Telling your child there is no Santa...

[Dianne-TX]

I know this isn't the season for Santa, but my ds7 has recently brought up the subject. He said he knows it's us that buys the presents and went on to logically explain how it doesn't make sense. I skipped over the conversation quickly and changed the subject so we could figure out what to say later. I know I could just say, "yes, you're right" and move on, but I want to do more than that. It's so odd he brought it up now because my dh and I have been convicted about deceiving them and not keeping the focus on what Christmas should really be about and we were planning on telling them this year. (but not in June!) I know many don't see it this way, but we do. I'm wondering how some of you shared this with your children in a sensitive way, explaining that we weren't lying to them, etc. Our children can be black and white about some things and they might question this, but not say it outloud, so we want to make sure we hit that issue to make them feel better. Are there any books to read to them? We've read about the real St. Nick over the years and plan to do that again, but I was wanting to touch on the issue of "tricking" them or deceiving them. I think I remember seeing a book on CBD that was titled something about there not being a Santa and explained it to the child. It has a young boy on the cover. If you know of this book or have any other suggestions on how to go about it, please share. Thanks!

[Adrianne]

I know this isn't the season for Santa, but my ds7 has recently brought up the subject. He said he knows it's us that buys the presents and went on to logically explain how it doesn't make sense. I skipped over the conversation quickly and changed the subject so we could figure out what to say later. I know I could just say, "yes, you're right" and move on, but I want to do more than that. It's so odd he brought it up now because my dh and I have been convicted about deceiving them and not keeping the focus on what Christmas should really be about and we were planning on telling them this year. (but not in June!) I know many don't see it this way, but we do. I'm wondering how some of you shared this with your children in a sensitive way, explaining that we weren't lying to them, etc. Our children can be black and white about some things and they might question this, but not say it outloud, so we want to make sure we hit that issue to make them feel better. Are there any books to read to them? We've read about the real St. Nick over the years and plan to do that again, but I was wanting to touch on the issue of "tricking" them or deceiving them. I think I remember seeing a book on CBD that was titled something about there not being a Santa and explained it to the child. It has a young boy on the cover. If you know of this book or have any other suggestions on how to go about it, please share. Thanks!

 

When my ds5 did the same thing last year, I just listened and let them believe what they wanted. I talked about the true meaning of Christmas, which we always do.

 

Ds 9 decided to still believe in Santa even though he knew we bought the presents.

 

I guess the main thing for me, is to make sure they know what Christmas is really about and then don't make a big deal about Santa. Eventually it won't matter anyway.

[Dawn E]

Someone posted this link--St. Nick for kids--last year. It may be of some help.

[Soph the vet]

Our dc have always known that Santa is not for real and that Jesus is real. I've always just answered their questions honestly and I also tell them to not "blow it" for the friend who might believe in Santa. If your ds is asking I would tell him now even if it is June.

You might as well throw in the tooth fairy while you're at it..:D.

[Susan in KY]

My dad always told us there would be a Santa as long as we wanted there to be a Santa, when we went to him with the hard facts some neighborhood kid dished out. I though that was a good answer, and there was a Santa for a long time! :001_smile:

 

My kids have always known about the real St. Nick and we have always played the "St. Nicholas Game" at Christmas, so there was no fibbing on our part and however much imagination they wanted to interject on their part. My son was a realist, my daughter enjoyed the fantasy. Both knew that is was all in fun, and enjoyed the gifts. (What's not to like?!)

 

Susan

[K&Rs Mom]

explaining that we weren't lying to them, etc.

 

Did you lie to them? At some point did you tell them there is actually a man with a beard who really comes down the chimney? If not, just clarify that this is a character people think of around Christmas time; if so, apologize and explain that you didn't mean any harm and will not lie again. A 7yo is capable of understanding that and it's a good example to him that we all make mistakes (and how to fix them).

 

I know my opinion on this is unpopular, but there it is.... :) I'm certainly not trying to be critical to the OP, either, just to clarify.

[Tracey in TX]

DD has asked this the last three years. Last year I had a *brilliant* (albeit sarcastic) response:

 

"Let me show you the NOAA-Santa website. It's the real deal! Would the federal government lie to you?" :lol::lol::lol:

 

She book marked NOAA website to watch Santa's arrival and clearly believes that the federal government is still pure of heart :)

[Pam Wilhelm]

Did you lie to them? At some point did you tell them there is actually a man with a beard who really comes down the chimney? If not, just clarify that this is a character people think of around Christmas time; if so, apologize and explain that you didn't mean any harm and will not lie again. A 7yo is capable of understanding that and it's a good example to him that we all make mistakes (and how to fix them).

 

I know my opinion on this is unpopular, but there it is.... :) I'm certainly not trying to be critical to the OP, either, just to clarify.

 

 

Not unpopular with me :D . We have always told the children that Santa is just part of the whole season..... that Mom and Dad are who provides the presents. Santa represents the "spirit" of giving...... but isn't real. ....... we have also told them that they aren't to whisper a word of this to other children because we wouldn't want to ruin the illusion/joy/lie for them. :tongue_smilie: They still choose to "believe"....... but they know the truth... the choice after that is theirs to make.

