Newbie:My DD takes ALL DAY -- Help me!!

[journey00]

My 12 y/o dd takes ALL DAY to do her work...I'm so frustrated with her that I want to send her to school!! I have to raise my voice & constantly say HURRY UP!! She stops working to ask me any question, or I will find her in her room daydreaming. She gets up at 8am & finally ready to do work about 9am, with much prodding.

 

She has a planner that she uses & I have already stripped it down to this:

 

1. Religion (Seton)

2. Teaching Textbooks: 1 lesson a day & ALEC

3. Time 4 Writing

4. Music (she cantors at Church)..not done every day, just 2 wks

before it is her turn to cantor.

5. Reading - 30min

6. Journaling - 15min

 

I have already dumped Science & History because she was working into the night. I don't know what to do...I'm so frustrated and I lost my cool today & told her I'm sending her back to school to which she replied "I don't want to go back to school."...I felt bad. Itr was like this at school, she wouldn't finish & had a lot of homework. She doesn't have a learning problem nor does she need glasses, all that was checked at school.

 

We have only been homeschooling since Sept. My dd 7 & ds 8 get all their work done with no problem with Time4Learning (I know they don't have as much work). She tried T4L but did NOT like it, she prefers books. I work full-time out of my home so I NEED her to be more independent.

 

On the other hand, she's respectful, honest, polite, will prepare grilled cheese sandwiches for her siblings, makes me coffee, sweet, and a lot of fun. ...I'm frustrated, thanks for listening.

 

Maybe I should try unschooling...

Edited February 9, 2012 by journey00
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[athomemom]

What were you using for Science and History? Why is she doing two maths? Did you test her to be sure which level to start with?

[journey00]

What were you using for Science and History? Why is she doing two maths? Did you test her to be sure which level to start with?

 

I was using Seton Science & History.

 

Teaching Textbooks doesn't have enough review for her so we added Aleks Math & she really enjoys it. It was also suggested to me not to use Aleks as the sole Math because it isn't enough. She likes the TT & Aleks.

 

Yes, she was tested on everything to make sure she was in the correct level.

 

Thanks.

[5LittleMonkeys]

You probably won't like my answer but ... you are going to have to make the time commitment to train her to work efficiently independently. I know you say you are working full time but you are going to have to commit the time your home to helping her.

 

1. Make sure she is at the correct level on all of her subjects; make sure she is comprehending it and that it isn't too easy or too hard. Make adjustments if necessary.

 

2. Get her out of her room. When she is doing schoolwork she needs to be where you are so that you can keep her moving forward. Some dc need to have a dialog going on about what they are learning. My dd12 is like this with grammar. She reads the lesson and then I ask her to tell me about what it said before she moves onto the practice. This is an invaluable tool for me to make sure she really understands the concept before she moves on. It only takes a few minutes. If your dd seems to be drifting off snap her out of it by asking her what the book says, or what type of problem she's working on, or what she thinks about this in her history text or that in her science text. Converse, converse, converse. It's hard to ignore your work when you've got someone there asking questions about it.

 

3. Sit down with her and organize a time table for her studies. Ask her how long she thinks it will take her for each subject...tell her to be generous with the time. Start with an hour for math, science, history, language arts and literature. If she can, by working diligently, beat those times consistently for several weeks commend her, tell her how proud you are of her and then adjust the time to the new norm.

 

4. Slowly, over time, ask that she complete x subject while you are away occasionally. If she proves to be able to complete it in a timely manner then you can move that subject to a time when you are working. Continue on this way until you have her doing the majority of her work while you are away and only working with you for review, grading\correcting and discussions of content subjects (if that's the way you teach).

 

This will take awhile. When I pulled mine out of ps it took over a year to finally get one of them to be able to stay on task while working independently. Your asking her to learn a new skill and create some new habits. Devote some extra time to her and she will come around!

[frankcassiesmom]

My 12yo takes quite a while as well. I can't IMAGINE having him be not in the same room with me. He'd never get anything done.

 

Unschooling isn't the answer. We need to just train them to be self-disciplined, not let their lack of self-discipline rule the roost. It's a 12yo hormonal spacey thing for lots this age.

 

My son likes to play video games. His performance during the week is directly tied to whether he gets everything done. He gets 5 minutes of game time a day for doing his school (and 5 minutes a day for doing his chores). With a 10 minute bonus to get a full hour if he gets everything done. It has helped a lot.

[Riverland]

2. Get her out of her room. When she is doing schoolwork she needs to be where you are so that you can keep her moving forward.

 

nm

[journey00]

Nothing but commitment on my part, I promise you that...but bills have to be paid and food put on the table.

 

Im constantly checking on her and asking questions about what she's reading. However...she is still holed up in her room. That's the first thing I will change tomorrow. Im gonna have her do it at a desk next to me..hopefully my phone conversations wont disturb her..earplugs maybe? Lol

 

Im pretty sure she's at the appropriate level since I had her take placement tests beforehand but I will take another look.

 

Engaging curriculum....aha moment! I asked her what bored her the most and she said religion but quick answered that she will "deal" with it and get it done. I think I will tweak the religion and get her more engaged.

