For those over 40

[Guest Virginia Dawn]

What do you do when you are just feeling old? Intellectually, I know that 43 not old, but looking in the mirror has been depressing me lately.

 

I used to be one of those people that everyone thought was 3-10 years younger than her real age. Then something happened. You know those commercials about fine lines and wrinkles, and age spots? They are no longer funny. I never was a beauty but at least I once had smooth clear skin, and no flab under my chin.

 

Today I mentioned to my husband that I was feeling aged. He didn't contradict me. I don't have the nerve to find out if he just didn't hear me or he chose not to answer.

 

I want to get past this feeling and on to some kind of acceptance, but I don't know how.

[Willow]

I am older than you, and was never beautiful. I am generally assumed to be 5-10 years older than my age. ;) Sadly, our culture has made a religion of youth and beauty.

 

I have a favorite poem. "Warning" by Jenny Joseph. It starts

 

"When I am an old woman I shall wear purple

With a red hat that dosen't go and doesn't suit me."

 

It is all about pleasing oneself at last, and is rather funny. I have plans to be a mad old biddy who wears a big straw hat and gardens and makes huge bowls of pasta salad for every village function. I will have no kids to worry about, and when they come back to visit I shall spoil my grandkids rotten, and send them away again.

 

I think I am rather looking forward to it.....

[Crissy]

Have you been eating well and getting a little exercise?

I think a poor diet and that frumpy feeling one gets when they're not moving enough can contribute to an overall negative feeling about one's self.

[elizabeth]

Sorry but this is how I look at aging -My younger brother will always be smooth skinned, fit as a fiddle with a handsome square jaw , no paunch and bright blue eyes with nary a wrinkle. He would trade it all to be here --aging with all the awkwardness, begrudging acceptance of a slower metabolism and a receding hairline. It is a blessing to grow older- too many beautiful young people are denied the privilege. Now back to your query-color your hair cut it to at least chin length if it is long and spoil yourself with a gentle acidic exfoliant to bring some glow to your cheeks. I like clinique turnaround cream and swear by it. Quit smoking if you are a smoker-it will age a lovely person quicker than the sun. Enjoy this time you are older but wiser and with a little this , a little that, you can be as lovely outside as you are inside just with a little more experience. I feel like you do sometimes and just remind myself that these signs of aging are a great gift and stay thankful.

[Margo out of lurking]

..

[Kathleen in VA]

What do you do when you are just feeling old? Intellectually, I know that 43 not old, but looking in the mirror has been depressing me lately.

 

I used to be one of those people that everyone thought was 3-10 years younger than her real age. Then something happened. You know those commercials about fine lines and wrinkles, and age spots? They are no longer funny. I never was a beauty but at least I once had smooth clear skin, and no flab under my chin.

 

Today I mentioned to my husband that I was feeling aged. He didn't contradict me. I don't have the nerve to find out if he just didn't hear me or he chose not to answer.

 

I want to get past this feeling and on to some kind of acceptance, but I don't know how.

 

I, too, am a person who used to look young for my age and now, well.... but I have to agree with Elizabeth - growing old is a gift that many people do not live to enjoy. I am 49 - will be 50 in December. That seems startling to me at times, but I am so happy to be with my family and just live day to day. My husband isn't getting any younger either - we joke each other to help take the sting out of it. I'll say I feel fat and he doesn't contradict me because it's true:). He says most people are working on their "six-pack" while he's busy working on his keg (he has a bit of a round tummy).

 

I suggest the Serenity Prayer. Change what you can - have a manicure, pedicure, get that creme Elizabeth suggested, color your hair and if you are overweight, try to get down to a size you can live with. Accept the things you cannot change - perhaps those are age spots, wrinkles, aches and pains. Ask God to give you the wisdom to know the difference.

 

Oh, and like Elizabeth said as well, if you smoke, please stop. My mom died of lung cancer in 1995 at age 63 - waaaay too young in my opinion. That is something you can change if you are a smoker. Drowning in your own body fluids over a period of several months is not a pleasant way to go, either.

