I am so sad.

[mazakaal]

My 14yo really wants to go to school. He doesn't like homeschooling mostly, I think, because he doesn't like being at home with me and his younger siblings all the time. He does get along with them sometimes, but they're a lot younger than he is and somewhat 'annoying,' at least through the eyes of a 14yo boy.

 

He only has one friend that is homeschooled and only sees him once in a while. There are no other homeschooled boys in our area. He used to take tae kwon do, but didn't meet any boys his age there. The only other kid his age was the homeschooled boy that he already knew. He just started taking tennis and there's one other boy in the group of 5 kids. So far they haven't hit it off; hopefully they will, but it's only been a few weeks. We go to church over an hour away and he gets along with the two boys his age there, but I don't think he would choose to hang out with them outside of church even if we did live closer.

 

He's a nice kid (when he's not making me batty with the usual teenage contrariness) but is quiet with new people. And we're not really around a lot of new people anyway.

 

There is no way we'd send him to the school my older ds goes to. We've not been happy at all with the influences that he's been exposed to there and there's no way we're putting the younger kids in there. We've thought about moving and putting him in school or moving and hoping there are more homeschoolers or friendlier kids, but I doubt there would be much of an improvement. We've only been in this area for 2 years. The place we lived the prior 10 years was really no better.

 

I am just so sad for him. I just wish I could find a nice place to live with a nice homeschool community where he could be a part of clubs for homeschooled kids and wouldn't feel like such an odd-ball.

 

Sorry to unload, but there's no one else I can really 'talk' to about this, and I'm sure someone here can relate.

[ilovemy4kids]

:grouphug: for you and your son.

 

No advice really, just :grouphug:

 

What area do you live in?

 

Sandra

[mazakaal]

I live in Southwest England. Not a lot of homeschoolers around, and most in our group are young (4-11yo).

[ilovemy4kids]

Well, I guess that's a wee bit too far from Kansas for a visit!

 

We are blessed to have lots of home school friends from church, sports teams (my son lettered in football and track this year and my daughter is a runner (1/2 marathons and such) etc....

 

Also, and this may be something to consider for your son, our children take a few live online courses that use gp4 or wimba, so they have made friends around the world. They skype sometimes when not in class, email etc... I know it's not the same, but they really have formed some neat friendships.

Edited May 29, 2012 by ilovemy4kids
decided to send a pm instead

[ma23peas]

We've only been in this area for 2 years. The place we lived the prior 10 years was really no better.

 

I am just so sad for him. I just wish I could find a nice place to live with a nice homeschool community where he could be a part of clubs for homeschooled kids and wouldn't feel like such an odd-ball.

 

Sorry to unload, but there's no one else I can really 'talk' to about this, and I'm sure someone here can relate.

 

Okay, you said you go to church (an hour away?) can you not find a church closer? That aside...pray pray pray...let him know you are praying and if he is a Christian ask him to pray as well. We faced similar angst a year ago and we are floored by how God has changed our lives and my son's outlook..he is a new person! Well, a renewed person...he found rowing (crew) and a local group of youth who got together for classes outside of home...(co-op here in the states)...he works out 10 hours a week with his 'crew' and has many more social events to go to that are a good outlet for him...what is great is all the kids are great kids, have yet to meet a tough one yet...loads of personality differences but all are kind hearted and well-meaning. Allow God to reveal blessings over this next year, sometimes he puts us in spots like these so that we are dependent on him...because we are at a loss.

[mazakaal]

Well, I guess that's a wee bit too far from Kansas for a visit!

 

We are blessed to have lots of home school friends from church, sports teams (my son lettered in football and track this year and my daughter is a runner (1/2 marathons and such) etc....

 

Also, and this may be something to consider for your son, our children take a few live online courses that use gp4 or wimba, so they have made friends around the world. They skype sometimes when not in class, email etc... I know it's not the same, but they really have formed some neat friendships.

 

You'd be more than welcome to visit if you can ever make it over here. :D

 

I've asked him about online classes, but he's never wanted to do it. He likes the flexibility of being able to work at his own pace. And online classes are very expensive anyway. And they would be a bit tough to schedule with the time change. Maybe we should try to squeeze in one class.... I'll try to give it some thought to see if we could make it work. Thanks.

[ktgrok]

Time to start a "teen homeschool group" for him. I had to do the same thing, and people came out of the woodwork to join, seriously. You are not the only one with this problem. Start it up, limit it to say, 12-18 year olds, and see what happens.

