Help me stop nagging my kids

[...................]

This past two months getting my 8yo dd to focus has been like pulling elephant teeth. No- T-Rex teeth.

 

I had been motivating her by giving her breaks when she finishes a subject I. An allotted time. Then she could set the timer for 10 minutes and go play. She was faithful to come back and the process would begin again.

 

But lately she is somehow able to chatter incessantly, draw, doodle, fall out of her chair 20 times, drop her pencil ten times, and completely distract a d derail her older brother, all whole completing her schoolwork in the allotted time.

 

So I tried reducing the allotted times, figuring that since she has increased skill-wise. But this did not work. Instead, she didn't finish on time and didn't earn breaks and then just continued uninterested and distracted, all day.

 

We only have two weeks left of our current school year but I'd like to change the atmosphere in our home for next school year.

 

My 8yo dd is a people person, very much into crafts, her personality profile says she's all about people, having fun, and interacting.

 

I wonder if I should just sit down and cuddle with her for every single subject- not do the work for her- just sit with her, cuddle her and interact over it with her as much as possible. I bought materials that are better suited for her, and require less independent seat work.

 

In my Herculean efforts to produce hard working and independent children I am

Somehow turning into someone who literally nags all day long, and honestly I dread every homeschool day for the past two months. Ironically, people have asked me, "I heard you homeschool. How do you like it?" more often in the past two months than in the last 5 years combined.

 

Well I dread it every single day. Lol

[5LittleMonkeys]

:grouphug:

 

I know other people have 8 yos who can sit and do independent work, but my dd at 9 still needs me at the elbow for many of her subjects. I really don't mind at all.

 

It's a great opportunity to make sure she does the work correctly the first time. Since I'm right there, I also use that time to continually reinforce her penmanship, since we don't do a pen program. It gives her confidence since she knows that I'm right there to help if she gets stuck. I can keep her focused and moving forward. I've also found that it is a great time to show her how important I think her schoolwork is.

 

I am, however, teaching 5 so she does have to do some of her work alone. I try to alternate between independent and times I sit with her. The independent work is never more than 15 minutes at a time except for her independent reading, which is 30 minutes.

 

I think being with your dd for more of her work is going to prove to be beneficial. You may have to work at breaking her habit of wasting time though. You can tell her that since you are devoting time to her, she needs to respect that time.

 

Good luck!

[...................]

Thanks Aime. It's nice to hear that others have tried this method and that it can be a blessing. I like your idea of being sure not to allow her to waste time though.

[edeemarie]

I always find that the end of the school year can be tricky- it's like the kids can sense it is coming! I find that our days go the best when I can rotate my time between the two oldest children. So when I am helping one with something they need my help with, the other can be doing something independent. We typically get all of our "together" things done first and then I just go back and forth until they get the rest of their independent things done. We do still have those days when things just don't work how they are supposed to- and sometimes I have to just let it go and move on to try the next day:)

[Mom0012]

I agree that there is something in the air this time of the year. I've seen it in coop classes and elsewhere. My son's writing teacher has great classroom management skills and even she has trouble keeping the class on task this time of year.

 

If the main problem is that she is distracting her sibling, I would consider relocating her or the sibling. I actually have my son's desk set up in our school room and my daughter's is over in our family room by the fireplace. This greatly cuts down on distractions and neither child seems to mind this arrangement. We still come together and do our Sonlight reading and Spanish together, but all of their independent work is at their desks.

 

I alternate working with each of them independently, but I basically work with my son upstairs first thing in the morning, reviewing all of his assignments and going over new material while my daughter does piano, typing, etc. (distracting types of things). Then he goes downstairs to do his independent work and I spend one-on-one time with my daughter. If you worked with your dd first, your other child could probably accomplish quite a bit during that time, plus, you would have already given her lots of attention first thing in the day. I don't know if that would help or not.

 

Lisa

Edited April 22, 2012 by LisaTheresa

[Miss Tick]

When I'm starting to get a little crazy about the nagging coming out of my mouth I try front-loading the parts where I need to be there. So, in the morning sometimes we will do the math lesson and the grammar lesson, and then they can take a break whenever they finish the math facts worksheet, and the copy work (or parts of them, or one of them, or whatever makes sense for that day). Meanwhile I try to do something in another room for a while and pop back in after 10 minutes to see if everything is going OK. Then it is not nagging it is a reminder. :)

 

I can repeat this pattern at lunch time if needed.

[...................]

Susan,

 

Maybe I'm dense but could you explain again? I re-read your post a few times and didn't understand. Sorry!

[Sharilynn29]

I have an 8yo dd who is also highly social. I sit with her during most of her work, or I sit next to her and read while she works independently. We also have 2 outside social activities a week that my dd loves (gym time and homeschool skate). One time I had to punish her by making her sit out during skating and work on schoolwork. I only had to do it once. Because she is so social, this is definitely an incentive.

 

Also, we began using Accountable Kids. This has helped as well.

[woolybear]

Workboxes? With small motivators spread throughout, maybe. I put in (though not every day even) a small game, a treat, a fun read aloud. He gets these when he gets through several boxes or at the end of all of them.

[Mommy22alyns]

:bigear:

 

I've been asking about this everywhere!

[Mommy22alyns]

I have an 8yo dd who is also highly social. I sit with her during most of her work, or I sit next to her and read while she works independently. We also have 2 outside social activities a week that my dd loves (gym time and homeschool skate). One time I had to punish her by making her sit out during skating and work on schoolwork. I only had to do it once. Because she is so social, this is definitely an incentive.