[Jennifer in MI]

Did you lie to them? At some point did you tell them there is actually a man with a beard who really comes down the chimney? If not, just clarify that this is a character people think of around Christmas time; if so, apologize and explain that you didn't mean any harm and will not lie again. A 7yo is capable of understanding that and it's a good example to him that we all make mistakes (and how to fix them).

 

I know my opinion on this is unpopular, but there it is.... :) I'm certainly not trying to be critical to the OP, either, just to clarify.

 

This is a good point. We have never lied to our children about Santa. We let them believe, however. Our oldest has known for a while now and he helps us stuff the stockings and pick out the gifts. He has a blast and really enjoys being in the "know." As long as my kids want to believe, I'm going to let them. When they ask outright, I will NOT lie. When they were littler, I'd say, "Well, what do you think?" They usually went off with a wonderful story about SAnta and how they still believed.

 

If you really do want to tell your kids - just do it in an offhand way. Don't make it a big deal. When talking about Santa say that, "Some people believe . . " or "The story goes . . ." I think some kids really want to believe even though you tell them it's not true!

[Dianne-TX]

We are definitely talking to him/them now and not waiting, that has been the plan since he brought it up.

 

As for lying, no, we haven't lied and told them (we also have dd5) that there was a Santa because they've never asked that question. I haven't responded to him since he made that comment, I just said, "Hm, why do you think that?" and then he proceeded to tell me why it wasn't logical that Santa could buy all those presents and get around to all the houses. I then told him he was a good thinker and changed the subject. We just aren't comfortable with playing along, especially now that he's asked. We want to focus on other things at Christmas and get that out of the way. We've been waiting for one of them to ask so we can get it over with. But, I guess I was struggling with the possibility that they would think we've lied to them because we let them believe something that wasn't real. I don't want to let it go on because they could start doubting other things we've instilled in them. We want them to trust us completely, even if it's something that might be innocent and fun.

 

Yes, I think the title of the book is Santa, Are you Real? or something like that. Thanks for jogging my memory. I'll have to look it up. I hope they carry it at this time of year. I think it would help to read something, especially to my dd5.

 

And, yes, we will make sure to tell them not to tell any of their friends/relatives and to leave that to their parents. Very important! :)

 

Thanks again for all the responses.

[Erica in PA]

I agree. My mom definitely did *lie* to me about Santa, and I felt that hurt when she finally told me the truth (I was about 10, and had been defending my mom's honesty about Santa for years to other kids in school, as proof that he was real.) If she'd apologized to me, I'd have felt much less hurt, I think. She thought I was really sad about Santa not being real, but really I felt sad and silly about having completely believed something that was not true, and disappointed in her for teaching me something false. She was not one who just "let me believe"-- she definitely told me that Santa was real, brought the presents, etc. You can't twist it at the last minute and say it's really just the spirit of the season, when that's not what you've been saying all along.

 

One thing I strongly suggest: Please don't prolong this for your son by making him feel guilty in any way, or like the burden is on him to keep believing, i.e. "Well if you really believe there is a Santa, then there is one." My mom did that, and I felt like I almost had to keep believing to keep Santa alive or something. LOL, that sounds ridiculous, but to a child's mind, that's how I felt. It made me feel bad for doubting. That's twisted, imo, when you know the truth, and can easily share it with your child.

 

 

 

Erica

[Gretchen in NJ]

One of our favorites is, "Yes Virginia, There is a Santa Claus." It is such a lovely and true story.

 

Gretchen

[LauraGB]

*I* was the kid that was angry with my parents for having "lied" to me...but my parents were still not giving in when I was 11 (LOL)! We were never going to do Santa, but I couldn't help it. They have been asking since they were about 4 or 5 - trying to get me to fess up. I never lied and said there was one, but I hadn't really come out and said there wasn't either. We have read several stories about the real St. Nick and also a wonderful book called "The Autobiography of Santa". Just this past year (they were 8yrs), they asked so many times, I finally said "Do you really want to know?" and they said they did. So I said "No, it really is just Dad and I. Are you mad?" And, honestly, they weren't sure whether to believe us! Finally, ds came to me and said, "Mom, I am really kind of relieved. The idea of a large, strange man dressed in a weird suit in my house in the middle of the night kind of freaked me out. I'm glad it was just you." He also said this about the Easter Bunny and the Tooth Fairy. DD came to me and thanked me for "giving (her) all that stuff" all those years. So, I guess it may not be as bad as you are thinking. You may get thanks, or relief :lol:, but if you don't push it into puberty, you should be safe!

[bairnmama]

I haven't run across that with my dc yet, but I'm sure my dd will say something this year. We always participate in Operation Christmas Child and one of it's main points is that some of these children have NEVER received a Christmas present. It's kinda hard to reconcile the idea of Santa giving presents to all the children of the world with that, even for a 7 yr old.

 

But in my own family growing up... after we were old enough to figure it out, my parents talked about how it's been a family tradition, a wonderful idea, something fun to pretend, etc. We still get presents from Santa to this day when home for Christmas and it's still fun!