Janie Grace Posted October 16, 2011 Share Posted October 16, 2011 We have always homeschooled. Back in our former town, we attended a large church with lots of children (many hsed). My kids naturally had a "group" of buddies that all knew each other -- birthday parties, playdates, etc. were made up of the Sunday School class that had been together since they were babies in the nursery. So I was sort of removed from the fact that homeschoolers don't naturally have a "group" of friends unless you make one. Now we're at a much smaller church (that we love). Each of my kids has ONE friend their age at church. They know other kids from other places, but none of those friends know each other. Do you think this is detrimental? Do your kids have a group of friends, and if so, how was this group formed? When I was in school (pre-high school), I occasionally had a group of friends but I was more a one-on-one girl. In high school, I did enjoy the group feeling of Young Life... a big crowd to play volleyball together, hang out and watch a movie, etc. I think that's a fun part of being a teenager, but I do know some homeschooled teens who don't have that. They seem okay (although the ones I'm thinking of are a bit socially awkward; I do wonder if it would help). Your thoughts? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Renee in NC Posted October 16, 2011 Share Posted October 16, 2011 This is something we are struggling with. My dc know a couple of kids here, a couple of kids there, but there is no "group" of friends that they see more than once a week. When they were in school, they went to friend's houses afterschool, were invited to b-day parties and playdates, etc. Before they went to school and after they stopped going to school? Nada. I have one in Cub Scouts who sees the same kids 2-3 times a month. My girls are in AHG - they see those girls 2 times per month. Church? One a week. NONE of those groups overlap. They want friends and I am not sure how we can make that happen for them.:confused: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Alte Veste Academy Posted October 16, 2011 Share Posted October 16, 2011 (edited) I think this completely depends on the personality of the individual child. I say don't worry about it if your kids are happy. I always liked the excitement of group activities but was only truly friends with a couple of people. Some people do not care for the buzz of energy you find in a group and others are friends to everyone they ever meet. The potential problem with having a single friend is that separation due to a move (or a fallout or any other reason) would be harder to take, I imagine. Edited October 16, 2011 by Alte Veste Academy Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kewb Posted October 16, 2011 Share Posted October 16, 2011 The group of friends is a struggle in our little homeschool world. My ds is a very social teen and would love a pool of friends to draw on because very often his friends are not around. The ones in school are in school all day and then have homework. The ones who are home are busy with various things (just like we are). It took us a long time (a couple of years) to really form those tight childhood friendships and to be honest it is an aspect we still struggle with. My kids want more friends then they currently have. So to answer your question, yes, I think a group of friends is important. Is it detrimental not to have? I don't think it is a deal breaker on the homeschooling question but a lonely childhood is just that, lonely. My kids group of friends was formed by attending any and all group field trips that were posted on my homeschooling groups. Eventually, we started seeing the same faces and the kids started gravitating towards each other. I had to exit my comfort zone and initiate get togethers with the other kids parents. I think that was the most challenging aspect. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Farrar Posted October 16, 2011 Share Posted October 16, 2011 I don't think it's essential for all kids. However, I do think it's beneficial for most. Learning to deal with group dynamics is an important life skill. And there are a lot more extroverts out there than introverts, some of whom need that kind of social outlet. I don't think all kids *need* a group of friends, but I think a lot of homeschoolers like to dismiss it out of hand because it's takes work and can be difficult to make happen, not because it's not important. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dmmetler Posted October 16, 2011 Share Posted October 16, 2011 I think it depends on the kid, too. My DD tends to develop 2 friends in any group, of any size larger than three-even if she never saw them before in her life and never sees them again. It seems to give her enough people to play with casually, to go to birthday parties, and so on without overstraining what she can manage, and it also seems to mean that she's never without a friend in a given situation. If she has more than 2 friends in a given situation (like last night where she was at a birthday party where at least four of the girls are "Special friends" from different dance classes), she'll tend to spend time with 2 of them at a time, but flit between groups. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Janie Grace Posted October 16, 2011 Author Share Posted October 16, 2011 I don't think it is a deal breaker on the homeschooling question but a lonely childhood is just that, lonely. My kids group of friends was formed by attending any and all group field trips that were posted on my homeschooling groups. Eventually, we started seeing the same faces and the kids started gravitating towards each other. I had to exit my comfort zone and initiate get togethers with the other kids parents. I think that was the most challenging aspect. This is a great point, and a helpful prod to me. I don't make as much effort as I might, I think b/c *I* don't feel the need for more friends. I'm busy... dh and I are close, and I have friends at our church. However, most of them have young children (we started having kids young, so our peers tend to have younger kids). Your post just sort of hit me between the eyes. I shouldn't be passing on everything "group" because *I* don't feel the need for it... I should try to say yes (as reasonable) because my kids do. And I know they do; they have expressed wishing they had more friends. I have just never had to work for this, so I haven't clued in to my role in making that happen. Thanks! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Denisemomof4 Posted October 16, 2011 Share Posted October 16, 2011 I don't think it's essential for all kids. However, I do think it's beneficial for most. Learning to deal with group dynamics is an important life skill. And there are a lot more extroverts out there than introverts, some of whom need that kind of social outlet. I don't think all kids *need* a group of friends, but I think a lot of homeschoolers like to dismiss it out of hand because it's takes work and can be difficult to make happen, not because it's not important. :iagree: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Matryoshka Posted October 16, 2011 Share Posted October 16, 2011 I don't think it's essential for all kids. However, I do think it's beneficial for most. Learning to deal with group dynamics is an important life skill. And there are a lot more extroverts out there than introverts, some of whom need that kind of social outlet. I don't think all kids *need* a group of friends, but I think a lot of homeschoolers like to dismiss it out of hand because it's takes work and can be difficult to make happen, not because it's not important. :iagree: I never had a group of friends growing up, and didn't miss it (and I went to ps). But I have to say that since I've been homeschooling, I have had a group of friends, and I've liked it. :) My kids have been fortunate to always have a group of friends (pretty much the kids of my group ;)). One of my twins I think needs this, the other I think wouldn't give a hoot if she didn't have one - but I do think it's beneficial to her for the group dynamics. I have one in Cub Scouts who sees the same kids 2-3 times a month. My girls are in AHG - they see those girls 2 times per month. Church? One a week. NONE of those groups overlap. They want friends and I am not sure how we can make that happen for them As to the how - as my older ones have gotten into the tween/teen years, I thought it would be nice for them to have a larger group of girlfriends their age. I started a book group and invited friends from various places (their hs group, ballet, church, 4H). Now these girls know each other - they socialize for 1/2 hour before we sit down to discuss the book. If your kid knows a few kids who don't all know each other, this is a great way to make a group. It doesn't have to be a book club - any kind of common interest would do - games, robotics - anything - and give them time to have pizza and snacks and have unstructured socialization for at least 1/2 hour. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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