need input for an awesome friend...... WWYD?

[Denisemomof4]

My dear, sweet friend is going through a very tough time right now. She has been trying to get help for her son, who turned 18 recently, for about a year now. She is such an awesome mom warrior!!! About a year ago she cried to me about a mental illness diagnosis for her son, her only child. She didn't want to have to face this with/for him. Well, as time passes, her son is getting sicker. She has done so much for him, but really......... they haven't gotten the RIGHT help yet. She's tried, but as anyone in the know about mental illness, it's a long road sometimes before the RIGHT help comes along. Sometimes it never does. My friend had a very long heart to heart with her son yesterday and took him to the ER where she had him involuntarily committed to their psyche unit. My heart is breaking for her. I know how hard this is on her. This is her BABY, and she has so many thoughts running through her head.

 

One thing she's looking for input on, and I told her I'd come here (I have NEVER shared about the Hive with anyone before because it's my closely guarded secret and a place I dont' want to share!), explained what this place was, and told her it was my one stop shopping source for input and advice on ANYTHING.:D

 

Her son won't be getting out of the hospital soon and he is due to report to work tomorrow. I told her that my brother was in the hospital for months, but we really don't know how long her son will be in. They want to evaluate him, diagnose him, and start him on his meds. I explained to her that the longer they can keep him, the better off they will both be because they want to make sure he's on the right drug concoction. I speak from experience here as I've been through this with my brother multiple times, my mom (dementia, she was never mentally ill but her dementia was a special case), and a friend. My friend has NO idea how long her son will be kept in the hospital, and she doesn't want him to lose his job because getting a job is SO hard right now. He is a pizza delivery boy.

 

She is asking what she should tell his work. She doesn't want them to know about the mental illness, and I agree with her. My first thought was a medical emergency, he's hospitalized, but that only is buying time.

 

If you were in her situation, WWYD???

 

If you pray and feel led, please pray for my sweet friend and her son. She's a nurse and understands sickness well, but mental illness is entirely new for her. Her heart is absolutely broken.

 

She is the sweetest friend anyone could ever have, and I am so lucky to have her. I hope she gets blessed abundantly in the new year, both she and her son!

[FriedClams]

I would just say that he's sick and in the hospital. Since he's an adult he asked that the details not be shared but he'd Ppreciate their prayers. Then, bean dip. It's nobody's business but theirs. I am all for honesty and disclosure, but it sounds like she could use some time. She needs to take it. I would encourage her not to worry about others though, as mental illness is something we have been, or will be, touched by.

[elegantlion]

He's sick, in the hospital, end of discussion. Oh, is he going to be okay? I'm not sure, they're running tests, etc... be vague. They don't need details.

 

Could she ask about extended leave, how much sick time he has, etc, without making it sound like he will for sure be out for a while.

 

 

:grouphug: to your friend. May they find the help he needs. :grouphug:

[thescrappyhomeschooler]

:grouphug: Sad for your friend. I think she should just tell his work that he is ill and in the hospital. I don't think she should worry about him losing the job right now. Yes, it's hard to get another job these days, but I think it's more important to work on a strategy for him to handle day to day.

 

Also, since he is 18, your friend may not have much say in what goes on, unless her son is willing to listen to her. I know this from experience with my brother. My mom took him to the hospital and they put him in the psych ward, but since he was an adult, they really didn't talk much to my mother. Unfortunately, my brother did not take advantage of the help that was being offered and signed himself out after the mandatory hold.

 

I hope your friend's son gets the help he needs.

[SunD]

I agree that I would keep it under wraps for now. Be vague. "He's in the hospital. I'm not sure how long he'll be there. Yes, he's very ill."

 

If she's continually pressed for answers or really needs to offer an explanation for some reason, my last-ditch effort to stop the questions and keep his job open would be, "There may be something wrong with his brain. He's undergoing lots of testing and being observed. Hopefully he can start some medication soon and it will improve his condition. His release will depend on how well it works and whether they need to try more options."

