Need help, I think my daughter has ADD

[Jenny in GA]

My oldest child is ten and a half. She is very creative -- loves arts/crafts and the performing arts. She has always been sort of "spacey."

 

She recently started Confirmation classes (where the parents also attended) and I have been concerned about her behavior during the class. I don't know quite how to explain it except that she seems "out of it" -- she has a sort of dazed expression on her face and doesn't seem to know where we are on the page, what question was just answered, etc. None of the other kids seem to be acting like this.

 

It was the kind of thing that made me thing, "Something isn't right here."

 

I did a little Internet research and was stunned to see that she has all the symptoms of the "inattentive" side of ADD:

 

* Her room is constantly a mess, even though she doesn't seem to want it to be, and I spent quite a bit of time working with her to clean and organize it.

 

* She makes a lot of careless errors (although I'm not sure if that's just Typical Kid Behavior)

 

* She get distracted very easily. She will go to her room to make her bed and get dressed. I'll find her there later with nothing done and she'll be looking at a magazine or something. She'll look up, startled, and say, "I'm sorry. I got distracted." This happens all the time.

 

* She regularly starts reading books and never finishes them.

 

* When I send her to the next room to do math while I work with her sister, I'll go check on her 15minutes later and see that she's only done one problem. She'll blink a few times and look sad and say, "I got distracted ... I was singing." (or thinking about something, or whatever. It's not like she's doing something else; just sitting there.)

 

Also, she is a terrible speller, almost shockingly bad, even though we have worked on it and worked on it. I'm not sure; is that related to ADD??

 

Anyway, I'm not sure what to do with this revelation. Or should I even do anything?

 

I've heard several "experts" (specifically John Rosemond) say that there is no such thing as ADD. His reasoning is that there is no "test" or "visible proof" for ADD; it's just a set of immature and undisciplined behaviors, and that better parenting will "cure" those behaviors. He also says that kids didn't have these problems 60+ years ago, so if ADD actually exists, it magically appeared in the last few decades. Any thoughts on these ideas?

 

Regardless of that ... should I take her to a neurologist?? The pediatrician? A psychologist? If she does have ADD, what would that accomplish exactly, other than them giving her meds?

 

How do ADD kids do in school settings? (I know this is a broad question.) Are they usually put in Special Ed classes? If so, are those classes helpful? Are they able to be successful in high school and college, and if so, do they typically need medicine in order to be successful?

 

I guess my biggest concern (whether she has ADD or not) is me as a parent finding the right balance. I don't want her room to be a dump and her math to never get done and to have no standards for her. I don't want to have an attitude of, "Oh, don't worry about it, you have ADD ..." But I don't want to constantly yell at and criticize her either. (Which I sadly admit I have been increasingly doing a lot of.)

 

Thanks for any insight or info.

[amo_mea_filiis.]

You could also look into sensory processing disorder. Check out The Out of Sync Child.

[Mommyof4ks]

You could also look into sensory processing disorder. Check out The Out of Sync Child.

 

:iagree: My son has processing issues, and he is doing much better with simple things his neurodevelopmentalist has us doing at home. He was very spacey up until a couple of months ago.

 

FWIW people thought my ds had ADD too.

Edited November 14, 2011 by dwkilburn1

[MeghanL]

Since you feel there are many signals that point to something be 'off' with your dd, I would talk to your pediatrician. They can guide you on what to do next.

 

And, just because ADD seems to be over-diagnosed, does not mean that it is never needing to be diagnosed. And juvenile diabetes also didn't exist 30+ years ago, but no one says that doesn't exist, scoff at those who take insulin or blames bad parenting for that (nor should they, just pointing out that mental disorders are still given a bad stigma).

 

Aside from medication, there are other treatments you can try. I know many have had success with a gluten free or Feingold diet.

[KuniMom]

I suspected the same of my daughter around age 11. She had many of the characteristics of yours - except for the messiness. She is super neat and organized. But she would take from the time she woke up to the time she went to bed to finish school. She would doodle on her paper, write lists of things, write different schedules for her day, write what she is going to wear for the next month, etc. She gets hyperfocused on something, and that's all she wants to think or talk about. She also made a LOT of careless mistakes.

 

We are overseas, so there was no evaluation available. I did some research, and started having her take two fish oil pills a day. What a huge difference!! She even noticed a difference in the first few days. It's definitely not perfect, she still makes a lot of careless errors, but she can actually concentrate on what she is doing. I bought from a good, reputable vitamin company, rather than the generic from the drugstore.

