Cutting the Apron Strings

[Plucky]

The college search, applications, worries, planning, preparation, and more have made me obsessed with my oldest son. I need to separate more from him. He is 18 and doing a fine job as a young man. I still need to guide him and parent him in other ways, but I think he needs his space and privacy more. Totally normal, but I'm having a hard time with it.

 

I have 3 other kids, plus I could do more for myself but I am having a hard time adjusting.

 

I guess I could start a project or set a new goal for myself. Sigh. I don't feel as needed or wanted and that is hard.

[Musicmom]

:grouphug: I can sure relate. It is hard. My ds is now a college sophomore, so 2 years ago I was all wrapped up in the college stuff for him. The separation was hard as all that finished up and he went off to college. I too didn't feel as needed or wanted--very hard to adjust to that. It did get better, though. I found I was able to turn more attention to my younger dd and that helped. Now she will be a senior next year, and she's my last one... so I fear that adjustment will be even harder.

[Plucky]

:grouphug: I can sure relate. It is hard. My ds is now a college sophomore, so 2 years ago I was all wrapped up in the college stuff for him. The separation was hard as all that finished up and he went off to college. I too didn't feel as needed or wanted--very hard to adjust to that. It did get better, though. I found I was able to turn more attention to my younger dd and that helped. Now she will be a senior next year, and she's my last one... so I fear that adjustment will be even harder.

 

Yeah, I cannot imagine. I thought adjusting would be a piece of cake. Ugh.

[Gwen in VA]

I mentioned to a friend that as a young parent I heard all about the terrible two's but nobody told me about how much sending my kid off into the world would hurt.

 

Her reply was that the term "empty nest SYNDROME" exists for a reason!

 

<hugs>

[Starr]

I'm about there too. I keep thinking of my friend who tells me she only cried for a couple of years when her kids went off to college. Boo hoo, we love our babies.

[Beth in SW WA]

The college search, applications, worries, planning, preparation, and more have made me obsessed with my oldest son.

 

This is where I am currently. Ds goes to school, does sports and goes to work so I'm happy to make calls and emails to research college stuff. He needs to decide whether to attend full time cc next year or part-time cc/part-time high school. He wants to get calc 1, 2, 3 and physics done at the cc. I just don't know if he's ready. AP calc & physics is offered at his school but he really wants to move into the college universe next year.

 

Our evenings are spent discussing big topics relating to his future.

 

I've been on the phone this week w/ UW (visiting next week), OSU, Montana State, WSU, UP, Boston U and a couple others. Phew. So much I didn't know that I didn't know. :tongue_smilie:

 

I'll keep hanging out here with you ladies and learning all I can.

 

It's great to know that I'm not crazy. Or am I? :)

 

:lurk5:

[anissarobert]

I'm dreading sending dd off to college next year. It's hard to see them go! Plus, she is my right hand, so my day to day life will change so much. I think it will be hard for her too, but I'm thankful for cell phones and FB. When I went off to college, I had to use a calling card to call my parents from my dorm room!

 

:grouphug:

[Teachin'Mine]

This is where I am currently. Ds goes to school, does sports and goes to work so I'm happy to make calls and emails to research college stuff. He needs to decide whether to attend full time cc next year or part-time cc/part-time high school. He wants to get calc 1, 2, 3 and physics done at the cc. I just don't know if he's ready. AP calc & physics is offered at his school but he really wants to move into the college universe next year.

 

Our evenings are spent discussing big topics relating to his future.

 

I've been on the phone this week w/ UW (visiting next week), OSU, Montana State, WSU, UP, Boston U and a couple others. Phew. So much I didn't know that I didn't know. :tongue_smilie:

 

I'll keep hanging out here with you ladies and learning all I can.

 

It's great to know that I'm not crazy. Or am I? :)

 

:lurk5:

 

I highly recommend letting him go to cc - part time is just fine and that way it will count as dual enrollment. It will open him up to a whole new world and give him the opportunity to navigate college classes while he still has you around for advice. What he'll learn about scheduling, deadlines, communication, etc. is invaluable.

 

 

True Blue - :grouphug:s

Edited April 28, 2012 by Teachin'Mine

[OLG]

Last August, I went through this when our only ds(17) headed off to college across the country. Hard. I remember when some songbirds made a nest in the portal of our house and when spring came, the frenzy of the five of the little ones learning to fly, bumping into the walls, squeaking and emitting frantic sounds and flapping. It was nerve wracking. Same feeling for me when ds was gone. I worried like crazy about every little detail, you know? For all his life I had taken care of any surprises and now he was on his own. Had I done a good enough job of preparing him? Had I thought thru my own loss?