 

I also agree with Willow. Our culture doesn't appreciate old age. Not much you can do about that. Surround yourself with people who love and appreciate you for who you are, be loving and giving and look for ways to make others happy. Ignore those air-brushed commercials and magazine covers and find your joy in being able to enjoy life one more day. All those beauties will have to contend with aging someday, too, - look at Elizabeth Taylor. Beauty of spirit lasts until the day you die no matter when that may be. Just focus on developing that. I know many older women who are so dear and kind that I no longer see their wrinkles. I'm glad to be around them because of their sweet, loving demeanor.

 

HTH,

[GSMP]

I just turned 44 so I do understand how you are feeling. I am just glad my husband will be turning 40 this year so we both be in our 40's....:lol:

 

I am not going to reiterate what was all ready said because everyone is right.

 

If you haven't had a check up lately then get one and if it's too many carbs or lack of exercise change it.....

 

In my case I think I would get a blurry mirror or leave my glasses on. I can't see as well close up when they are on......;)

 

Take a bubble bath and do some fufuing girlie stuff. That always makes me feel better.

 

Doing something special with my husband also....I find that when I am feeling that I am old and ugly, by trying to make a special evening for my husband, bathing with scented soaps, doing my hair a little and putting on one of his shirts and surprising him makes me feel really beautiful.

 

I am sorry that you are feeling this way though....it angers me the way society has placed so much importance on the packaging instead of the content.

[8filltheheart]

The replies to this thread really touched me. I turned 42 last week. I spent the few weeks prior to that wondering if I had cancer and waiting for test results. As I spent that time wondering what the future would hold, it made me realize just how precious that future is.

 

I don't look my age....though the last couple of yrs have aged me b/c they have been very high stress. Having a lot of young kids makes me not even think that I am aging!!

 

I have been very determined to make healthy decisions. I walk 3 miles/day. I watch what I eat and make sure if I gain even a couple of pounds that I am even more diligent and lose them. I color my hair. I bought new clothes that suit my personality and make me feel good about myself.

 

But most of all, I am telling my dh and my children how much I love and taking extra care to spend the time with them.

[JennifersLost]

This thread is perfect for me to read right now.

 

I realized something this morning. You know how men are supposed to think about sex every 10 seconds or so? Maybe that's a trite myth, but if it's true, it's a pretty positive thing, right? Like, they're probably unconsciously saying, "I wish I could have sex," which is a positive statement.

 

I go around thinking about what I HATE about myself every 10 seconds or so. "I hate my face." "I look so ugly today." "Gosh, why am I the only woman who can't find a shade of lipstick that works?" "Why does my hair always look stupid?"

 

NEGATIVE statements. Every ten seconds. All day long.

 

What if you just decided to be happy? What if you said something positive to yourself every 10 seconds. It doesn't even have to be about yourself. I doubt men say, "Oh I wish I could have sex, but I have a pot belly," - they just focus on the positive thing even if it remains a wish.

 

I don't know if this is the answer, but I've wasted so much time on negativity I'm going to try this.

 

I love my legs.

My hair rocks.

I am going to be the coolest old person ever.

I am so smart.

I love sunshine.

I wish I could have sex.

I am a good person.

 

Come on; give it a try!

[BamaTanya]

Seriously. And this is coming from someone who has always had 2 left feet. The treadmill and Leslie Sansone have become 2 of my best friends.

 

I've gone back to school. I'm not recommending that specifically, but it has done me a world of good. I have a social outlet (maybe you can explore that) and it's brought back some of the confidence I used to have. I've read lots of self-help articles that recommend learning something new! After I get finished with this program, maybe I'll try cake decorating or calligraphy or something else that has always interested me but I've never taken the time or money to explore.

 

I'm taking the words of the song to heart:

 

This is your life, are you who you want to be?

 

Watching my mom battle cancer has caused me to spend more time analyzing what is important for me. Of course, my dc and dh and church . . . but I've also thought about what I want to spend time on and what I'd like to accomplish . . . I found I'd been neglecting myself and that made me feel very old indeed.

 

Blessings to you!

[Jenny in Atl]

I love my legs.

My hair rocks.

I am going to be the coolest old person ever.

I am so smart.

I love sunshine.

I wish I could have sex.

I am a good person.