[Jenny in GA]

:iagree: My son has processing issues, and he is doing much better with simple things his neurodevelopmentalist has us doing at home. He was very spacey up until a couple of months ago.

 

What kinds of things?

Where do I go to find out if she has either?

I did read Out of Sync Child several years ago, but at the time it didn't quite seem to fit her.

 

OP

[amo_mea_filiis.]

The pediatrician is the first stop. They can refer you to an occupational therapist, developmental pediatrician, neurologist, etc.

[3in9th]

See if she can read lips. I know it sounds weird, but if she can, she might have an Auditory Processing Disorder. This means that she might be relying on lip reading to better process auditory information. If, for instance, in Confirmation classes, she can't see or the information is mostly given orally, she's going to flake out, because she can't process it. It also shows up in bad spelling and lack of phonics skills.

 

She also might be growing a great deal and need more good fats as she heads further into puberty. I read Omega-3 fatty acids are especially good for attention issues. Address her diet issues and see if there is an improvement and make sure she is full up on "growing" foods like proteins and those Omega-3s.

[Lady Florida.]

My son has ADHD, combined type. That means he also has the inattention issues of someone with just ADD. Everything you described about your daughter could be my son. If I were you, I'd look into it. Even if you choose not to go the medication route, there are things you can teach her that can help her deal with her ADD. She needs to know that she's not just spacey, flakey, messy, etc. She needs to know that it isn't her fault, and that she can teach herself (with or without meds) to work around it.

 

As for Rosemond or anyone who says there's no such thing because there isn't a test, shame on them! First of all, people did have these problems 60+ years ago, but they weren't diagnosed. Instead they hopped from job to job, relationship to relationship, often got in trouble with the law, and were labeled bad seeds. How sad for them. I'm so glad my son doesn't have to grow up in that time period. Also, does Rosemond acknowledge that MRI's *DO* show differences in the brains of people with ADD/ADHD? Can you tell this is a sore subject for me? :angry:

 

Anyway, it's good that you're recognizing there's probably something going on. Girls are least often diagnosed because they usually have ADD rather than ADHD. It's hard to ignore the lack of impulse control and hyperactivity that comes with ADHD and is most often seen in boys, so boys get diagnosed and treated more often. Girls with "just" ADD often get called flakey or spacey, but don't get the help they need. Start with your dd's pedi and see if he/she can recommend someone to you. For an official diagnosis you'll need several people to fill out the surveys - in order to be diagnosed, the condition has to show itself in more than one setting.

 

I know a few adults with ADD. Some have been to college, some haven't. All of the ones I know were not diagnosed until they were adults, and all of them wished they had at least known (if not been treated) when they were kids. Most of them grew up thinking they were lazy, stupid, etc. This is only my experience. I'm sure you'll find adults who say they are just fine with their ADD, but even they are glad to learn there's a reason for why they're the way they are.

 

:grouphug: Whatever her issue turns out to be, it's good that she has you to recognize that something is going on.

[Chelli]

My dd7 has many of the same traits that you described with your dd, including the love of art.

 

My mom always told me to get her tested for ADD, but someone on this board mentioned a book called, Strong-Willed Child or Dreamer.

 

She doesn't have ADD, she has a dreamer personality. This book helped me to realize that and how to deal with her personality type. The dreamer personality is often mistaken for ADD because of the inattention and distractibility it causes.

 

I highly recommend it!

Edited November 14, 2011 by pw23kids

[dragons in the flower bed]

A psychiatrist should diagnose your child. I feared for a long time that my eleven-year-old was inattentive type. It turned out that an early childhood neurological issue had stunted his auditory processing development. That was all. With some work, he has learned to adapt. The right diagnosis means everything, and that can be done professionally without dooming your kids to meds. Once you know what it is, you can work with it very specifically using behavioral strategies and build up your daughter's defenses symptom by symptom.

 

So, I'd say, go to your pediatrician, explain why you want a referal to a psychiatrist, and then make that appointment armed with very specific traits, not potential diagnoses. A good psych will help you unravel the mystery.

[Night Elf]

This turned out long. Sorry!!