[mazakaal]

Okay, you said you go to church (an hour away?) can you not find a church closer? That aside...pray pray pray...let him know you are praying and if he is a Christian ask him to pray as well. We faced similar angst a year ago and we are floored by how God has changed our lives and my son's outlook..he is a new person! Well, a renewed person...he found rowing (crew) and a local group of youth who got together for classes outside of home...(co-op here in the states)...he works out 10 hours a week with his 'crew' and has many more social events to go to that are a good outlet for him...what is great is all the kids are great kids, have yet to meet a tough one yet...loads of personality differences but all are kind hearted and well-meaning. Allow God to reveal blessings over this next year, sometimes he puts us in spots like these so that we are dependent on him...because we are at a loss.

 

 

Re the church an hour away... Dh is the pastor - took over in October when the previous pastor left. We're looking at moving closer, but not sure how it's all going to work out. But even before that we went to a couple of churchs that were closer and there was no on ds's age at one and only one kid his age at the other.

 

I will continue to pray about the situation, but honestly I've been praying about it for years, from back in our previous home. This has been going on a long time with no real change. I had hoped when we moved here we'd meet more people, there'd be more older kids homeschooling, we'd meet people in church, ds would make friends in tae kwon do. Yet we're still going through the same thing. I'll keep on praying, but for now it seems that God has us in a little lonely bubble for some reason.

[mazakaal]

Time to start a "teen homeschool group" for him. I had to do the same thing, and people came out of the woodwork to join, seriously. You are not the only one with this problem. Start it up, limit it to say, 12-18 year olds, and see what happens.

 

There are no other teenage boys in this area that are homeschooled, except the one other that ds is friends with. Seriously. Our group is planning a little home-ed awareness day next month to reach out to the community. Maybe there are a few underground home educators that will come out of the closet. I'm hoping. But not holding my breath. Homeschooling here is about 30 years behind the States.

[saw]

You've probably done this already, but have you tried posting on one of the email lists for home-edders in the UK? I see posts on those from people in out-of-the-way places looking for others. Also, there's a few home-ed campout type things for the whole family. Have you looked into going to those? We're in London if you're ever in the neighbourhood.

[mazakaal]

You've probably done this already, but have you tried posting on one of the email lists for home-edders in the UK? I see posts on those from people in out-of-the-way places looking for others. Also, there's a few home-ed campout type things for the whole family. Have you looked into going to those? We're in London if you're ever in the neighbourhood.

 

I'm a member of many home ed yahoo groups in the southwest, but not familiar with any other UK e-mail lists. Would you mind pm-ing me with more info about those?

 

I haven't gone to any of the campouts because I've been afraid that the kids, without knowing anyone else going into it, wouldn't have fun. Aside from that, we're not really a big camping family.

 

Thanks for invite! I'll let you know if we're ever up that way. :001_smile: You're welcome to pop in here if you ever make it to the southwest.

[mazakaal]

:grouphug:

 

There are some extremely tough aspects of homeschooling.

 

Thanks. :)

[Walking-Iris]

I'm going to be the lone voice here and say that I personally think teenagers have more of a need to socialize with others their age than younger kids do. I haven't entirely decided if I would homeschool high school because of those and other reasons, unless of course my kids really wanted to. I think about my high school experience and I wouldn't really have wanted it any different. But I know that others don't have great experiences or the schools are not really good places. I would try hard to accept his choice, afterschool, be prepared to pull him out if need be, and to continue to find outlets for him socially. Can he be a part of any activities in the local school? The community?

[Audrey]

My 14yo really wants to go to school. He doesn't like homeschooling mostly, I think, because he doesn't like being at home with me and his younger siblings all the time. He does get along with them sometimes, but they're a lot younger than he is and somewhat 'annoying,' at least through the eyes of a 14yo boy.

 

He only has one friend that is homeschooled and only sees him once in a while. There are no other homeschooled boys in our area. He used to take tae kwon do, but didn't meet any boys his age there. The only other kid his age was the homeschooled boy that he already knew. He just started taking tennis and there's one other boy in the group of 5 kids. So far they haven't hit it off; hopefully they will, but it's only been a few weeks. We go to church over an hour away and he gets along with the two boys his age there, but I don't think he would choose to hang out with them outside of church even if we did live closer.

 

He's a nice kid (when he's not making me batty with the usual teenage contrariness) but is quiet with new people. And we're not really around a lot of new people anyway.

 

There is no way we'd send him to the school my older ds goes to. We've not been happy at all with the influences that he's been exposed to there and there's no way we're putting the younger kids in there. We've thought about moving and putting him in school or moving and hoping there are more homeschoolers or friendlier kids, but I doubt there would be much of an improvement. We've only been in this area for 2 years. The place we lived the prior 10 years was really no better.

