Why do people feel it's ok to point out dc's social differences?

[FairProspects]

What exactly do they expect me to say? I really don't feel like going into his medical history with random people. It's none of their business. I'm sure these same people assume that it is because he is homeschooled too.

 

I'd also like to point out that what prompted these comments, was the fact that ds chose to play with a small child very kindly, rather than roughhouse with kids his own age. Oh, and he made a very intelligent comment to an adult, instead of playing sports with the other kids. Geez, I guess he is really terribly socialized based on those choices. :tongue_smilie:

[NittanyJen]

Maybe they are socially impaired.

[Night Elf]

What exactly do they expect me to say?

 

Say that, exactly! "What exactly do you want me to say? or "Wow, that's quite a comment about a boy who is being well-behaved and quite respectful." Some people speak their mind and talk off the top of their head without thinking through the consequences of such comments.

 

Of course I always think of the snarky responses well after the conversations.

[Crimson Wife]

When I clicked on the title I imagined something quite a bit different, where your child had done something inappropriate because of the SN (can you tell that I'm a mom of a child with autism? :tongue_smilie:) But commenting on a child who simply chose to play nicely with somebody younger than him? :confused:

 

I would probably make some comment about it being wonderful that homeschooled kids get along with a wider age range of people because that's more reflective of real life. I'd probably then babble on about how my mom plays bridge with a group of ladies who are in their 70's and 80's while she's still in her 50's. :lol:

[RamonaQ]

Uh, chalk it up to the dumb things people say category? And then laugh about it later.

 

I still laugh about ridiculous things people have said to me:

1) Learning to stand in line is a valuable skill and my kids will not learn it if they don't go to school

2) My kids don't know how to sit still in church because they don't go to school

:lol:

[peacefully]

.

[merry gardens]

I wish more people were socialized with the old fashioned advice, "If you can't say something nice, don't say anything at all."

 

Perhaps because of their personality or because of the way they were socialized, some people frequently say anything that just pops into their heads. The woman may not have intended anything unkind but she probably didn't give much thought to her words before she said them...thus her words were thoughtless.

 

If she gave it any real thought--I don't know that she really thinks it's okay to make comments about your son's social skills. She likely made that comment because she didn't think before she spoke. Don't give more thought to someone's words than the speaker gave to them.

[Pen]

What was actually said? And what do you wish had been said instead?

[FairProspects]

She noticed that ds was playing with her daughter and I said "He is good with young ones." The she said something to the effect of "isn't it funny how kids can obviously be smart and yet so socially inept that they would rather play with a small child than other kids their own age."

 

I wish she would have just said nothing or "isn't it cute that an older child would take time to play with a smaller one." It is really so weird to be nice to people younger than you or to choose that over peer play?

[peacefully]

.

[Mommyfaithe]

That woman was a rude idiot. Your son sounds lovely.

[merry gardens]

...She is calling someone else "socially inept?" :banghead:

 

Sweetie, that woman is dealing with issues. ....

That's what I was thinking. With all her personal experience on being socially inept, that lady must think she knows all about social ineptness.

 

I know it would bother me if someone made those types of comments, but I also know I let things bother me that shouldn't. Those types of comments say much more about the speaker and her social abilities than they say about anyone else's.

:grouphug:

[RamonaQ]

"isn't it funny how kids can obviously be smart and yet so socially inept that they would rather play with a small child than other kids their own age."

 

Rude!

[mumto2]

That just makes me so mad.:angry: I am so pleased that my dc's are great with little ones. They frequently do choose them over bigs if they already know they have little in common with the bigs. Generally in our regular groups everyone just plays together. Considering I used to babysit for one of my best friends now I see nothing wrong with it.

:grouphug:

[FairProspects]

Thanks ladies! The entire exchange was so odd and made me feel so uncomfortable, and you all are making me feel much better. :)

[moriah]

"Don't give more thought to someone's words than the speaker gave to them".

 

I second that one.

 

Thanks for the great laugh Merry Gardens!