 

Love the ideas on magazines, educational tv, and rewards system.

 

Thank you everyone.

The main thing is: GET HER OUT OF HER ROOM.

[ElizabethB]

:grouphug:

 

Getting her next to you sounds like a great start.

 

One more thing that might help would be to check her reading grade level and also reading speed with the MWIA level II. If she reads below grade level or slower than 30 WPM or slower on the Phonetic words than the Holistics words, some remedial phonics work might make a big difference. The NRRF test and the test at the bottom of my page are what I would use for a reading grade level test.

 

http://www.thephonicspage.org/On%20Reading/readinggradeleve.html

[5LittleMonkeys]

Nothing but commitment on my part, I promise you that...but bills have to be paid and food put on the table.

 

 

Sorry if my reply sounded like I thought you weren't committed. I re-read it and realize I should have worded it differently. I apologize!

 

I'm just wondering if she might work better at a time when you aren't doing your job. I know that when I was engaged in something that needed my almost full attention my dd would sense that and wouldn't focus on what she was supposed to be doing, even if I was in the same room. It's almost as if I wasn't engaged and hyper aware in what she was doing then she wouldn't be either.

 

I don't know the dynamics of your life but maybe there is an hour or so at a time when you don't have to be focused on your own work that you could sit with her for those subjects that she has the most trouble focusing on. It's really hard to determine why there is a problem unless you are able to witness how she relates to the programs she's using. For example, you say that she likes to use textbooks, but does she know how to get the most out of studying from a textbook?

 

I think the idea of getting her more excited about her studies is a great idea too. You might want to look into project based learning, unit studies or even lapbooks if she is a crafty type of dc, for science and history. She could even use her textbooks that she has as jumping off points for projects. Would she be interested in leading some type of study with your younger dc? Perhaps doing a unit study on something she is passionate about and would be enthusiastic about teaching to someone else? My dd12 LOVES doing art lessons with my littles...she especially loves when they say things like, "I hope I can draw as well as you someday.":tongue_smilie:

 

Hang in there! This is all brand new to all of you, and the first year is always a time of trial and error.:grouphug:

[WishboneDawn]

You probably won't like my answer but ... you are going to have to make the time commitment to train her to work efficiently independently. I know you say you are working full time but you are going to have to commit the time your home to helping her.

 

1. Make sure she is at the correct level on all of her subjects; make sure she is comprehending it and that it isn't too easy or too hard. Make adjustments if necessary.

 

2. Get her out of her room. When she is doing schoolwork she needs to be where you are so that you can keep her moving forward. Some dc need to have a dialog going on about what they are learning. My dd12 is like this with grammar. She reads the lesson and then I ask her to tell me about what it said before she moves onto the practice. This is an invaluable tool for me to make sure she really understands the concept before she moves on. It only takes a few minutes. If your dd seems to be drifting off snap her out of it by asking her what the book says, or what type of problem she's working on, or what she thinks about this in her history text or that in her science text. Converse, converse, converse. It's hard to ignore your work when you've got someone there asking questions about it.

 

3. Sit down with her and organize a time table for her studies. Ask her how long she thinks it will take her for each subject...tell her to be generous with the time. Start with an hour for math, science, history, language arts and literature. If she can, by working diligently, beat those times consistently for several weeks commend her, tell her how proud you are of her and then adjust the time to the new norm.

 

4. Slowly, over time, ask that she complete x subject while you are away occasionally. If she proves to be able to complete it in a timely manner then you can move that subject to a time when you are working. Continue on this way until you have her doing the majority of her work while you are away and only working with you for review, grading\correcting and discussions of content subjects (if that's the way you teach).

 

This will take awhile. When I pulled mine out of ps it took over a year to finally get one of them to be able to stay on task while working independently. Your asking her to learn a new skill and create some new habits. Devote some extra time to her and she will come around!

 

:iagree: This is great advice.

 

If she can't work independently then she can't work indepently. There's no magic or quick fix.

[journey00]

Sorry if my reply sounded like I thought you weren't committed. I re-read it and realize I should have worded it differently. I apologize!

 

I'm just wondering if she might work better at a time when you aren't doing your job. I know that when I was engaged in something that needed my almost full attention my dd would sense that and wouldn't focus on what she was supposed to be doing, even if I was in the same room. It's almost as if I wasn't engaged and hyper aware in what she was doing then she wouldn't be either.

 

I don't know the dynamics of your life but maybe there is an hour or so at a time when you don't have to be focused on your own work that you could sit with her for those subjects that she has the most trouble focusing on. It's really hard to determine why there is a problem unless you are able to witness how she relates to the programs she's using. For example, you say that she likes to use textbooks, but does she know how to get the most out of studying from a textbook?

