No good title.

[prairiewindmomma]

Yeah. Your husband is an adult. You may not like his choices, but they are his to make, even though they affect all of you. You are just setting yourself up for power struggles and unhappiness if you try to control his behavior through emotional manipulation.

 

Encourage positive behaviors. Be a support and an example. Show unconditional love. Order a salad at dinner and go for a walk with him afterwards....

[Haiku]

Yes, why not?

 

Tara

[nd293]

Ethically, yes. Practically, probably not, as going out together would soon stop being fun if I was worried about the other person's health.

[Haiku]

I love him to pieces but fear that I am also going to bury him one day. I have to practice love, tolerance, and detachment with him now. :confused:

 

I have to do that with my own dd17, who lives in my home but flat-out refuses to eat with any semblance of nutritional adequacy despite several chronic health problems. She sneaks, lies, and makes myriad excuses for her behavior. Suffering ill effects from her crappy eating habits doesn't phase her. (And no, she's not anorexic, bulemic, or any other food-related disease. She's bull-headed and wants to eat the same crap diet as her friends.) I just had to let. it. go.

 

Tara

[Carol in Cal.]

He needs to do two things.

 

1. He needs to figure out a diabetes-friendly diet that he can live with. That is different from one person to another.

 

2. He needs to figure out a good reason to stick to it. Again, that is individual.

 

Has he ever been to a nutrition class? Sometimes the most valuable thing at those classes is seeing the other students all messed up. That can be a powerful motivator not to do the same that they did.

 

Have you read up on various dietary approaches to managing diabetes? Have you figured out which one or ones would work best for him? Has he?

 

That is where I would start.

 

Regarding the dinner out, 350 sounds awfully darn high to me. That's way more than high enough to cause damage. Do you know what about that meal made it SO bad? Was it soda? Dessert? Rice? Potatoes?

 

You might be able to start by insisting on a walk afterwards; with no excuses. If he is just insulin resistant at this point, that will help tremendously.

 

Also, my inclination would be to focus on the exercise side a little more--maybe you are already doing that. It doesn't completely compensate for bad diet, certainly, but it's quite valuable in stalling the progression of the disease as well as improving heart health, which is a serious concern for diabetics. Do you have a means of exercising at home? Maybe a Wii or the Chair Dancing tapes? Really push that hard--then you're adding rather than taking away.

 

Also, I think that those meals out would be better at lunchtime than dinner time, because those tend to be a bit smaller and also it's easier to exercise and stay active afterwards instead of laying down and having your blood sugar really soar.

 

Those small, incremental changes might be easier and more palatable than an all or nothing stance. Just some food for thought.

[keptwoman]

I think it really depends on how well managed his diabetes usually is.

Is he generally good with his blood sugars and this something that just happens when you go out?

I don't think it's at all unreasonable for him to indulge now and then if he is otherwise well managed. And if he isn't otherwise well managed, well eating out is not really the problem is it.

 

My Dad was a diabetic, the diabetes didn't kill him, cancer did. He was very well managed but when we went out to dinner he did like to splurge. It was very irregular, perhaps 6 monthly. And then on his birthday and Christmas we always had pavlova which is a giant sugar hit, but it was his treat and he upped his insulin to cope.

 

If it is a 3-4 weekly date, perhaps you could go to a splurgy type restaurant every 2nd or 3rd date, and perhaps go to more healthy places or do other activities the other times. I think I'd sit down with him and approach it from an "I'm concerned for you, how can we work this so that our dates are special and you are not tempted to eat like this as regularly."

[kristinannie]

I just read that it is your husband. I would not go out to eat with him in that situation!

[Zebra]

Could you come to an agreement where you go out to eat X times a month, and just keep your mouth shut? Maybe you are going out every week right now, and you could change it to once a month or something you could tolerate? Could you have a conversation with him about this?

[Miss Peregrine]

 

Regarding the dinner out, 350 sounds awfully darn high to me. That's way more than high enough to cause damage. Do you know what about that meal made it SO bad? Was it soda? Dessert? Rice? Potatoes?

 

You might be able to start by insisting on a walk afterwards; with no excuses. If he is just insulin resistant at this point, that will help tremendously.

 

Also, my inclination would be to focus on the exercise side a little more--maybe you are already doing that. It doesn't completely compensate for bad diet, certainly, but it's quite valuable in stalling the progression of the disease as well as improving heart health, which is a serious concern for diabetics. Do you have a means of exercising at home? Maybe a Wii or the Chair Dancing tapes? Really push that hard--then you're adding rather than taking away.

 

Also, I think that those meals out would be better at lunchtime than dinner time, because those tend to be a bit smaller and also it's easier to exercise and stay active afterwards instead of laying down and having your blood sugar really soar.

 

Those small, incremental changes might be easier and more palatable than an all or nothing stance. Just some food for thought.

 

What made it bad was the appetizer plate with potato skins, fried green bean and something else. He ate most of that himself. Then the yeast rolls followed by the steak, chicken breast, shrimp, sweet potato fries, and broccoli for good measure! The weird thing is he is really not that overweight. 15 lbs, maybe. Which leads me to believe that the damage inside is worse.

 

If you (and he) eat mostly healthfully at home, a splurge once every month or so wouldn't bother me at all.

 

OR...

 

If you (and he) don't eat mostly healthfully at home, then it doesn't really matter if he eats in an unhealthy way when you're out, because it's no different than the regular habit.

 

I do agree that I absolutely do not wan

 

We eat healthy food at home. He skips breakfast usually, brings hardly anything for lunch(if at all) and comes home for dinner. He works a 12-hour shift so that is a lot of hours going without food. He doesn't see that as a problem. He did really well when first diagnosed with picking out foods to bring, packing a lunch the night before, etc.

[Mommy22alyns]

I would be very uncomfortable treating my husband like a child. I would worry about damaging the relationship and still not accomplishing my desired goals.

 

I do believe that each of us gets to be the boss of our own body even after we marry and have children.

 

 

:iagree: Yes. DH or not, kids or not, his body is still his own. I am not his mama.