[bettyandbob]

I think saying sick...in the hospital is enough.

 

Has your friend contacted NAMI. They have good programs for both parents and mental health consumers. My neighbors are going through similar issues. They took a class for parents this fall and are going to participate in a regular support group for parents.

 

I would not worry about losing the job. The most important thing is to get a handle on the condition. Often people are released from the hospital way too soon. While the young man is in the hospital, mom should contact both NAMI, and local government programs and gather information on all programs available to him. Since he's 18, he will have to make the final decision, but she can help him by finding the resources that are available. If she's having trouble her state protection and advocacy agency should be able to point her in the right direction to find resources.

 

To find the state protection and advocacy agency

http://www.acf.hhs.gov/programs/add/states/pas.html

 

For NAMI

http://www.nami.org

[Denisemomof4]

Has your friend contacted NAMI. They have good programs for both parents and mental health consumers. My neighbors are going through similar issues. They took a class for parents this fall and are going to participate in a regular support group for parents.

 

 

I have recommended we both go to these meetings. I'm not quite sure she's ready yet but she's close. I've encouraged her for a year and wanted to go with her because we're dealing with CD, RAD in the home, and I have siblings with mental illness.

 

I wonder if the stigma will ever be removed. :banghead:

[bettyandbob]

I have recommended we both go to these meetings. I'm not quite sure she's ready yet but she's close. I've encouraged her for a year and wanted to go with her because we're dealing with CD, RAD in the home, and I have siblings with mental illness.

 

I wonder if the stigma will ever be removed. :banghead:

 

I think I bugged my neighbor for about 2 years before she finally signed up for a class and went with her dh. It was a total relief for them to participate in the program. My neighbor is really glad I nagged her to do this. But I understand it is really hard to as a parent to finally go. You have to finally admit how serious the situation is and that the problem may be permanent. Saying that occasionally is one thing, but going to a NAMI meeting has a way of making it more permanent than some people are ready to admit.

 

Maybe you could sign up to go ask her to go to support you.

[MinivanMom]

How did your friend have her son involuntarily committed if he is 18 already? Was he cooperative and wanting her to be that involved? This is a tread lightly situation. Obviously she wants to do everything she can to help, but if she pushes too hard he could wind up pushing her away. I don't think she should be communicating with his workplace at all. That isn't something that the mother of an adult should be doing. Ideally, he should have called work on the way to the hospital or at check-in. Now that he can't call and she is forced to, she should communicate as little as possible. It's just not her place to choose to communicate more. I wouldn't volunteer that he was in the hospital, but just say that he is sick.

 

Technically, mom is just a member of his extended family versus being the parent/guardian in a legal sense at this point. She's stepping into a really difficult role, because legally she doesn't have the right to access information about his medical diagnosis or treatment since he's an adult. As an adult, her son can refuse treatment, refuse meds, and choose not to share information with her. It's a hard place to be in when you want to help an adult relative (even a child). I've been through this with a member of my family and it's a tough thing to negotiate. I don't have any experience with the support groups mentioned, but if your friend doesn't have family to support her during this time then attending a support group could be a really positive thing.

[Laurie4b]

My first thought is that she should leave that to her son. If she's concerned, she could call the hospital and let the nurse/doctor know about that and find out whether he can make an outgoing call. If not, I would just say he's hospitalized . If they ask what happened, just say she's reluctant to share other people's medical information out of respect for privacy even though it's her son and he can do that when he's well enough to call.

[Laurie4b]

How did your friend have her son involuntarily committed if he is 18 already? .

 

In most states, anyone can have anyone else involuntarily committed if they are dangerous to self or others.