 

Also, we began using Accountable Kids. This has helped as well.

 

 

How does this work with schooling?

[MegP]

Use a timer and tell her she has to get her math done before the timer beeps. When the timer beeps, if she is not done, calmly tell her to put her math away and get out another subject. Repeat the same thing with the timer for each subject. Do not nag or threaten at all. Just be very matter of fact and calm. I would not sit next to her the entire time. Teach her the math lesson, and then instruct her to complete the worksheet, set the timer and busy yourself nearby with a good book.

 

 

At the end of the school time, announce that it is time for "recess" (or insert some other really, really fun activity that your DD loves) "for all kids who have finished all their school work. " Go and make a huge deal about doing this fun activity with her brother. She will soon learn that if she wants to take part in the fun, she needs to get her work done.

Edited April 22, 2012 by MegP

[walkermamaof4]

I think you can and would enjoy much more snuggling through some subjects. Our switch to MCT together was a joy. Doing Song School Latin together and doing games that we made up with it was a joy. Doing rightstart math together was a joy. Every time I move away from these things my kids groan! They have plenty of independent work. I am not concerned about their developing independence. But I think if we can have fun and not drudgery and really learn, then why not? Read-alouds are so fun! And we alternate so they are reading to me frequently. Their expressive reading has really improved. I try now to alternate independent subjects with these to keep us rolling along. I stay in the room. They all say they like school. And they are learning. I do use a timer for those who need it on the more independent subjects. A timer is on right now for someone ; )

[...................]

That was very inspiring! Thanks WalkerMama!

[Miss Tick]

Susan,

 

Maybe I'm dense but could you explain again? I re-read your post a few times and didn't understand. Sorry!

 

 

Sorry, it is probably me. On a "normal" day we do math, then when they are done we do spelling, then maybe squeeze in grammar. Then we take a break for an hour or so and reconvene for lunch, after lunch we do 2 more topics and take another break, then maybe a last thing in the afternoon if needed.

 

When I start to dread trying to keep everyone moving along with their work, sometimes it helps me to change around the order a bit. So, we do the part where I need to be there and then they finish up (when possible) on their own. For instance, we will do the math lesson and talk about it and then I give them the review/practice problems they need to finish but we put them aside for spelling and then I do the grammar lesson and give them copy work. Then I'm done for a while and they can take a break when the math work and the copy work are done. Of course it isn't usually this black and white. This doesn't necessarily help them stay on task better, it just removes me from the nagging role (for the most part).

 

Clear as mud?

 

ETA: I want to apologize again because not only did you spend time re-reading my post, I'm not really offering a solution just a different take on what you are doing. Sigh.

Edited April 23, 2012 by SusanC

[oneddmanybooks]

...

We only have two weeks left of our current school year but I'd like to change the atmosphere in our home for next school year.

 

My 8yo dd is a people person, very much into crafts, her personality profile says she's all about people, having fun, and interacting.

 

I wonder if I should just sit down and cuddle with her for every single subject- not do the work for her- just sit with her, cuddle her and interact over it with her as much as possible. I bought materials that are better suited for her, and require less independent seat work.

 

...

 

Your dd sounds a lot like my dd. I personally enjoy my day, especially hsing, much more when I acknowledge dd's God-given personality as I make choices and plan our day. For us, it doesn't work well for me to be out of the room much. I do go into the kitchen for a few minutes, and once I had her read to me while I was prepping the crockpot, but mostly I don't multitask during school. I try to make sure we have lots of hugs and kisses. I try to mix in some fun like "chasing" her around the house, etc. Today she practiced her crochet while I read history to her. :) I do not mean catering to her every whim, obviously; hopefully no one will misinterpret what I'm trying to say.

 

Sometimes my dd is fairly independent with certain things, and other times she isn't. I think it's partially her personaliy and partially her age. She is a delight and a joy to all who know her. :001_wub:

 

I hope I'm making sense; it's past my bedtime. ;)

[oneddmanybooks]

I think you can and would enjoy much more snuggling through some subjects. Our switch to MCT together was a joy. Doing Song School Latin together and doing games that we made up with it was a joy. Doing rightstart math together was a joy. Every time I move away from these things my kids groan! They have plenty of independent work. I am not concerned about their developing independence. But I think if we can have fun and not drudgery and really learn, then why not? Read-alouds are so fun! And we alternate so they are reading to me frequently. Their expressive reading has really improved. I try now to alternate independent subjects with these to keep us rolling along. I stay in the room. They all say they like school. And they are learning. I do use a timer for those who need it on the more independent subjects. A timer is on right now for someone ; )

 

:iagree: Dd and I are working through Latin and Spanish together (I have no experience with these languages) and we are having a great time!

[Embassy]

:grouphug: I see from your signature that your 8 year old is an artist. I also have a 10 year old "professor" and an 8 year old artist. The personalities are so different. Because my oldest is so focused and diligent it makes my younger child seem very unfocused when he is probably pretty average attention-wise.

 

I keep on my 8 year old because he needs to learn good habits. I also try to be understanding of his personality and cut him some slack at times. Working with him one-on-one greatly increases his ability to focus. And sometimes when I do work with him one-on-one I have to work to get him focused on the task. Leaving him alone to complete his work can often result in pages of artwork instead of a completed math page. I also try to mix things up and give him breaks as motivators. I try to break up the undesired tasks with some enjoyable tasks. It really helped me when I stepped back and started appreciating his strengths. Some of those strengths don't shine so well in a classroom, but they show up in everyday life.