 

I hate when so called experts decide something doesn't exist because they cannot touch it physically with their fingers. I've actually heard the same thing about the number of autism cases because there seems to be a greater amount than there were back in the days when mothers were accused of being 'refrigerator mothers'. As the mom of a boy with Aspergers, that just burns my bottom.

 

ADD? I've got it. I don't have the 'H' part and I've heard that they're using the ADHD exclusively now. But honestly, I think some kind of intervention when I was in school would have been tremendously helpful. It took many years of trial and error for things to seem to work well for me. Even then, my mom told me it's just because I didn't pick up good study habits when in school. Duh.

 

Two books that have helped me personally:

 

Organizing the Disorganized Child

 

101 Ways to Make Studying Easier and Faster for High School Students

 

The second one will probably not apply since your child is so young, but if you ever get a chance to look at it, you might find some useful tidbits.

 

Over the years I've learned to adapt to situations that seem to come easy to other people. Most importantly, I learned to keep lists and I LOVE LOVE sticky notes! I've even written messages on the bathroom mirror with a dry erase marker to remind myself of something. I learned that in order to study effectively, I have to read the material out loud to myself. I don't have to do that with novels, but studying is just a different thing altogether. I learned to try to focus in short bursts. I can focus totally for about 15 minutes before my mind starts to wander. I allow myself a few minutes to think of other things, get up and get a drink, or just walk for a minute. Then I sit back down and start again. I've learned to make studying more interesting by using many color highlighters or different colored fonts on the computer. In school, I used one of those pens that had 3 or 4 colors built into it. I need binders with tabs and separate folders for each class. I need an organized work space that is solely dedicated for school work. I need a detailed TO DO list that shows exactly what assignments I need to get done for each day so I know when I'm getting close to finishing.

 

And then there are the issues outside of schoolwork. I laugh about my ADD cleaning method. I'll start cleaning the living room and find a sweater that DH left on the sofa. I take it back to the bedroom with the intention of returning to the living room, but I see that a pair of shoes was left out of place. I take them to the shoe shelf, but see there is dog hair on the floor. I grab the broom quickly, but in the course of that I realize the rest of the rooms need to be done so I get out the vacuum. But halfway through the vacuuming I move furniture and find something dropped under the sofa. I return it to the correct room and .... well, you get the picture. It's absolutely exhausting, and it's why I don't like to clean too much. DH is wanting me to go back to using Flylady. I'm making lists today. We'll see if I'm still following them in a few days.

 

My ADD also causes anxiety. I'm on Risperidone, the generic of Risperdal. I'm not advocating prescription meds for everyone, but personally I cannot make it through a day without this medication. It helps me stay on track and reduces my anxiety.

 

My DH calls me a hot mess sometimes. :D

[Unicorn.]

I want to recommend a book I think every parent and teacher should read. Understanding Girls with AD/HD by Kathleen G. Nadeau. Don't be fooled by the title, it isn't just about girls, although she is talking about girls. I saw a lot of my ds and dh in that book too. It talks a lot about the different types of ADD and ADHD, and that a lot of times girls don't get diagnosed because they are of the inattentive type, and aren't trouble makers (ie hyper and disruptive)

 

I also want to recommend that you go to a neurologist for a diagnosis and not a reg. family doc or psych. IME, reg docs and psych.'s are quick to medicate w/out too much investigation. A neurologist might recognize that something else entirely is going on.

 

I also want to add that I really like what Floridamom, and Night Elf had to say. I didn't quote them because I didn't want to turn this into a novel, but I wholeheartedly agree w/ their posts!

[Mommyof4ks]

What kinds of things?

Where do I go to find out if she has either?

I did read Out of Sync Child several years ago, but at the time it didn't quite seem to fit her.

 

OP

 

He does cross patterning exercises, uses special glasses for a couple of up close and far away exercises, digit span cards for building memory and to help him focus on the task at hand, and there are other things, but I do not want to lead you to think that just doing these things will fix issues. He is following a program set up by the ND.

 

This is my child who could not remember why I sent him to his room, and when I would come to check on him he would be playing rather than putting on his shoes (the task I had sent him to do). Now he can go put on his shoes, get his book, and make up his bed within minutes. I can leave him to complete the task without reminder. It is amazing.

 

My youngest had cancer, and he is alive because of wonderful docs and medicine, so don't think I am against the medical profession. We just chose not to go that route out of time (4 months to get into the specialist), money (even with great ins.), and the need to drag him to multiple therapists weekly. I can do his therapy at home; I just needed someone to tell me what to do which is what the ND does.