 

I am just so sad for him. I just wish I could find a nice place to live with a nice homeschool community where he could be a part of clubs for homeschooled kids and wouldn't feel like such an odd-ball.

 

Sorry to unload, but there's no one else I can really 'talk' to about this, and I'm sure someone here can relate.

 

 

I can relate. :grouphug: My ds is 12 (almost 13). We are the only homeschoolers we know for at least 75km. We live near a small town, but there aren't many kids his age with whom he would want to spend time. There is one boy he gets along with very well, but that boy only comes out to visit his grandparents and is a year older than ds. The visits are becoming less and less as the boy ages, and my ds is sad that he feels he is losing a friend. There is another boy, in town, that ds likes a lot, but doesn't see very much. Sometimes, ds says he thinks about what it would be like in public school, and that makes me sad for him. I know he's missing friends when he says that. Other times, though, he says he prefers learning "on his own," and will say he wouldn't want to sit all day in school just to eat lunch with a friend. :001_smile:

 

So, it goes back and forth for us. Each year, I say that we will base our decision to keep homeschooling on how the year goes and what life has to throw our way. Each year, we continue to homeschool, but I don't take for granted that it will always be the best thing to do for us.

 

I think the only real advice I have for you is to talk about it with your ds often and let him know how you really feel about it. I think the open back-and-forth that we've been able to cultivate with ds on the subject has helped all of us to understand the others' positions and feelings better. I know what *I* want to do, but I have come to understand, as he gets older and more mature, that my ds needs to be able to express what he wants, too. I don't have to agree. I don't have to allow what he wants, but I do need to listen and acknowledge and try to understand.

 

Still... it is all very hard. I do understand. This is a good place to unload sometimes. I think there are a lot of us who have BTDT or are there, doing that. :001_smile: :grouphug:

[mazakaal]

I'm going to be the lone voice here and say that I personally think teenagers have more of a need to socialize with others their age than younger kids do. I haven't entirely decided if I would homeschool high school because of those and other reasons, unless of course my kids really wanted to. I think about my high school experience and I wouldn't really have wanted it any different. But I know that others don't have great experiences or the schools are not really good places. I would try hard to accept his choice, afterschool, be prepared to pull him out if need be, and to continue to find outlets for him socially. Can he be a part of any activities in the local school? The community?

 

I do think he has a need to socialize, which is why we would be willing to put him in school if there were a good one available. Unfortunately, there isn't. My oldest is a lot tougher and could handle the school. He's also very outgoing and really struggled with being at home. The 14yo is a lot quieter and would, I think, have a very hard time fitting in at the local school. They are a tough crowd, and he's a nice kid.

 

I've wracked my brain to try to find social outlets for him, but can't come up with any new ideas. We're in a very rural area, and there's just not a lot here. And we can't afford expensive lessons or outings. So that limits us too.

 

Granted, there are days when I think all of my problems could be solved with signing my kids up to the local school. Thing is, I doubt it. Everything has it's ups and downs, pluses and minuses, etc. I don't rush to assume that enrolling one into the nearest school is the only answer or the best answer.

 

Yup. This exactly.

[mazakaal]

I can relate. :grouphug: My ds is 12 (almost 13). We are the only homeschoolers we know for at least 75km. We live near a small town, but there aren't many kids his age with whom he would want to spend time. There is one boy he gets along with very well, but that boy only comes out to visit his grandparents and is a year older than ds. The visits are becoming less and less as the boy ages, and my ds is sad that he feels he is losing a friend. There is another boy, in town, that ds likes a lot, but doesn't see very much. Sometimes, ds says he thinks about what it would be like in public school, and that makes me sad for him. I know he's missing friends when he says that. Other times, though, he says he prefers learning "on his own," and will say he wouldn't want to sit all day in school just to eat lunch with a friend. :001_smile:

 

So, it goes back and forth for us. Each year, I say that we will base our decision to keep homeschooling on how the year goes and what life has to throw our way. Each year, we continue to homeschool, but I don't take for granted that it will always be the best thing to do for us.

 

I think the only real advice I have for you is to talk about it with your ds often and let him know how you really feel about it. I think the open back-and-forth that we've been able to cultivate with ds on the subject has helped all of us to understand the others' positions and feelings better. I know what *I* want to do, but I have come to understand, as he gets older and more mature, that my ds needs to be able to express what he wants, too. I don't have to agree. I don't have to allow what he wants, but I do need to listen and acknowledge and try to understand.

 

Still... it is all very hard. I do understand. This is a good place to unload sometimes. I think there are a lot of us who have BTDT or are there, doing that. :001_smile: :grouphug:

 

Thank you for understanding. This is very good advice. I do try to keep the lines of communication open. But it just makes me sad to know that he is struggling with this.

