviors of homeschooled kids in general and not of schooled kids. In my experience, it's just a different set of behaviors - good and bad. And the timidity, in my experience, is a homeschooled kid behavior. Again, not all, but my kids have it too... and I think it's usually just fine. But that in a school situation it would be a negative behavior. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jean in Newcastle Posted August 12, 2012 Share Posted August 12, 2012 My kids would not have stayed with those kids around. They would have come over to where I was. And if the other kids followed us there we would have left. Some battles I just don't think are worth it and in that kind of situation where you will never see the kids again, I don't try to socialize them myself. If they were neighborhood kids where we see the same kids every day (or often enough) then I will make a point to be around more with the kids, getting to know them and setting up some general ground rules. I've seen the other parents in our neighborhood do the same. It's the same with adults who are rude and obnoxious. If they are people who I'll never see again, I will not engage but will walk away. If they are co-workers or neighbors or even family, then I will draw firm boundaries and stick with them. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mandylubug Posted August 12, 2012 Author Share Posted August 12, 2012 My kids would not have stayed with those kids around. They would have come over to where I was. And if the other kids followed us there we would have left. Some battles I just don't think are worth it and in that kind of situation where you will never see the kids again, I don't try to socialize them myself. If they were neighborhood kids where we see the same kids every day (or often enough) then I will make a point to be around more with the kids, getting to know them and setting up some general ground rules. I've seen the other parents in our neighborhood do the same. It's the same with adults who are rude and obnoxious. If they are people who I'll never see again, I will not engage but will walk away. If they are co-workers or neighbors or even family, then I will draw firm boundaries and stick with them. yeah, three of the kids left. My oldest two boys were just determined they weren't going to run them off the playground, ha ha. Timid at first, stubborn till the very end. I was more upset about the situation than they were. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Alpac Posted August 12, 2012 Share Posted August 12, 2012 (edited) My oldest ds is 13. He is involved in church (with many ps kids) and boy scouts (again with many ps kids) and sports through our park league (with ps kids). He had one ps kid (K or 1st - can't exactly remember) try to bully him in Upwards basketball. This kid came from a horrible family background. I know because I worked with his mom some time after the above incident and heard her talk about her life and talk about her ds horribly. That incident was about 8 years ago. The only other incident he has had has been recently with a kid in our homeschool coop group. We have known their family (through the group) for many years and, by all accounts, one would say that this kid has one of the best homelifes of anyone around, but I truly believe for some reason he feels like he has to do this... kids learn to use the humiliation of others to grow their own confidence and strength. My ds is pretty confident. He has not had this problem with other kids he has been around, most of whom are ps'ed. This other boy is not bigger nor more athletic nor much better at anything than my ds, but for some reason he has chosen to pick on him. I also know that he picks on a couple of younger boys. I agree kids like this pick their victims based on whether or not they can get away with it. He does not do this with my next ds who is bigger than his older brother and this particular boy. Why he has chosen my ds I still have not figured out, but we (he and us - his parents) are not going to put up with it. We talked to our son about how to handle it in a way that this other boy knows he is not going to be a victim. It got better, but he did have an incident at the end of the year this past year that we have not addressed. If this continues this next year, we will be dealing with it. Anyway, I did want to say that I can't say this kind of activity is any different with homeschoolers than ps'ers. We have actually had much better response from the ps'ers we have been around. Of course, for the most part my ds is around some pretty good kids, even if they are ps'ed:lol:. Sorry you and your children had to deal with this, though. It stinks! I just wanted to edit to say that I don't know how the thumbs-down sign got under my screen name. I did not put it there. Edited August 12, 2012 by Alpac ??? about thumbs-down sign Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Recommended Posts
Join the conversation
You can post now and register later. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account.