meggie Posted March 30, 2012 Share Posted March 30, 2012 I've been simmering all day and might lash out. FB is not a good place to vent/ask this. Story: My younger sister and a friend are coming down from Idaho for the weekend. They will be staying at my aunt's house about 10 away. A few days ago I got a text from her Sister: Did you tell M (our brother) about dinner on Saturday? Me: What dinner on Saturday? Sister: Oh I forgot to tell you, I think we should have dinner on Saturday. :glare: So I said fine, we could do dinner. We picked something to make. Then yesterday she sent me another text. Sister: Did you tell M about dinner on Saturday? Me: No, can you? Sister: What time should we do it? Me: About 5, I guess (because the boys have a meeting to go to at 6 that lasts until 8). Sister: Oh we might be late if we come, but go ahead and start without us. We can play games or something. :banghead: Ok fine. Text from her today Sister: Did you tell P (our aunt that she's staying with) about dinner on Saturday? Me: Are you planning a party at MY house when you may or may not even be there?!?! Sister: Mom thought it would be nice. Am I crazy in thinking that this is rude? She's always been a little spacey, but this seems to be irritating me a lot. Now she says they'll be available for dinner at 630/7. So now the boys have to miss their meeting or be hungry until after. DH says to cancel. I think it would be rude to uninvite people who have already been invited. I don't mind hosting dinner. I'm just about ready to throttle my sister though. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jean in Newcastle Posted March 30, 2012 Share Posted March 30, 2012 "I didn't realize that this dinner was supposed to be at my house. As I told you before, we have plans from 6 to 8. You're welcome to come to my house before then or if you are later, then whoever is there can stay, eat and play games but it will be without us." Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Hilltop Posted March 30, 2012 Share Posted March 30, 2012 No, you are not being unreasonable. I like Fairytale Mama's suggestion. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MomatHWTK Posted March 30, 2012 Share Posted March 30, 2012 How often do you get to see your sis? How often do your boys see her? Do you care to see her? Sounds like it was your mom's idea, sis isn't interested in eating at 5 and doesn't plan to eat anyway and just wants everybody to know that she will be at your house sometime Saturday evening. Perhaps a phone call to find out what the deal is would work better? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
NanceXToo Posted March 30, 2012 Share Posted March 30, 2012 Well, I don't know, if I had a sibling coming in from out of state I would probably WANT to try to get the whole family together for dinner. If that night wasn't working out I'd probably suggest the night before or after instead, or a much later dinner, or a BBQ lunch the next day, or whatever. I'd try to work with them to figure something out. It's nice to get everyone together when you can. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Remudamom Posted March 30, 2012 Share Posted March 30, 2012 Really? I'd love to have a visit from any of my relatives and they can plan all the parties they want here. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
eternalknot Posted March 30, 2012 Share Posted March 30, 2012 In my family, this is all very normal. The only people who get annoyed are the newly married-ins LOL. This is just how my family operates, even for those of us that live locally, so my OUR standards - yes, you're being unreasonable. But my family is not YOUR family. Your sister is a big girl, and so is your mom. So -on their end- why does there seem to be a major breakdown in the communication process regarding this dinner?! Good grief! They're wanting to plan it, without really planning it. (I'm that sister, BTW, so on behalf of relatives like us ... it's a personality flaw, we can't help it and we don't do it on purpose just to annoy you, promise!) Your options at this point are to graciously allow them to use your home for their party -whether you're in attendance or not- or to decline the invite entirely and say that maybe your contingent can drop by the aunt's or your mom's after the meeting. Either way, if this is unreasonable for YOUR family, you still decide how to let it affect you. I think there's a fine line to walk between asserting your feelings about how this all went down and straining relationships (I don't think it's worth that, because now you know how this stuff will go down in the future and you can head off any problems earlier). FWIW, though, this is my problem with this whole texting/FB/short bursts of multi-tasked conversation things. She needed to formulate a plan and thought from the get go, and email or call in one swoop. Not work this in from her smart phone during 30-second opportunities over the course of several days. It's like nobody can focus anymore, and it drives me bonkers. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Catwoman Posted March 30, 2012 Share Posted March 30, 2012 Yes, she's being rude and no you're not being unreasonable. I think it's the nature of the beast with texting...ugh. My suggestion---tell everyone that the timing for Saturday is just not working out with everyone and propose something completely different like Sunday brunch. Let the chips fall where they may. "I didn't realize that this dinner was supposed to be at my house. As I told you before, we have plans from 6 to 8. You're welcome to come to my house before then or if you are later, then whoever is there can stay, eat and play games but it will be without us." :iagree: Either of those two suggestions should work just fine. I particularly liked the message from your sister where she said, "if we come..." :glare: There's no way I would put up with her attitude, and I certainly wouldn't inconvenience my child in order to accommodate her... if she comes. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kate CA Posted March 31, 2012 Share Posted March 31, 2012 It would bug me internally, but I would still host it and enjoy my time with my sister and whomever might also join us. I would just feed my children earlier, take them to their meeting, come home and have a nice dinner sans children with the family. Lemons = lemonade. :D Could be a lot worse - you could have family that doesn't want to see you at all. I try to view it from the glass half-full vantage point. :001_smile: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Amy in NH Posted March 31, 2012 Share Posted March 31, 2012 I would let your sister know that you have a prior commitment for that night, and have her tell the rest of the relatives that she may or may not have invited to your house. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
5forMe Posted March 31, 2012 Share Posted March 31, 2012 You are much nicer than I. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kate CA Posted March 31, 2012 Share Posted March 31, 2012 You are much nicer than I. I don't know if you are talking to me, but I don't pretend to express that I wouldn't be irked about it. However, we are the family hub and most events happen here whether I am up for it or not. I have grown used to it. LOL I would rather have good family relationships than not, you know? :001_smile: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
meggie Posted March 31, 2012 Author Share Posted March 31, 2012 Thank you for the ideas everyone. I am not miffed that I was expected to host a dinner. Well, I was miffed that she hadn't really talked to me about it, but I was willing to do it anyway. I was mostly miffed that she wanted a party and then backed out. I am kinda miffed that my mom was intervening, but that's another story. I see my sister 4-6 times a year and do enjoy her visits. I think she wanted everyone to meet her "friend" and that's why she wanted a big party. I have no problems with that. I wish she had finalized all of her plans which would have let me come up with some final plans. That way she wouldn't have had to back out. What ended up happening: I told her to make a decision about when she was coming here. She did. I told my brother, she told my aunt. They probably won't be coming. So I told her that her and her friend could go out to dinner and we'll do dessert and games here when they get back. I will tell her to next time please just call me because the texting thing drives me crazy. Or I'll call her. But now that it's all figured out, I can relax and we'll have fun. Oh and the meeting for the boys was for DH, my brother, and her friend. Sorry for not being clearer. It's not my children though, the grown up boys. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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