[PrincessMommy]

My dear, sweet friend is going through a very tough time right now. She has been trying to get help for her son, who turned 18 recently, for about a year now. She is such an awesome mom warrior!!! About a year ago she cried to me about a mental illness diagnosis for her son, her only child. She didn't want to have to face this with/for him. Well, as time passes, her son is getting sicker. She has done so much for him, but really......... they haven't gotten the RIGHT help yet. She's tried, but as anyone in the know about mental illness, it's a long road sometimes before the RIGHT help comes along. Sometimes it never does. My friend had a very long heart to heart with her son yesterday and took him to the ER where she had him involuntarily committed to their psyche unit. My heart is breaking for her. I know how hard this is on her. This is her BABY, and she has so many thoughts running through her head.

 

One thing she's looking for input on, and I told her I'd come here (I have NEVER shared about the Hive with anyone before because it's my closely guarded secret and a place I dont' want to share!), explained what this place was, and told her it was my one stop shopping source for input and advice on ANYTHING.:D

 

Her son won't be getting out of the hospital soon and he is due to report to work tomorrow. I told her that my brother was in the hospital for months, but we really don't know how long her son will be in. They want to evaluate him, diagnose him, and start him on his meds. I explained to her that the longer they can keep him, the better off they will both be because they want to make sure he's on the right drug concoction. I speak from experience here as I've been through this with my brother multiple times, my mom (dementia, she was never mentally ill but her dementia was a special case), and a friend. My friend has NO idea how long her son will be kept in the hospital, and she doesn't want him to lose his job because getting a job is SO hard right now. He is a pizza delivery boy.

 

She is asking what she should tell his work. She doesn't want them to know about the mental illness, and I agree with her. My first thought was a medical emergency, he's hospitalized, but that only is buying time.

 

If you were in her situation, WWYD???

 

If you pray and feel led, please pray for my sweet friend and her son. She's a nurse and understands sickness well, but mental illness is entirely new for her. Her heart is absolutely broken.

 

She is the sweetest friend anyone could ever have, and I am so lucky to have her. I hope she gets blessed abundantly in the new year, both she and her son!

 

I do not have any advice, but I will pray.

[MinivanMom]

In most states, anyone can have anyone else involuntarily committed if they are dangerous to self or others.

 

Really?! That wasn't my experience when dealing with these issues. For the adult family member I've had experience with, it was always a call made by medical personel in conjunction with law enforcement once there had been an "incident" (suicide attempt or breaking the law/endangering the public). In the case of the suicide attempts, it was a standard 72-hour hold and in the case of breaking the law, a judge ordered her commitment. We simply had no way to make anything happen on our own. It doesn't make sense to me that you (as a random general you) could involuntarily commit any other random adult if you don't have poa over them or something of that nature. How could that happen without the medical and legal system being involved? A family member could report the patient as being a danger to self and others, but it would still be medical/legal professionals that would make the call to commit them . . . not the reporting family member.

 

For the teen family member I've had experience with, the parents simply checked him into facilities involuntarily when they felt that was what needed to happen, but as a teen he didn't have many rights. When the op described the commitment as involuntary, I was picturing that kind of scenario versus a 72-hour hold.

[WeeBeaks]

When I was a manager, we couldn't ask past what was offered. Say he is sick and hospitalized. They can require a return to work doctor's note for example (we usually did after 3 days to cover our behind that we didn't let someone back to work who really wasn't allowed to work) but even that probably won't say much, just that he is released for work duty.

[kalanamak]

 

If you were in her situation, WWYD???

 

 

 

She should talk to the social worker/doctor/team.

 

Some psychiatric meds make driving dangerous. Do they have NAMI there? She could perhaps find a support group to get some idea, depending on his diagnosis, of what good parenting in this situation is.

[kalanamak]

How did your friend have her son involuntarily committed if he is 18 already?

