mlbuchina Posted April 11, 2012 Share Posted April 11, 2012 My dh is deployed, thankfully for the last time, and it is hitting us all pretty hard. I am having to deal with my own emotions, as well as our two dd's. My heart just breaks for them. It is very hard, and our schooling, as well as other things (gosh, I guess I really should get those dishes washed), is suffering. What have you done to keep spirits up and school (and clean dishes! lol), moving forward? (At this point, I just want to climb in bed, pull the covers over my head, and sleep until he comes home. :crying:) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mrs Mungo Posted April 11, 2012 Share Posted April 11, 2012 What will help you the most will probably depends upon your personality and circle of community. Staying busy helps me. I have usually had a once a week or once every other week get together at my house. When my kids were younger, I would hire a sitter once a month. We had regular activities to keep us busy and interacting with people many days of the week. Halfway through the deployment I usually go home or someone comes to visit me. Take the kids for a walk in the mornings. Go to the park. Put then in gymnastics. Keeping them physically active helps with bedtime and keeps them from getting stir crazy. Have a movie night with junk food once a month. Give yourselves things to look forward to. Once a month we like to pack a box for dad. I would take the kids to the dollar store and let them pick things to put in the box. I know there have been threads like this before with more ideas. :grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
RoundAbout Posted April 11, 2012 Share Posted April 11, 2012 We had a really hard time on the last deployment too and are gearing up for another soon *sigh*. The worst thing someone said to me was "Oh, you must be used to it by now." Actually, no. I've been doing this almost 15 years and I actually find it gets a bit more challenging each time. The thing that helped me the most was getting out as much as possible - travel if you can afford it or have people come visit/stay for a while. When we lived in Hawaii I put out the call to all friends and family that they could have a free place to stay for vacation if they came out. Several people took me up on that and it cheered us up a lot just to have new faces around. Now that we are back on the mainland I plan to take some trips this go around. I don't feel safe camping by myself so I'm trying to organize a moms' camping club to go as a group, will visit friends and relatives, and maybe do some organized kid-friendly excursions. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TammyinTN Posted April 11, 2012 Share Posted April 11, 2012 I'm so sorry that your having a rough time.:grouphug: Deployments...well they suck! I found when my girls were around that age that routine was the only sane thing I could do. It kept everything moving and on target. My daughter is going home next week with the babies and her husband will return the first part of May after being gone a year. I watched her go through all the stuff I had to handle when their Dad was deployed. The one great thing she told me was...I never knew it was hard for you. You seemed like a rock for us. That little bit sure helped me feel like I did a good job by them. Hang in there...get your groove and maybe find a cool project for you and them to do together. We did loads of puzzles, painted and I taught them needle point. Whatever works! :D If you need anything please feel free to pm me or email. Best wishes for a quick deployment. :grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
nukeswife Posted April 11, 2012 Share Posted April 11, 2012 I've been married to a sailor too for almost 15 years (our anniversary is in June) Mine's been gone since last Aug because his deployment had him leaving one coast and returning to another so we didn't move with him since he would have only been in port maybe a months worth of time before they left for the official deployment. We just found out his deployment was extended and instead of having less than a month left we have about 4 months left. How far into this deployment are you. I used to find that about 2 months in I would get to feeling like you do. I try my best to stick to a basic routine and like others mentioned keep busy. I have had others say "Oh well you're used to it by now" To that I can say Kind of, they don't really get easier, but I at least have some experience to draw on now when things get rough. This and his last deployment have been really rough mostly because during the last one our dog got really sick and I had to decide if we should have her put to sleep or not. This one has been rough because my Dad has cancer and is really sick, so my usual stuff wasn't working well. I've just done the best I can and try to get as much schooling done each day that we can, but also keep in mind that if we have to spread things out and work through the summer that is an option. I don't want to work in the summer, so I dropped everything but math and grammar for my oldest and math and phonics for my younger two, we tend to have a morning session and and afternoon session, so we can do double the math and la each day but have a fun recess type time in the middle. This works well for my kids but if it didn't I'd just try to do as much as I could before lunch and then spend the rest of the day having fun, going for walks, to the park to fly kites, going to the local state park, bowling etc. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
