What are your "rules" regarding dc hanging out with the adults?

[foxbridgeacademy]

I would say other. I often send the kids away to play, not because of issues with them being involved in conversation. Instead they try to have conversations with each other as well as join in. But if my kids wish to join in the adult discussion I see no problem. Of course they know the rules of conversation. Don't interupt, stay on topic, ect... the same things expected of the adults in the conversation.

[Pink Fairy]

I don't think of it as a rule, but probably closest to number one. My kids have many opportunities to interact with friends and family, with and without me. Since we are together all day, sometimes I appreciate a break when I'm with friends.

[zaichiki]

Number 3:

The kids are just as valuable as the adults. They join in and we involve them. No one kid or adult monopolizes the conversation.

 

In practice, the kids tend to run off and play with each other, but whenever they're around, they're welcome.

[Jan in SC]

If I go to a park day, I want my children to go play with their friends. It's time for them to interact and meet new and old friends. It is also a time for me to hang out and talk to adults. It doesn't bother me at all when the children drop in and grab snacks and drinks or take a rest, though.

 

I think a lot of homeschool families really overestimate how well their children interact with adults. I have met several people that think everyone would be thrilled to have their children around - at all times. I take the opposite approach and have my children play with other kids and get involved when invited.

 

Most of our closest friends have lovely children that I do enjoy being with, but those seem to be from the parents with the (seemingly) same attitude.

[Melissa in Australia]

This is the story of my life with people and conversation. I somehow always end up in situations where one or two dominate the conversation. Granted, I don't always say much, but I'm often not given a chance!

 

That is why I like message boards. I GET to say something. Even if nobody reads it, it still feels better!

:iagree: I am married to a conversation dominator :D

[Rosie_0801]

This is rude behavior in adults. Why would it be okay for kids? If you want kids to practice adult conversational skills, then they need to be practicing *adult* conversational skills. This means not interrupting, not monopolizing conversation, etc.

 

I suppose there is a difference between indulging a learner and feeling as though that particular child is not enrolled in this course of study at all.

 

In the first case, one might let the child monopolize long enough that they've had an opportunity to notice they are monopolizing and stop, and if they don't, a gentle reminder. In the latter case, one might like the apparent king of the world to go away.

 

Brain fuzz. That mightn't have made as much sense as it did in my head.

 

Rosie

Edited November 28, 2011 by Rosie_0801

[Skadi]

I send my kids to play. Even dd 17. When the complain about this, I remind them that I came to play with my friends and they came to play with theirs. When they protest, "But you're just talking!" I tell them, "That's how adults play." On occasion I have threatened to come play with them and their friends. That gets my point across.

 

Tara

 

Yes! It really, really bugs me when other parents let their kids participate in the conversation. It constrains the topics of conversation, and inevitably it turns round into a child-centered atmosphere.

 

I suspect the kid(s) sense this, and that's why they don't just do their own thing. Not that there's anything inherently wrong with craving attention, but I think that the lofty goal of having adult conversation influence children usually just ends up being adults influenced by a child's level of conversation.

[Jean in Newcastle]

I am so grateful for the people who took me seriously as a person when I was still young. I could give you a list of names that I still remember of people from grade school (just a couple) and then from my teens (more) who listened to me and really talked to me. I am so grateful that my children have a list of people that they could name as well. These are not people who babied my kids or talked down to them. These are people who included them. I always think of the verse Mark 10:14 "But when Jesus saw this, He was indignant and said to them, “Permit the children to come to Me; do not hinder them; for the kingdom of God belongs to such as these." The reason I think of this verse is because these kinds of people were godly mentors for me in my time and are godly mentors for my children. Not all are Christians though and so some of them are just good honest moral mentors for my children.

 

Now if you look back at my posts in this thread, you will notice that my children are mostly observers in conversations. They are also not permanently attached to my hip and are often out playing with other children if any are available. But other children are not always available because many of our friends do not have children still at home or at all. We've gravitated to people who not only have a love for children but who value their company. We also gravitate to people who respect children as having something to add to the "Great Conversation". Perhaps this is why Charlotte Mason resonates so much with me - she was a person who respected children even while she saw the need to train habits of mind and speech.

 

My children are well aware of which people really love them as people and those who don't. They will not hang around to listen and participate in conversation with those who are eager for them to get lost. And even with those people who have become mentors, they know that they should not try to monopolize their attention. I appreciate though that they are allowed to listen in to adult conversation even though 90% of it does not revolve around them. And I appreciate the 10% when the adults will stop to ask my children specifically things that interest them and are child centered for that brief time. I don't see that as any different as being handicapped centered to include my adult developmentally disabled nephew in conversation for a time, or being elderly centered to draw in an elderly person or in drawing in someone who is socially awkward. These same people who engage my children are the ones who lovingly reach out to all sorts of people who might not always be the best conversationalists but who still have a unique view.

 

I no longer participate in a number of "park day" type of groups partly because of this kind of a adult/child segregation. My real life friends list has also gradually changed over the years to reflect the types of people that I describe in the paragraphs above. Our conversations tend to be open conversations that anyone could join. In those rare times when we do discuss our kid's problems, we do it while the kids are otherwise occupied or we do it on the phone or in e-mail because we can communicate more privately in that way. I don't see that as being any different than not choosing to discuss my MIL at an extended family gathering but doing it in privacy even if most of what I might say is not negative.