Household rules?

[tntgoodwin]

So, I am off work for the next couple weeks and am going to be working with my daughters on some school stuff and getting them to follow our rules a little better. The two oldest are 4 and almost 6.

They are generally good kids, especially when other adults are around (we got compliments often about them being so well behaved!), but they have been whiny and disobedient and started lying lately, so I am working on drafting up some house rules so that our expectations are very clear.

 

Have you done anything like this? What rules do you have for your kids around that age? Here is what I have so far, what do you think?

 

1. Obey your parents.

a. Obey immediately, the first time. We should not have to tell you to do something or not do something more than once.

b. Do not argue or talk back.

2. Always tell the truth.

a. Admit when you do wrong, and own up to it.

b. Delaying the truth is the same as a lie.

3. No tattling.

a. Have your sisters’ backs.

b. Only tell on your sister if she did something that could or did harm you, herself, or others.

4. No whining.

a. Accept what your parents’ tell you. If we tell you to do something, don’t whine about it (such as, “time to go,†“clean this up,†or “eat this.â€). If we tell you no you can’t do something, accept it and move on.

5. Respect each other’s property.

a. Ask if you want to use or look at something that is your sister’s, or if she is using something. If she says no, respect that and do something else.

b. Share as much as you can. This is for the person currently in possession of the item to determine.

6. Clean up after yourself.

a. When finished eating, clear table and wash your hands and face.

b. Put away toys before getting out new toys.

c. Go to the bathroom before it’s too late.

7. Remember the two most important rules:

a. Love God.

b. Love your neighbor as yourself.

[edeemarie]

Those look great! I think we may need some time off to do some behavior modification in our house too (although maybe it is just Spring fever!). We have always used the 21 rules of this house and you can find them here: http://www.fortifyingthefamily.com/21_rules.htm .

[KristenR]

A close friend of mine gave me her list of "rules".

She called it their "Family Ways. I'll try and cut and paste it here...

 

 

Love and obey God.

Read the Bible and pray every day.

Honor and obey their parents.

Accept correction humbly.

Love each other and show kindness.

Serve each other unselfishly.

Use encouraging words.

Forgive each other quickly.

Are thankful for what they have.

Are content and do not covet.

Are generous and love to share.

Are responsible and take care of their things.

Do their work immediately, cheerfully and quickly.

Like to help without being asked.

Work together and help each other.

Keep their home neat and tidy.

Choose joy instead of complaining.

Make peace and do not argue.

Wait patiently and yield to others.

Are gracious no matter how they feel.

Do what is right no matter what.

Seek counsel when uncertain.

Always exercise self-control.

Are honest in word and deed.

[Chelli]

I have been introducing these rules from Charlotte Mason Help two at a time for 5 weeks.

 

I made a chart and when I catch the kids doing any of these 10 rules then they earn a sticker on the chart. I did make the stipulation that they cannot try to get caught doing something good or tell me they did something. ;) Once they earned 50 stickers, we are going to do something fun as a family and then start a new chart.

 

I also made up a corresponding discipline chart with Bible verses to show that it's not just mom and dad's rules, but God's rules too. When they break one of these 10 rules, we look at the chart to see what their punishment is, but I never take stickers off of the ones they've earned. It just seemed too cruel.

 

This very simple system has made a huge difference in my dc's behavior. Even my parents commented in March how much more obedient and nice my children were to each other and us. That was all I needed to know that this sytem is definitely a keeper for us!!! :D

[Mergath]

Wow, those are a lot of rules in the previous lists! I don't think I'd even be able to remember them all. :tongue_smilie:

 

We're Pagan, not Wiccan, but we follow the Wiccan Rede: An it harm none, do what ye will. Which essentially means, do what brings you joy as long as it isn't harming another living thing, including yourself. I find that it covers most situations, and it helps dd think more deeply about how she should behave and why.

[Chelli]

Wow, those are a lot of rules in the previous lists! I don't think I'd even be able to remember them all. :tongue_smilie:

 

We're Pagan, not Wiccan, but we follow the Wiccan Rede: An it harm none, do what ye will. Which essentially means, do what brings you joy as long as it isn't harming another living thing, including yourself. I find that it covers most situations, and it helps dd think more deeply about how she should behave and why.

 

:iagree:Almost all of the house rules' lists that I could find were like that. That's why I like the one I linked. It's only 10. Plus by introducting only two at a time my children were able to memorize them more easily, even my 4 year old non-reader.