 

I think the idea of getting her more excited about her studies is a great idea too. You might want to look into project based learning, unit studies or even lapbooks if she is a crafty type of dc, for science and history. She could even use her textbooks that she has as jumping off points for projects. Would she be interested in leading some type of study with your younger dc? Perhaps doing a unit study on something she is passionate about and would be enthusiastic about teaching to someone else? My dd12 LOVES doing art lessons with my littles...she especially loves when they say things like, "I hope I can draw as well as you someday.":tongue_smilie:

 

Hang in there! This is all brand new to all of you, and the first year is always a time of trial and error.:grouphug:

 

@Aime: No need to apologize...it is all good & you were just trying to help me. Thank you so much for the great ideas to implement, I really appreciate you and everyone on this forum...you guys give me sanity!!!! :)

 

I really like the idea of lapbooks, she's totally the crafty type and I'm not, lol. I would love for her to do a Catholic History lapbook..any ideas on that? lol

 

She does seem to be more interested in what I'm doing in the office when I need to concentrate the most, maybe I should let her work in the office with me.

 

Thanks for all the advice. When I start a thread, I read and re-read and re-read and re-read (you get the picture) all the responses.

 

Thank you everyone, tomorrow will be a better day...Peace be with you.

Edited February 10, 2012 by journey00
more

[sewingmama]

Different perspective here but -if she was like this at school and she is taking all day to do that small amount of work I would suspect ADD.

 

There are two types of ADD -the hyperactive type and the type where the child cannot focus and appears to be daydreaming all day.

 

Have her tested - many children after being put on Meds suddenly become straight A students and finish their work quickly.

 

From your description it doesn't sound like defiance or laziness or poor organisation skills- in fact the helpfulness, sweetness, co-operativeness and saying she wants to do the work but then doesn't are all classic signs of the second type of ADD - they child wants to do better but somehow just can't.

Edited February 10, 2012 by sewingmama

[journey00]

Different perspective here but -if she was like this at school and she is taking all day to do that small amount of work I would suspect ADD.

 

There are two types of ADD -the hyperactive type and the type where the child cannot focus and appears to be daydreaming all day.

 

Have her tested - many children after being put on Meds suddenly become straight A students and finish their work quickly.

 

From your description it doesn't sound like defiance or laziness or poor organisation skills.

 

Hmmmm.....wow.....Thank you very much for bringing this to my attention....a different perspective indeed and something to ponder on..thank you. :001_huh:

[sewingmama]

The children with the second type of ADD are often overlooked in the classroom because generally they do not have behaviour issues and are therefore not disruptive. They tend to sit quietly at their desks (which makes the teacher happy) but none of their work is getting done.

 

I am not one to jump straight to saying that a child needs some sort of assessment and has an LD or anything because I tend to think it's overdone in todays society but honestly your DD just shows so many classic signs I think it would be worthwhile getting her assessed.

 

No amount of behavioural modification will help her if she needs Meds -and if she doesn't - well then at least you know its not her brain chemistry and you will be able to have confidence that behaviour modification is the key.

[5LittleMonkeys]

ADD Inattentive is sometimes hard to spot. One indicator is if a dc seems to shut down\turn off when faced with a task that they perceive as being difficult, disconnected or boring, yet be able to devote their undivided attention, and work diligently and persistently, to a task they find interesting and relevant. Meaningless, random, out of context work makes ADD Inattentives go into sleep mode.

 

It might be something to look into...I myself was convinced that my dd12 had this...but a lot of times just changing things up and trying to customize the dc's education more to their learning style, likes and dislikes, to making their work meaningful and within context of things they find interesting, and to their own natural daily rhythms will do the trick.

[lewelma]

I know she is 12, but I would go back to training her in 10 minute chunks (Charlotte Mason style). She must focus for 10 minutes, complete focus, and then switch subjects. Focus again for 10 minutes, complete focus. If her mind starts to wander, stop, take a break, and then set the buzzer again for 10 minutes. Slowly build up her ability to focus on a task. Start with 1 hour of 10 minute chunks and build up to 5 hours of 45 minute chunks. This will probably take a year. Make a graph to help her see her progress.

 

Ruth in NZ

[journey00]

I know this is an old post but it was started by me exactly a year ago. What's interesting is the same daughter is now 13 and is recently giving me a hard time and fighting me on doing school work. I see a pattern...something about February, I guess lol. I noticed others getting the blues during this month. We just got back from a month long break in December and still didn't help. However, we are working through it and we will be ok. :)

[Dolphin]

February (and October) seem to be hard months. Glad you are still plugging along. Just another thing to try if she is resisting. We use timers. I have them everywhere. I set it for how long it should take, then we see how far the progress is. I don't know why, but that ticking timer seems to speed things up. If the work is done, I then set the timer for between 10-20 minutes of "break"

[angelmama1209]

you have exactly described my almost 8yo dd. it is so frustrating. her biggest problem is math. i can get her through most everything else, but for math she will literally sit there for 3 hours daydreaming/making up stories in her head. it doesn't matter if i'm sitting in front of her or she's on her own and it doesn't bother her in the least because she's having fun in her head.

[Jess4879]

Have you tried giving her colored pens/pencils, letting her work on the whiteboard for a day, offering little rewards? We've found that to be very successful here - but my oldest is only 9, so the 12 year old thing is still foreign to me. :) I'd also make sure she has planned breaks, if she doesn't already.