 

Come on; give it a try!

 

Yes!! I love Jennifer's idea!

I think we all need more of this. Some of the most beautiful people I meet at not so much physically beautiful as they are happy, they glow. It's that inner confidence that shines. I want some of that. And I'm determined to find it in my Fabulous 40's!

[asta]

When I get into my over-40 moments (I have many...) I first take a shower and wash my hair with some foofy smelling shampoo (currently, Orange & Ginger from Bath & Body Works). Then I shave my legs. Then I get dressed, making sure I'm wearing a V-neck top (decolletage ALWAYS looks good - it doesn't matter how old you are or what your weight) and go for a walk.

 

As long as my hair is still wet, I don't look like a frizzy terrier who needs a hair cut. With my newly shaved legs, I don't get the whiff whiff from my pants on my walk. And, hey! I'm exercising! No one needs to know it's only around the block.

 

I swear by Lubriderm (everywhere), Hennalucent (my hair), and water (down my throat). But most importantly, my kid.

 

Every time I look at myself with disdain and think to myself "why am I not a _______ goddess", I look over at my kid and remember I have done something a wee bit more important with my time. And if I'm really going to be convincing when I tell him that it's what's inside of him that counts, then I best start believing it myself (v. hard to do sometimes).

 

 

asta

[Liz CA]

What do you do when you are just feeling old? Intellectually, I know that 43 not old, but looking in the mirror has been depressing me lately.

 

I used to be one of those people that everyone thought was 3-10 years younger than her real age. Then something happened. You know those commercials about fine lines and wrinkles, and age spots? They are no longer funny. I never was a beauty but at least I once had smooth clear skin, and no flab under my chin.

 

Today I mentioned to my husband that I was feeling aged. He didn't contradict me. I don't have the nerve to find out if he just didn't hear me or he chose not to answer.

 

I want to get past this feeling and on to some kind of acceptance, but I don't know how.

...to try something new. A new routine, i.e. different exercise, changing meals/nutrition, adding something that makes you feel good like top-notch vitamin, different moisturizer, finding ways to relax, taking a long walk. Realizing that inner beauty goes way farther than superficial prettyness. I learned this when I was in my early thirties and picked up a book authored by a woman whom I consider rather beautiful - inside and out. I read all her books and there were plenty of pictures of her as she got older. She never seemed to hide from the camera. The inner beauty shone through - I did not notice the wrinkles even though they must have been there. Her smile and warmth overshadowed everything else.

To become like that is a goal worth striving for - IMHO.

We are the same age and I don't look at myself when the sun is shining in my face........I think, I know now why people had oil candles and everyone looked so good in the old movies! 001_smile:

[elegantlion]

I just turned 41 and I feel younger than 40 (positive affirmation). I do notice I thinking about moisturizer a little more than I normally do. I color my hair, I take time for me.

 

I don't want to look 20. I earned my scars and wrinkles. I've had two major surgeries, my abs are shot, and I have a giant scar down the middle of my torso. There are days I hate that scar, but it is part of who I am, if I didn't have that scar I wouldn't have my son(long story). Just like that scar the signs of aging are part of us. Grey hair gives us wisdom, Wrinkles give us character, and the effects of gravity, well gravity is proof that the "foundational garmets" industry will never go bankrupt.

 

My mom did give me a warning. She said make sure you are in shape by the time you reach 50, because the skin doesn't shrink as well if you lose weight after that. I don't want to test that theory!

 

I also will watch a movie or two and see that even movie stars age. We went to see Ironman and even Robert Downey Jr., who is 42, is starting to look mature (although a really good 42).

 

Aging is inevitable

Getting old is optional

[lynn]

Have you been eating well and getting a little exercise?

I think a poor diet and that frumpy feeling one gets when they're not moving enough can contribute to an overall negative feeling about one's self.

 

:iagree:. I know when I don't exercise daily and don't eat well and drink my water I feel it and start to get that woe is me, I look old, I feel old etc. I make sure to eat better and drink water and take time to exercise and try to keep up my daily face cleansing, moisturize routine. Oh and taking vitamins daily and maybe some st johns wort when feeling down (usually pms week) really make a difference.