 

I changed the wording on a few. One says, "Show respect to adults." I changed it to "Show respect for others." Another one I changed is "Share your toys" to "Share what you have".

[LaxMom]

I hate to be the wet blanket here but, after 23 years of parenting, I think 1-5 - and 7, quite frankly - are simply to abstract/high level for a 4 or 6 year old. Really. These are the "reminding" years, not the period where they can apply such concepts on their own, no matter how hard you try.

 

6 is task oriented, concrete, but, again, I don't think the remembering to use the facilities "before it's too late" is something that can be learned from someone else. I mean, I'm in my 40s, in good mental and physical condition and it gets a little dicey for me at times, when I'm involved in something. I like to think I have better forecasting ability than a 4 year old, too. ;)

[justamouse]

I hate to be the wet blanket here but, after 23 years of parenting, I think 1-5 - and 7, quite frankly - are simply to abstract/high level for a 4 or 6 year old. Really. These are the "reminding" years, not the period where they can apply such concepts on their own, no matter how hard you try.

 

6 is task oriented, concrete, but, again, I don't think the remembering to use the facilities "before it's too late" is something that can be learned from someone else. I mean, I'm in my 40s, in good mental and physical condition and it gets a little dicey for me at times, when I'm involved in something. I like to think I have better forecasting ability than a 4 year old, too. ;)

:iagree:

 

Love God and do unto others.

[jmh]

We have 2 rules.

Honor your father and mother.

Treat others the way you want to be treated.

 

Our kids were OP's kids ages and were very capable of understanding if something honored us or was the way they wanted to be treated.

[wapiti]

1. Be kind

2. Be safe

 

That doesn't cover everything, but it covers a lot (maybe add something about cleaning up after oneself). If you want this to be successful, limit the number and type of rules, and have age-appropriate expectations on follow-through.

[regentrude]

I think these are way too many rules for young kids to follow.

Aside from the fact that it would not be my goal to train my kids to unquestioning prompt obedience - as convenient that would be for a parent.

[Mommy22alyns]

I think it's a lot for 4 and 6 year olds.

[Mommy22alyns]

I have been introducing these rules from Charlotte Mason Help two at a time for 5 weeks.

 

I made a chart and when I catch the kids doing any of these 10 rules then they earn a sticker on the chart. I did make the stipulation that they cannot try to get caught doing something good or tell me they did something. ;) Once they earned 50 stickers, we are going to do something fun as a family and then start a new chart.

 

I also made up a corresponding discipline chart with Bible verses to show that it's not just mom and dad's rules, but God's rules too. When they break one of these 10 rules, we look at the chart to see what their punishment is, but I never take stickers off of the ones they've earned. It just seemed too cruel.

 

This very simple system has made a huge difference in my dc's behavior. Even my parents commented in March how much more obedient and nice my children were to each other and us. That was all I needed to know that this sytem is definitely a keeper for us!!! :D

 

 

I don't suppose that could be shared? :D

[Isabella]

After just coming out of a rules-based childhood with my late-teen girls (the rules were dh's way of doing things, which I tried to back up), I'm realizing that if I did parenting littles again, I would go more with my heart and connect with them emotionally, rather than enforce rules.

 

My girls have a much better relationship with me than their dad (of course they still love him!). Yes, people commented on our kids being so well behaved, and that made us proud. But my girls remember the constant stress to not disappoint us by 'breaking' one of the many rules. :glare: I felt the stress too!

 

I do think the one 'rule' mentioned by Mergath covers things well. We are Christian, but it applies to any and all! Also what a PP mentioned....Love/Obey God, and do good to all mankind covers most of your list. :001_smile:

 

Things like remembering to use the bathroom is just stressful if it's a rule. What happens if the rule is broken, though unintentionally? If there's punishment, well...I don't know what to think....If there is no punishment, does that diminish the importance of obeying the other rules in the list?

 

I'm not trying to be argumentative, but just saying my thoughts based on my own experience. Working on their hearts, loving, understanding and accepting them will do more to encourage them to do the same to others than a list of rules (IMHO). :001_smile:

 

Of course I don't mean bad behaviour goes unnoticed or even unpunished, but make it more a life creed, and something that, while it may need to be reiterated multiple times daily at some stages, will appeal to their sense of right, rather than being bound to a long list of rules. If it's too hard, they'll eventually give up trying to please you.

Edited April 17, 2012 by Isabella

[JenneinCA]

Our rules:

 

No running in the house.

Clean up your mess.

Be kind.