russiantwins Posted April 12, 2012 Share Posted April 12, 2012 My dh is deployed, thankfully for the last time, and it is hitting us all pretty hard. I am having to deal with my own emotions, as well as our two dd's. My heart just breaks for them. It is very hard, and our schooling, as well as other things (gosh, I guess I really should get those dishes washed), is suffering. What have you done to keep spirits up and school (and clean dishes! lol), moving forward? (At this point, I just want to climb in bed, pull the covers over my head, and sleep until he comes home. :crying:) My hubby has been deployed 3 times, the longest was for 15 months, and I had 2 year old twins at the time. I was in WA state while family was in FL, so I was on my own. I can relate to the climb in the bed thing, due to exhaustion! The one saying I kept saying was "one day at a time" sometimes it was "one hour at at time" literally. I had to just make it that day, or that task, or that morning. We had lots of doctors visits that we had to do, and it was all about survival for me. If your children are older, then I agree with the ladies in having family or friends visit, or going and visiting them, having a reduced school schedule (after all, you'll survive!) doing lots of fun stuff. Also, have the kids take on more household responsibilities like those pesky dishes, etc. Keep your chin up! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JudoMom Posted April 12, 2012 Share Posted April 12, 2012 :grouphug::grouphug::grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mlbuchina Posted April 12, 2012 Author Share Posted April 12, 2012 I've been married to a sailor too for almost 15 years (our anniversary is in June) Mine's been gone since last Aug because his deployment had him leaving one coast and returning to another so we didn't move with him since he would have only been in port maybe a months worth of time before they left for the official deployment. We just found out his deployment was extended and instead of having less than a month left we have about 4 months left. How far into this deployment are you. Goodness! We are kinda in the same boat (ha!). Dh has been gone for 3 months, and they have extended 3 times. I was fortunate in that while the ship left in early Dec., he didn't have to report until Jan. We got Christmas with him. Also, his ship is making the world cruise to switch coasts. As of right now, we aren't even at the half way mark yet. Getting close, though. I'm so sorry that your homecoming has been pushed out at almost the last minute! That stinks!! These deployments make me wistful for the Med cruises (six months). Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mlbuchina Posted April 12, 2012 Author Share Posted April 12, 2012 Thank you all for your advice and suggestions. I will be implementing them asap. There is one good thing. We get to actually live near family this time, so I can see them a lot. :grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
treestarfae Posted April 12, 2012 Share Posted April 12, 2012 I listen to ALOT of music. While doing dishes I'll play it. I have disc players in most rooms. You have to focus on the good things you are experiencing every day. Even if they are small. Find a hobby or routine you enjoy like a tv show or movie. You can pm me and we can complain about military life if you want. Make sure you are healthy, get your tests done and take care of yourself. :) :grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lauracolumbus Posted April 12, 2012 Share Posted April 12, 2012 We kept super busy, and we did a lot of things that I normally wouldn't have done. School was not a priority. My kids had to all do the same sport (fencing) b/c I couldn't clone myself and drive in 3 different directions. Once a week after fencing, we'd stop and get donuts and watch Jeopardy. Another night, we went to a friend's house after chess. We did CC. I tutored that year. We skyped 3x/week when possible. He sent packages home somewhat regularly. One time he sent home a custom Iraqi gold-colored gown from my dd7 with matching shoes. I napped a lot--or at least sought out quiet time in my room after school. I needed decompression time. Dinners were super easy. I had zero energy by that point, but then again, I've never liked cooking. We did a lot more reading on the couch activities. I didn't have much help, but mine were older than yours and that helped. Use any babysitting services you can from family members. Laura Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mlbuchina Posted April 12, 2012 Author Share Posted April 12, 2012 Something that I just realized is that I actually miss being in a military town with other military wives. Family is great, but they really have no understanding of what I am going through. Thank you again, everyone! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Punchie Posted April 12, 2012 Share Posted April 12, 2012 I'll echo keeping busy. Try to live life in little chunks - hour by hour, day by day, week by week - it helps make it more manageable. It's too overwhelming to look at the big picture. Our last deployment was a mix of the hardest and easiest - hardest b/c I was having an absolutely horrible pregnancy, and easiest b/c we were able to Skype several times a week most of the time. Skyping was a lifesaver. I highly recommend it if he has internet access. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kilo90 Posted April 12, 2012 Share Posted April 12, 2012 My husband has been deployed for 10 months (he gets home this summer) and a couple things have helped my kiddos. I implemented a "fun calendar" that I keep on the fridge. There is not something fun EVERY day but there are some things each week that they can look forward to. It has helped the weeks pass for them. Some nights it is as simple as eating dessert first for supper and other nights it's game night after supper. Saturday night is ALWAYS turkey burgers/game night. I am SOooo tired of turkey burgers but it's part of a weekly routine that helps the kids. Another thing we have done that has helped...One night each week one of them gets to select dinner of their choice (at home/not eating out) and then they get to stay up an hour late. It gives them one on one time with me and a treat to stay up late. It only works out to once a month for each of them, but it is something else to look forward to. I know many folks say it helps to stay busy. I find for me with the ages my kids are "optional" busy is good. I have minimized my commitments