 

Fast forward to the end of the year now and I can honestly say we both have grown tremendously. We have much more of an adult to adult relationship now as a result of me simply being forced to stay out of his way ;) IT is richly rewarding to see his growth and success in school ALL ON HIS OWN.

 

Sure there was sadness and missing him, and an empty house not to mention a new relationship with dh as a result of it now being just the two of us. How did I get through it? Lots of prayer, no kidding, and good girl friends who took me to lunch and shared their own problems so I could focus on something other than my won. Finding new outlets for all that energy the used to go into schooling. My house was cleaner than it had ever been those first few months he was gone. lol And, I decided to return to the work I had done before I was married but on a freelance basis. Reconnecting with former colleagues and friends helped fill the void too.

 

It wasn't a cake walk and it had to unfold as it was meant to be but I am very happy with the 'other side' now! I think it is a very individual thing as to how you handle it. I also think it does no good to immerse yourself in the grief and instead embrace the new relationship. :grouphug:

[Beth in SW WA]

I highly recommend letting him go to cc - part time is just fine and that way it will count as dual enrollment. It will open him up to a whole new world and give him the opportunity to navigate college classes while he still has you around for advice. What he'll learn about scheduling' date=' deadlines, communication, etc. is invaluable.

 

[/quote']

:iagree:

Thanks for the wise advice. He is planning to do cc next year. We're just not sure how many credits.

[Plucky]

I mentioned to a friend that as a young parent I heard all about the terrible two's but nobody told me about how much sending my kid off into the world would hurt.

 

Her reply was that the term "empty nest SYNDROME" exists for a reason!

 

<hugs>

 

Ugh. I thought I was special and wouldn't be feeling that way. Waaaa.

[Plucky]

I'm about there too. I keep thinking of my friend who tells me she only cried for a couple of years when her kids went off to college. Boo hoo, we love our babies.

 

I really hope I get over it soon. As it is I think he is ready to go. We've been butting heads a bit lately - uncommon for us.

[Plucky]

This is where I am currently. Ds goes to school, does sports and goes to work so I'm happy to make calls and emails to research college stuff. He needs to decide whether to attend full time cc next year or part-time cc/part-time high school. He wants to get calc 1, 2, 3 and physics done at the cc. I just don't know if he's ready. AP calc & physics is offered at his school but he really wants to move into the college universe next year.

 

Our evenings are spent discussing big topics relating to his future.

 

I've been on the phone this week w/ UW (visiting next week), OSU, Montana State, WSU, UP, Boston U and a couple others. Phew. So much I didn't know that I didn't know. :tongue_smilie:

 

I'll keep hanging out here with you ladies and learning all I can.

 

It's great to know that I'm not crazy. Or am I? :)

 

:lurk5:

 

I think cc would be a good choice, too. I have found though that getting into some classes is next to impossible. See if you can find out what those classes are. My ds could not get into physics and it is a class that is offered in a sequence. If you can't get into the first one in the fall then you are out of luck for the whole year.

 

Even calc wasn't offered this quarter, he had to go back to the ps and do it with Apex and a teacher. Frustrating.

[Plucky]

I'm dreading sending dd off to college next year. It's hard to see them go! Plus, she is my right hand, so my day to day life will change so much. I think it will be hard for her too, but I'm thankful for cell phones and FB. When I went off to college, I had to use a calling card to call my parents from my dorm room!

 

:grouphug:

 

Oh, yes. I told him he needs to check in with me nightly for the first 6 weeks. He will be in a highly urban area. I'm a country girl, and he has been too for the most part.

[memphispeg]

My eldest dd is at college now and dd #2 is trying to finish up our homeschool curriculum. She and I are v. close after all the ordeal of homeschool, house fire recovery effort and college app process. I think I will miss her as we have partnered thru all these ordeals. But, I do know that it is time for her to get out there into the world and will be completely joyful when she does. College is an exciting adventure, I look forward to hearing "some" of the details.

We've still got lots to do until she leaves in Sept. I will miss my partner in crime and Dark Shadows viewing companion and cupcake concocting partner when she goes.

I can just imagine the dh and I staring at each other and asking "Now What?" some evening in late September:001_smile:

[Beth in SW WA]

 

Even calc wasn't offered this quarter, he had to go back to the ps and do it with Apex and a teacher. Frustrating.

 

I've got a couple back-up plans if he can't get the needed cc classes. He can take AP at a local high school near our house OR take it at his current high school. He would rather go to cc than attend his private high school next year. He is registered for cc, private and public since we are unsure of class availability.

 

This isn't how I thought his senior year would flesh out. But I'm game. :)

[TravelingChris]

I've sent two now and one to go. It gets easier with each successive one. On the other hand, you don't stop being a parent just because they are 18 or 20 or 22. My 23 yo still asks for advice and it was such a great relief when he got a job.