 

Taken to an ER, some states, e.g. have "2 PC" (2 physician consent for 72 hour detainment. After 72 hours, you have to present the situation in front of a judge.). My state has CDMHP (county designated mental health professionals) who come out to the ER and do a 72 hour detention. Then the people who think he still needs to be detained have to go to court. This, in our state, is two licensed individuals, usually a psychiatrist and a psychologist (the latter is legal put cheaper for the county to pay for).

 

In my state it is danger to self, danger to others, or gravely disabled, i.e. suicidal, homicidal, or so psychotic or depressed you can't feed or shelter yourself from the weather.

 

It isn't like mom can show up and say "Lock 'em, Sam".

[Laurie4b]

Really?! That wasn't my experience when dealing with these issues. For the adult family member I've had experience with, it was always a call made by medical personel in conjunction with law enforcement once there had been an "incident" (suicide attempt or breaking the law/endangering the public). In the case of the suicide attempts, it was a standard 72-hour hold and in the case of breaking the law, a judge ordered her commitment. We simply had no way to make anything happen on our own. It doesn't make sense to me that you (as a random general you) could involuntarily commit any other random adult if you don't have poa over them or something of that nature. How could that happen without the medical and legal system being involved? A family member could report the patient as being a danger to self and others, but it would still be medical/legal professionals that would make the call to commit them . . . not the reporting family member.

 

For the teen family member I've had experience with, the parents simply checked him into facilities involuntarily when they felt that was what needed to happen, but as a teen he didn't have many rights. When the op described the commitment as involuntary, I was picturing that kind of scenario versus a 72-hour hold.

 

No, you're right--what I meant was that you can give the medical person the info at the hospital. They have to be the one to commit them. I was responding to the "can't involuntarily commit an adult." It depends on how you mean it--whether you're the person initiating it (my point) or the medical person directly ordering it. So the mother in this case could have taken the son to the hospital and had him involuntarily committed by giving the doctor convincing information that he was dangerous to himself or others.

[Chocolate Rose]

Where I work, we have to turn in a doctor's note anytime we are out for more than 2 days. I would suggest he/the mom get a doctor's note specifying the date he initially saw the doctor/went into the hospital and a possible date that he will be able to return to work. If the doctor's note needs to be changed or updated, that can be done later. There is no reason at all for the doctor's note to indicate any reason that your son is unable to work. He is under a doctor's care and that is all.

[kalanamak]

So the mother in this case could have taken the son to the hospital and had him involuntarily committed by giving the doctor convincing information that he was dangerous to himself or others.

 

 

Our state's CDMHP is going to assess the PERSON, and not take much stock in what mom says. The patient would have to convince them, via homicidal or suicidal statements, or evidence of mental illness leading to self-neglect. We have strict laws, and many tearful parents can't understand why, when clearly something is wrong, the state doesn't happily scoop them up. It isn't against the law for something being clearly wrong, however. It has to be wrong in a way that fits certain criteria.

 

You'd be shocked how many families lie to try to get people committed. The biggest reason is money. This puts people who are mentally ill in a tough position. Have a history of involuntary stays? Have a sister who wants to get you out of the apartment so she can sell everything you have, and who is willing to trash the place and say it is you? Have a problem with the law and go ballistic when they show up on your doorstep? This could lead to a 14 day detention while Sis empties your place.

[Denisemomof4]

I had my brother involuntarily committed to the state psychiatric hospital four years ago. I don't remember the details because I had to drive right from my dad's death bed to the police station to get this started, but I do know he was immediately taken to the ER and then the state hospital. He remained there for almost four months. I do believe he was a danger to himself and to others, but really...... I just don't remember so much because my focus was my dad.

 

My friend's son is a danger to himself. I hope and I pray that he doesn't follow through with what he is tormenting over. :crying:

[TechWife]

She should talk to the social worker/doctor/team.

 

I agree. Also, any communication should go through the personnel office, not his first line manager. The dr/hospital is probably quite used to informing employers of hospitalizations - she should let them do it for her, they will certainly keep everything confidential and will not feel pressure to say more than they should.