[Walking-Iris]

I do hear what you are saying, but I admit my experiences cloud how I feel about it.

 

You figure I went to PS for my entire school career and there were still many instances where I felt lonely. School is not a magical cure for that. And then I had some downright awful experiences that wouldn't have happened if I wasn't forced to go to a public school.

 

I guess I just see this as something that may need to be addressed, but within the context of the situation (the situation being that homeschooling is still a valid and good option).

 

Granted, there are days when I think all of my problems could be solved with signing my kids up to the local school. Thing is, I doubt it. Everything has it's ups and downs, pluses and minuses, etc. I don't rush to assume that enrolling one into the nearest school is the only answer or the best answer.

 

Yeah I hear what you're saying too. But to clarify what I posted, IF the OP does everything she can think of to address her ds' needs/wants and it still ends up with him wanting to go to school I would respect that choice. I wouldn't advocate "forcing" a child to go to ps, but then again I wouldn't "force" a child to homeschool. When they are small and young and don't have the maturity to honestly think about their education choices then we as parents make that choice for them. We choose to homeschool or public school, we choose private school or boarding school. That's our job as parents to make those choices for them. But I personally think that (depending on maturity) an older child can begin to have more input into these and other choices. I absolutely don't think enrolling in school is the answer to one's problems, just like I don't feel rushing to pull a kid out of ps is necessarily an answer either.

 

If on the other hand the local school is a place the OP wouldn't feel comfortable sending her teen, for whatever reason, then like I posted before keep trying to find the places/things/people he is telling you he needs.

 

BTW even though I liked my high school there were times I was lonely, irritable and angst ridden. I think that comes with the territory of being a teenager. And possibly the OP is dealing with a bit of that as well.

[lailasmum]

I hope something works out for you. Is Hartland school an option for him?

[Audrey]

I do think he has a need to socialize, which is why we would be willing to put him in school if there were a good one available. Unfortunately, there isn't. My oldest is a lot tougher and could handle the school. He's also very outgoing and really struggled with being at home. The 14yo is a lot quieter and would, I think, have a very hard time fitting in at the local school. They are a tough crowd, and he's a nice kid.

 

I've wracked my brain to try to find social outlets for him, but can't come up with any new ideas. We're in a very rural area, and there's just not a lot here. And we can't afford expensive lessons or outings. So that limits us too.

 

Oh, dear! I would think we were the same person if not for the difference in # of children and ages! You describe our situation and ds so well in this post!

 

Ds is not that quiet, but more reserved than gregarious, and the school here is not at all acceptable -- academically or socially. They are such a tough crowd and run almost unchecked by proper discipline. I fear they would either eat a nice kid alive or destroy his spirit.

 

We, too are in a very rural area. Events, groups and activities are usually more than an hour's drive away, and our funds are limited as to what we can manage to accomodate in both fees and the high cost of fuel to get there.

 

:grouphug::grouphug:

[Harriet Vane]

:grouphug:

[mazakaal]

I hope something works out for you. Is Hartland school an option for him?

 

No, I visited it a few weeks ago. The kids seemed a LOT nicer than the ps, but they were very, ummm, alternative. Nothing wrong with that, but ds is very average/mainstream/conservative, and wouldn't really feel comfortable there.

[cjgrubbs]

We have the same issue with there not being a lot of kids my oldest son's age who homeschool but we don't prevent my son from being friends with other kids who are in public school. His 3 main friends are public school kids. We're ok with it bc we know their families, etc.

[mazakaal]

Oh, dear! I would think we were the same person if not for the difference in # of children and ages! You describe our situation and ds so well in this post!

 

Ds is not that quiet, but more reserved than gregarious, and the school here is not at all acceptable -- academically or socially. They are such a tough crowd and run almost unchecked by proper discipline. I fear they would either eat a nice kid alive or destroy his spirit.

 

We, too are in a very rural area. Events, groups and activities are usually more than an hour's drive away, and our funds are limited as to what we can manage to accomodate in both fees and the high cost of fuel to get there.

 

:grouphug::grouphug:

 

Yes! Very similar situation here. Ds isn't quiet once he gets comfortable around someone, but is definitely more reserved than gregarious.

 

Most activities are 15-20 minutes away, but there just aren't a lot of them on offer. And there are usually only a few kids at any activity, so they're not really great 'social' opportunities.

[Trish]

:grouphug:

 

Its more problematic with your church being an hour away. Even if he had great friends there, it would be difficult. How about a local volunteer activity? There has to be SOMETHING that boys do locally (besides school) where they congregate in groups. You have to see people fairly regularly to become a known quantity, though. Maybe once a week or more.