outside the home for this year. If we WANT to go somewhere we can, but we're not involved with activities that would require us being out of the house a lot. If I'm having a day when I don't want to put on a "happy face" for the world then we can stay home. I think a great deal depends on your personality. We are, by no means, hermits. We have a co-op, AWANA midweek, full Sundays, etc but it helps me to be at home many days and focus on my kiddos. Too tough many days to be out watching families together. Along with the "fun calendar", I have tried to have one big "thing" each month or every other month. Either a trip out of town, or company come for a few days. Not sure if either of those are practical for y'all, but having those little milestones help. Something tough (and I'm not totally there yet) is learning to chill a bit about school this year. We are really not THAT far behind but we are behind. It's driving me a bit crazy. We took 3 weeks off Christmas, we took nearly 2 weeks off for hubby's R&R, etc. But I keep reminding myself that this is not a normal year and to relax a bit. Some days we just needed to cheer ourselves up and head to the zoo or something. I would encourage you to give yourself a little grace and not worry about not getting as much done as you might do in a typical school year. Play educational games one day. That would be fun for your girls. :) And something that helps me is to TRY to keep it in perspective. It is definitely easier said than done some days but I see friends/family dealing with heartbreaking challenges etc and it reminds me that this is all temporary and the deployment will come to an end. That is typically not the way my mind works, but I know there are many folks who would trade places with me in a minute. There is a month on the calendar that our lives get to return to "normal". We just have to make it there. ;) I will pray for you before bed tonight. I have appreciated your question as it reminds me that there are so many families dealing with the same things. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
nukeswife Posted April 12, 2012 Share Posted April 12, 2012 Goodness! We are kinda in the same boat (ha!). Dh has been gone for 3 months, and they have extended 3 times. I was fortunate in that while the ship left in early Dec., he didn't have to report until Jan. We got Christmas with him. Also, his ship is making the world cruise to switch coasts. As of right now, we aren't even at the half way mark yet. Getting close, though. I'm so sorry that your homecoming has been pushed out at almost the last minute! That stinks!! These deployments make me wistful for the Med cruises (six months). Ah those glorious 6 month med cruises, oh how I miss those. Something that I just realized is that I actually miss being in a military town with other military wives. Family is great, but they really have no understanding of what I am going through. Thank you again, everyone! I hear you on that one, I'm no where near family, and although in a very military area base housing is so scarce we wouldn't have gotten in had we put ourselves on the list (we've been here 4 years and would still be waiting). So being out in the civilian suburbs can be tough, because like you said many just don't get it. Even though my family tries to be supportive via phone, email, and Facebook they really have no clue what it's like. Luckily many of dh's family are currently active duty or retired so at least they understand where I'm coming from. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mrs Mungo Posted April 12, 2012 Share Posted April 12, 2012 I listen to ALOT of music. While doing dishes I'll play it. I have disc players in most rooms. This is a good idea. I actually have rechargeable capsule speakers that plug into my iPod. They work great, and are very portable! Something that I just realized is that I actually miss being in a military town with other military wives. It really does make a difference when you can talk to someone who understands what you are going through. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ElizabethB Posted April 12, 2012 Share Posted April 12, 2012 :grouphug: Here's an old thread with some good ideas: http://www.welltrainedmind.com/forums/showthread.php?t=126792&highlight=Deployment+apiphobic Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Melissa in Australia Posted April 12, 2012 Share Posted April 12, 2012 :grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TXMomof4 Posted April 12, 2012 Share Posted April 12, 2012 Ahhh - I am so thankful Dh has been home for a long while. He was gone for 3 years out of 4 between deployments/tdy and I really thought I'd lose my mind. My most important coping tools - school was easy. We read a LOT, math, copywork. Of course, my kids were younger, but I didn't attempt super-rigorous anything while he was gone. A baby-sitter weekly. It started for a weekly bible study, but when that ended I just kept her coming. This sweet girl came for 3 hours once a week and I was able to go to the grocery store, the book store, a friend's house - whatever I felt like doing. I think it was as important for the kids to get away from me as for me to get away from them. We traveled a lot. To parents' houses, to other family, to visit friends - even to Germany to visit my brother. Looking forward to something really out of the norm was so helpful. On a daily basis - our friends at church were invaluable. Dh was Nat. Guard so there really wasn't any military community around us. The people at church were more than ready to step into the gap to help out. Once a month the ladies in my class planned a girls night out and would bring food I could take home and put in my freezer. One of the girls actually brought cereal every time. Paper plates/cups/napkins were necessary on the days I couldn't imagine doing dishes. Mostly I was just Dory from Finding Nemo. Just keep swimming! :grouphug::grouphug::grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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