[Ester Maria]

(I had written one of my essayish posts, but decided to delete it as it containted too much personal info about my DD, DH's work, what and why we decided (not) to do, etc. I PM'ed the OP.)

Edited November 14, 2011 by Ester Maria

[deacongirl]

These are controversial issues and a potential can of worms whenever brought up; people who openly question the scientificity of many of the "newer" diagnoses are often silenced - so let me precede this by saying that the only reason why I am writing this is because you specifically asked for it. :)

 

Next, your parenting more likely than not DOES play a role in this, no matter how much people try to tone it down. In my case, well, I just learned to be tougher with DD and enforce the structure at all costs... You need to break tasks, such as cleaning her room, etc., into small digestible chunks and oversee her heavily until it becomes her second nature. You may need to strip her learning environment off distractions and check her curricula for distractions - for years I did pretty much "plain text, empty desk" with my daughters for this reason, until with time and controlling other aspects of their lives blocking out distractions became good enough that now they can function in a normal environment, though I still have a no-screens policy while they study. My tactic has been to adjust the environment, not the content - ESPECIALLY as I noticed that the lack of a proper intellectual stimulation is ALSO one of the triggers of such a behavior and frustration in my kids. It was almost like this: DD could not organize her life herself, but was extremely frustrated if things were not done, felt underaccomplished, etc. So, while getting her to the point of being able to organize herself (along with the full load of taking care of nutrition aspect, etc.), she was NOT to be excused for not doing things, only overseen and controlled more so that they DO get done. Her inner order also seemed to depend a lot on outward order of the house and the structure of our activities and family life. It was all connected. Also, I upped one on one time with MORE intense intellectual material which required MORE concentration - it seemed that density was working really well, as many times she was just plain bored.

 

.

 

As someone diagnosed with ADHD inattentive as an adult I cannot agree with the bolded strongly enough. I do feel like medication has a place and can make a significant difference for some people. I would want to fully explore all other possibilities first, and I would also see a specialist, and not just a pediatrician. If you can do as the PP suggests, it will be a wonderful gift to your daughter. You might also check out the book Smart but Scattered (I think that is the title) by Gabor Mate.

 

Good luck.

 

p.s. John Rosemond is full of it.

Edited November 14, 2011 by deacongirl
typos

[jujsky]

Jenny, I'm going through this with my son right now (8) and it's so frustrating! I've never been a big believer in ADD or ADHD. I feel it is over and misdiagnosed. That being said, I'm starting to believe my son truly has it. Although they lump hyperactive/impulsive together, he has more of the impulsive traits and 7 or 8 of the inattentive traits. Yes, I've read that poor spelling often goes hand-in-hand with with ADD/ADHD as well as math issues, and careless mistakes. What frustrates me the most is that other than the list that is used to diagnose it, "experts" have different opinions from whether or not it's real to how to treat it. I'm reading 2 books right now that have polar opposite views ("It's real, it's been diagnosed under different names for over 100 years, medication helps," to "It's not real, change the diet and do therapy to address these issues. Here's how you do that.") It's enough to make me want to shake all these doctors and ask them if they really know anything at all or if it's all a bunch of guess work using children as human guinea-pigs. Meanwhile, my child is out of control, easily distracted, is having issues socially, and our relationship is deteriorating because it seems like all I do is scream at him all the time.

 

As far as schools go, I think schools often recognize ADD/ADHD faster than parents do. If your daughter was in school, they may have picked up on this already, or maybe not. The primarily inattentive type is often overlooked because the kids aren't typically behavior problems. If you're concerned, check with your pediatrician. We're going in Wednesday to meet with ours. They may have you fill out an ADHD packet. I also included a letter in mine detailing some of DS's behaviors because I want to make the most out of our meeting time, and I included a couple samples of his work (writing samples mostly to illustrate his poor handwriting and spelling). His pediatrician also has a degree in education and has been supportive of homeschooling -- I'd be cautious about including school work if your pediatrician has shown any sort of negative reaction towards your educational decisions because then he/she may fixate on that and blame you instead of looking at this as a medical issue. I've read that neurologists and psychologists treat and diagnose ADHD, but we know & trust DS's pediatrician so we want to make that our first stop.

 

Good luck to you. I hope you find answers. Not having answers is the worst.